Lonely and just generally unhappy :( (Sorry just realized this is long as crap)

Student Lounge College Life
1

Hi,

I’m a grad student/5th year senior doing my master’s in accounting at a small school I’ve always slightly hated. I’ve always been kinda sad and unhappy even as a kid but now I’m really starting to feel down and I want to change that. I’m not sure how to go about it though.

My main issue is I feel so freakin’ lonely. I live with my best friend in an apartment but he’s very busy and social and is out a lot while I’m basically always here, playing video games I don’t really enjoy or watching Netflix or just waiting to fall asleep (I know I’m pathetic). Sometimes our schedules make it to where I don’t see him for days. And lately, I feel like he’s been almost actively trying not to hang out with me. I had other “friends” but I’ve always felt uncomfortable asking people to hang out. And all my “friends” that graduated this past spring suddenly forgot how to text me -_-. I’ve never felt like any of my friends were really keepers. Like our friendship was only existent because we went to the same school. Now, I talk to my best friend when I can. I also text with one other girl I met through my internship (as friends) and text one classmate sometimes (she’s very busy with her internship this summer but I feel confident she’s a long-term friend). Three people. That’s it. I don’t think I connected that well with the other interns at my firm and honestly I don’t think “work friends” count anyways. How do I make and KEEP real friends as a grad student?

My second main issue is dating. I’ve never had a gf or even really come close to it. I felt kinda isolated through middle/high school because I was very badly behaved and always in trouble or suspended. And then I grew up and got to college and felt the same way for different reasons. I go to a religious school and I’m not religious. The few girls I tried to talk to ended up being super religious or like a pastor’s kid or something (oof) and I didn’t pursue any further because I figured it wouldn’t work out. Other girls I honestly couldn’t tell if they liked me or not (never can) so I basically just friend-zoned myself to avoid potential awkwardness. I concluded like 2 years ago I’m not gonna find anyone at this school. I hate clubbing/partying/being in crowds so I know I’m not gonna have much success just going out randomly. I wanna try online dating but I’m afraid to do it because of the stigma and IDK which sites to try. I know some people have called me handsome or whatever but I think it’s just being nice. IMO I’m pretty ugly, kinda fat, and have razor bumps I’m struggling to get rid of. I feel like my personality is decent. I think people have a pretty good time when they’re around me. I can make people laugh and stuff. But I never feel safe to be like “HEY LET’S GO ON A DATE” or even ask to hang out. Any advice on how to finally get into dating?

Last issue. I am terrified for my future and what direction my life is heading. My mentality is a lot better than it used to be. My best friend motivated me to stop feeling that way I was feeling and try to make my life better like he did. I’m still so afraid I’m going to grow up lonely and irrelevant. I am going to start at a top 5-6 accounting firm next fall as an auditor. I honestly don’t give a crap about accounting but I find it rather easy so I stuck with it. How do I accomplish my goals of being more social and trying to date when I’m gonna be working 60-70 hours a week for like 5 months? And I’m generally always bored. I worry I’m going to burn out doing a job like accounting, but I don’t feel any “passion” towards anything. How do I find meaning/significance in my work/field (accounting) when I don’t really feel like there is any?

I’m 22. I’m too young to be going through an identity crisis like this I think. I’m trying to figure out what steps to take.

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OK, deep breaths. For starters, know that you’re not alone. Your post could have been written by any of thousands of other kids your age.

Let’s start with the basics: you’re unhappy. Would you consider stopping by the mental health center on campus? There’s one there somewhere I promise. They’ll give you someone to talk to, and offer some concrete suggestions.You seem so down on yourself, and I can tell just by this one post that you have so much going for you!

OK, let’s handle “THE FUTURE.” It sounds so scary. But the reality here is that nothing has to be carved in stone. You choose the path that you think you’ll like. You give it a real shot. But if you hate it, you stop and regroup and try something else. So you try accounting. And if it doesn’t work for you, you see where else those top 5-6 connections can take you. For what it’s worth, one of my sisters is the most social people I know. She got her degree in accounting, eventually passed the CPA exam, and is the CFO for a small company. She has found something to love about her career, there’s every chance that you will too.

Oh, and those 60-70 hour workweeks? You’ll be spending them with other young people your own age. It will be very natural to go out for a drink after work, or to order in dinner as you work together. You’re bound to find a whole new social group associated with your job.

For what it’s worth, I met my husband at, of all places, a wake. So don’t worry so much about having time to meet someone… fate will put that person there if you’re simply open to the idea.But you’ve got to put yourself out there.

It’s June. Why not find something social to do this summer? Maybe a beach volleyball league, maybe volunteer work, maybe something else. Talk to those 3 people and see if they want to do something this weekend. YOU come up with the idea and see whether someone is free to join you.