Lonely at Boarding School

<p>I think it's really beneficial to shy kids and all kids actually, to be able to get to know one another by having sit down meals weekly at bs. Of course everyone is different, but I think it helps to really become part of a community by eventually meeting everyone and interacting with kids from different parts of the country and the world. It also allows faculty to get to know their students in a different setting and promotes healthy conversation. Of course some kids might think it's a pain to be forced to show up at a meal at a certain time, but I was really impressed with schools that made the effort to do this. Kids also are forced to retain some of their manners while eating and it's nice for a grown up to be seeing who's eating well or not. I think having only unstructured meals on a daily basis might not the best thing for any kid shy or not.</p>

<p>Good points everyone. I think it is important for kids to realize that their personality type (introvert, extrovert) is going to be the same, whether they attend their local high school or boarding school. Don't think that you will magically change the way you respond to other students or situations, just because you are in a new environment. If you are the type of kid who is quiet, serious, very thorough in your work, dependable, and practical, you are not going to become someone who is happy-go-lucky, uninhibited, talkative, and disorganized, just because you are now attending XXX prep school.</p>

<p>When I was in college, I had a lovely roommate, whom everyone wanted to get to know. She was Italian, beautiful with a gorgeous smile. It was sort of a Mona Lisa smile--you didn't know if she was smiling at something you said-but you hoped so, because you wanted her to think well of you. She didn't share a lot of information about herself with most people and I think that added to her appeal. When she gave up information about her past, it was like being given a gift; you're part of the inner circle. Sometimes, I used to wish I could be more like her, mysterious, loyal to the friends around her, but with no desire to add more. Nevertheless, there was no way I could change the way I was (extroverted, many friends, but was an open book-if I were happy, you knew it, if I were sad, everyone knew that too.) Although I admired, and was a little bit envious of the way she responded to life, I was who I was. </p>

<p>Boarding school provides just another opportunity to explore who you are.</p>

<p>Several boarding schools have "seated meals" for which each student is assigned to a table with one or more faculty members and their families. Typically, seated meals occur only at the evening meal, but some schools, such as Mercersburg Academy in Pennsylvania, have frequent seated meals during lunchtime as well.</p>

<p>Mercersburg had by far the most elegant dining room complete with tablecloths, etc. I personally liked their philosophy of meals being very important as a time to come together and to enjoy eating together and getting to know one another. It's what many of us strive for in our families. Mercersburg is a class act -- a very fine and beautiful exceptionally high quality school, yet down to earth place.</p>

<p>well, don't you have to put yourself out there? it may be hard to make friends at first, that's how it is with all kids going to a new school, boarding or not, and i've seen alot of kids at my public school just decide to stay in a corner and not say anything. i'm sure that you aren't that way but I'm guessing alot of kids want to go to boarding school not just being able to stay in dorms and experiencing freedom, but getting a higher form of education and becoming more mature.</p>

<p>ug, i never really thought about having noone to sit with at lunch, i'll just add that to the list of worries. I HATE being alone at lunch, even if it's just because everyone is going to the bathroom or eating up their food or simply not there yet i start to freak out and immediately track someone down to talk to just so i don't feel so embarassed. is it really that hard to make friends at bs?</p>

<p>I'm very, very very, very, VERYYYY paranoid about going to boarding school. ESPECIALLY after reading this.
Is that normal or am I supposed to be psyched and ready to pack my bags?</p>

<p>i think it's different for everyone. I'm completely excited!!!!</p>

<p>I know some kids don't like the idea of "sit down" or "family style" meals but it is a great way for students to get to know one another. You sit with kids that you would not normally hang out with and may be pleasantly surprised.</p>

<p>It really depends on the size of the school. We mostly visited smaller schools and even those without the "family style" meals when we were there around lunch in the dining hall, all the tables were full. I know that's not the case everywhere, but I honestly think you have the TRY to sit alone. </p>

<p>Cricket - I think you are normal. Wait until re-visit days. Call and see if you can do an overnight (maybe not right now in the middle of the busy application week). I think spending a night at the dorm was helpful for my son.</p>

<p>I also think that even the kid who IS ready to pack their bags is going to be lonely at times. You're still a kid. It's ok to miss home. </p>

<p>A relative of ours is a dorm parent and said pretty much exactly what everyone told Jenny when her daughter called miserable. He said the kids hold it together at school, feel they can't share things, especially at first, with their dorm mates and by the time they call home, everything is a mess. But it's not really. </p>

<p>Back to Cindy - we haven't heard from her in a while - if you're reading this - how are things going? Any better this term?</p>

<p>D'yer, that list was incredible. I'd add:
You have three hours of homework and think that it's an incredibly light day.
When someone says, "My complement wouldn't sign my day excuse form so I need to find my cluster dean after I get 4th meal from Uncommons. I think she's in the Dean of Students office in GW." you understand what they hell they're talking about.
Lights out is just another thing to make life a little more difficult. And supply flashlight companies with lots of business.</p>

<p>in my opinion... there could be lots of things i dont like about boarding school, but after visiting the schools im ready to go for it! if it doesnt work out, it doesnt work out.. but im sure it will one of the best experiences of my life. im gonna give it a shot :) (if i get in :P)</p>

<p>Obviously not everyone is going to be perfectly thrilled with every aspect of BS, but I can say that my D has never said she was lonely at all and she had a lot of friends at home too that she had to say goodbye to when she left. I think when she comes home now, she enjoys seeing her friends here but has formed an incredible bond with her friends at school and at times can't wait to go back and be with them. If you are the kind of person who doesn't do well being away from your family for a couple of days or even a week or two, then you might want to rethink the whole BS thing. Some kids just aren't ready to be away from the "nest" when they are 14, 15 or 16. I think most BS really try to figure that out through the application and interview process. That is why some of the schools ask about whether you have ever gone to summer camp or on trips without your parents (like with your school/travel teams, etc.). They know the kids who tend to want to leave are those who may not have really been honest with themselves in terms of being away from home.</p>

<p>To Cricket and all prospective students: Don't worry about anything! You have nothing to be scared about and please don't take my post as a warning that you will be lonely at boarding school or alone during lunch. Most kids find great friends here and prep school gives you better opportunities to make friends and hang out with them. If I had stayed home, I would only see my very best friends on the weekends and I would have to call them on the phone to make plans. However, living in the dorms allows you to become friendly with kids who are NOT on your "official friend list." And you can just stop by their room on a Sunday and start talking to them because people leave their doors open. You don't need to make plans or phone calls to hang out and socialize because the kids are already right there. There have been times when kids decide to go to the mall or the movies at the last minute and they say, "Hey, Cindy, wanna come?" I get invited just because I live across from them and they ran into me in the hall. I would have missed out on fun things like this and been so much more lonely if I went to school at home!!!</p>

<pre><code> Linda, thanks for asking about me. I am doing all right. I still have mixed feelings about prep school but is the glass 60% full or 40% empty? I have social problems because I am only 4'8 and often feel insecure about that. I look more like an adorable 6th grader than a freshman in high school and I'm afraid kids see me more as a little sister than a real friend. My roommate distanced herself from me and officially became best friends with the other pretty girls in the In Crowd. My roommate is a natural beauty with a bubbly, outgoing personality. I really wish I could make my parents proud of me but I’m not a social butterfly like my roommate.
</code></pre>

<p>I would try not to worry so much about getting into the "In Crowd", it seems like it would be the best place to be, but I find often enough that the "In Crowd" is simply a group of people who have the most drama and cause the most trouble. I mean "pretty" and "popular" can get you into the in crowd, but it doesn't make you a good friend. I have found, in my prep school experience, it's much better to have kind and supporting friends than the pretty popular ones who don't really care about you (especially because sometimes prep school girls can be really cutthroat/competitive).</p>

<p>And I don't think your parents are going to judge you based on how pretty or cool your friends are, I think they're much more concerned with your education and happiness!</p>

<p>There is no way I'll be lonely at boarding school!!!!! :)</p>

<p>Cindy Freshman - are you still out there? How did the year work out? As I posted before, my daughter is not having a great time at boarding school and I am looking around for some solace that things work out in the end.</p>

<p>I don't know one person who absolutely loved their boarding school in their first year. When they first come, they're all usually pretty pumped and excited to meet new kids and live on their own, but as time goes and they settle into things, they gradually realize life away from parents isn't as easy as they thought it would be. Kids at boarding school ARE mean. They're more judgmental and exclusive than regular public schools, and it may be harder to find their "niche," because of the smaller size. Then they go home for Thanksgiving break, and when they come back, they miss their families and homes like crazy even more..... And winters are so dreary in NE, and February just sucks balls. And why is everyone in your class so mad rich? And preppy? Do people look down on you if you don't wear a popped collar shirt and don't vacation in Martha's Vineyard? And if you dont play sports, you tend to get extra more stressed out. Kids who drink and try out drugs will be known as the "cool" ones for a while before they start knowing any better, and you might wanna be pressured to try them out yourselves. </p>

<p>I've had lots of friends who left their first years, because of the money, away-from-home, friends and other stupid issues. But when you shift onto 11th grade and become the sort of "big guy" at your school, life gets sooooooooo much better. You will find people in your class generally more welcoming and nicer, cliques start dying out gradually, and suddenly you have little kids loooking up to you, and you have favorite teachers who you love to visit for a chat and will take you out to dinners. I swear everyone loves it by then. I can't explain the reason very well, but seriously, when you are a senior, you are so accustomed to the school's way, and will just loooooove your own school and wanna stay longer.</p>

<p>poss791 you're making the first year at BS sound horrible. After reading that it makes me not want to go to a BS! But seriously your first year us not that bad, it's basically like starting a new school anywhere else. The main difference is though that since everyone is new at first people just try and become best friends with the first person they meet. But as time goes on they realize who are their true friends.</p>

<p>Play a sport...its not that hard guys. I mean some school require it and its healthy. Its the best way to meet people. At all my interviews, once I mention im a 3 sport athlete the first thing they say is "great you will have no problem fitting in". Its really a big deal to these people, they don't want someone who won't fit in and end up leaving their school </p>

<p>Thats 1 person who got waitlisted to a school they REALLY wanted to go to.</p>

<p>cliques are normal. tough it out</p>