I have really gone back and forth between whether or not I should post something about my situation, but I finally decided that maybe I would feel better and hopefully get some good advice by posting.
I have read a lot of posts on college confidential about dealing freshman loneliness and making friends. I have tried all the obvious things to “cure” loneliness during the first month of college, I went to the club fair and volunteer fair, joined an intramural sport and so far one club, but nothing has really seemed to help me yet. In high school I suffered from anxiety and low-grade depression, which has carried over to college, so I can sometimes find it very difficult introducing myself to people and interacting with them, either because I get too nervous or I get a loss of interest and a deep feeling of hopelessness that I will never be able to make genuine friends. I have really only met two girls that seem like they might be interested in being my friend, but they sort of seem like they already might have a group to hang out with that I am not apart of.
My best friend who I have known for 18 years also attends the same college as I do. But, despite this fact, this has not in any way made me feel less lonely because she is well aware of how I am feeling and she just kind of ignores me and choses to hang out with her roommates and her new friends. I know she is not being malicious and that I am not her responsibility, but I wish she would just seem like she cared a little more instead of just pitying me for having no friends and moving on to her next thing.
It is also doesn’t help my loneliness that my roommate and I aren’t exactly friends. My roommate and I got placed in the same dorm together because we have the same allergy and that is about the only thing we have in common. My roommate loves to party, smoke weed and stay out until 3:00 am or later on weekends AND weekdays and sleep in until 1 pm. I am the complete opposite, I tend to be more on the quiet side, I go to bed pretty early, usually between 11:30 and 12 am and wake up around 7:30 am. She is nice enough to the point that we get along okay, but we have only ever eaten two meals together, because she often abandons me for her other friends. (I am also not a partier, at all, I have been to parties before and felt extremely uncomfortable.)
The only person who I feel I can candidly share my feeling with is my Mom. My Mom has been my rock throughout this whole situation, she has listened as I have cried to her over the phone about my troubles not just with loneliness but also with my friend and my roommate. I sometimes feel ashamed talking to my Mom about not having any friends, because I feel like I am a disappointment and a failure to myself. I also feel embarrassed because I call my Mom every single day because I have no one else to talk to.
I had such high expectations for college, and so far I have only been let down. I am not looking to transfer or go home, I just really want to makes some genuine friends and I am willing to listen to any suggestions and advice that might help.
My D who had social issues in college found part-time work extremely helpful. Even better if it was off campus. This gave her a purpose and place to go versus hanging out alone.
Keep doing what you’re doing. It takes awhile for meaningful friendships to blossom. My best friend and I didn’t meet until second semester, but I didn’t stop accruing friendships. These things take time.
I am so glad you have an understanding mom to lift you up. I feel for you. Sometimes it does really take time. Is there a place you can volunteer close by? Maybe a foodbank or afterschool program for young kids? Or even a on campus job? A Also too does your school allow comfort animals? You might want to look into that if it is a possibility. Nice when you need some unconditional love and also a way to connect with other people. If not perhaps their is an animal shelter near by you can volunteer at.
Hi, I’ve been in a similar situation so I totally 100% get how you feel. But the thing is, college is a new start. A lot of people are in a similar boat but they don’t show it. People are constantly always looking for new friends, especially freshman. Although it’s super hard right now, you’ll get through it, I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll find meaningful friends that you connect with. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and be open to the concept of meeting new people. I suffer from social anxiety so I know how hard that can be but try putting yourself out there more in various ways. For one maybe join more clubs, make small talk with the people sitting around you in class etc. If there’s a facebook page for the college you attend, maybe consider joining and talking to people that way. It’s always hard at first but please hold on, things will get better over time! And also, if you ever need to rant/vent, my pm’s are always open!!
Deep breath. This transition has you questioning everything about yourself. But guess what? You do you, and this whole transition is about figuring out what and who you is. I am very close with my daughter who is a senior in college, we text with each other twice a day, every day, usually for about 30 minutes at a time. Some people here may think that’s too much, but guess what? It’s us doing us. Sometimes we have little to talk about but each other’s daily presence means something to us. It’s a special time in my day, I love that my daughter wants me in her life. We have quirky conversations, sometimes serious, but usually day to day stuff. I hear you appreciate your Mom being there, try not to be embarrassed about it, she loves you and is there for you.
As far as the other stuff, it does hurt to feel alone in your new digs. Keep trying to be involved but don’t force it. Take up activities that you truly think you’ll enjoy. Dig in to your academics, because at the end of the day, the primary reason you are at college is for the education and degree. Doing as well as YOU can will keep opportunities open and have the most benefit to your overall future.
My daughter had a group of about 10 freshman on her dorm floor that seemed to be great friends. They were friends of proximity, sophomore year two were roommates with her and things deteriorated. As a senior she is still friends with only one of the 10. So your situation now is apt to be very different as time rolls along. Be patient, be yourself, things will evolve. The truth about feelings, they are almost always temporary. In the meantime, enjoy that your mom is there for you, never be embarrassed about that.
My H tells my kids “be brave for a minute” I suggest you try the same. Sit down next to others in class, say “hi”. Ask them what they thought about the HW, etc. When you go to eat meals, sit with others you recognize. Just sit down and comment on weather, HW, etc. It may take a little while but you will make friends. I am rooting for you!
There must be assignments and projects due soon- can you make a plan to get together with classmates you have seen near your dorm? The intermural sport sound like a good idea. Is there any yoga or Pilates class or any other class you can take at the rec center? Make a plan to attend a class every week at the same time and see who you might meet.