Look Quick: Should I get this essay re-scored...please help!

Test Preparation
1

<p>If I could raise my score 1 point, I'd gain 20 points on the writing (2 points would be a 40 point increase and 3 a 60 point increase). I wasn't happy with my essay since I had no time for a conclusion and could think of no scholarly examples, instead using poor personal ones. It was too short and I should have split it into 3 paragraphs, so I know I can do better next time but I still am considering challenging the score. Please read over it and give it the score you think it deserves out of 12. I will then tell you what I got and see if you all think I should challenge the score. Thanks...</p>

<p>Promts: Does work---whether it is a job, volunteer work, or schoolwork---determine our daily activities and interactions with others?</p>

<pre><code> Although work provides a basic setting for our daily activities and interactions with others, it does not determine entirely what those activities should be. While it is quite obvious that a school teacher must educate or a construction worker must build, and a student must attend class, those required benchmarks are not the true basis for determining one daily’s activities or interactions. We, as independent human beings, decide for ourselves how we should act within society. Our field of work,---whether it is a job, volunteer work, or schoolwork---does not have a full bearing on what we decide to do or what social role we play everyday. For example, I’m a long distance runner, and everyday after school I lace up my shoes and run for miles and miles. My running provides me with a catharsis, and never have I ever viewed a single stride as “work”. In fact, like other humans have often done, I have escaped from the confines of work and determined my own daily activities. Furthermore, our interactions are determined by our intriguing and unique personalities---not out work. I know several lazy students who refuse to do work but would rather socialize than do their schoolwork. I also know several office workers who procrastinate on their daily tasks in order to chat online or take an extra break. Society may try to label work as a catalyst for our daily activities and interactions; however, that label is very spurious.
A school or a workplace may try to create an acceptable work-ethic, but it is the worker who decides what he or she will do. Also, some fields or work are lonely and done solo, so the worker is forced to look outside of the workplace for social interaction and activities.
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2

<p>u write very well, but i'm not sure what point your getting at - it seemed to go around in circles a lot....</p>

<p>i'd give it a 7 or an 8....</p>

3

<p>thanks...i think i am a good writer but screwed up on this one. anybody else have an opinion?</p>

4

<p>I agree, you seem to have a good writing style, but your organization was rather poor on this particular essay. Next time, I would work on more specific examples (perhaps, but not necessarily, from history or literature) as opposed to the generalities that you largely used for this essay. Also, like you noted above, breaks for paragraphs would have really helped your structure. I probably wouldn't give it higher than a 7. What score did you get? Then we can say if we think you would have any luck raising it.</p>