Also, I can almost guarantee that litmus test-getting into all those schools, is nearly impossible. She’s probably great in every respect but it comes down to statistics and these schools accept very few. When you throw in legacies, URMs, athletics, specialized talents, international students, etc,etc … There are only 75-300 spots per school with up to ten times the applicants for each slot. So thinking she is going to get into each school to which she applies isn’t likely. Even if she can check each and every box. Does anyone know a kid who got into all the Ivies? Used to happen rarely does anymore. Competition is almost at that level at some BS schools. Wish her well. Hope she has choices. Hope it all turns out well.
@Happytimes2001 makes a good point about the limited spots at each school, and I will add that those numbers do not reflect the actual seats that any given applicant is actually vying for. It was very sobering to us to understand, in hindsight, that at Choate the year our son applied, he was only being considered for about ten seats that matched his profile. The incoming freshman class his year was 112 (the class increases significantly sophomore year partly due to JBS applicants), but because the class was fairly evenly split between males and females, that left about 56 spots for boys–and Choate is one of the larger schools. Then you start winnowing by:
Full-pay/financial aid
Foreign/domestic
In-state/out-of-state
Boarders/day
…etc.
and “his” bucket started to constrict quickly. If we had not been able to be full-pay (we applied for partial FA, but Choate notified us that we didn’t qualify and could we consider being FP), he would not have gotten one of those few seats.
To anyone new to this process and lurking here, please understand how these numbers work and why we loudly bang the cast-a-wide-but-targeted-net drum here. If BS is your child’s goal, there are MANY excellent schools that will provide a fine high school education, and you will be rewarded for looking beyond a handful.
It sounds like someone has convinced her that the schools she is applying to are the only “brands” worth coveting and that the other schools are less prestigious and for “losers.”
However, her chosen schools are NOT the only ones producing Ivy League grads, Rhodes scholars, and Fortune 500 CEOs. She may be setting herself up for a lesson in the dangers of chasing status and prestige instead of fit.
Can she articulate what she likes about each school? What does she like about Thacher, for example? What does she like about Andover? Does she do better in small, highly structured environments or larger environments with more autonomy and less supervision?
What other schools has she visited? Is she looking for an environment where she can thrive and become her best self? Or bragging rights?
(I assume she does not need financial aid and has high SSAT scores, right?)
It’s so tough. Try to help them remember “The school doesn’t make the student…the student makes the school.” “Bloom where you’re planted.” Talented kids will do well wherever they go to high school. Some will get good opportunities, others won’t. It’s the luck of the draw. But you don’t need to go to Choate or Andover, Exeter or SPS to get into a good college. No matter what, make a plan to chase what interests your student, and look outward, not inward. How can the student make things better for other people? Nice schools are nice, but college admissions is all about doing the most with the cards you were dealt. Continue to encourage your student reach for the stars, and a few novenas wouldn’t hurt either, if you are so inclined.
My son wasn’t applying to super competitive schools 2 years ago, but he also didn’t have a good public school option, and we weren’t very keen on the Catholic school option. Although we tried to focus on other things between 1/15 and 3/10, I tried to emphasize that all he could control was himself — his grades, personality, capabilities, etc. — and you can’t do anything about the other candidates. I didn’t want him to view rejection as personal, but just a statement on the applicant pool as a whole. It’s a good but tough opportunity to learn that life isn’t fair.
I feel for the kids who are hung up on a limited number of the most prestigious schools. There is so much more to boarding school than the academics and the status and so many great options for any kid! Good luck to all!
CaliMex…she does not think “less selective” equals lower quality. I Have made sure to talk to her about that. All the schools she is applying to speak to her in some way except maybe Andover. I think that one is more of a “swing for the fences”. She is very interested in the Arabic program at Choate. The community and horse program (even though they scare her ?) at Thacher. She loved her visit at Cate. Exeter’s library and conversations she has had with a current student.
We looked at one school and she refuses to apply. She just didn’t care for it. It is a great school but she won’t go for it. She is a pragmatic child and if she doesn’t really want to attend she won’t apply.
We talked to admissions of Blair at an open house. She loved the woman. We have pushed and pushed her to apply but she won’t. I won’t post her reasons here but I understand and stopped pushing. It is nothing bad or even about the school at all. Never know who is online.?
We are fp and she score 93% on SSAT overall (94 for gender if that even matters).
I know she interviewed well. She is a quiet, thoughtful child that manages to charm adults. She really is your typical 13 yr old girl. Has tried different activities, does well in school, well liked by teachers and considered nice by classmates.
I would really encourage her to apply to one or two schools where she is more likely to be admitted, even if she isn’t sure she’d want to attend. It might seem like a waste of time, but for some kids, having an option even if she turns is down will make staying at her current school seem like a choice rather than being “stuck.”
She also may feel differently about that school by March.
Also, if she’s prone to needing her emotions to be managed per your thread title, then I’d imagine that having one acceptance at a BS will feel a lot better than having none. The deck is really stacked and not in a good way against kids these days. There are tons of really qualified, full paying great kids who have excellent ability, charm and passion to go to boarding school. And there are a limited number of spots. It’s really the strongest students competing against each other pre-college. Yikes.
Good she has an excellent fallback option. And hopefully, you are from ND or AK.
When we visited various BS, I could not believe the options. What’s not to love. Beautiful buildings, character, charming faculties, small classes, excellent course selection and on and on. That being said, kids can do well at any school.
You are FP, so the odds of getting accepted are much higher. That will certainly count in your favor. Even though the overall acceptance rate at Thacher is 12 percent, it is actually 16 percent for full pay and a mere 9 percent for kids with financial aid, according to fundraising documents, for example. I suspect other schools are similar, even if they don’t admit or publish those stats.
How many schools did you visit and research before settling on 5? How varied was the original field?
Also: Why do you think her school isn’t a great fit? Just curious.
To put it in perspective I think she is competing against kids who have ssat 90% and above, with amazing grades and recs who also bring something to the school. Great athlete, concert pianist, built houses in South America every summer their whole life. I don’t mean to be a downer but the more I have read on CC the more I have realized that, unless all these parents are lying, there are tons of kid with great grades, recs, ssat who don’t get in. Good luck with everything! It feels like it should be enough to have a really smart, really great kid.
Don’t be intimidated by all the pianists. FWIW, schools don’t need as many concert pianists as they need violinists and violas… and oboists are harder to find than pianists.
Also: Some incredibly accomplished and competitive kids can come across as arrogant or boastful during interviews… so that should help your girl’s chances…
I would like to say – in light of how negative this thread is - that your kids both sound like strong candidates and their odds are probably much better than 16% or whatever grim # is out there. They don’t need FA and will certainly fly past the first screen. They may end up in a pool that is twice the size of the number to which offers will be extended. But it still means they have a coin toss chance of not being admitted.
So what everyone is saying here is add some schools that would love to have them and that aren’t as well known. It is hard with impressive kids like this to believe they won’t be completely successful in this admissions process, yet every year, there are kids who are stunned by their outcomes. Folks here are suggesting you add a few good bets. Just wanted to put the Debbie Downerism here in context.
I have to admit…the only thing I see similar about the schools she has chosen for her list is their very low acceptance rates. Other than that…they are very different. Which leads me to believe, as many others appear to as well, that she’s influenced by their so-called prestige. As parents, we’d probably sit down with our child and ask what they are looking for in a school (Small vs big, location/setting, EC’s, targeted programs, chapel services etc)…and have her list them…then go and put in those criteria and form a list of schools specifically based on her wants.
DS has very very high SSAT scores, two solid sports accomplishments, national recognition for SAT score and is a URM. We THOUGHT we cast a wide net…we knew nothing about BS. He applied to schools he’d heard about via name, internet searches, marketing, etc. we just cast a narrow deep net and applied to the names…the ones you mentioned plus a few more that are mentioned commonly on the “Chance” threads…one school he applied to seemed like a red herring from the rest. He applied on a whim because we stumbled across campus while on a NE trip. It turns out this school has higher SAT scores than many of the schools people clamor for here…but it is talked about as being a “safety school”. I’m so glad he applied there…it was his only acceptance, but it is the perfect school for him.
A 13 year old may be very pragmatic for a 13 year old…but they are still a kid with limited experiences and are swayed by the names and prestige. We were. Had DS gotten into what he thought was his number 1 school and his current school (which, coincidentally are arch rivals), he would’ve picked the other school because it is more known and more sought-after by the masses. He frequently mentions this and says he’s so thankful we were not given a chance to make this mistake.
I tend to agree with many others that the list you have provided is very selective, very limited and is very likely to produce a disappointing M10…or thereafter. Because even if she does get an acceptance, it could still not be the right fit for her. And I think that would be the most disappointing discovery of all.
Pay heed to all the others have expressed…their knowledge is plentiful and advice almost always spot on. Without them, we’d still be fishing in the wrong pond!
@buuzn03 You are spot on! Without the CC forum, we would have looked only at the top named schools that EVERYONE applies to. We wouldn’t have dug deeper. In fact, with good research we found a couple of name brands that my kid had less than zero interest in attending (one was just a feeling and the other was a definite “bad vibe”).
A second look through real data and not self reported data on Niche, showed that a few schools were academically much stronger at second glance. Some curriculums at some name brands were actually limited in upper levels ( check math, science, writing, languages and social sciences with an adult who is in this field and took it in college). Do you own research based on your interests. You will find top schools are not all the same. Nor should they be.
Some people on CC place importance on the admittance rate. But honestly what you are buying is an academic experience. This includes good curriculum/teachers, resources, sports, the arts, access to various programs which might be unique to that school, etc. My kid chose the school with a slightly higher admit rate because it was a better fit. Kid had 99% SSAT out of the gate ( no prep, no practice). But was looking for the real deal. And the real deal wasn’t marketing or a polite smile. Or even an acceptance. The real deal was finding the best fit. Prestige is a small piece in the puzzle. Finding a good fit is what matters. Sounds like we had a similar experience @buuzn03 !!
If you chase prestige, you are much more likely to end up somewhere surrounded by people who place a high value on status.
We were very wary of that when we looked at schools. We don’t want our kids judging others based on the brands they wear, the card they drive, the neighborhoods they live in, or where they went to school. It just doesn’t jive with our family culture or values.
A culture that emphasizes prestige is also more likely to have kids who are unduly anxious about college admissions because they can’t envision a happy or successful future unless they are admitted to the Ivy League school of their dreams (or Stanford, MIT, and a half dozen others).
@Happytimes2001 I think we probably agree on the basics here, but for the sake of the OP and others going through the search/admissions process: You’re not just “buying the academic experience”; you are also choosing your child’s home for 4 years and the people who will influence him or her in your stead. That should be of primary concern. I can’t say that it was enough of a focus for us during the search process - we just didn’t know enough at the time - but we were fortunate that our children ended up in a wonderful “home” and among people whose combined influence was far more positive than two boring parents could have managed. 
And just do your best to downplay the importance of the decisions beforehand. They will be felt personally whatever you do. Best of luck to your daughter, and I hope she will be very happy at whichever school she attends!