I have a child with ADHD and I know that he must be in an environment where he can’t fall through the cracks - for me that means required study hall, scheduled meals with adults, small classes, advisor check-ins, longer class times, and lots of available help in the way of office hours, etc. those are the things I would look for in any school you apply to. I also have a child who does not have ADHD, but is very type A and these things will benefit that child also!
Do Andover, Choate, and Exeter have seated meals and mandatory study halls?
In case this is helpful: Thacher has 4 formal seated meals each week, mandatory study halls, weekly advisor meetings, and a Frosh Skills Class that includes topics like time management. Kids are also encouraged to schedule weekly check-ins with teachers in any subjects they find especially difficult. There is a learning specialist and a study skills coach that kids can seek out, too, in addition to psychologists/counselors.
Kids are highly scheduled, especially freshman year, and have very little free time. Our kid complains about that all the time but admits it is also one of the reasons she chose Thacher! (I would have preferred a much less structured environment for myself!)
@Happytimes2001 , @SevenDad , @Publisher , @Garandman - would any of you be willing to share which schools your child/children attend?
@SevenDad’s kids graduated from St Andrew’s in DE and George School in PA. His eldest was an academic superstar torn between St Paul’s and St Andrew’s…
No. All have study hours and dorm check-in times. although in general, check-in time and where one can study outside the dorm room varies by class.
I have noted in past years that the level of structure varies enormously from school to school. We saw ones that required students to attend study hall when they had a free period and ones that only made you show up for "obligations " and let you figure out how to spend free time. (The ones in the latter category typically had structure for students who made a mess of their freedom. )
All of them had resources for students who need it but there was variability in how much freedom students had to access them.
It is so so so important to figure out what will work for your kid. Many will thrive when they own their time and education. Some will chafe at sll the control and rebel.
Others desperately need the structure. The variability is not necessarily related to how selective the schools are, so do your diligence on this if it matters.
We found that “structure” varied a lot from school to school. Though none of the schools we looked at had such a structure that it could support a kid who wasn’t focused on getting things done. I honestly don’t think communal meals have much of an impact. Study hall can certainly vary. IF you have a kid who wants to study in their room or in the library and that option isn’t available it could be bad news. Having an advisor is helpful. But again, it will depend on your kid. Some kids will rely on the advisor and others might not.We were told kids often change their advisor once they find someone that fits.
Like all things, you need to know what will work for your kid and what they like. My kid told me how they wanted to study and where. It eliminated one school from the list. Make sure to explore the spaces in the library at each school and ask about the hours and who is allowed. This can be a really important factor.
There are other benefits to seated meals, aside from community building and giving kids the opportunity to befriend students and faculty they might not otherwise meet.
Seated meals are also an opportunity for another 1-2 adults to observe and check in with a smaller group of kids several times a week (in addition to advisors, teachers, coaches, and dorm heads/parents).
^ and to make sure they don’t eat like animals!!!
Our mantra while my daughter was looking at schools was this: “You will bloom where you’re planted.”
Yes, there were tears when she got a rejection. But she’s a healthy kid. A daylong pity party , some ice cream therapy, and within 24 hours I had my daughter back.
She so internalized the idea that she’s planning to get a tattoo of a flower to remind her of the idea.
We made no effort to manage her emotions. Emotions are part of life. We did try to give her the tools to manage them herself, and to not make the process one that made her question her self worth. And, long term, that’s how it went.
Re structure: (a bit of a digression) a good format is one where younger/newer students start out with a structured, supervised study period and then structure and supervision are loosened and eliminated over time with the proviso that the reins will be tightened again if kids don’t make good use of the freedom.
Ditto what @busymommyof4 says about a kid with ADHD. BS provides an awesome structured environment for a kid who benefits from adults who are tuned in to these kinds of needs and who are available for help. A student who isn’t already enrolled in the learning center will likely still need to self-advocate, know when he/she needs help, and seek it out, though, which may be harder to do in a larger environment where it’s less commonplace or where the environment is more competitive than supportive.
There are boarding schools that do this? Evidently, we picked the wrong one. 
@ChoatieMom I was going to say the same thing. But really, it’s not that they didn’t learn. If I say anything about table manners to my kids, they tell me that they know what they’re supposed to do; they just don’t choose to do it!
@ChoatieMom so did we!!! Cotillion and BS can’t seem to remedy this problem!!!
Phew! I’m not the only one who taught table manners to kids who make chimpanzees slinging their food at each other in the zoo look like the civilized ones.
You should see 4,400 cadets simultaneously trying to chow down in the 20 minutes allotted for a meal. Not pretty.
@BusyMomof4, my daughter left Andover after two years, for disciplinary reasons. Our investigation yielded many, many concerns, some of which the school says they’ve addressed. And in fairness many kids - myself included - benefitted immensely from their days at Andover: but it’s not automatic.
My son, an ADD kid, went through the application process last year. Both are now at Tabor Academy, though for much different reasons.
In the course of their applications (and reapplication) we visited Brewster Academy, Cushing Academy, Governor’s, Lawrence Academy, Milton Academy, Proctor Academy, Tabor Academy, and Williston. That list excludes day schools.
We investigated or visited but did not apply to Berkshire, Choate, Concord Academy, Groton, Holderness, Pomfret, St Paul’s, The Hill School, and Northfield Mount Herman. That does not reflect any shortcoming of those schools in any way: it was more logistics. We felt six Applications was enough.
We were blown away by all the terrific people we met at all these schools, how happy the kids were, and the success track their lives took. Boarding schools are a huge family commitment, so cast a wider net.
BTW, here was our first-time selection criteria:
Perceived college admissions advantage.
Depth and breadth of course catalog.
Here was our second-time selection criteria:
Size of dormitories and number of house parents per child (ratio varied from 1:12 to 1:4!)
Structure and scope of Advisory program: we wanted a person who would say, “I am the one responsible for managing your child’s welfare and success here.”
College advisors who were not human analogs of Naviance
Depth and breadth of course catalog
@Garandman So great. You learned and applied the lessons to kid #2. Did your kid agree?
For kid #1, we had
- academic depth ( focus on relevant curriculum and depth in all subjects),
- vibe ( does it feel like people care and is it sincere?):
3.good sports program and other programs kid wanted. Won’t get into my kids specifics. - Also have to say we knocked one off the list. It was very political and we had a bad experience with prejudice there. It wasn’t directed at us but told us a lot about who was acceptable and who was not. No thanks.
For kid #2. - Vibe
- Curriculum
- Interests.
Other things kid will find important as we go thru the process.