Mid hounds

Colleges and Universities A-Z Naval Academy - Annapolis
61

<p>I'm an independent girl and all over the equality too, but I love it when I meet a gentleman who will insist on holding the door open for me. I like it better when I'm holding the door open for a crowd of people and a young man comes along, holds the door, and insists that I enter because "a lady should not hold doors for men."</p>

<p>It reminds me of kindergarten back in California. We had "Girls' Day" and "Boys' Day." On Girls' Day, the boys had to open doors for girls, seat girls, let girls have a sip of water first, and let girls go first for everything (games, swings, getting crayons, books, supplies, et cetera). On Boys' Day, the roles were switched. :} The good days...</p>

<p>Although, I love competing against these "gentlemen" even more---they turn into fierce competitors when they realize that you don't care about the "gender gap."</p>

62

<p>Well, as one who has had chivalry thrown back into his face by more than one mindless feminist, I'm happy to hear that it's still appreciated in some corners.</p>

<p>There's hope for the race yet....</p>

63

<p>God I hate feminists!!!!</p>

<p>Almost as much as I hate hippies. God damn tree huggers!</p>

64

<p>Hey Z.....you wrote</p>

<p>"Well, as one who has had chivalry thrown back into his face by more than one mindless feminist, I'm happy to hear that it's still appreciated in some corners.</p>

<p>There's hope for the race yet...."</p>

<p>Like dictatoranna - I LOVE it when men are gentlemen! Last saturday I was walking with 2 other ladies into a 7/11 and this 30-something man was about 5 paces ahead of us. He actually stood there, holding the door open for the 3 of us. As we walked in I started cheering loudly and clapping and thanked him so the WHOLE store could hear. He gave a sheepish grin. As I'm buying my stuff, I observed him - noted he had a wedding ring on so I walked up to him: "you'll HAVE to tell your wife today you had 3 ladies cheer you in a store for being a perfect gentleman!" Again, a quiet, sweet smile. A minute goes by and we're in line together. I notice he has a HUGE scar running across the entire top of his head, and it's bald. I say to him: "Would it be allright for me to ask how you got your scar?" He shared that he had brain cancer - had several surgeries and is 4 years out from malignant tumors, but still has some benign ones. At that point tears come to my eyes and I tell him about my family's story of cancer with our then 26 year old son - his severe scars from his surgeries and his 2 years-now-out survival. For those who have had or had loved ones with cancer - an immediate bonding happens...and it did at that moment. Again I thanked him for his graciousness and told him his wife was one lucky lady. We both walked out of the store with smiles on our faces.</p>

<p>LONG LIVE CHILVALRY!
LONG LIVE GENTLEMEN!</p>

65

<p>Peske-thanks for sharing that one. I lost my (favorite) brother to brain cancer four years ago. It was an awful experience.</p>

<p>On a happier note: this born and bred Yankee woman (and tree-hugger, Fergs, but don't worry, I consider myself a "conservative conservationist"-I hug the right side of the tree!) loves when gentlemen (and women) hold the door for me. My husband is the son of a southern belle, he knows his mamma would smack him if he didn't open doors. He always walks on the side that is closest to traffic, too. I love that about him.</p>

<p>Even Yankees appreciate good manners!</p>

66

<p>It occurs to me that now would be a good time to share this:</p>

<p>No, it's NOT a joke. :mad:</p>

<p>Rules To Follow When Dating My Daughter</p>

<p>RULE #1 - My daughter’s name is not “Mama”, “Houchie”, “Babe”, “*****”, or any of the other terms currently in the vocabulary of your age group for use in identifying young women. If I hear you use any of these terms when referring to my sweet little girl, you will get an immediate and unpleasant response from me, her father. </p>

<p>RULE #2 - Incidentally, I am <daughter's name="">’s father. You may call me “Sir”, as in “Yes Sir”, “No Sir”, “I wouldn’t think of it, Sir”, and “I’ll remember that good advice, Sir.” “Mr. Zaphod” may be substituted for the term “Sir”.</daughter's></p>

<p>RULE #3 - Do not touch my daughter while in my presence as it may provoke an uncontrollable and probably violent reaction on my part. You may glance at her, so long as your glances are from the neck up. If you cannot keep your hands or eyes off my daughter's body, I will remove them for you.</p>

<p>RULE #4 - When a woman says “No” it means “No.” However, when my daughter says “No” it means, “If you do not immediately stop what you are doing I will tell my Daddy, and very soon, when you are alone and least expect it, he will be standing behind you in the dark with a grin on his face waiting for you to turn around so you and he can have a friendly chat”. </p>

<p>RULE #5 - I'm sure you've been taught that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Allow me elaborate; when it comes to sex with my daughter, I am the barrier method and I will kill you.</p>

<p>RULE #6 - If you stop in front of my house and honk your horn you had better be delivering a pizza. If I learn that you are honking for my daughter, not only will you not be picking her up, but I will come outside and twist off your honker. Also, be aware that I will be observing to see if my daughter has to open her own car door. I expect you to open it for her.</p>

<p>RULE #7 - When you meet me for the first time, please do not be uncomfortable if I stare at you. I am only doing this so I can cement the memory of what you look like into my mind. This, of course, is in case I have to come after you for violating one of these rules. I would hate for there to be a case of mistaken identity involving an innocent bystander.</p>

<p>RULE #8 - It is expected that in order for us to get to know each other better we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. We won’t do this because I don’t give a damn what a young punk like yourself thinks about anything. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I expect from you on this subject is: “Early."</p>

<p>RULE #9 - Please bring my daughter back home in the same condition she left in. Drive carefully. Protect her from drunks and obnoxious people. Do not coax her to try drugs or alcohol. Always be ready to throw your body between her and any objects flying in her direction, including bullets. Also, I expect her clothing to come back in the same condition it left in. You should know that I will not react well if I see even one grass stain on any portion of her clothing. </p>

<p>RULE #10 - The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient air temperature is warm enough to influence my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features firearms are okay. Hockey games are okay. Retirement homes are better.</p>

<p>RULE #11 - Do not go to school and tell stories to your pals about my daughter, whether true or untrue. If you do, be prepared to explain to those same pals how you got that shiner under your eye. </p>

<p>RULE #12 - I have no doubt you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me so long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry, very hard.</p>

<p>RULE #13 - As you stand in my front hallway waiting for my daughter to appear and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for something, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful like changing the oil in my truck?</p>

<p>RULE #14 - I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to put “hickeys” on the necks of their girlfriends. I assume it is done to show your friends how passionate you can get. If you ever get so passionate with my daughter that you feel the desire to suck on her neck, please remember that a hickey on my daughter’s neck only tells me that you have no concern whatsoever for your own well-being. </p>

<p>RULE #15 - I am also aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to “wear” their trousers so they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and your friends are idiots. Still, I am fair and open-minded, so I will not object if you appear at my door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will use my nail gun to fasten your trousers securely to your waist.</p>

<p>RULE #16 - Do not lie to me, ever. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter I am the all-knowing, fire-breathing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going with my daughter and with whom, you have a single chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun and a shovel. Do not trifle with me.</p>

<p>RULE #17 - My daughter will always have a specific time in the evening when I expect her home. Please take this curfew seriously because I will not be able to sleep until I know she has safely returned home. If you bring her home too late or, God forbid, the next morning, the camouflaged face looking through your bedroom window in the middle of the night will be mine. </p>

<p>RULE #18 - Be afraid. Be very afraid. When I am worried about my daughter, the voices in my head tell me to clean my guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. You don’t want to know what they say when visions of my daughter in any circumstance other than being safe at home with me float through my mind.</p>

<p>RULE #19 - You will care for my daughter as much as I do, or you will deeply regret not having done so.</p>

<p>RULE #20 - Young man, if you are still here after reading these rules, you must really care for my daughter. That is the one way to get on my good side, and believe you me, that’s the only side of me you ever want to see.</p>

<p>That is all...</p>

67

<p>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Dang Z. Don't let your girls know your true feelings. They'll never bring any boys home for Dad to play with. Atleast let them bring in a few so you can apply #3 & #16 & have some fun. Those had me totally in stitches. I remember when my kid went to a mini-boot camp & told me of a kid who showed up with the pants 10 sizes too big. The Go Guard guys running the camp, took a whole role of duct tape and taped them up for him & left him like that all day. The kids had to help him out of the tangled mess that evening so he could get them off. The next day, the boy had on a belt. Apparently they weren't amused by his tabasco boxers. They called him hot sauce the rest of his stay. Just an FYI, the kids were told before the camp not to arrive with undies showing & no belt. Guess he just thought to try it to see what would happen.</p>

68

<p>You should see the APPLICATION to date my daughter! :D</p>

<p>APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER</p>

<p>*This application will be immediately rejected unless accompanied by a certified financial affidavit, current resume, and complete medical history from your doctor. Please be prepared to submit additional information such as a psychological profile and/or polygraph test data as required.</p>

<p>Name
Date of Birth<br>
Social Security #<br>
Driver’s License #<br>
Home Address<br>
IQ<br>
GPA </p>

<p>(If your IQ is less than 150 or your GPA is less then 3.50, please reapply when you have gotten a clue.)</p>

<p>Do you have one male and one female parent?<br>
Are they married to each other and living together? </p>

<p>If you answered "No" to either question above, an explanation is required.</p>

<p>Do you now possess, have access to, or plan on obtaining any of the following items while dating my daughter:</p>

<p>A van or SUV (regardless of window tint)?
A truck with oversize tires?<br>
A waterbed?<br>
Any body piercing (ear, nose, belly-button, tongue, etc.)<br>
Any tattoo? </p>

<p>If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, please discontinue this application and LEAVE while you still can.</p>

<p>In 10 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?<br>
In 10 words or less, what does "DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?<br>
In 10 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?<br>
What is your Church affiliation? </p>

<p>How often do you attend? </p>

<p>What is the best time to interview:</p>

<p>Your parents? </p>

<p>Your Preacher? </p>

<p>Your Employer? </p>

<p>Have you ever been fingerprinted?
If "Yes", explain (and it had better be good!)<br>
Have you ever had a DNA sample taken?<br>
If "Yes", explain (and this, also, had better be good!)<br>
Answer the following questions under oath:</p>

<p>The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:<br>
A woman’s place is: </p>

<p>My greatest fear is: </p>

<p>When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is: </p>

<p>Note: If your answer to the question above begins with a "T" or an "A", discontinue this application and LEAVE AT ONCE. For your own safety, keep your head down and run a zigzag pattern, VERY fast!</p>

<p>I swear that all the information I have provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge. I also certify that I have been made completely aware that the father of the girl I am applying to date has an impressive firearms collection, knows how to use it, and considers his own imprisonment and/or execution for capital murder to be a small price to pay in order to protect the health, life, and virtue of his daughter. As such, I release the father and his family from any and all liability should he deem that my pitiless existence on this planet must be abruptly terminated due to my having violated the rules concerning the dating of his daughter. I also agree that my relatives will hold the father and his family equally blameless should my worthless carcass never be found.</p>

<p>SIGNATURE DATE</p>

<p>Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by gentlemen wearing black balaclavas, assault vests, and carrying heavy weapons. Don't bother to run, as you'll just die tired.</p>

<p>Have a nice day!*</p>

<p>:D</p>

69

<p><a href="http://www.hamiltonbond.com/application.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.hamiltonbond.com/application.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>One of my buddies had to fill out a similar form for his girlfriend's dad. I couldn't stop laughing when he first told us, but later though "hmm...I'll have to remember that should I ever have a daughter."</p>

70

<p>One of my favorite movie lines is from "Clueless". Cher's father says to the young man picking her up for a date, "I got a 45 and a shovel. I doubt anyone would miss you." Hubby has used that line more than once. </p>

<p>One of our family's classic moment was when our older daughter's boyfriend (whom none of us liked) was at our home for dinner. Hubby leaned back in his chair, smiled and said, "Won't it be great when we have grandchildren?" The poor kid disappeared, never to be seen in our home again...</p>

<p>Or you could do what my family did to me. My four big brothers, father and two uncles met my prom date at the door. Poor guy! At my ten year reunion I learned he is gay. I still think it was in reaction to the trauma of picking me up for prom. He probably swore off women then and there.</p>

71

<p>DMeix found one of the originals! :D</p>

<p>I WILL hand this to the kid. His reaction will speak volumes of his character, IMO.</p>

<p>Again, NO, I am NOT joking.</p>

<p>
[quote]
One of my favorite movie lines is from "Clueless". Cher's father says to the young man picking her up for a date, "I got a 45 and a shovel. I doubt anyone would miss you." Hubby has used that line more than once.</p>

<p>One of our family's classic moment was when our older daughter's boyfriend (whom none of us liked) was at our home for dinner. Hubby leaned back in his chair, smiled and said, "Won't it be great when we have grandchildren?" The poor kid disappeared, never to be seen in our home again...</p>

<p>Or you could do what my family did to me. My four big brothers, father and two uncles met my prom date at the door. Poor guy! At my ten year reunion I learned he is gay. I still think it was in reaction to the trauma of picking me up for prom. He probably swore off women then and there.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>LOL!</p>

<p>Stop it! You're killing me!</p>

<p>ROFLMAO!</p>

<p>
[quote]
I'll have to remember that should I ever have a daughter.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I have two who are going to be serious lookers, so I'll be ordering pads of applications from OfficeMax, and keeping the ammo supply rotated. :D</p>

72

<p>Beachmom! That was tooooo funny! Poor guy. And I think people should take you seriously Zap. The Jamz took a girl to JROTC Military ball his Junior year where he feared for his life a bit before going to pick her up. Her Dad is a Col. & was serving in Iraq at the time so he'd sent 4 of his biggest Marine buddies with cameras so they could check Jamz out then send him the photos over the web before he gave the ok that they could leave the house. I have photos of these huge Marine guys surrounding my son. He had her home 15 minutes early & said they were still there, waiting. BTW, the girl he'd dated is graduating this year & going to USNA Foundation. I liked this girlfriend the best of all of them. She has moxy! They stay in close contact & are the best of friends.</p>

73

<p>Time to weigh in on the kiddo dating issue.
Having now raised 5 teenagers ( successfully - and it's a much a boast as a shock ) my husband and I tried a quite different track.</p>

<p>For one thing, we told our kids in middle school and we never waivered: "no one on one dating in high school... all dating is to be done in groups"</p>

<p>Secondly- we were active and involved in all their school , church and volunteer activities, so we KNEW all their friends.</p>

<p>Third - whenever a boy wanted to take one of my 3 daughters to a dance, etc. I smiled at him and told him he had exceptionally good taste in girls! This usually stunned them for a moment. </p>

<p>Now that I have 3 married children, 2 girls, 1 son....when the serious times in college began and they brought their serious dates home, I always greeted the intended with the same greeting about what good taste they have in boyfriends/girlfriends. </p>

<p>I meant it sincerely and you know what, except for one summer with one older daughter who did some things I wish she didn't -( and she told me about them because she told me she would never lie to me and I always prefer the truth to make believe anyway) these datings/marriages have been amazingly successful.</p>

<p>NOW, for the caveat.
MY OWN FATHER had his version of the dating application. Poor man died of a sudden heart attack (in front of me, no less) when I was 15. Never did get to the real 'application' stage. But believe me, I certainly WOULD have had one.</p>

<p>I'd like to think my dad would have loved the man who asked me to marry him!!! After all, he had good taste! :-)</p>

74

<p>LOL! Zaphod, I have already switched the names, printed the application and the rules, and will put them into effect with our daughter- immediately!!! I am serious! (and I know just who I am going to start with!!!! ;) )</p>

75

<p>Oh, DUDE! Keep us posted! :D</p>

<p>I travel if you need help! :D</p>

76

<p>I personally like rule #5 thats hilarious. So Z, how olds your daughter? And is there a downloadable application and a number I can fax it to?</p>

77

<p>Just got a call from my older daughter (the Marine). Her boyfriend just got back from Iraq a few weeks ago and is taking a job with one of the contractors who will probably be sending him back to the Gulf.</p>

<p>Now get this: he is coming to Virginia Beach this weekend for a job interview, but he doesn't want to come to my house because he is afraid! Having already met dad and little sis (future mid) I guess he decided ol' mom was more than he could face.</p>

<p>Keep 'em nervous, that's my motto!</p>

<p>Also doesn't hurt that hubby is an endurance athlete who is in absurdly great shape. All he has to do is remind these guys how fast he runs; they know they can't escape him.</p>

78

<p>
[quote]
Oh, DUDE! Keep us posted! </p>

<p>I travel if you need help!

[/quote]
</p>

<p>make sure you have your shovel handy!</p>

79

<p>
[quote]
I personally like rule #5 thats hilarious. So Z, how olds your daughter? And is there a downloadable application and a number I can fax it to?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>My oldest just turned 6, so you are taking your life into your own hands just by joking about it.</p>

<p>I know places in the Yard I could stash your carcass and no one would know until long after I had ceased collecting Social Security. :D</p>

80

<p>
[quote]
make sure you have your shovel handy!

[/quote]
</p>

<p>OK! You handle the weapons.</p>

<p>I prefer .40 S&W. ;)</p>