My kid who is usually to busy to call, called me three times today to talk! Made my day.
@GoatMama funny enough I didn’t see either of the kids today. I spent the day with my older daughter home from college and went to brunch with my younger daughter’s (@BS) best friends mom.
Although both kids stayed at home Friday night. Our son brought home 3 friends for a quick getaway and our younger daughter came home to spend time with her sister home from college for a few weeks. Still missed my oldest who isn’t coming home this summer from college out west. (Although he sent me flowers unexpectedly!)
Here is a “Dear Abby” for those of you with experience of NYC. Is it totally crazy to consider relocating to the area when you’re 50 with teenage children? I’m being recruited for a position there, and I’m the only one in the family who thinks this is totally nuts. Even with a decent income, what about schooling? housing? We don’t have assets to afford any missteps, and the thought of moving is downright scary. Your collective wisdom is greatly appreciated! –
@GoatMama As someone who drove through the tristate area on Friday and Sunday night in horrible, horrible traffic, you’ve asked me at the wrong time. I think it’s a real rat race and was chatting while sitting in traffic about how happy we all were that we didn’t live that life. I travelled to NYC for work many times and most of my business contacts lived in the city or in the surrounding communities and commuted in. It is not a lifestyle I would personally want for a plethora of reasons.
Thanks, @doschicos. My thoughts exactly. I haven’t had more than 15-min commute in years. I would be really hard to go back to that.
OTOH, if your job is in NYC and you can afford to live in NYC, then your commute is however long it takes to walk to work (or bike, or subway or taxi or uber).
@GoatMama I say don’t do it unless you love NYC. Where would you live? In the city or suburbs? Both are very expensive. I would find it sooo hard to give up a 15 min commute. I don’t think you will be ahead financially unless you are adding a huge amount for salary. Plus it’s a lot of stress at 50+…the trains, subways, walking all over, etc.
There is no way on earth we can afford to live in Manhattan, where my job would be. I won’t know the exact salary offer for another 2-3 weeks (traveling there for a job talk soon), but based on cost-of-living calculators I need twice my current salary to afford the SAME standard of living. My DH and kids seem hung on the prestige of the prospective institution, but my gut feeling is that I shouldn’t even consider the offer unless it’s 2.25 times my current salary at a minimum.
I agree with 2x the salary, @GoatMama
Hmmm…I think it’s worth keeping in consideration until you hear about the $. If the salary is 2.25x+ then the question is how much do you like the prospective job? Will you find it interesting and rewarding? Will you get to work with the sorts of folks with whom you most enjoy working? It’s kind of exciting to contemplate a big change like this, isn’t it?
@GoatMama I think it depends on whether your family is ready for a major life style change. To avoid the soul crushingly long commute, you probably need to live within the city limit even if it’s not Manhattan instead of the suburbs, which likely means major downsizing possibly to a townhouse or even row house/condo. Goodbye, the lush green right at the back yard! On the other hand, will your family cherish and enjoy the rich cultural life such as museums, galleries, concerts, broadway etc. etc. only NYC can provide on a regular basis? And will your kids have a good chance to go to school and work in the area or close by eventually?
It’s probably unrealistic to expect a salary 2-2.5 times of your current (unless it’s a huge step up or you are under paid for now), as while the cost of living differences are real, the pay differences are usually not proportional. The major difference in living costs would probably be in housing and local taxation. There’s nothing you could do about the latter. And there’s downsizing you could do about the former (do be prepared to pay more though!). In terms of advancement financially, the only bright spot I see is the potential for your real estate appreciation - but in the long run, that could be huge compared with most other areas in the country. So be sure you get the best relo package you could get. They should cover all the costs of selling your house, buying the new, moving, temporary living plus a lump sum to cover misc costs and - don’t forget the mortgage subsidies due to area differences (cost for a point or two plus the money paid on your behalf towards your mortgage over a period of time). Good luck!
I’d say more like 3 times, honestly. What’s the point in being in NYC unless you can afford to do a lot of the things it has to offer? Better off going to visit for 3-4 days when you want that, IMO, unless you really relish that kind of lifestyle.
If you want a change, IMO, make a change but look elsewhere. But I’m all for tranquility these days. If anything, I’m more inclined to move further away from the masses and just take doses of city life when I wish through travel, which is more affordable when not paying the costs of life in places like NYC. 
Does your state require work permits for minors? We do, and it clearly says on the state dept of labor website that the permit must be issued by the school district in which the private school student is seeking employment, and can only be denied if the school thinks their (the student’s) academic performance is not up to their (the local school’s) standards. I’ve just been told by BOTH local high schools (the public one and the private one) that they won’t issue it because he doesn’t go there. The child MUST work this summer. Grrrrrr. More e-mails with links to the state and copies of FAQs from the dept of labor…we shall see what happens. I despise being told I’m wrong when I know I’m right.
@gusmom2000 Have you tried contacting folks at (or better yet going in person) to the school district office itself as opposed to the high school? I’d go talk to some administrator and if that doesn’t work, contact your town or school board officials. You pay taxes in your community even though your child doesn’t go there. They should be responsive and helpful to you as a tax payer. You employ them, right?
@GoatMama: How long do you plan to work? What are your retirement plans? Will this move be consistent with where you want to end up financially and geographically?
I’ve never been a fan of NYC, but I’m with @doschicos at this stage of my life. I’ll enjoy what cities have to offer in small doses when I chose. I know people who thrive on the opposite, though, so you just have to consider all angles and decide what will work best for you and your family. But @AppleNotFar is right, it IS fun to consider. Good luck and keep us posted.
Many valid considerations to mull over. Thank you all!
@panpacific I’m somewhat but not severely underpaid. However, I am long overdue for moving up on the tenure track (which amounts to the same). If I stay put, I should get about 25% increase sometime this year. A NYC offer doubling my current salary is possible, 2.25 is probably not realistic, tripling is out of the question. Of course, DH’s salary would have to follow similar trajectory, which is highly doubtful (that’s an item on my list of questions to explore).
I have a fairly good understanding where my family’s enthusiasm is coming from. DH, a culture rat, is salivating. GK1 has become an Ivy snob (thanks, SPS). GK2 has a chronic condition that’s exacerbated by the local climate. In contrast, I believe that proximity to culture doesn’t guarantee access to it, an Ivy job doesn’t guarantee an Ivy admission, and NYC climate is as horrid as any. I also think I’m getting old, calcified, and resistant to change.
@ChoatieMom till death set us apart - me and my job… I believe the move will be financially detrimental, although it will get us closer to current BS, and most likely to future colleges. My kids just don’t want to stay in the South, can you believe that??
Now, I could use the NYC job offer to get a good salary increase here, then move us north but not to NYC. Now that’s a fun fantasy!
@GoatMama As far as Ivy locales, I’d rank the Providence, Hanover, Philly, and Princeton areas WAY above NYC ain terms of quality of life having close familiarity with all. Maybe there are other options to explore out there.
@GoatMama When negotiating salaries, women typically don’t ask for as much as men. They feel uncomfortable negotiating, which is one of the reasons women are chronically underpaid. If you aren’t in love with the job/location, you are in the best position to negotiate. How much would it take for you to match your current lifestyle while living in NYC? Figure that out and ask for more than that number. You may be pleasantly surprised.
I agree with @HMom16 - find out (if you can) what current NYC residents are getting paid for a comparable job. Don’t act like you can “compromise” with a crappy commute just yet. Anyway, I’m a big cheerleader for NYC, because I think it’s a great place for older people if you can afford it. No landscaping/home repairs to worry about, little to no driving, a million cultural opportunities, a high likelihood that your kids will end up there at some point, and many health care options. Plus, as a single parent, I really appreciate the fact that I’m not isolated. All I have to do is walk 3 blocks and it feels “social”. Anyway, feel free to PM me if you have more questions, but be aggressive with the salary negotiations.