Those people should fear YOU!
I’m a middle child, @ChoatieMom. According to Psychology Today… too much empathy can cause stress. 
Ok… sorry to change the subject but…We are reading the handbooks as a family and we found the part that has to do with drug screening. So, this opened up a discussion…we searched old threads on CC and found a good discussion from 2011 that had some good advice from some CC parents… are there random drug tests? How are you parents discussing the topic?
@Golfgr8: I don’t know if any of the schools my kids attended had random drug tests. But here’s my discussion guide, as least as practiced with my kids: “Just say no. If you get caught, it will screw up your college admissions potential…and that’s not worth it.”
Might sound a little Nancy Reagan of me, but it seems to have worked (though 7D2 has 2 more months left in her HS experience to prove me wrong!). Actually for my younger girl, I think being an athletic prospect and eventual Div1 recruit has helped her keep on the (relatively) straight and narrow.
For parents of athletes, I highly recommend the book I’m into now, “What made Maddy Run” about the U Penn track star that committed suicide a few years ago.
In other news, the Obama portraits are amazing in person…the one of Michelle much better than in photos, which flatten out some of the contrast/subtlety, especially in her face.
DS’s school has random drug testing in the handbook. They are told anyone can be tested at anytime. He says he knows of no one that’s been tested. But he also said if you don’t do drugs, who cares? Lol.
Bingo.
West Point does random drug testing on all four classes all four years, often yanking cadets out of bed at 3AM to do them. ChoatieSgt loves sleep more than he loves us, so this is the number one thing he hates about his school.
Well, our public school recently did that (drug test) to some kids caught vaping. They were concerned it could be maryjane in the vapers, apparently. One kid “outsmarted” them by fainting, as apparently they can’t test them if unconscious (no consent).
I wouldn’t worry about it if you trust your child and your child does not get influenced too easily; and/or if child is unlikely to hang out with kids that do these things.
Part of the reason for the policy is zero tolerance, so that is removed from the schools ASAP.
“if you don’t do drugs, who cares?”
“I wouldn’t worry about it if you trust your child and your child does not get influenced too easily; and/or if child is unlikely to hang out with kids that do these things.”
Good in theory, not so good in practice. If you look at student surveys like the one Andover puts out periodically, you’ll see that MANY kids - sometimes a majority - will drink, smoke weed, dabble in whatever during their 4 years. These are “good”, smart kids too. As far as hanging out with them, I promise you they will be in every dorm your student lives in. You can’t necessarily predict at 13/14 what you child might decide to do at 16,17,18. So understand the policies of the school you choose and make sure your personal philosophy on the matter meshes with school policy. For example, I would not have sent my kids to a boarding school with a “one strike you’re out” policy. I did send my kids to a school that believed in second chances for most offenses ( not all). Remembering what high school was like way back when - both public and boarding - and knowing what I know about teenagers, risk taking, and brain development/decision making at those ages, I considered it just being pragmatic. As far as parenting and spelling out the risks and expectations, of course as parents we all do that. Sometimes it takes, sometimes it doesn’t. My kids were raised with the same parenting and values, yet they are very different people. Same with my siblings and me.
Keep a running dialogue on the use of alcohol and drugs with your kids. My daughter was very opposed to alcohol and drug use and got through boarding school fine, but in her freshman year at LAC, much to our surprise got into drinking game and doing shots. Kept telling us not to worry, that she could hold her liquor, not what a parent wants to hear. We kept talking to her about it, and luckily her BF also was against her drinking. She still drinks alcohol, but has sworn off popular drinking games. And doesn’t smoke at all. Both my students in college now say weed is the drug of choice in all college dorms at their large and small colleges.
“Well, our public school recently did that (drug test) to some kids caught vaping. They were concerned it could be maryjane in the vapers, apparently.”
DS’s BS will drug test if you are caught vaping (and possibly if you are caught with vape devices but not in the act of vaping.)
I 1000% appreciate what @doschicos says in post #2888. I think every kid/family dynamic is going to be different. I’m mid-way through the Madison Holleran book and that is certainly true in her family’s case.
As my kids have gotten older, I’ve been more forthcoming about my own experimentation as a teen…so it’s not like I make out to them that I was some angel in HS — or college. That said, both my kids were offered college scholarships, so I’d say they have a little more riding on a clean HS transcript than their old man ever did.
Ok…ramblin Again…today was DDay (departure day) and I hate it. It sucks. That’s all.
It’s drop off day for 7D2 as well…heading home today after a long weekend with the fam (only weekend the kids’ Spring Breaks overlap).
Enjoy it now because all good things quickly come to an end. Choatie #1 (now college senior) is in Phuket with friends on Spring Break. Choatie#2 went to Edmonton, Alberta, Canada on her Spring Break last week to visit BS friend. They don’t come home anymore, except I think to live between college and job that can afford apartment. 
Having RuralGirl home for Spring Break has made us both realize there are a few people we wouldn’t mind having their lips taped shut to keep them from speaking…luckily we’ve both held back…or neither of us had tape in our purse…
I just realized this weekend is Easter. DS can’t come home (obviously) so I just had an Easter basket shipped to his dorm parent, who’s agreed to set it outside his dorm door early Sunday morning. Amazon prime is the best!!! :x not to mention his awesome dorm parents!!!
@RuralAmerica Re-entry is not all that fun. Give it a few days. It is usually great the very day before they go back.
I sent my two students Easter baskets also. For the first year, I forwent the basket itself and used a priority box and used that as the basket and put the artificial hay on top (upside down basket). Found a cute Snoopy Easter Beagle that lights up in pastel colors that switch and of course lots of candy, pastel hair elastics and a packet of socks. They always need sox, and a card with a little cash.
My senior in college who is graduating in almost a month doesn’t want any more care packages, but she always says the best care package was the Fall donuts and powder cider that I fit into an envelope her sophomore year at Choate. Sophomore in college will get a box with a cake next month for her birthday. However, when she was at Choate, she loved the cake that you can order from Hill House Dining and get sent over to the dorm for the evening gather.
When my kids were at JBS ( before they became total health freaks ) , I used to send them Easter candy… it was so much fun to assemble the baskets and ship them off…but that all ended when I had to replace a common room microwave because one of them decided to nuke some Peeps…
I miss that age… never a dull moment.