I’ve been at my big city school (60,000 students) for two months now and I’m extremely unhappy. I’ve yet to have a day where I am very happy or like where I am. I feel like one of one billion students in classes of 400 and have yet to make a single friend. Everyone I previously knew here has branched off into groups that I just don’t fit in. I’m very quiet and shy but have still tried to make friends and talk to people. I eat every meal alone, spend 90% of my time alone, and go days without talking to anyone. I am involved in student clubs and organizations but still feel like I don’t belong here. I feel like I made the wrong choice coming to this school even though it’s family tradition. I’m three hours from home and this place feels more like a prison than a second home. I really feel like I should comsider transferring to a smaller more intimate school closer to home. I’m gravely unhappy where I am. Any advice is welcome.
See if you can transfer to a small school. you may want to KEEP YOUR GRADES UP and transfer to a school like Mt. Holyoke, where each student is well-cared for. You’re not a number and not just in a sea of faces in a small LAC. In the midwest, in case you’re there, maybe look at Grinnell or Carlton, St. Olafs or others. In the South, Agnes Scott, Hendrix, Rhodes, Centre etc In the West: Lewis and Clark, Mills, Scripps, Occidental, etc.
Best of luck.
It is hard, but keep trying. Set a couple goals for your self each day, such as: say hello to 5 people in your dorm. Be brave and sit with one person sitting alone at lunch. Ask the person sitting at a neighboring desk what they thought of last nights homework, what they think of the class. Join a club. Last, smile at everyone you meet and pass during the day. No one wants to be friends with someone who appears grumpy. Good luck!
Consider getting a part-time job or volunteer position where you are interacting with people. Think about your choice of activities and clubs – some involve more interaction with people than others. If you are “going days without talking to anyone,” then the clubs you have chosen are not the kind that provide regular interaction that can lead to friendships fairly quickly. See if you can find some clubs, sports or other activities that have you around the same small group of people very regularly, and require talking to each other as part of the usual participation. Try striking up conversations with people you encounter in your daily life, even if they are not people you think you would become friends with – it will help you feel less lonely to simply have some conversations as your day goes on. Carry on conversations online or in texts with your old friends and family members, so you can share your day with other people in at least some small way. Attend events and look for other lonely-looking people who might appreciate you talking to them. At a university of that size, there are likely thousands or certainly hundreds of other students like you who are eager to make new friends, and not knowing quite how to do it. Give the process some time. Accept that shy people can take longer to make friends, but eventually it will happen. Try to stay positive and confident. Don’t isolate yourself home alone, but rather find excuses to go be around other people. Study at a coffee shop or library instead of in your room, for example.
maybe talk to a therapist, join some clubs
@girlygirldancer, you are not alone. It is normal. My daughter and son went through the same thing. She cried and called us often. What worked for daughter was volunteering in a clinic. She met like-minded people and met her best college friend there.
Son met a bunch of guys in his dorm because he noticed a bunch of guys who walked together to get local grub. Their school didn’t serve “meals” on the weekend, so everyone had to go off campus. He made friends with people who had like-minded food preferences.
You are a dancer? Can you volunteer to teach local kiddos? Start a uni club that teaches dance.
It will get better. Can you do intramural dance groups?
See, you need to know that friendships in college are different now than when your parents attended.
Back then, we “HAD” to talk to dorm mates because we didn’t have cell phones and computers. We had to write home to ask for money. We had to ask for help from roomies and people across the hall. Believe it or not, it was easier to make friends back then because there were no real distractions other than school work and parties.
Don’t give up yet. You’ve invested a lot of time, from the minute you started high school to applications to admissions, you’ve spent a lot of time getting there. Give it a chance.
Please read the link above. Volunteer. Join a study group. Go to prof office hours and ask if there are any opportunities to work with other students in a smaller group setting. There is no set time limit on making frriends and groups will shift and change all the time. Be proactive and make yourself do things so that you keep busy. You can do this.
Did YOU choose this college, or did your family pressure you into continuing the tradition of attending this college?
If you chose this place, remember why you chose it. What key points made it stand out over others? If your family made you choose this school, or said they would only pay for you to attend this one school, then you have more problems than just not liking this huge school.
Please make an appointment with a school counselor. It is free, and your issues are very common and they will have more practical advice geared to your school’s clubs and activities.
I forgot to include that I’m mildly depressed/have an eating disorder
Does your family know you have depression and eating disorder? Please communicate with family and ask for their support. Get in to see a counselor right away. If they give you an appointment three weeks from now, please let them know how desperate you are. There ARE emergency appointment times set aside for those that must get to the front of the line.