<p>Julliet - fortunately, I have no intention of “making” my DD accept attendance at any school(s)</p>
<p>Everyone - thanks for posting your summer activities. Keep them coming.</p>
<p>MommaJ - I strongly disagree. My D’s research opp last summer was indeed life changing. It contributed to her acceptance into 6 of the top colleges in the US, and she exploited the work to gain additional scholarship $ and advancement to the state science fair competition upcoming next month. In fact, when her high school counselor heard about her selection for that opp they said “well this changes everything”. </p>
<p>opori - my D was involved in a club sport ~20 hours per week on average. So her involvement with school sponsored activities were very limited. Last year, several seniors skipped prom to attend regional competition for her sport. And one person skipped graduation to attend nationals. At the time, I was amazed that anyone would actually make a choice like this - especially for a sport.</p>
<p>But at the end of the day - it is a personal decision. One that all of you have convinced me belongs to my DD. I am really at peace with this now - and will let everyone know how it all turns out in a couple weeks. So check back in for updates to this thread.</p>
<p>^Glad to hear you’re leaving the decision to your daughter. As a mom whose daughter graduated from college two years ago, I can tell you that one of the great joys in life is a positive, adult relationship with your daughter. It sounds as if you’re not about to mess that up.
:-)</p>
<p>I haven’t fully read through this thread, but a quick story about my S. The situation didn’t come to light, but we made plans as though it would.</p>
<p>My S was valedictorian and would have missed prom (didn’t care), graduation, and senior trip (didn’t care). </p>
<p>His plan … skype! It might be a way to compromise and still “participate” in the activities.</p>
<p>Well shoot, if she can fly home for graduation weekend, who cares about the rest? Especially missing classes. At this point, I doubt they’re even learning that much in senior spring. Honestly, I don’t understand the entire hoopla with graduating seniors, so many events, parties, blah, blah. I just couldn’t wait to get out of there and never look back! I guess it depends on the kid, though.</p>
<p>" senior luncheon, prom, graduation and a post-graduation trip that she had planned with her friends.’
-once in life memories like these…do not miss for ANYTHING. The good student will do very well absolutely everywhere. Many many very top kids with #1 rankings in the graduating class from private prep. HSs do not even apply to the top colleges at all. They simply rely on the fact that their work ethic and study skills will be enough for a great success anywhere and great results after graduating from college.<br>
Ultimately I would let my own D. to decide. However, my own D. would have not chosen to miss her end of HS activities, she would have never even applied to the program that would prevent her from participating in " senior luncheon, prom, graduation and a post-graduation trip that she had planned with her friends.’’ But kids are different, that is why I advice for your D. to decide. For reference, my D. is much older and currently is a Medical student. All along her academic journey, she stressed importance of personal growth along with any academic achivements. This type of comments were/are coming from somebody who has never had any grade below an “A”, starting from kindergarden all the way thru graduating from college.</p>
<p>I missed my high school prom to represent my country at a competition. And I have absolutely no regrets.</p>
<p>I also missed coming back to my high school as valedictorian because I was already at college. Once again, absolutely no regrets.</p>
<p>People put too much value on things like high school proms - for some of us, they really don’t mean much, especially when contrasted with other opportunities.</p>
<p>For some, they don’t mean much. For others, they do. And I think it’s difficult for each group to understand the other’s feelings.</p>
<p>Those of us who chose to be married in five-minute civil ceremonies tend not to understand the motivations of those who wanted large, formal weddings, either. And vice versa.</p>
<p>For some people, these events DO mean something, and it’s disrespectful to minimize that. These are also events that can never be repeated - you can’t decide 5 years from now that you want to walk at your high school graduation, or attend a prom. These are also events that are often meaningful to other family members (especially graduation). For many people, they provide a sense of completion and appropriate closure to a pivotal time in a young person’s life.</p>
<p>Life isn’t ALWAYS about rushing forward. Taking time to reflect, to look back, to evaluate and to enjoy, is important. </p>
<p>If the OP’s daughter really wants to do this program, then she should do it (as a reminder to those who didn’t read the whole thread - she did NOT know the dates when she applied for this program). But if these high school events are important to her, she should not feel guilty about attending them instead. </p>
<p>This is one of those situations with two good choices and no “right” or “wrong” answers, except for the individual in the situation.</p>
<p>The thing I keep coming back to is that I wasn’t even INVITED to my senior prom. So, had I had an invitation to be elsewhere, I’d have snapped it up in a heartbeat. My older D DID go to hers-the only dance her HS put on that she attended in 4 years there. But by the time the prom came, she and her BF had broken up, but both attended because they’d spent all kinds of money for this special day mythology has as one of the “best moments of your life”. They had a miserable time. </p>
<p>And my younger D’s school has no prom and no senior lunch. Most of the kids are low-income so there won’t be any trip with friends. There ARE graduation traditions, but who knows what she’ll be doing then? She’s been in a hurry starting with her birth so I can totally see her rushing off somewhere on grad week.</p>
<p>I’m not saying this girl should skip all the hoopla, but it’s not either/or-The Most Important Time Ever So Far, or, “eh”. It’s probably somewhere in between for most kids. And the kid in question really is the only one who can decide.</p>
<p>It sounds like missing graduation isn’t actually on the table, so the decision is really up to whether she even wants to attend that college, but it sounds like with upcoming revisits, that should be decided soon.</p>
<p>When she goes, make sure she tries and critically judges the food!! 7 weeks of crummy food doing research in the scorching heat of summer would be awful. </p>
<p>(But really. I actually turned down one school because I didn’t like the food. It’s a big deal when you have to eat it every day for 4 years!!)</p>
<p>On the plus side… at least she has two good options. Or actually three, if there’s another college she’s considering. If she gets too stressed, remind her that she has first world problems, and only good things to choose from! </p>
<p>It’s hard to close a door on something you want, but once her decision is made if she can keep her eye on the good thing she has chosen and try to forget about the other good things she’s passed up, she’ll be happier.</p>
<p>If your daughter is attending a “top 6” University or even a “top 6” program in her field, like many parents here who’s children are already knee deep in the trenches of these intense programs, one thing that has to be discussed is burn out. Universities and schools have traditionally had “summer breaks” for kids to embrace cultural activities and to relax the mind in preparation for additional school work that will come ahead.</p>
<p>I for one am in the camp that kids do not have to go to “balls to wall” to be the best and brightest in their fields, their class, or their respective Universities. There is something to be said of the life experience that is gained from a solo trip to Europe, Asia or just staying local and serving the underprivileged in your own community.</p>
<p>High School can be an intense experience when you are prepping to attend an elite University. Stepping right into your chosen University’s major research program no matter how “chill” it is reported to be, has a level of stress that is involved. Type “A” children will want to excel in these programs and the stress will be there no matter how anyone tries to sell it otherwise.</p>
<p>For our daughter, going into a top program, she spent her summer between High School Graduation and college doing what I think provided for her a relaxing entry into college. She traveled with her family and extended family, she traveled with her friends, some stateside, some not. She spent time with me, her mom, as we planned her dorm room, gathered her things for her new college experience and attended her University’s orientation and program’s orientation. She spent adventure weekends with her Dad scuba diving, sky diving and hiking some of the most beautiful parts of this country. She left our home confident, relaxed, and ready for the new phase in her life. Her program has been intense, difficult and time intensive. She has excelled and is doing really well but she needs her breaks to recharge her batteries and to keep balance and perspective in her life. </p>
<p>Don’t we all? Don’t we look forward to vacation and look forward to being with our families? Since when did it become okay to check that at the door in order to be one rung higher on the rat race ladder. IMHO, being at the top can be achieved without sacrificing the balance that so many of us in our adult strive for. Teach the balance early, stress its importance early and help create a successful, well balanced, adult child.</p>
<p>Lafaklum - D was accepted to 6 of the 8 schools that she applied and has narrowed it down to top 2. But she really does have 3 choices because she could choose to attend the college in question - but decline the research scholarship. Both decisions are due on May 1 and are independent of each other.</p>
<p>Collegeshopping - D wants to either work, volunteer or accept the research opportunity. Yes, we will likely plan a nice summer get-away in August to someplace exotic. But she is happiest when she is fully engaged. It’s just her personality.</p>
<p>My son missed high school activites, senior week, etc. to attend a mandatory Summer Bridge scholarship program in order to attend his college. Was he upset…YES! Did he miss being with his friends…YES! Does he ever talk about it since then (this was last summer)…NO!!! The program was great. He got to meet his peers, know his way around the college and earn 7 credits and had a great experience. He started his freshman year READY TO ROCK!!! Hard work, sacrifice…that’s what it takes some times. BTW: He doesn’t have a summer this year either…he has a paid summer research internship…and he is just fine with it. Part of growing up!</p>
<p>Congratulations proudmom! You have every reason to be proud!</p>
<p>This is obviously not the choice for every family or every kid. But it sounds like we are on the same page.</p>
<p>That being said - it is my D’s decision. I feel like I am starting to sound like a broken record here. I get it. If she wants it - she will do it. Period.</p>
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