Mom's Help?

College Majors Musical Theater Major
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<p>My D is a little different than some when it comes to performing for family. For every one of her college auditions she insisted that I help her warmup. I'm a pianist, so D had the luxury of having an accompanist available for vocal exercises and audition song run-throughs. However, my playing piano for her while she sings is different in her mind than performing for me. My job as accompanist is strictly to play whatever song or section of a song that she requests. She'd always stand behind me so I couldn't see her. I learned years ago not to try to function as either a voice teacher or vocal coach when we work together. She dictates to me what we will do and my job is to keep my mouth closed! My husband was never invited into a practice room for warmups before auditions. That would have constituted performing for him and was verboten. </p>

<p>D never did any sort of acting warmup in my presence. The only time either my husband or I saw her perform her monolgues was at a competition that was open to the public. D told us years ago that she did not like to perform her material for us because she feared our criticism. I suppose she felt that no matter our reaction - good, bad, or indifferent - it would make her more nervous.</p>

<p>Early in college audition season D told us that we were not allowed to speak to her on audition days except to ask such things as, "Do you want to eat at this restaurant or that one?" We were forbidden to speak of anything that might relate to the audition. (I usually bent that rule a bit. I couldn't help but ask things like, "Do you have your binder of music?" It was good that I did ask those questions a time or two :) ) Our D praised us at one of her auditions in January for learning how to behave! She was pleased that we had finally learned how not to add to her nervousness.</p>

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<p>Well, my oldest d, (MT) will perform anything for anyone!! She loves to be in the spotligt! She has always been that way. Her personality is somewhat quiet, definately not loud-but confident. When she started performing, people were amazed by her comfort on stage...especially ME!! However, when we were traveling for auditions, we did the same thing. We would leave and give her some alone time to prepare. My youngest d plays the flute...and does it beautifully. But, for us to hear her, we have to huddle in the hall outside her room while she practices behind closed doors!! She will not play for anyone!! She will audition for anything that she can audition for, and does well!! I am glad to hear that she seems to be the norm!<br>
I also wanted to say that while it was a stressful, crazy time, we also cherished the time we got to spend with our oldest. Since we have a younger d, most of the time it was one on one with my oldest. My husband travels quite a bit, so the time that they got to spend together was a long time coming! I enjoy every minute I get to spend with her...time is going much too quickly...18 years, where did they go?!! I am hanging on to every minute! It is so rewarding to see the beautiful (inside and out!) young woman that she has turned into-I would never hold her back-but she will be so very missed...August can certainly take it's time getting here!!</p>

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<p>Huddled in the hall closet.....trickle of blood, not only are these threads wildly informative, they are also entertaining!</p>

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<p>While preparing for auditions, rehearsals and productions my S has gone into the garage to practice. (He also likes the bathroom/shower.) Recently a neighbor called me and asked if someone was singing in our garage. She stopped to listen while walking the dog. I don't think my S ever thought that the neighbors could hear. He hasn't been back to the garage since! :)</p>

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<p>I'm lucky, I guess, regarding her singing in front of us. She's been singing publicly since 12 and I think that helps. When they start that young, mom has to help with song selection and all the rest. Although, she certainly did have vocal training then, as well. We traveled to so many performances as a family and she had to warm up and practice in the car on the way there, so I think that got her comfortable singing in a small space in front of us. She does like to work on her own until she's comfortable with the piece. Then, she likes to show it to us to see what we think. I do try to be very careful with any suggestions. But, we work together well. I think one reason is that her voice teacher is an hour away from us and we formed such a sweet friendship during all those drives. Lots of crazy things........changing and getting ready for a dance in the car, eating, studying and doing homework. When it's over 3 hours to go and return from a lesson, you have to use that time wisely!! We have an office on the front of the house where all her songs are on the computer and she closes the french doors to that and practices. However, I have been known to sit on the stairs in the foyer and quietly listen, no blood though. Might have been if she had caught me. However, when we're in a small space like a hotel room, I just let her work and try to occupy myself by packing, preparing and such so that she doesn't feel I'm focused on her. At one point, though, she does want to do one final run through for me just to see how it all looks and sounds. I'm very thankful that she's willing to share that with us. It's been a wild ride and we've loved every minute of it. So many fun experiences, and funny experiences. At one show, she's standing onstage after rehearsing with the band that afternoon. She overhears one musician say, "I forgot how this goes," and another says, "me, too." Then off they go. I thought she would stop them because I knew they were playing a completely different song. But, bless her heart, she just sang her song and by the chorus, they had picked it up and were playing along with her. And she was only about 13 so she gained a lot of poise dealing with situations like that over the years. We've laughed about that many times.</p>

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<p>Haha CA Griffin-
My daughter seems to think that sound does not carry outside our house. She was amazed to discover all the neighbors knew she was a singer. Winter it is pretty muffles but in the summer with windows open EVERYONE hears. But since she can't see them, I don't think she really cares.</p>

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<p>We live in what we refer to as a "rowhouse" but many other people in other areas of the country call a "townhouse." Thus, our neighbors can hear our D singing and playing the piano, as well as many other things (such as conversations, etc.) that go on in our house. But we can hear them, too. :)</p>

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<p>razorback1
I can relate - unbeknownst to her our d has given me many private little concerts. I've been an audience of 1 in our stairwell on many occasions!</p>

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<p>Me again...one week later and needing your collective wisdom! My D got a letter that she qualifies academically for NHS. She isn't sure she wants to pursue this because if she gets in there is a large community service component required next year. She sees current srs scrambling each month to get theirs in. She is reluctant because of the time that has to go into auditions and their prep. I of course see this as a huge honor that the "ivies" she's interested in would want to see on her list of "honors". So of course this lead to a heated discussion, ending with "If you push me to do this, I might end up disliking you!" Are you kidding me? Teenage drama queens! So my question is how important is this to this top schools? She will have the necessary grades and probably good test scores. I have no doubt in her talent either. But there are lots of kids that have these qualifications. Is this one of those issues that I should "gently nudge" her towards?</p>

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<p>NHS, while certainly a nice accomplishment, is NOT a factor in selective college admissions. Too many kids have it and it is not an unusual achievement. Hopefully there are other achievements on the application worth noting. Also, eligibility for NHS varies widely from school to school.</p>

<p>That said, I'm not sure I agree with your D's reasons (though she is a teen and is never gonna agree with a mom!). The activity she MIGHT do for NHS, might be one that is tied to theater and might reflect well upon her for her involvement or giving back related to her interests in her main extracurricular endeavor. I would NEVER push a kid to do something unless she truly wanted to do it. Her heart should be in it and she shouldn't do it to "look good for admissions". It is not about racking up "points" on the resume. It is about genuine passion and dedication to an interest. Speaking of my own kids, they did not ever embark in an extracurricular activity to look good to get into college. They did activities they truly wanted to do. Nobody asked them to do them. In retrospect after the fact, I do think that long term commitments to an activity area of interest, as well as leadership roles and achievements in those endeavors, ARE important in the college admissions process at selective schools and thus the things they were involved in, ultimately DID look good on an application but that was not the motivation. </p>

<p>So, I would not force your daughter to do anything unless her motivation and interest were there. You could point out to her that having NHS on the app is no biggy. However, she might think of a service activity that she would like to do that is connected to theater. How might she get involved other than being a performer herself and continuing her own training? </p>

<p>Could she teach dance or voice classes for children? Could she get a group together to put on a musical revue for nursing homes or hospitals for kids? Could she do some sort of arts thing in the community that is a benefit for some cause? The activity ITSELF that she might do, might add to her achievements or reflect well on her involvement.</p>

<p>I know senior year is busy with applications and auditions. I also know that while my own kid was busy with that, she was doing LOTS of other stuff that same year....examples: an adult theater production 50 miles from home, school musical, many dance classes, dance repertory troupe rehearsals, jazz band, voice lesson, acting coaching, creating/producing/directing/choregraphing/performing in a student run cabaret (musical revue) that was a benefit for charity, entering NFAA, regional and state music festivals, auditioning for state scholarships in jazz vocals, piano lessons and working toward a diploma in piano, guitar lessons, choreographing for a tap dance troupe, giving private voice lessons to children, and of course a rigorous curriculum. Was it hard fitting in applications and audition prep and audition trips? I won't deny it....it was a VERY full life. She also was in NHS and her cabaret was a benefit to raise money for American Cancer Society and tsunami relief. </p>

<p>So, while NHS itself is not considered a big deal on an application, particularly at more selective colleges where every applicant will have that (it may be more worthy of an award on an application to a less selective school, however), it is her reasons that I would discuss, let alone the opportunity to show leadership or get involved in an arts related project that might be a way to give back to her community. But in the end, if her schedule is simply TOO full, then I would let this go. She does not HAVE to do this. And if she doesn't want to, it does NOT make sense to do so. NHS itself is not that big of a deal and is not needed for college admissions purposes.</p>

<p>Susan</p>

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<p>MTHeaded
My D got the NHS invite this week too and I was very happy, to be honest for two reasons. One, I have fond memories of NHS in the Dinosaur ages and two she had a problem with Trig last year that did bring her overall grade point down, so I didn't know if she would qualify. However; I have not thought about the amount of more committment that this would entail. Even the application is a lot to fit in, for this week, with shows, work, school and finishing up pre-college applications!
You know as a parent it is important to pick your areas of conflict. I know for us lately, I have tried to address the stress level and any possible fears that were gettting in the way instead of the head to head approach.
Harriet</p>

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<p>I think you should have her do the NHS and the service projects related to theatre, as Susan suggested. Not only will you need to list community service activities on numerous college applications, these projects give you many possible essay topics for the dreaded essays on college applications. My son's school requires service hours of every student. He always related it to theatre - volunteer teaching a junior acting academy at a Children's Theatre for 3 summers (with 6 to 9 year olds), set design, lighting design, and set building at several local theatres, even acting time at theatres where you are not paid for the work (community theatres). The teaching of acting to children provided him with material for one of his best essays for college applications. Sometimes these essays are factored into merit scholarship consideration.</p>

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<p>Evasmom and Ericsmom...you will be pleased to know that d went to the NHS meeting this week and has decided to go for it. She realizes it is indeed and honor and looks forward to the community service commitment, especially when she found out that community theater experiences count. She has her head in the right place, at the moment!!! Thanks all for your advice encouraging her!</p>

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<p>MTheaded - I don't understand why they gave them the invitation and then one week to get everything together? Eva has her last weekend of CATS and an AP project due on Monday so I don't know how the NHS essay and application will get done... Even this wasn't as complicated when I was a kid!
Har</p>

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<p>Har...I hear ya. I recall the NHS application needing all that and recommendations! </p>

<p>Here is one for ya....at our school, NHS was just for seniors and you got nominated at the end of junior year. I never quite got why they limited it to seniors because it seems you really can't build things up when they are only in it for one year, but whatever. So, my D's junior year was also called her senior year because she graduated early. She was put in a senior homeroom (called TA) and took some senior classes and was considered in the class of '05. So, at the end of tenth, she was given the NHS nomination and did the whole resume, application, recommendations, essays, etc. I guess the head of it had told her to apply and gave her the application. After all that, she finds out that the committee said she had to wait until she was a senior as only juniors could get in and she was in tenth (though it was a known fact she was entering her final year of high school...it is a small school). So, it was all for nothing. Then, what seems like a really dumb exercise, she was nominated in the fall of her junior/senior year. Had to do a new app, new recs, the whole deal all over again. So, part way into senior year, she gets in but there is no induction ceremony because everyone else (all seniors) got in the previous June. I'm not sure how valuable or how much it made sense to have someone get in midway through senior year when they could be a more effective member by starting at the beginning. So, she does the project, etc. So, in June of senior year, at the induction ceremony for juniors, she had to induct the juniors, present about a junior inductee, etc. But...she herself never went through a formal induction (though she was considered IN the NHS as a member). The only induction she did was to induct others. Kinda weird. NHS is an honor but they don't do very much (here).</p>

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<p>MTHeaded - Did your D find out about NHS today?</p>

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<p>NSH is most definitely an honor. Only the top students have the grades for it. And, even then, it takes teacher recs and community service. It is absolutely an elite organization to be part of. I can't imagine that any college would not recognize and respect these kinds of requirements. The colleges I have looked into are certainly interested in organization memberships that require top grades and school leadership which is the backbone of NHS.</p>

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<p>NHS IS most definitely an honor, I surely agree. For many colleges, this is looked at as favorable on any application as are all academic achievements and honors are. The standards to get into NHS also vary from high school to high school. It is at the MOST selective colleges (talking academic selectivity now), NHS is not as noteworthy on an application though is worth including. At those colleges, almost every applicant will be in the NHS. So, the conversation about NHS on an application varies depending on which schools one is applying to AND if an applicant has other honors/awards/achievements of note and at what level (dept. award, school wide award, regional award, state, national, etc.). Always put achievements on an application. For some colleges, the level of achievements that stand out on an application will differ than for applicants at other colleges.</p>

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<p>How does one get into NHS? can you get in as a sophomore?</p>

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<p>Every school does NHS differently which is another reason this honor is not consistantly viewed the same as certain other awards. At our high school, you can only be in NHS as a senior and are inducted in June of junior year. At other schools, sophs or juniors can get in. Most schools have a GPA cut off to get in (again, this differs at each school). Then at some schools, there are teacher recs required, leadership, community service and extracurricular involvement that gets weighed. Often a teacher committee selects these students. At some schools this is competitive and at others it may just mean all who have X GPA or higher (which in that case can be the same as a college simply viewing your GPA or rank anyway). It is a distinction of merit at one's own high school. The criteria varies from school to school. What the school's chapter of the NHS actually DOES or requires to stay in it, also varies. Things like High Honor Roll or NHS at one's HS are fine achievements. For the most selective colleges, they would expect that all applicants had these distinctions at a minimum. At less selective colleges, these achievements stand out. For more selective colleges, more awards/honors beyond NHS would enhance the application.</p>

<p>PLEASE NOTE: there are national standards as to what NHS is meant to honor. It is for "those students who have demonstrated excellence in the areas of Scholarship, Leadership, Service, and Character." Each school determines criteria for selection into that school's chapter, based on those four areas.</p>

<p>PS...for the GPA, it might be a minimum of 3.5 though I am not positive if that is standard at all schools.</p>