<p>I'm a long time lurker who finally got the nerve to add my little bit of advice to your request. First I'd like to say THANK YOU to all the posters on CC. What an amazing group of people! I still find it hard to believe that there are so many of you willing to share your advice and expertise in order to help these wonderful young artists (and their families) prepare for whatever lies ahead.</p>
<p>MTHeaded - you have a big year coming up! You've already gotten some great advice on this thread - but here's my little addition. For my D and I - this has been an amazing senior year...by choice. For years I've heard people talking about how typical it is for relationships with children to be strained, difficult and even unbearable during their last year(s) at home. Some even tried to tell me that it's normal and part of the process of what has to happen in order for them to better prepare to be on their own. I disagreed. Before her senior year began I planned a lunch date with my D at her favorite restaurant. During the course of the meal I was able to speak honestly with her about what some of my friends were saying about their own experiences with their children and my own fears about our last months in this season of our lives ending badly. It was a long lunch. She in turn talked about her dreams for the future...and that's when I asked her how I could be part of helping to make that dream happen. For me, the most important thing was to get her permission to be the secretary, travel planner, shoulder to cry on... That day I made a promise not to try to be her acting/vocal coach - I would not give advice unless she asked. We even promised that when either one of us crossed the line - we'd say so. And believe me - there were many times this past year when we've had to remind each other of that promise. It has been a lot of work on both our sides and I'm still learning when a reminding "nudge" is turning into a "push." But more than anything this year we've grown to respect one another in a whole new way.</p>
<p>We were at unifieds in Chicago - an amazing 3 days! I can't put into words was a great experience it was. Our D woke up with a smile on her face and I think she was even smiling in her sleep! It was a surprise to hear total strangers giving encouragement to each other in the halls. I didn't expect to meet so many great people. I met a CC mom and admitted to being a lurker - she even pointed out Ericsmom to me. But I have to say that until this moment - I have felt like an outsider on CC. Wish I would have posted sooner! </p>
<p>For me, the highlight this year was during her high school drama trip to New York City last week. It came at a great time when all 9 of her auditions were done! We took a night to ourselves and were walking through Lincoln Center to see "The Light in the Piazza" - she linked arms with me as she matched my stride and thanked me for a great year! No matter what happens when the envelopes start to arrive - we will always have that memory!</p>
<p>Sorry to ramble...MTHeaded - I wish you and your D a senior year filled with many wonderful memories. It IS possible!</p>
<p>Oh my gosh, MinnesotaMTmom...your first post is a beautful one and it brought tears to my eyes! I love how honest and proactive your approach was at your special lunch. I think it is so wise to establish boundaries and then speak up when someone crosses the line. I can see so clearly the two of you walking arm in arm in NYC. When my D was little, I loved her little hand in mine. Now that she is almost 17, I love it when she spontaneously puts her arm through mine when we are just walking in the mall or wherever. If I follow the wisdom here, I know that we can have the kind of year you two have shared! Welcome to the wonderful world of CC posting! Keep talking to us!</p>
<p>I am so glad you have finally joined in...welcome! And that is a lovely post! </p>
<p>It reminded me of one of the things I had meant to put in my last post but had gotten distracted and then forgot. But one is that I agree that the college visits and auditions with our kids are great times....one on one with your child.....long trips in cars, talking etc....looking to the future, actually a really wonderful experience. I'm grateful for doing it all with my kids though admittedly it was hectic and in my case two years back to back (they are two years apart but second one decided to graduate a year early so her process began before the other one had her decisions in hand! oy). </p>
<p>Also, I KNOW my kids REALLY appreciated the support and help. Like I said earlier, they may come across at some moments of not wanting advice but they often did ask for help and guidance ("read over my essay" or "what do you think of this song?"). I have gotten really nice cards with messages of thanks with elaboration from my kids for what that help meant to them. Believe me, all these kids really do want the support and help and are grateful for it even if at times it is hard to tell but when they write what they did, you know how much it meant. </p>
<p>I also had an unsual "ride" and one that I don't wish on anyone. But after the stress and hectic period of 8 college audition trips in about two months time, when totally ready to finally have it all lift a bit.....one week after these ended, my child was in a serious car crash in which she was severely injured though luckily survived. We went from college auditions to intensive care, ten days of hospitalization, surgery, ten days confined to a hospital bed in the home, ten weeks of not being able to walk, all her final senior year moments that she couldn't be a part of....getting college acceptances in a hospital bed....and let me say, for a kid who was busy 24/7 who was hardly ever home....we then were together 24/7, round the clock, sleeping in same room, etc. I was her nurse basically. So, before my child left the nest, she was with me a REAL LOT....I don't wish it was for this reason but we did spend LOTS of time together.</p>
<p>Clueless, my d gets the biggest kick out of your s. They tease him about his accent. She was telling me about him complaining because the room was (let's see if I can say this right in text) "waherm" and they kept saying, what"! And of course, he repeated himself. Finally, they said, Oh!!!!!, the room is warm!! I hope you get this. I'm trying to compare how he pronounces warm.......like car with a w on the front and m on the end. And in oklahoma, it's more like oar with a w on the front and m on the end!!! Anyway, she says he's quite charming and quite funny.</p>
<p>I just got back home from vacation, with no pre-college applications completed yet and found this wonderful thread! I am once again brought to tears as I identify with all of your experiences. I am truly grateful to have found this place where other people can say my worries out loud before I can even articulate them to myself.
I do believe that if I take care of my own feelings (anxieties) in this process that my D will do what she needs to to get where she wants to be. Many things in my life are not on my time table and letting go of the outcome is always a learning process.</p>
<p>Evasmom, one of the more difficult aspects of the college admissions process is that this is one of the first times in your child's life where you really do not have control over the outcome. Others will decide where she is accepted. You can help guide your child to a successful outcome but really can't make everything happen the way you might wish. Having an appropriate college list and lots of effort and keeping to a timeline will help get her there. You may not be able to control which schools accept her but you can help her with her goals and achieving an overall successful experience. It isn't necessarily easy, and it can be overwhelming at times, but you both will get through it. All of us who have been through that stage have kids who made it past that stage. Most are happy where they are now and for those who had more disappointing outcomes, they are still finding a positive path and alternatives to reach their goals. You and your daughter can do it too!</p>
<p>MTheaded,
I am finally responding here. Sorry it took so long. I have been buried.</p>
<p>It looks like your student is a junior. If that is the case, PM or email me. I have a couple of suggestions for you, things I think you will find helpful to the both of you.</p>
<p>MinnesotaMTMom - thank you for that lovely post you shared with us!!!! I have a junior who I've been attached at the hip with since birth and I'm starting to see alittle defiance arise that was never there before - it saddens me but I have to accept it because I know it's so normal (and necessary) in her maturation process.</p>
<p>What a great thread! I have been busy all weekend with my d's opening weekend of Seussical and have been catching up with my reading this morning. My d, also a junior, will also be going down this path next year. Along with what Ericsmom said, at first she thought I was nuts for reading and posting here. But now she comes to me to ask where this one got in or what's new on cc. </p>
<p>I love the idea of a lunch to set some ground rules, so to speak about the upcoming year. We will have to do it! It was such a wonderful story! I try to stay out of things but my d can also be a procrastinator. I do think that is how she works best. She has so many things going on, I think that is just the way she needs to get them finished. My d doesn't sing for me or rehearse anything in front of me. Never has. The only time I get to hear what she does is to see her in something. There are times where her drama teacher has said to me, "What a great monologue your d did in class." I would love to have seen it, but that is just not her. She asks my opinions on many things, but never about this. It's her thing and she seems to be confident enough in the choices she makes, so I have learned not to say much or to ask to see something. She will be the one writing the essays, getting the recommendations and completing the application (even if it is in the final hour - hopefully not!!!) And I will take on the same role that so many of you do, the travel agent, calendar keeper, etc. I certainly wish for it to be a wonderful experience (even though I imagine that the stress will still be prevalent). </p>
<p>Mtheaded....I will keep you list in mind as we journey through this process! Thanks for some very meaningful posts.</p>
<p>Last night as we flew home from my D's final auditions I was thinking about how this MT process allowed my H and myself to spend time with our D that we didn't get with my S, who is now in college.</p>
<p>Shortly after we started this process I came to terms with the fact that this was going to be a huge amount of work, that my D would not have time for it, and would never realize, appreciate and might even complain about it. In my experience, senior year is a year when they kids are trying to push you away with all their might, and yet because of thie audition process, you end up spending more time with them than would normally be possible.
Despite wonderful advice from people here at CC she did two plays in January, back to back, including Sweet Charity in which she was on stage nearly the entire time. So she didn't start auditioning until Feb, and had to do all her auditions in a month, and relatively late compared to many who started auditioning last fall.
That said, as we started, I did speak to her about the fact that I would handle the details of travel, song requirements, and monologue requiremnts and due dates. She had to figure out the rest herself. Do I wish she had planned her monologues last summer? Do I wish that this week while we were traveling she didn't impulsively want to chnage songs, and almost walk into an audition to sing a song she had never sung with a piano? Sure... But last night as we flew home from Newark and she put her head on my lap to sleep, I thought gratefully about the time we were given together by this process.</p>
<p>As for kids unwilling to sing in front of thier parents, I didn't realize my D was feeling this way too. If you are in a hotel with your kid, make sure you give them some space so they can sing by themselves. I didn't understand that until this week. I don't think you even need to ask them if it bothers them, maybe just leave them alone for a bit for warmups. Thanks for the great posts everyone.</p>
<p>Note to future parent helpers - if it helps - we had a regular routine worked out where my D warmed up in the hotel room or did whatever she had to do to prepare and I always planned on a couple of hours of window shopping, walking around gawking (NYC), or visiting points of interest on my own. Then I'd come back to the hotel, we'd gather our things and go off to the audition.</p>
<p>anothermomwithquestions - I did the same thing - tried to leave the hotel room if possible for the warmup. If it wasn't possible, he did lots of singing in the shower!</p>
<p>I've finally resigned myself to the fact that if we want to hear our d sing...we'll have to buy a ticket for whatever show/concert she is currently in. Alas, no more private concerts for mom and dad. In our travels this winter - we gave her time every day to do her thing in the hotel room and told her "we'll be back." More than once we got phone calls wondering where in the world we were at!</p>
<p>These young people will happily and readily perform on stage, in a huge concert hall in front of a million strangers. But when you ask them to do so in private, or a small intimate family gathering, forget it.</p>
<p>Hah. Your posts are making me laugh. At the L.A. Unifieds, my daughter warmed up in the bathroom and kept the hair blower going. But between the dance call and audition for one of her schools, my daughter felt a need to test out a certain belting section of one of her songs and we whipped into the ladies room. It was empty so I held the door shut for her while she sang. She sounded great, then we both burst out laughing and giggled ourselves silly down the hall as we realized probably everyone outside could hear her singing in a public restroom!</p>
<p>Whenever anyone (especially family) asks my son to sing for them, he says in his best Frank Sinatra voice, "Sorry honey, I don't do small rooms...." It's hysterical, but he refuses to sing unless there is a theater full of people!!! Go figure...</p>
<p>I'm pretty much exactly the same! I never play or sing for family. To this day I still hate the memory of having to sing in front of my music class. If it's not on stage, I'm almost guaranteed to refuse. </p>
<p>I notice soozievt's post about mums having arguments over outfits with their daughters. My mum was an absolute godsend in that regard! Proof reading and fashion advice were the two things my mum really helped with when I was applying. Admittedly she was forced to take a more hands-off approach - she had major abdominal surgery the week of my biggest scariest interview, which was at the other end of the country of course. Maybe the stresses of university applications made her want some morphine? It's not that bad, is it moms? ;)</p>