<p>my mom lied to my relatives cuz i didn't get in UCLA. I only tried enuf for UCI cuz thats where she wanted me to go to. i didn't want to work so hard n then lose my dream. she didn't care about UCLa that much but now she cares about losing face.</p>
<p>my mom has been very disappointed n sad (she kept yelling n crying n being sad) wen i told her i'm gonna major in Psychology and Premed. (she wants me to be doctor/dentist) she thinks only bio is good since double major is too hard n psychology means nothing. i tried to explain many ways but everytime she either yell saying i'm unwise or just say: i'm too disapopinted in u to even think about it so don't talk about it.</p>
<p>I don't see wat i'm doing wrong. i've always tried to make her happy but i guess itz never enuf. I know i'm not the best kid in the world, but i'm not that bad. so y?</p>
<p>Itz so hard to study knowing theres no support from her, no encouragement.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you. On the question of majors, don't fight over this. There are good chances that you will change your mind anyway, once you are in college. As for your choice of college, let her deal with the lies. She can always say that, for reasons of your own, you decided to go to UCI--and it would even be true!
How to cope with HER disappointment? It's a tough one. I'd suggest let it ride. It's a bit early; give her time to get used to the idea of UCI. She''l come around. Keep your head down, your grades up, and send in your acceptance before May1. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>i read somewhere that the most successful applicants to med school were the one who were MUSIC majors. one does NOT have to be a bio major to apply and get accepted to med school.</p>
<p>i'm sorry your mom is making your life so miserable. :( you sound like a nice sensitive kid and she is creating a problem where none exists. UCI is a good school and she should be proud of you. I wish she could read the "Hugs your kids" post below to get some perspective.</p>
<p>Go to school, get some distance, and let your mom be. She has many conflicting things going on in her mind- she is probably feeling bad about lying, but can't figure out how to get away from it. </p>
<p>At UCI, follow your heart. The freshman year is all about growth, discovery, and change. You may want something totally different once you see what is out there. As a freshman, what ever your major, many courses will be similar.</p>
<p>As for how to deal, study hard and well for yourself. If mom doesn't get it, don't worry. When my D's had a problem with the teacher (they had the same mean one) I told them to do well in spite of her. Yep, prove that person wrong by succeeding. You have already learned a big lesson, a sad one, but you have learned that you must work for yourself. You may never be what she wants. Someday, you will realize you can let needing her approval go. She may turn around once she lets go of her pride. She probably will. If not, well, there isn't anything you can do, but take care of yourself. Also, be sure and keep busy. Tell your mom what is happening, be respectful, but don't let her put you down. Parents aren't perfect. Don't argue, just be strong and sure. Seriously, if you don't expect anything, you can't be disappointed. Just know in yourself you will succeed. I am sorry you are going through this, there is light at the end of the tunnel....</p>
<p>A really wise piece of advice I once heard: </p>
<p>You have two chances to have a perfect parent-child relationship. </p>
<p>Remember these times and make sure to give your kids the support you wish you were getting right now. You seem like a really nice kid. Your mom is out of line. She'll get over it. :)</p>
<p>casper, I guess from your post
[quote]
she didn't care about UCLa that much but now she cares about losing face.
[/quote]
your are from a Chinese American family. It is a huge jump. Make peace with your culture of origin now as you willl never be able to leave it behind. That said, you can still move to this brave new world. In this brave new world, parents do not shame their children. They do not say you should have done better if you get into a UC. They do not tell you "I spilled my blood for you.!"</p>
<p>I don't know how to advise you to live in both worlds. However, it is your fate. PM me if anything I have said strikes a chord.</p>
<p>:) I'm from a Vietnamese family, not as strict as the Chinese but kinda similar.
Well I lived in Vietnam for 12 years n came here so I'm bicultural n bilingual.
Itz getting very serious cuz my mom lately gets sick a lot. She used to be very nice and supportive but now the opposite. Many times she has threatened to die saying that I don't listen to her but I think i know it all n do whatever i want. I'm not the type of teenager who thinks I know it all n i love my family n respect my parents. But I can't listen to her on this.
I'm worried a lot cuz whenever my mom's sad, she gets sick. If anything, i don't want to think I cause the problem.
Anywayz...thank you all moms for advices n encouragements. They helped me a lot!</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you. My advice to you would be to tell the truth about where you applied. You can not be responsible for your mother's lies. My belief is that while your telling the truth will embarass her, you need to also set a boundary about your life. I also think that if it becomes clear to your mom that you will be truthful, she will back off from telling untruths about your life.</p>
<p>Are you familiar with the work of Amy Tan? She is Chinese-American, raised by parents who immigrated here from China. Her mother also did things like threaten suicide and get sick when from the mother's perspective, Tan was not doing the right thing. While Tan's culture isn't exactly like yours, there are similarities. Reading her books and about her life may give you comfort and support.</p>
<p>Here's what she said in an interview:
"an, who as a child believed she had been born into "the wrong familya Chinese family"described how she grew up trying to please a mother who could not be pleased, a mother who struggled to live in a world she viewed as an imminent threat to herself and her family's existence. A mother, Tan explained, who espoused pithy aphorisms for every occasionwhether trivial, painful or horrendousand whose "wisdom" created an atmosphere rife with threats of impending doom, talk of death, alternate threats of suicide and admonishments to Tan to work hard and be a good girl."</p>
<p>Here's a link to some interviews with Tan. The quote came from the interview about her relationship with her mom and how it affected Tan's writing.</p>
<p>Casper, it sounds like your mom's illness is what is causing her to say these things. Either she is physically ill, and the illness leaves her exhausted, which in turn makes her upset and losing perspective on everything; or she is suffering from a psychiatric issue like clinical depression, which is also manifesting in physical symptoms -- or a combination of both. I'm not a doctor, so I can't really tell you -- but I know that is the only explanation for her change in behavior. </p>
<p>I hope that she is getting the medical attention she needs - if not, do encourage her to see a doctor. </p>
<p>You should not take what she says personally, because she isn't herself when she says those things. I agree with the others here - it is just as easy to humor her right now, and tell her you will major in biology -- in the UC system you don't have to declare your major until the end of sophomore year, and for pre-med, you have to take the same basic array of science course the first two years no matter what your major. So you could call yourself a bio major, or a psych major, or anything else -- you are still going to be taking chem 1 A next fall.</p>
<p>I agree with Calmom that it seems as if your mom has some health problems. Granted, she would prefer that you were going with UCLA, but her reaction is extreme, and her becoming ill when she is upset is excessive. The only explanation I can come up with is that she is already ill, and being upset causes the illness to become more visible; you are not causing it because it is already there. Your mom needs to see doctors to deal with it.<br>
I agree, too, that you should humor your mom about what you will be majoring in. You can change your mind later. Deal with one thing at a time.</p>
<p>I would check to see if your mom truly is ill first. If she is, do not listen to my advice!!!</p>
<p>That being said, I would go scream at her. There is no such thing as losing face. We all get into the colleges we were supposed to get into. If she doesn't like the "caliber" of school, just tell her you are going to work harder in college.</p>
<p>As for your choice in major, tell her that you should pick the major you are interested in. The worst thing to do is to listen to your mom, enroll in premed, and discover halfway through it that a) you have no interest in premed and b) premed is really really really hard. Doing well in something you enjoy should bring your parents more joy than attempting to do well in premed and failing. (It will cost them a lot less money and heartache as well)</p>
<p>And if she doesn't get it, scream, scream, and scream again. This is your life, your college experience, and something that you earned. You should be studying what truly interests you and if your parents care for you, they should be able to realize that.</p>
<p>Casper, You are in a difficult position and the best thing you can likely do is not let yourself get sucked in. Yes, your mom may be ill (which includes depression) and I would encourage her to get health care, but you can not take responsibility for her choices to see a doctor or not. </p>
<p>Like other folks who have responded, I would not worry about majors right now. Do you even want to go to med school? If so, tell her you will look into a bio major but that you have quite awhile before you declare a major and you will be talking to your advisors about the best way to get into a good med school. Other experts opinions might be acceptable.
Given your family situation as you have described it, you are unlikely to "win" an arguement with your mom. I wouldn't even try right now. A little time, distance, and "experts" advice may give her the ability to save face while letting you do what you think is best for you.
Good luck, I hope your mom backs off some. She may really want to and your backing off may give her the space to drop the arguement as well. Once you leave home she will have a lot less power in the situation or your decisions.</p>
<p>everyone here has given great advice, so I'll share a story about a good Asian friend: went to CalTech on a full ride bcos parents forced her to, but she hated it. Transferred to UCI and loved it, but had to major in pre-med, again due to parental pressure. Was accepted to med school, but quit med school after first week. She then went into marketing, of all things. Now a happy, contented parent struggling with her HS kids!</p>
<p>The moral, I think, is that our education paths takes many twists and turns, but it can and will work out for you. You have a couple of years to select a major so take different classes and see what you like. </p>
<p>Casper,
your mom may be hitting menopause or peri-menopause about now, which may be causing some of the random behavior. If she will see a doctor, it could help quite a lot. </p>
<p>Congrats on your UCI admission! One of my young friends was admitted to med school not long ago. Grades and professor recommendations are <em>very</em> important - and it is entirely possible that UCI is better place for you to be. And the really important thing is for you to be happy - you will do better, and make better decisions for your future.</p>
<p>Best wishes on all of this - you sound like a great person - and I would certainly be proud if you were my son!</p>
<p>Casper, I went through similiar things with my Mom all my life. It never felt to me like my efforts were good enough to her. I always felt like I was letting her down in some way. But, now that she is gone, I realize that she was so proud of everything I accomplished - she just had difficulty expressing that pride and so it often came off as disappointment in me. </p>
<p>You are now the master of your own destiny. Try not to let other people sway how you feel as you steer your path - even your parents. Do not argue with them, but do not try to satisfy other people's dreams for you. Live your own dream. I have a quote taped up to my computer that helps me when I feel bad because others want me to go another way: "My own applause will satisfy me." In the end, the only person who you truly need to satisfy is yourself.</p>
<p>Love your Mom - be gentle with her - but go forth confident in your own abilities.</p>
<p>First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE RESPONSES. They're very supportive n helpful!</p>
<p>It seems like I have no other solution except to obey to a certain extent.
My mom WANTED me to go to UCI, but lies that i got in UCLA so it'd look better.
If I:
1) major in psych which is my only passion rite now - very bad cuz everyone in my family hates psychology n ridicules it (my mom wouldn't ever go to see a psychologist). they think i'm "too smart" and "too simple" to major in psych, n my personalities don't fit psychology which is false. They think i'm not gonan get a job cuz i'm "asian", n asians don't go to psychologists (like them), n other races wouldn't trust asians on their mental health >.<
2) double major in premed n psych - my mom thinks itz a waste of time n itz 2 hard for me to handle, since psych is worthless for me anyway
3) bio - makes me miserable and my mom happy</p>
<p>My little sister has a brain problem so all hope's on me.
Sometimes wen she yelled, i got so emotional I yelled back, unintentionally but i couldn't help it cuz it was too much, every single day.
i also tried to xplain... i did everything i could
but the worst thing is...my parents r putting me down.</p>
<p>But dealing with all this, i feel like i'm getting weaker and my hopes r falling apart. I feel if i can ever be a good psychologist, y can't i deal with these problems? But i guess if i were a psychologist, patients would listen to me more than my mom would listen to a daughter.</p>
<p>My mom doesn't have insurance and she refuses to go to a doctor becuz of money issue although she's sick physically n maybe mentally too. She's saving her money for me to go to college...</p>
<p>I have read some of Amy Tan's works and i really liked them. The interview relates to me also. Thank u :)</p>
<p>i just don't know wat to sacrifice...1) my interests, my talents (i used to be a good artist but was discouraged so much i stopped drawing...) 2) my mom's health, emotionally and physically. Oh yea...she is only 41 n hasn't reached menopause :)</p>
<p>I can't just study psych knowing its making my mom sad. i would get distracted.</p>
<p>Don't worry about what to study now. You have at least until July or August to figure out your schedule for next semester. Don't talk about what you want to major in, just tell your mom that students are not supposed to declare a major until sophomore year. When you get to college, take a psych course and see how it goes. Take a bio course as well--you probably will need it anyway.
As for careers as psychologists: with more and more Asians and Asian-Americans, I would expect more psychologists of Asian origin would be needed. For example, as school psychologists. As I said, deal with things one at a time. Don't scream back at your mom. It's not done in Asian families, and it won't help your mom's health. Try to avoid direct confrontations. If possible, put all the blame on the college for the choices you make, so that your mom's anger can be deflected.</p>
<p>Don't be lost! This is a common affliction for immigrant children. You are not alone. Many first generation Asian students feel that they cannot make their parents happy. </p>
<p>Have you read the thread from the Archives: </p>
<p>College Admissions: March 2004 Archive: Asian Parents -_-' ~~~!!!!</p>
<p>I think you will find yourself in those funny and wry comments.</p>
<p>Have you read any literature by Asian American immigrants? Amy Tan? </p>
<p>CC parents are telling you to get on with your life and try to ignore what your mom is feeling because:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>We know her feelings will change. She will always love you.</p></li>
<li><p>Your acquiesence cannot 'fix' her sadness. Her sadness is much much larger than your UCLA denial. It is a complicated matter and no 17 year old child is going to fix it.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>So....listen to the advice of the CC parents and go to Irvine and decide the best course for yourself. Make light of your mom's white lies about UCLA. It's okay. She's only human.</p>
<p>You do know that you could be premed while majoring in psychology? Psychology has gotten much more scientific than it used to be. Thus, the chemistry, biology and other courses that you'd need for med school also would be very appropriate -- even required -- for psychology.</p>
<p>In addition, one can be premed while majoring in any subject as long as one takes the courses required to go to med school and as long as one does well on the MCAT. You can look up med schools' course requirements to verify this. There even are students who major in the humanities and end up going to med school.</p>
<p>Do the colleges you are considering even have a major or sequence called "premed"? Many colleges -- including Ivies -- don't have such majors because they simply aren't necessary. This also could be something that you could show your mom. </p>
<p>You even could e-mail some med schools and ask them how they consider applicants who major in psychology and how such applicants would stand relative to bio majors.</p>
<p>When it comes, too, to stating what kind doctor you'll be, there's no need to announce that to your mom now. There are many years ahead of you before you'll have to decide on a medical specialty.</p>