Moody roomate need advice

I’m a senior at my college and I transfered to the college I’m currently at. My roomate who I’ve been living with since last year was also a transfer and we meet at orientation. 75% of the time she’s totally awesome we get along go shopping together and do everything together besides dinner because she’s a swimmer so she sits with them. But 25% of the time out of nowhere with no warning she’s so nasty and in such a horrible mood. She flat out ignores me when I talk directly to her and sits there and blasts her music with no regard to what I’m doing or watches whatever she wants on the tv. Now I talked to her about it tons and I mean tons of times I’ve even cried to her about it and she says sorry but then gets these random mood swings.

Like last week for example Sunday night she came back from visiting her boyfriend 3 hours away and was in a sort of bad mood now I talk to her and say hello and be polite and ask her about her weekend and she perked up and then was fine the rest of the night but then Monday and Tuesday she ignored me completely and I’m a people person so I was feel awful and think it’s my fault even though I know it’s not but I can’t help but give her all this attention and get upset about it. Anyway Tuesday evening after I just left her alone and only said hello to her she was fine and then was a totally joy the rest of the week. Now tonight I have to go back to school from thanksgiving break and she’s in a bad mood yet again. She texted me and tweeted me fine last night but today seemed all pissed at me. It gives me such anxiety and I have no idea what to do. My mom and my boyfriend and other friends tell me to ignore her and just say hello and that’s it and I know that’s what I have to do but I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault or she’s mad at me. And I keep telling myself well maybe she just needs the attention because I know she doesn’t really get it from her family but I hate no talking and just sitting in our apartment watching tv. I only have 2 weeks left of the semester including finals and then have a month off. I just need advice should I just ignore her when she gets that way & just say hello and leave her alone and let her come to me? I can’t help but also feel like she gets all annoyed when I hang out with our school friends when she’s not there but yet we all hang with each other and it doesn’t matter whose isn’t there it’s just never been that I haven’t been there when she has with them. But even they agree that it’s ridiculous I have to walk on egg shells and hope and pray she’s in a good mood that day so I can have some fun. I think she thinks they like me better but it’s because I don’t just ignore people and act like a 2 year old and ignore everyone when things upset. I even have to have a mood board in my apartment to see what’s her mood but she hasn’t been using it so I have no idea. I’ve talked to her about it 100 times and have no idea what to do. She’s my best friend when she isn’t so moody like we are great friends who get along so well and her whole family loves me. I just can’t take the mood swings anymore it’s really annoying to have to have this anxiety all the time. & I have to go back tonight and deal with the bad mood somebody give help me. This is a really big vent post but I’m sure there are people out there who know how to deal with it or have been in my situation before
Thank you

From the situations that you are describing, it sounds like your roommate is responding to situations that have nothing to do with you, such as leaving her boyfriend or her own family. You just happen to be there when the irritable response occurs. Now that you have identified this pattern of behavior, the only thing you can do is change how your respond. You can’t change her.

If you are a senior, you literally have the next two weeks, plus about 4 months to put up with this before you graduate and go your separate ways. Now that you have figured out her pattern of moody behavior, plan to handle it differently. It has nothing to do with you. Find someone else to do something social with and go out, hang in your room and get engrossed in a book or watch a video or TV show on your computer.

If you change how you respond, then she just might eventually ask you why and maybe then make some changes herself, but there’s no guarantee in that. The only part of the equation that you control is you and your response.

Expect her to be in a bad mood tonight and do something different about it.

Stop blaming yourself. And stop setting yourself up to be upset. You can’t control how another person acts, and you have no reason to need her validation and approval. Stop seeking it. Go with the flow-- when she is friendly, respond in kind. When not, steer clear and don’t make an effort to “fix” it.

Thank u! I’ll just say hello and hope she had a good Thanksgiving and leave her alone