<p>Hello! I'm sorry if this is long, but please help!
I'm currently a sophmore in college, studying architecture, and i have a living arrangement dilemma for my junior year.
My boyfriend of 7 months believes that living together next year is a good idea. I am, however, very afraid, as it might ruin our relationship that i really don't want to end. I am aware of the relationship issues affecting the lease and living issues and vice versa.
But, we both think we will be really good roommates. We both clean up after ourselves a lot, love cooking (both really good at cooking), have no problems with doing house chores and doing shopping and all of these things together! Very clean, responsible, and respectful. Also, to avoid not having personal space, we're thinking about having our own rooms. Even so, I feel like that might not be enough personal space. We sleep over at each other's place a lot and have a pretty good idea of our lifestyles (though it's been 7 months, which I know isn't a long time). But I feel like we are mature about this, especially since he 23. I am 19. </p>
<p>In addition, I don't want to deal with bad roommate issues as I am having now. I live with another person in an apartment and she doesn't do her fair share of cleaning up. She leaves all of her things everywhere, and really, i dont have time to clean up after her and clean everything! She understands, especially since I'm an architecture student. We're both friends and are good to each other, I just can't stand that she isn't responsible. I know, this is another issue, but I don't want to deal with this again! And my boyfriend is who I am closest with right now that's why I know I won't have issues with cleaning up, doing fair share of things, etc. </p>
<p>My other option is living with other architecture students (im fine with them, except im not quite sure about one person) in an apartment. And I'm not so close with them. Actually, I'm not so close with anyone except my boyfriend. I know this is strange since everyone bonds in architecture, but I had some drama freshmen year that cause a break in a circle of friends. Basically, I know everyone, talk to them, but don't really hang out with them. That could be a reason why I should live with this group to get closer (if they happen to be the right people) or it could not be a reason to live with them because I might have major roommate conflicts again. </p>
<p>I'm always changing my mind and can't decide! Please offer advice! I really appreciate it! Thank you!</p>
<p>I do not suggest moving in with your boyfriend.</p>
<p>You are still somewhat in the “honeymoon” state - that is, his little quirks might be cute now, but may drive you insane in a few more months. You already have concerns that it may ruin your relationship, which is always a possibility - though it is possible that it will also work out. </p>
<p>I think living with others might help you to find other close friends so that your boyfriend is not the only one you have. If you live with him, you will find it more difficult to bond with others in the same way you bond with roommates. One bad experience with a roommate does not mean the next will be. You’ve already learned some lessons and hopefully know how to bargain in the beginning to try and minimize later issues.</p>
<p>Do you have a plan in case you break up? Will you still be able to live together? If someone has to move out, who will it be and where will they live?</p>
<p>If you two can have an honest discussion and work out any issues before hand, then that’s a start. If not, you have your answer.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for the quick responses!
In response to marcdvl,
yes, my boyfriend agreed that if its not working out, he will leave (though i’m not sure where). I’m not sure if we will be able to live together but we have an honest discussion and he really believes that there wouldn’t be much of a conflict. Also, he wants to live with me because he probably won’t be able to later on (unless we see each other again), since he has to complete the mandatory korean military service for 2 years. Basically, when I graduate, he will return from the service.
However, I want to be careful and not rush into anything. I’m not doubtful of our relationship, but I just don’t want to risk anything. But I want to spend the best time with him before he leaves (if it works, and i really hope it works).
I’m sorry i didn’t mention this in the first post ): !</p>
<p>I won’t suggest you things like moving with your BF in an apartment. Because this calls for an abortion Lolzzzz seriously you gotta think other way around.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to live with him, don’t live with him.</p>
<p>Being good roommates when you are in a romantic relationship is about way more than whether you share cleaning habits and cooking habits. It’s about whether you are ready to take that next step in your relationship. You can’t see your boyfriend the same way as you would any other roommate.</p>
<p>Treat your issues with your current roommate as a separate issue. We know you don’t want to deal with her again next year. The question is whether or not you want to live with your boyfriend.</p>
<p>You don’t have to be super close to your roommates. It’s a living arrangement. You just have to be civil and get along, not be best friends for life. You don’t have to hang out with them more, or live with them so you can grow closer. Closeness is not a determinant of roommate quality - I’ve had several roommates, none of which I knew before we moved in together, and all of which were great in varying degrees. Some of them I did get very close to and we hung out together a lot, and others it was just like “Hey, how was your day?”</p>
<p>It seems like you’re unsure and you need to be sure about something like this before you make the decision, so if you are unsure, just say no and that you want to develop your relationship more before you move in together. Revisit this again next year, if you are still together.</p>
<p>It will be an experience, that’s for sure. I have lived with a lot of male room- and house-mates, and it never surprises me how each and everyone one of them just slowly let on that the females are somehow the better house-cleaners. No matter if you’re living with a guy who is a neat-freak boyfriend, you’ll be surprised how much housework you’ll have to do when you two move in together. </p>
<p>If you decide to, make sure you understand any rental lease you sign. Your boyfriend says he will move out if you break up. If he does, that means you will have to make up his portion of the rent until the lease expires or until you can get another roommate. Can you afford to do that? Whose name will be on the utilities/cable/phone/water bills? If it is his name, you’ll have to go through all the paperwork to get them all transferred to your name if he moves out early. Might be a hassle if you’ve never had utilities in your name before. If the utilities are in your name, and he moves out early, can you continue to pay them without his financial help? </p>
<p>Have you discussed who is paying for what and how much? Do you both have jobs to cover rent and utilities? What if one of you loses his/her job? What is one of you wants a pet? What would happen if you get pregnant? Who is paying for car bills, gas, etc? What about having parties? What are the rules about friends spending the night? How will you share the cost of food, etc.? Is he expecting you to pay 1/2 of the costs of his tv and gaming monthly bills? Are you expecting him to cover the costs of the personal and household items you use (but he doesn’t feel he should pay for)? </p>
<p>Unfortunately the same problems that cause friends to break up when they live together can cause boyfriends-and-girlfriends to break up. And it’s often money and how you feel you’re treated when you’re living together.</p>
Lolzzzz seriously you gotta think other way around.</p>