<p>Hi everyone, so my boyfriend and i are attending the same university this year. He is a year older and already goes to this school. This year (my freshman year) im dorming on campus with some friends. My boyfriend is off campus with friends as well. Next year, my sophomore year and his junior year we were considering getting an apartment together off campus. We would have separate rooms next to each other and share kitchen/living room. We have been dating for 3 years and by then it will be 4. Any advice? Is this a good idea? Any suggestions? Pros: we have a great relationship, it would be fun, we could figure out if things would work out ( like marriage) before we continue our relationship just to be doomed, share expenses etc. cons: living space, 2 bedroom is expensive, we are young</p>
<p>I would say this is not a really good idea. You have a great relationship now, but you are young, and your experiment could reveal issues that you hadn’t anticipated. The real problem here is that when you sign a lease, you are signing a legally binding obligation, and you can’t get out of it simply because you break up. You will both be completely liable for the lease, so if, let’s say, your boyfriend moves out, you are responsible for 100% of the lease payment. Entering into legal obligations is a serious matter, and many young people don’t really understand the ramifications. If you shared an apartment with a friend and things went sour, you could probably still share the apartment. However, if you are sharing an apartment with a boyfriend and things go bad, that is a much more complicated matter. I know it isn’t pleasant to think about the bad things that could happen, but you need to think about these things when entering into a transaction like a contract. </p>
<p>Thanks for your response: even though this is a year away im planning now so i can start to think about thinks throughly. This wouldnt be some rash descision. Also i no we are young but we are both mature, and have been on vacations together (out of the country alone) and such. Also the contract would be seperate with the leasing place. So my name would be on my room and his name would be on his. So if things went bad (hope not) he would still owe money without affecting me. We also talked about it and if things did go wrong at that point there is only months left on the lease and we would have to deal with it. Like i said we would have our own rooms and different schedules and friends. Any additonal opinons or thoughts? Thanks:)</p>
<p>Also i wouldnt say its an “experiement” but we do want to figure things out. Being in a relationship has so many pros but you do lose part of the college experience ( partying, multiple partners etc) so if (hope not) things didnt work out i would want to no as soon as i can so i can have more of that freedom, and not give away time. It would really be horrible in my opinon to date someone for 7 years and after college decide to live together and realize it didnt work. Because i cant get those college years back or meet someone new or anything. So as much as it is an “experiement” i think its worth it and we love each other so it would hopefully work. Im not concerned on the leaving or money aspect whats so ever, we both would live up to that responsibilty. </p>
<p>Im more worried about him being over whelming, losing time with friends, being off campus and distracted from school- although i cant see any of that occuring its a concern</p>
<p>ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Dating in College can be challenging on its own, let alone moving-in together. It might just be too much to handle.
What if you two break up?
Your priority is getting your education and enjoying your college experience with friends, and not making the boyfriend experience a priority.
You need your space and so does he, even if he does not realize it yet. It will allow you to meet other people and grow on your own.
Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>We would be in college for a year together without living with each other. This would be for my sopomore year his junior. 2015-2016. Also for those saying NO, when would you consider a good time to move in?</p>
<p>My nephew did this with his girlfriend (had dated throughout HS) and it was a disaster. They thought they were solid but things changed, they broke up and it was very hard to move on with this committed living situation. Enjoy the college experience! There is so much to look forward to! When you have both graduated is a good time to think about next steps.</p>
<p>Well I’m a parent here. I moved in with my BF sophomore year. (OK, it was 1982, but I mean how different are things now?) We shared a room in a housing co-op (basically a big shared house, like a frat house but not Greek, and coed, and the students didn’t necessarily do stuff with each other, but we had a shared dinner on Sunday and shared chores). Worked out great and we’ve been married for 28 years.</p>
<p>If you both want to, I don’t think it’s a horrible idea, for many of the reasons you’ve mentioned. You seem to have thought it out.</p>
<p>How about “NEVER”.
What happen to focusing in school and getting your degree and career, till a guy puts a ring on your finger, marries you, then you move-in?
I feel so old all of a sudden hearing this.
Again,go to school, focus on your education, and have fun. I am not sure how your school environment is, some schools do not allow you to even live off campus till you are either 21, or nontraditional.</p>
<p>Ok, thanks for all the opinons. Cco2018: at that point we both would be 21 lol. Dont feel old! Every relationship is different and most my friends arent going through this. Also its ideal to wait till your married but like i mentioned dating for 8 years at that point, moving in after college and if things dont work out then i lost all that time.</p>
<p>Spending time together is fine, but it is also good to spend time alone, with friends, hang out with your room mates. People do change in college as they grow and mature. A year is a long time. You might put your name on a lease in a few months and by next year feel very different about the idea. College isn’t forever, but it is a period of time in your life where you have the freedom to change your mind about things, including if you want to stay with your boyfriend. You can still be in a relationship without a lease. </p>
<p>Did this in my senior year in college with my then boyfriend. We’ve now been married for over 25 years. If I were you I would consider waiting a year or two, the main reason being that you do tend to miss out on a little bit of the social aspects of college when you’re living with a boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m not necessarily talking about dating other people but just the casual trips out for pizza or girl bonding stuff.</p>
<p>Face it. If you’re sharing an apartment you’ll end up sharing a room and your friends will see you as a unit. You will be invited, or not invited to things together. You may want a little more freedom to be an individual in college and if you don’t like how living together works out it would be hard to go back to living apart without feeling like you’re experiencing some kind of breakup, even if your dissatisfaction with living together has nothing to do with your BF or your relationship.</p>
<p>Unlike now, once you’re in college you’ll have the freedom to essentially live together at his apartment but If you have a space that is truly your own you will be able to decompress on your own when you need to and you won’t be stuck living with your BF and his friends if things go bad.</p>
<p>I would use next year to gauge how living apart works. If you find you’re essentially living with him anyway by the end of your freshman year you may as well move in together, but in the meantime make sure you give yourself time and space to experience all your college has to offer.</p>
<p>“Been dating for 8 years by the time you will be 21?”
So you started dating this guy @ 13?
Seriously, there is a problem here. </p>
<p>“Losing all of it?”
You me an a guy you knew since 13? How about losing “YOU” as a person, as an individual, as a career minded young lady, and most importantly as a girl who deserves a man that can wait while they both pursue their life callings. I mean you are in the same school for Gods sake and will be seeing each other daily as your schedule allows. What is the rush?</p>
<pre><code> Soooo… much to say, but by now I am sure you have gotten the picture that this is not something I will approve, not even for a stranger.
</code></pre>
<p>And you will be 21 as a sophomore? Nothing wrong with that but you are matured and should even understand better why you are in college than the 17 year old girls there.
In all, it is your life, live as you wish, but remember, “Every decision counts”.
Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>coco-
The OP wrote “8 years” because she was assuming she and her BF wouldn’t get married until after college, in my opinion a wise choice. If you look at her past posts it appears they started dating at 17.</p>
<p>I was a chameleon, as a I expect a LOT of people are. College is an excellent time to try new roles. It’s much harder to do if you have committed yourself to your significant other in living together. There is a significant amount of “baggage” that comes with relationships. College is one of the best times for you to find like-minded folks and try to meet different kinds of people, conveniently. </p>
<p>If you and your BF are still going strong, whether you are living together or not, you can still see each other a lot. I never lived with either of my long term BFs when I was in college or law school but had very good and long term relationships. Living with others allowed me to develop good and lasting relationships with others and find out more about myself.</p>
<p>Living with your BF in college will tell you how well you and your BF can live together in college with your respective folks footing the bill (if they will agree to do so), but not how you will do when you are paying for all your own expenses. Many folks (us included) would not pay for our kids to live with their significant others in college, so that might also be an issue.</p>
<p>Like previously mentioned, cross that bridge when you get there. My two cents however: Chances are if your relationship is going to fail, it will whether you live with each other or not. You’re young and have a long time before you need to figure out who to marry. I also think it would be weird to live in the same apartment as your significant other, but not share a room. I’m assuming you’ve already shared a bed with him and will stay over at his apartment during school occasionally. I say if you’re still together at the end of college then consider moving in together. Chances are at that point you would have practically lived with him already and learned if it will work or not living together. </p>