<p>I am planning on moving to Moscow, Idaho for a year to complete my engineering degree. I currently live on the other side of the country (Virginia) and am earning the degree primarily through UI's distance programme. There is apprehension, as I have always lived in either NC or VA, and have only once been west of the Mississippi. Does anyone here have experience with a move of this length?</p>
<p>Additionally, my mother is vehemently opposed to this and she tends to be vociferous when displeased, not unlike myself. From your experience and authority as parents, how would you suggest I go about persuading her that this move is necessary? My father is leaning toward my position, but he has been swayed before. It is not enough to say 'they do not offer X and Y online, therefore I must go there to take them and graduate'. I would prefer that she not cut off the funds from the trust as I abhor debt, but I can finance the completion of this degree myself, should it be necessary, through subsidised loans and sale of assets.</p>
<p>Thank you for your replies; I could not ask this to the simians in the <em>ahem</em> other forum on account of their antics.</p>
<p>Just curious as to how you found this school in Idaho where you are getting your degree.</p>
<p>Am also curious as to what your mom’s specific objections are to this proposed move–does she object to the distance, the particular school, the length of time, expense, or what? Try to get her to be as specific as she can and then you can work to address her concerns.</p>
<p>How long are you planning to be away? How much will it cost? Where will you live? How will it be paid for? What happens once you get the degree? If you have a plan laid out, it will be much easier to address your folks’ specific concerns.</p>
<p>My niece spent some semesters in Pocatello, Idaho, where she enjoyed the courses & people. She’s from HI, but attended a university in Eugene, OR before that.</p>
<p>I believe there is a large mormon presence in Idaho, Iowa and Utah (plus possible other regions), for what the information is worth.</p>
<p>Just out of curiosity, how much progress have you made toward your degree and where does your mom want you to complete the engineering degree? Is there an inexpensive way for you to complete the degree in-state or close by, cutting not only travel costs but also the inconvenience of the travel?</p>
<p>“I would prefer that she not cut off the funds from the trust as I abhor debt, but I can finance the completion of this degree myself, should it be necessary, through subsidised loans and sale of assets.”</p>
<p>You have the money, so why are you letting your fears of your mother’s behavior control you? Sell the assets. Pack your bags. Go!</p>
<p>It is almost certain that at some point in your life you are going to move away from home. This may be the time to take that step. If you can’t just say, “Hey folks, I’m going.” maybe you need to sit down with a professional counselor and work your way through the issues that are holding you back.</p>
<p>Just to clarify - I do not live at home, rather, I rent an apartment in the middle of nowhere. As I got a heck of a deal on this unit, to minimise cost, I am trying to get as much of the degree online as possible.</p>
<p>HImom - I was referred to University of Idaho’s Engineering Outreach programme from University of North Dakota’s Engineering Online. Both are reasonably-reputable schools accredited by their respective associations of schools and colleges. She objects to the distance and the one-year duration; her other two sons go to school in NC.
MM2K - She has been suggesting Virginia Tech and NC State, but my father, an alumnus, advises against the former and there is no sum large enough to get me to move back to the overpriced RDU area. Also, bloated college-area rents would eat me alive; I am trying to keep that at nine months or less.
HMo1 - I would prefer to pursue a diplomatic route so I can have money available to expatriate. It is my medium-term goal to relocate out of the country, and that costs money. $26K, which I would require to complete the degree, is nothing to sneeze at, and I do not wish to impoverish myself if I can avoid otherwise.</p>
<p>So aren’t you already 23? So correct me if I’m wrong, please, but here is how I understand your predicament: </p>
<p>Your mom does not want you to move. However, you want to move yet at the same time do not want to **** off your mom since she’s such an important source of bucks. The reason you need to save your own bucks is because you plan to move really far away once you graduate. Probably your mom doesn’t have a clue about this, right? So you need our help in figuring out how to get your mom to still give you money even if you move away.</p>
<p>I have no advice for how you should con your mom to maximize your personal gain. The right thing to do is, as an adult, is to fund your own education at this point.</p>
<p>Few experiences are as broadening as living for a while in a very different environment. The west is great: fantastic scenery, interesting culture and wilderness galore. Go for it.</p>
<p>As to how to deal with your mom. Hmmm. At some point you will just have to be a grown up about it.</p>
<p>I have moved across the country a couple of times, and it has broadened my perspective in many valuable ways. I also know the Moscow ID area, and it is a perfectly reasonable choice. It is safe, affordable, the climate is not severe (although it does have winter.) I think this will be a grand adventure. </p>
<p>Just calmly try to work through Mom’s fears and concerns, and stand up for yourself and your autonomy as a young adult.</p>
<p>How about taking your mom on a trip to Moscow, Idaho, to show her how pretty (and safe) it is out there and how it is not that difficult to get to?</p>
<p>It sounds as though this move is required as part of your degree, if so it’s pretty clear cut, you have to go or give up all the work you’ve put in.</p>
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<p>Good idea, but in this case the better course of action may be for the OP to go to Idaho and to ship his mom to Moscow. ;)</p>
<p>Starbright - my mother is the executor of the trust paying for the education. She is not paying for it, rather, my grandfather set aside monies to his grandchildren so that we may pursue education. I will not let my finances be held hostage by her empty nest syndrome, and do not want to go into debt if at all possible*.</p>
<p>As for a trip to Moscow, ID, I suppose that could work. It is a bit expensive going to the other side of the country just for that, but it is not the end of the world considering what is on the line.</p>
<p>*I’m using subsidised grants loans for school, and investing my own income, so while there is debt, I have the assets to pay it off.</p>
<p>^ Thanks for the clarification. As a completely ignorant person comes to the law, it strikes me as bizarre that this is legally possible. So it’s all up to her personal discretion? What happens to the $ if they aren’t used for college? I realize this not what you are asking but maybe there are some other possibilities if your mom isn’t negotiable.</p>
<p>From what I understand, the parents made the trusts with the respective grandchildren named as beneficiaries, and the money was given to the trusts; I suppose he did not want us being profligate. I will have to check the wording of the trust before using blunt instruments.</p>
<p>That said, legal crap costs money, and she can certainly buy enough ‘justice’* to make life interesting.</p>
<p>*let us not delude ourselves that justice cannot be purchased in this country</p>
<p>OP, do you have a generally close and warm relationship with your mother? Have you two discussed her fears/preferences openly? Is there another school that could meet your needs closer to home?</p>
<p>boysxe - The relationship has ranged from adversarial to ‘on hiatus’. She does not tend to discuss things rationally, but she will be very open when scaremongering well into absurdity. She keeps bringing up this ‘support structure’ thing where I must be nearby, otherwise in the event of an emergency, I would be screwed. In practice, between Triple A, the auto mechanic, and my concealed carry permit, nothing has ever come up that cannot be dealt with. She must watch the Lifetime channel too much, or she could just be a crazy bookyak; I don’t know. That said, she is between me and tuition money, so she has to be dealt with.</p>
<p>As for schools closer to home, I am insisting that the degree be completed online as much as possible. There is no school nearby that offers the upper-division EE classes online, therefore I would not be amenable to any school nearby. Living near a campus costs money, money that I do not want to borrow if at all possible. I am not going to shell out a freakin’ arm and a leg to some slumlord for the great privilege of being within 30 minutes of the same thing I can get through a computer.</p>
<p>In summary: my financial and practical concerns vs. her empty nest syndrome and hormonal issues.</p>
<p>@starbright – that’s the normal way trusts are set up. There is a beneficiary, the child/grandchild, and a trustee, usually a parent. The parents get to withdraw money at their discretion for the beneficiary, though there are I believe stiff legal penalties if the trustee is found to be withdrawing money for uses other than those of the beneficiary. The withdrawals and the trust are usually also overseen by a lawyer and usually trustees only get a few checks to use each year. Trusts are usually set up for education, but parents could withdraw from them to buy a car for example, or a computer, or some other large expenditure. </p>
<p>When the beneficiary turns a certain age, usually 25, they gain control over all the money in the trust. Whatever hasnt’ been spent for their education or other needs, goes to them, to spend or save as they will. </p>
<p>So yes, a trustee could if they want withold the money in a persons trust, at least until that person reaches the age where they can control their own money. That’s the point of a trust, to keep someone who is not considered to be wise about financial management (a child, a person with a mental disorder, etc.) from wasting their money on poor decisions. Of course, as situations like this dictate, it can also be a way to control people’s decisions.</p>
<p>Earned an engineering degree a long time ago and did something similar to what you’re suggesting. Details don’t matter.</p>
<p>Geographical mobility is a career asset. For an engineer, particularly, it has been a a job requirement since the 1980s.</p>
<p>Engineers get paid to solve problems. The most interesting and vexing rarely occur in the comfort of your cubicle at headquarters.</p>
<p>Hypothetical case in point. At some point recently, someone at BP was asked to assemble a team of the best engineers to travel to the GOM and fix the leak while management dealt with the political and public relations disaster.</p>
<p>Who do you think would be selected in this situation? The above average engineer with a valid passport and international experience? Or the brilliant engineer, that has traveled West of the Mississippi but once, and hesitated because he had to consult with his parents and trust fund executor to get permission?</p>
<p>You are correct: I will be going west; I plan to do so my senior year. This is more a matter of optimisation i.e. how can I execute this so I come out with the most assets possible.</p>
<p>My father is going to speak to her regarding things, so this can either go one of two ways. #1 - she grudgingly agrees to disburse the money, but tries nudging in the other direction. #2 - she squeezes the balls she keeps in her purse and his mouth will move with hers.</p>
<p>Thanks Smithie. But maybe this opens up some options for Vanagandr. If he is already 23, and he gets the rest of the trust at 25 regardless, the real issue is only interest on $26k for 1-2 years (depending upon when his birthday falls). That isn’t too shabby a worse-case scenario and might be worth taking to avoid what sounds like painful dynamics with his mother.</p>
<p>I have yet to hear of a trust reverting to the ownership of the beneficiary at 25. My uncle is a lawyer, I may be able to get clarification regarding this.</p>
<p>However, I have devised a clever ruse in the meantime: say I am taking classes through North Dakota instead of Idaho and request money accordingly; there is no way to know otherwise as the money goes through me. As North Dakota has a higher cost per credit-hour by about 30%, I shall invest the difference so when it is time to go to Idaho and monger potatoes or whatever they do out there, the funds have already been disbursed. </p>
<p>Nothing like vodka to loosen up the neural synapses :D</p>