<p>Note on the last minute essays…I was a nagging witch about getting the essays written well in advance of the deadlines. Funny thing, the more I nagged, the less got done! I finally figured it out, and just recently re-read an essay that D2 had written in application for a summer internship program (very competitive and she found out that she got it…yay!!!). I know for a fact that she wrote it and submitted it within an hour of the cut-off time for submissions. I hadn’t seen it at all (usually I proofread for typos). Another funny thing, what she wrote was fantastic. Guess my job here is done (almost). ;)</p>
<p>Indecisiveness can be indicative of a myriad of things…lack of maturity, lack of genuine interest (overlap), insecurity/nervous about the future or making major decisions…sometimes it is prudent to explore other options for a year…either a gap year (working, peace corps, volunteer, abroad), or something more structured, academic and character building as well - preparatory school for a postgraduate year. Many schools specialize in a specific area of strength - science, math, theater, art, musci, sports, etc. Either decision (depends upon what the individual teen needs)…can be a positive, life changing decision, and usually culmonates with the young teen solidifying their college choices (prep schools also have terrific college counseling departments).</p>
<p>OP I had to chuckle at your thread title because I felt the same way with my D. She was hyper critical of just about everything and discounted schools for random and ridiculous reasons. I really wondered as she reluctantly went through the application process if she would be ready to go to college at all but guess what!</p>
<p>She now reports being totally excited to attend her college. She’s wearing the gear and even got me the SMC Mom sweatshirt. And it is the admissions safety SHE had chosen from the start. </p>
<p>Like others have said, your S’s response is fairly typical esp for boys. I would try, as you visit more schools to give him control of as many aspects of the trip as possible…where to eat, what else to do when in town etc. When I did this it helped my reluctant D at least have a good time on the trip which actually made her feel more positively about the school.</p>
<p>I see the school tours as being very risky! If the tour is boring, it is hard to find the school interesting. If the guide is weird/preppy/arrogant/awkward, whatever, your kid will think every one at this school is like that. If you go on a tour when school is not in session, the school seems dead.
I would ask your son if he’d like to visit a school without doing an organized tour. Maybe he’d like to eat a meal in the biggest dining facility, try the food, and eavesdrop on a few conversations. Maybe he’d like to sit in on a couple classes. Maybe he’d like to check out only the student union, or only the exercise facilities, or only the music rooms.
My daughter wasn’t super motivated to visit schools. She finally went through the Princeton Review book of colleges, and found a few that sounded interesting to her. She does like to travel, so I asked her to plan an itinerary for us, which she did. After our trip, she learned more about another school in the area, and added it to her list. She was accepted there, flew out for the accepted student event, and fell in love with it.<br>
I think it’s hard for teenagers to think about what they might want a year or more from now. During her senior year, my dd was able to think about it more, and after she knew where she was accepted, she was able to really think about it seriously!
The best advice I read during her junior year when I was nagging…“You can’t push a rope.” Second best piece of advice…“It’s a lot like potty training. Waiting until they’re ready makes it a lot easier.”</p>
<p>to the OP: do breathe and relax. Your guy sounds totally normal from my observation. And since he has taken a strong courseload and already done well on tests, I’d relax and leave him alone. Mine refused to even look at a Fiske guide or the like until August before senior year. It all worked out. Yours has even visited some colleges already! I’d get out the duct tape, focus your interests on something else (or at least look like this is so) and let him be. He is likely to get in gear in the fall (late summer if you’re lucky) when someone he knows revs him up. We are the last ones the guys will willingly appear to listen to at this juncture…</p>
<p>And know your kid, too. Last year, my DH wanted us to set a goal for DS to have an essay done by the end of summer. I strongly disagreed and prevailed–knowing we would only make our summer unbearable by nagging the entire time…and to no avail. We hardly mentioned essays over the summer (maybe a hint here or there). DS has always been a procrastinator but always comes thru, even if it is at the last minute. He worked on applications til the day before they were due. Had many excellent choices.</p>
<p>Good for your daughter and lucky you to have such a kid. Many of us are not so fortunate. My kids were all a step behind or more in the college process. Some kids never really get it. Don’t know if it is better for such kids to delay school or not. I suppose like with most things it depends on the kid and you just don’t know which way is the better with any given kid.</p>
<p>I know a number of adults my age who did not even apply to college or did so in such a way, so disengaged, that they were basically sent to a school their parents chose. So this disinterest is not something new. Of those particular adults, all completed the college and are all self and family supporting now. Not a survey, by any means, but it just goes to show that sometimes it does work just to send the kid somewhere and hope it works out.</p>
<p>I was very close to not sending one of my kids to college. The main reason we did was that we just didn’t want him home and didn’t know a better way to get rid of him. Terrible situations. THere was also a term where he did so miserably, that we had a long talk with him about his taking a leave as we were throwing our money away. It was a very difficult talk for me because I had to keep my feelings and emotions in control and I was so very upset. Many felt that we were crazy to let him continue another semester, and I could not disagree. But this past weekend, he graduated…in 4 years. Whatever he chooses to do now, he will do with a college degree. He is job searching with some encouraging prospects and has all kinds of plans. He is very independent and he just, just might be self sufficient this year. </p>
<p>I can’t say that the path he took was one that I wanted to even visit as a parent, but that was his call. And I am grateful that he is finished with school and has a degree. I say with one hand knocking on my wooden table, that it appears that he has matured. He would not have even gone to college had I waited for his interest and his initiative.</p>
<p>They are all so different & I was just informed by D#3 something to the effect of the more you remind me, nag me, the less interested I become! Her reply was to my request to activate her email account at her new school, so they could start communicating with her! But the whole college search process was like this with her, the visits, the essays, the test taking, the Common Application, everything! And I know if hadn’t nagged, done my little “spread sheets” & so on, that deadlines would have been missed. I do sympathize with other parents having a similiar experience with the college search. </p>
<p>Her point lately is we can’t call her on her cell phone & ask her if she is studying, if her homework is done? H’s response was well, no we won’t but we are paying for it, so we do want good grades & so on. </p>
<p>Now we will embark with our son’s search, but he has been pretty good, much better than his 3 older sisters! Even stating his geographical and environmental preferences-Rural, New England, New York, or Pennsylvania.</p>
<p>jsmom, I’m in a very similar situation–11th grade son who’s a musician with one other strong academic interest (in his case, international relations), high test scores, struggling a bit academically this year. He has only visited two colleges, both last summer. He loved Brandeis, and hated the info session at Wesleyan so much that he didn’t want to stay for the tour. (Both those schools have moved into the “high reach” category anyway, based on his grades this year.)</p>
<p>We are planning to do some college visiting tours this summer, and I’ve been trying to prod him into thinking about which schools we should visit so we can start booking motel rooms etc. I’ve finally concluded that he’s just not going to get around to focusing on this while the school year is on, and I should relax and wait till he’s done with his finals, even if that means the trip planning will be a bit last-minute. Aside from him simply being too busy, I think part of the issue is that thinking about colleges exacerbates his anxiety about schoolwork, so it’s natural for him to try to fend that off a bit.</p>
<p>I highly recommend the book “Accept My Kid Please” by Hank Herman. We all need a laugh during this process.</p>
<p>Nightchef - I just replied to one of your posts on another thread and then realized that your post was from 2008 so I will repeat my suggestion here …
He may want to look into Vassar which has a 60/40 female/male ratio … though they look for an A- average, there may be a bit more wiggle room for a male applicant.</p>