@thumper1 exactly.
Yes, ucbalumnus, my son DID request the paperwork, as mentioned above. In the same request letter, he also waived any privacy rights against his parents.
His first mistake - other than having an open container of beer on the sidewalk - was to attend the tribunal w no representation (his RA was specifically dispatched to him, to say, “Don’t worry.” Then the Community Services Dir told him there would be a tribunal, whose purpose was NOT to punish but to underscore a “teachable moment.” Since each kid was pulled into the tribunal separately, my kid has no idea what transpired inside w any of the 8 others caught up in the sweep, except the kid in his dorm who was also sent packing.
So yes, I agree w you 100%: HE SHOULD get the paperwork himself. But they are refusing to release it to him. Not helping!
So now, as other have mentioned we have exhausted our polite inquiries to really find out EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED…so we’ll probably seek out a lawyer.
There go our Christmas plans!
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On it. Thank you so much. I realize now this is not going to get resolved by an 18-year-old and his mother.
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Thank you for the morale boost there.
Things are not as they were 30+ years ago.
No kidding! Campus would have been a ghost town! Seems harsh to me even in today’s age . . .
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D receives FA at a school where most do not and we have told her that there is probably a separate set of unwritten rules for kids who receive FA and for those who do not. Unfortunately, what she has seen and heard definitely reinforces our suspicion. I’m sorry you are in this position.
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I agree with others that it seems there is more to the story than one infraction for underage drinking…but I think you should stay out of it as it seems you are overly involved. Let him figure it out. Perhaps a full semester off will serve him well…
Many years ago, I got a DWI and subsequent underage drinking tickets…my folks were never involved other than taking me to the hearing and obvious disappointment. I stayed out of college for a semester and worked as a cook. There were never any threats from parents etc, I did not have to pay rent or anything. I had worked in restaurants in HS and after a few months of doing it again, I knew I did not want to do this forever. I went back after a semester and grades were excellent, hired by a Big 6, traveled the world, retired at 40…your son will figure it out, just support him reasonably.
If the story is as he has told you, it does seem harsh and unfair…but this will not be the first time your son will be treated unfairly. Let him learn to deal with it.
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Once you get the full story and confirm this was a first offense (and since your son was fine with waiving privacy from you regarding the documentation, it seems likely he’s telling you the truth), I agree with the posts about the lawyer. I am in the camp that thinks this is a pretty outrageously harsh punishment for a 1st offense underage open container on a college campus. (Perhaps because this “mistake” is exactly one I made in the 90s; I got written up and I received a letter that probably outlined consequences of further violations—I can’t remember what the letter said, but that was it). To lose all of that tuition, room & board money over an open beer…that’s no $200 fine, that’s worth up to $35,000!! Obviously you are smart to have your son do the requesting, but the administration has infinite amounts of experience with these things and all the power. Your son and family have no experience. Colleges can really vary in their reasonableness in punishing these types of things. Of course you want your son to learn a lesson—and there’s no doubt he will, I imagine what’s already happened with having to tell his parents he has lost a semester and all the money along with that, already a very large punishment and lesson has been administered. But anyway, if your child’s college turns out to be on the extreme unreasonable end of things, I think it is very reasonable to hire a lawyer to help you navigate (of course, son can pay for the lawyer!). No reason to deal with this from a position of inexperience. Also, it’s a delicate matter how you want to talk about it in front of son. Assuming the school is being pretty ridiculous in its punishment and communications (lack thereof), it will be hard to hold back harsh words for the school/administration, but obviously your son made his mistake, too, so I just wish you well in finding the right things to say that encourage his thinking about personal responsibility, but that it’s also ok to think the college is going overboard—if he really got kicked out for the semester for just one infraction like this, I do indeed feel sorry for him!
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@Laxmama24: Have your read your son’s letter of apology ?
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Absolutely get a lawyer and get ready for a long fight. So sad this happened to you. College administrators may make decisions that are neither fair nor really rational, and the students may suffer consequences far greater now than 30 years ago. You need to fight this.
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He will absolutely have to disclose and explain this on his grad/professional school applications because they do ask if you have been suspended/placed on probation or dismissed due to academics or behavior. If he decides to become an attorney, he would also have to disclose and explain this in his character and fitness part of his bar application.
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I still want to know if kids INSIDE the frat got in trouble or if the issue was that he could not fit inside and was standing OUTSIDE.
I suggested a lawyer awhile back, and that that does not mean parents or kids have to act combatively.
I hope the apology does not confirm the accusation. of the charge was unfair. I supposed it was made under duress.
By all means this is a situation where parental involvement is appropriate and necessary as long as the son agrees.
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If this is truly a first offense, I find this an outrageous punishment, and I would definitely consult with an attorney. I also agree with compmom – what about the kids inside the frat? Were none of them underage? And why the discrepant treatment for 2 out of the 8?
And I completely disagree with everyone saying the kid should handle this on his own and learn his lesson. At 18 or 19, being punished like this for something that a huge number of his peers probably do on a regular basis definitely requires adult guidance. Not to mention the very large financial stakes involved – due both to the cost of tuition and the possibilty of the loss of financial aid.
If this was a criminal offense, most parents would be hiring an attorney to make sure their child got the best advocacy possible. Maybe it helps to think of this as a civil offense: no jail time, but a (very substantial) monetary fine (ie, loss of tuition). But unlike an actual civil offense – no court record available and no hearings in open court.
As you can tell, I am definitely in the camp of support your student and hire an attorney to navigate what I see as an unfair punishment for a fairly commonplace offense. If this is not his first offense, I would still be supportive, but not as outraged.
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Colleges will not buckle as easily as school boards as evidenced by recent issues regarding mask wearing.
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Your son says he waived privacy and authorized you to get the paperwork. What has the college said when you told them this?
Agree 100% on the lawyer - immediately. Had the same exact thing happen to the son of some friends. The two students from “out of town” were written up and the “locals” weren’t. I put them in touch with a well established/regarded in-state law firm with connections to the University and the story had a happy ending. Look for a firm where the senior partners have a connection to the school (trustee, alum).
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Were the other 6 students who weren’t cited also underage, or just your son and the other student who was suspended?
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Yes, agree that using the lawyer doesn’t have to be combative; I think it just gains you a lot of experience on your son’s side. Totally agree this is not the type of situation to leave your son to navigate alone, in part because he’s not the only one punished! If you truly lose a semester of tuition/room/board/Financial Aid, well I assume you are contributing to that expense. Sure, if the punishment was community service or attending alcohol-awareness classes, etc, that’s all on him. But they are choosing a massive penalty that affects your whole family (in addition to potentially long-term consequences for son). To those who are judging saying well, he did knowingly break the law/rules–are you so perfect that you’ve never driven 36 mph in a 35 mph zone? The rules are clear with speed limits, too, yet I bet almost everyone has violated that rule at some point. So if you are caught speeding, yes, you buck up and pay your fine and accept the consequences. But the fines are more reasonable. No one would charge you $35,000 for that speeding ticket, especially if it’s your first driving infraction. I do believe help is needed here to get a reasonable outcome. Also, I’d still be hopeful to get him reinstated for this semester, with alternative punishments besides suspension. A lawyer may be able to give you the best advice. As for the 2 out of 8 punished, that’s weird, but I wouldn’t want to try to get the other 6 punished 
. Obviously it would be great to know what differentiated the 2 (perhaps as mentioned above it was a locals vs. OOS issue, or maybe the 2 kids acted disrespectful and the others were polite, or maybe the other 6 were girls and they decided just to punish boys, or maybe the other 6 ran away, or were carrying the favorite brand beer of the campus police, maybe some were over/under age 18 and that made a difference…all kinds of ridiculous things could account for this. Inquiring minds want to know!!). As for the indoor kids at the frat vs. outdoor, I’m assuming that the campus police aren’t allowed to just enter the property and charge everyone, whereas there is a different law about open containers outside…it’s not just that he’s under 21, but there is an open container law, too. But to me it seems a very, very minor offense unless they were simultaneously up to some antics. Best of luck!!
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I agree. I think I was responding to the OP’s fear of being adversarial. This can be information-gathering and hoping it can be a discussion among reasonable people. The OP appears to be very reasonable.
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