@ClassicRockerDad IMO this is a different situation entirely. The dad will pay for college. Just not the OPs top choice college. Again, I do not support the dad’s position, but in a world where there I read about real tragedy and people with no hope for a better life every time I open the newspaper, I just can’t equate a parent’s willingness to pay for UC Berkeley instead of UVa as a disaster. Many many students can’t attend their first choice school for many different reasons (finances, obligations at home, parental restrictions etc.). And I agree that once the OP is self-supporting she will be in a position to make her own choices.
Taking a gap year won’t make a student independent. He or she must be at least 24, I believe.
The daughter should only choose UVA if her mom has fully assured her that SHE (the mom) will make sure the bills get paid…
Does the mom have her own income? Does she have full access to money?
@mom2collegekids my mom makes about $60,00 or a little bit higher
There’s what should be, and what is.
The dad should – as it makes economic sense, academic sense for her major and fit/happiness sense for her – allow her to go to UVA, if not support her decision fully. The sour grapes should be his, not hers.
Yet thus far, he can’t see that.
I believe you can continue to try to persuade him and even try to bring others in to do the same. But if that doesn’t work within the next handful of days, I think you should be the adult and say, “OK, Dad, I’ll go to Berkeley.” Give him a hug, forgive him in your heart, and make the most of what is still an incredible gift – maybe not the color or breed of horse that you wanted, but a fine horse still.
You may end up loving Berkeley if you’ll give it a chance. It certainly has a lot going for it. 
Is your dad wealthy, will not have any problem at all financing OOS prices for at least 4 years?
@sevmom he makes enough money to support the family, but I think I’ll need to take out loans for Berkeley because its so expensive
Did he support your application to UVa to begin with? I am sorry this is happening and hope you can work it out with him.
@sevmom he did and two weeks ago he told me that he can’t wait to see what college I choose and that he will be happy for me whichever college I choose
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Furthermore, on what basis can she believe that he will follow through and pay for Berkeley for 4 years. He'll just find some other excuse to cut her off and where does that leave her. Can she really trust him? Why should she? Why would she?
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I 1000% agree with this. This dad does NOT have the student’s best interests at heart. His has his own bragging rights at heart.<<
if he cuts her off he loses the bragging rights he gets by having a Berkeley grad daughter. plus he willing to pay lots more for Berkeley b/c he is convinced it’s the better school, not b/c he’s trying to save $$$ on a lesser, cheaper school. cutting off before graduation is completely contradictory to either of those motivations.
of course, if he is genuinely crazy all bets are off.
OP, i am sorry you suddenly find yourself in this terrible spot. but a bunch of posts saying how bad your father must be and how other posters would have handled this so much better, is not going to help you now. there is just not enough time for anything other than fast action and a decision.
barring a Hail Mary last-second change of heart by your Dad, the only way you can go to UVa at this point is if your mother can contribute enough $$$ independently of your father’s assets, added to what $$$ you can borrow / earn / contribute. if you and Mom can make it work financially, then you can go to UVa.
if UVa cannot work financially, then the only realistic option left is Berkeley. and if you have to go this route, please do not insist on being miserable for 4 years and ruining what could otherwise be a fantastic experience.
He wants to force you to go to the higher cost school and burden you with loans (how much?) for it???
OP, if you can please try to get you dad to look at the real numbers as far as costs. If he is irrationally stuck on Berkley, you need to be sure he is rational about money. Does he realize there is a limit to what you can borrow on your own. $5500 a year may not be enough to make Berkeley affordable. Will he cosign loans?
Try to compare the two side by side financially. Maybe a $$ wake up call could help sway him? I would really hate for you to agree to go along with Dad and then find out at the last minute that he didn’t understand the cost and can’t afford that either.
If he has told you as recently as two weeks ago that he will be happy for you with whatever college you choose, you need to remind him of that. What has happened in the last couple of weeks to prompt this turnaround in his attitude?
@sevmom it was last thursday when I told him that i wanted to go to UVA and he blew up at me and @scmom12 and I’ve tried but in China people believe that you should go to the best college you can even if it is expensive and my dad is Chinese so that is what he believes
How much does your dad expect you to borrow each year for Berkeley?
Is it possible that sometime during the last two weeks he spoke to some of his Chinese relatives and they heard that you got into Berkeley and he got pressure from them for you to go there?
Maybe your mom needs to pretend that she can’t bear for her little girl to be so far away because she’ll want to see you a few times per year.
Well… can he pay or not, though. Did you apply for FA at both schools? Do you have financial aid offers in hand with the costs and loans? I would maybe try to sit down with him with both packages, and also tell him that public health majors usually need to get a masters degree – he may not know that. Maybe find a few job listings that support this and show him before you sit down and show him what they are looking for. MAYBE if he looks at the whole financial package for undergrad and grad schools, he will see the sense. I’d print the Forbes rankings, too, and circle the two schools right next to each other. Total up the loans and cost to him for four years for each school, too (sometimes the bigger four year number is more of a shock). Also, assume each college will go up in cost each year – I would use something like 4%.
As others have said, YOU can only borrow $5,500 this next year yourself. HE and/or your mom will have to borrow if more borrowing is needed. Your FA package may show those loans. If you didn’t apply for FA, you have to take some steps to do that if you want to borrow.
Maybe a sit down at the kitchen table to talk about where the money is really going to come from would help.
Update: I just overheard my dad tell my mom that if I want to be “average and middle class then go to UVA”. @mom2collegekids honestly I’ve tried to bring up finances with my dad but he just always tell me to “not worry” and I’m not sure if he has spoken to his Chinese relatives, but he told me that he told his coworker last week that he told her that I was going to Berkeley…
@intparent I’m assuming that he can because he always tells me to not worry about the finances, which is why he told me not to apply for FA for Berkeley and UVA.
“average and middle class then go to UVa” Well, my UVa grad son is already well into six figures with stock options/shares on top of that so there’s that. Your dad is totally offbase but it sounds like there is no talking to him (although it could be worth one more try). I wish you the best with this. This is tough and you sound like you are dealing with some very entrenched views. He is operating from his background, culture . Doesn’t make him necessarily a bad guy but it makes it harder for you to challenge his views. Don’t agree though to take out excessive loans or have your mom agree to do so (if she even could) to make his agenda work. When someone tells you not to worry about finances and is not forthcoming about how they expect to pay for something, expects you to take out loans for an expensive school, that is when you DO need to worry.
Does your Dad realize that a public health major is not a path to riches? Is he going to make you change your major as well?
My first thoughr was go to Berkley, get a great education and put some distance between you and your Dad. However, I think you need to consider how much he is going to micro-manage your college experience.
Is this an ongoing pattern of behavior? If you choose VA, do you think your Mom would be able to bring your Dad around in time.