I would really like for that dad to come here and try to understand this issue with help of others and discuss it with her daughter to come to a conclusion that works best for them.
@WorryHurry411 Seriously. I’m sure that those in the public health industry only care if you went to Berkeley. Last time I checked that was the only school they hire from, not any other top schools.
richmond22, all I can say is that like everyone else, I am hoping with all my heart that your father comes around. As others have pointed out, it’s not anything “against” going to Berkeley…but if you prefer UVa…it is the more affordable choice…and it is a peer school…this is hard to swallow.
Again, is there anyone who can intervene? Have you written out your reasons on paper to show him?
Sending you best wishes – you are in the home stretch! It will be okay either way. You are a great student and incredibly mature. The UCB route has some definite economic risks, so do your best in this moment but be aware that if you do get pressured into it, the can is getting kicked down the road. Keep your eyes open and keep your mom close.
There is still just a bit of time for you to convince him about UVa.
Please do keep us posted.
I realize that he’s being less than rational, but maybe you can approach him on his turf. Tell your dad to search UC Berkeley lays off 500 employees (which happened last week). There’s been a lot in the media about falling quality at the UCs because of budgetary issues. Will he understand that UCB is in the midst of a serious financial crisis and that this will impact all areas of the university? Maybe you can convince him that the brand is endangered.
Has he really researched reputation? If he respects something like the U.S. News rankings, the difference between the two is #20 vs. #26, a completely meaningless distinction (and certainly not grounds for saying that you won’t be successful). I know a lot of parents get obsessive about certain schools, but his opinion about UVA just demonstrates ignorance.
Good luck with everything. I’m so sorry that what should be a joyful time for you has become so stressful.
I hope you can make UVa work . It sounds like a great fit for you. You have great EC’s and leadership. Many kids at UVa were very involved in their high schools beyond academics (with clubs, sports, etc.) so you should find lots of kids there to connect with. Berkeley is a fine school too but at twice the cost, it just makes no sense for you, given what you’ve told us.
As others have already said, both schools are good and you’ll do well at either.
If he remains this intractable, you’ll just have to decide if UVa is worth the war.
On a more positive note, with all of your previous and upcoming AP’s, you’ll more likely than not be able to graduate within four (or maybe less) years even with all of the budgetary uncertainties at UCB.
Good luck to you. You seem like a very reasonable, capable, deserving student.
Your parents should be very proud of you.
I, like many other posters, have concerns about the question of whether the parent can afford UCB or will require the child to take out loans. I have a suggestion that might seem somewhat extreme.
If I were the OP, I would once again sit down with my parents, say you want to talk about economic ramifications and ask two questions:
- If I accept UVA, will you refuse to pay for college?
- If I accept UCB, how will college be paid for? Will I be required to take out any loans?
If the answer to question one is that the father will still pay, then the OP can pick UVA.
If the answer to question one is “no” and the answer to question two is that no loans will be required, then I would try and go further. Trying to speak dispassionately, I would ask my father whether he is willing to put that in writing.
The worst possible case here is that the OP goes to UCB and the father refuses to pay unless she changes her major etc. While I recognize that what I’m suggesting would be difficult, I think if the OP approaches her father in a specific way, it might be possible to pin him down in writing - for example, if the answer to question two is that he will pay, the OP could say “Since you and I both want me to be successful, a successful person would ask for a guarantee. So, I’m asking for a guarantee that if I agree to this, you won’t change your mind, and I think that getting your promise in writing would be what a business person would suggest.”
While the upshot might be that the OP would have to attend UCB, at least she wouldn’t be pressured to change her major etc.
And for those who suspect that such a contract would be unenforceable if the OP is under 18, I’m not sure, but I think that such contracts would be enforceable against the parent (it might be unenforceable against the minor, but that’s a different question).
Re: #126
Would promises, contracts, and agreements have any effect since the father has all of the power while the OP has none in this situation? The OP going to UVA or UCB (and choose a major) is purely at the discretion of the father, who controls the money that will allow the OP to do so. The only way to get out of it is to go to a full merit ride school like those listed in #105, or not go to college at all until reaching financial aid independence (age 24, married, or military veteran).
Well actually I believe a contract (or possibly even an oral promise, but she’d need backup on that and preferably someone other than her mother) would protect against the possibility of being forced to change majors or leave college.
@richmond22: Thanks for updating this thread with this info, it helps people here understand the situation better, and allows them to give better advice/suggestions. Also, it seems that you’re keeping an amazingly level head given the situation, which must be very stressful. Try to keep that going as much as possible.
I really agree with the advice @intparent gave in comment #113. It seems the best solution is to convince your father to allow you, and support you, to go to UVA. And the best possibility for that involves using his language for talking about things, and trying to get someone he knows and respects to change his mind.
Also, it wasn’t quite clear in reading through the thread – and maybe you don’t even know for certain – but can you/your family even afford Berkeley? If they can’t, who would be responsible for the loans? If it would be you, I think that makes that option absolutely untenable. If your family can afford it, you may need to consider it if you can’t change your father’s mind.
BTW, here’s one thing that may help at least give you some more time to work things out. I assume the deadline to decide is May 1. Perhaps you can deposit by then to both Berkeley and UVA (maybe keeping the latter a secret from your dad). Later you’d likely have to forfeit the deposit to the school you end up not going to, so it will cost a few hundred dollars extra, but worth it I’d think for the extra time.
Best of luck.
Do NOT double deposit. It is not allowed.
Isn’t double depositing unethical?
Tell him that UCB is filled. Because of severe budget constraints at the school, they cut off enrollment at end of day today. I usually do not advise lying to one’s parents, but this is such an extreme cases in which the dad is wrong–and mean, to boot–and the student is right, that lying seems warranted.
hi @richmond22
Does your father know how much 4 years will cost at UCB? If not, show him the numbers. Show him the numbers for UVA side by side so he can compare them.
Ask him again point blank if he will actually refuse to pay for UVa, even though it is less expensive and does not have the current budgetary problems that UCB is facing, that other posters have mentioned.
If he says no to UVa, ask him if he is ABLE to pay for 100% of the costs for UCB for four years. we are just finding out he has a PhD from JHU so maybe he has the $$$ after all.
if he says yes, then ask him is he is WILLING to pay 100% for four years, including air fare.
also ask him if he is willing to pay for a transfer to UVa if the program you want is discontinued at UCB.
ask him to give you his word of honor that he will pay.
if he will commit to pay 100%, then you might have to go to Berkeley. at least then his money will be spent on you and not his dumb BMW.
it doesn’t make me happy to conclude this because it seems like he wins, and frankly I don’t want him to get his way here. but if he will not pay for UVa, and he prevented you from filing the FAFSA, and if your mom cannot or will not help you with the $$$ to go to UVa, and you cannot get the $25K-$30K per year for UVa, then sadly I think your best option is to go to UCB on his dime and hope he does not change the rules on you again.
but if he is unable or unwilling to pay 100% for UCB, we (you) need to come up with another plan.
for example, if you have a 1490 on your SAT (CR + Math) and a 4.0, you can take advantage of Alabama-Huntsville’s full-tuition + housing scholarship this fall, as long as you apply by Aug 1. all you would need to cover is food and books. you will be able to attend college while figuring out your next move, which will likely involve a transfer to a school with your intended major. at the very least, it will get you away from an uncomfortable home situation while you draw up a new battle plan.
good luck and keep us posted, we are all rooting for you.
whoa. i mean, wouldn’t he just be able to verify this himself? if she could actually pull this off though? wow, that would be slick.
Does your dad want you to work in Public Health in China?
NACAC doesn’t like it, but are applicants bound by NACAC’s policies? Do they sign something agreeing to abide by the rules the way someone applying ED signs an agreement?
Do not lie to your dad. It won’t solve anything and will make the problem worse when he finds out. I would gather info. about [UCB layoffs](UC Berkeley to eliminate 500 staff jobs) and [budget cuts](With money tight, chancellor says UC Berkeley must 'reimagine' its future). Tell him you’re “concerned” about the cost, the possibility of cuts to programs, and job placement because they’re struggling so much.
What’s you’re CR + M score? If it’s high enough, there may be a full ride available. Would your dad let you live at home if you took a gap year to work and apply to different colleges? You can’t take any college classes after high school or you’ll be a transfer and ineligible for freshmen grants.
OP, tell him if you go to UVA and he really has the money to send you to UCB, he will be able to afford a college education for you AND a BMW.
Oops, sorry. Didn’t realize the issues with double depositing.