<p>My sister has three children, all of whom graduated from UMass Amherst and were non-commuters for all four years. One son is a brainiac; one son an athlete; one daughter a high school vocational studies kid. All three hit bumps – roommates, boy/girlfriends or lack thereof, courses, work, health – but they powered through it and each one is glad they did though they rarely look back. One is now pursuing a PhD in Chemistry; one is running and growing the family business; and my niece can claim a very successful career in hospitality with a military officer husband and two kids. It helped that they were not saddled with debt when they got out.</p>
<p>Her GPA was a 3.4 unweighted, and her SAT was a little over 2000. </p>
<p>He has more interest in a private school and after seeing what happened with her, I would rather let him have more of a choice. </p>
<p>Because your daughter is a first-generation college student whose family didn’t have experience in picking colleges, and she didn’t visit, and because it’s still so early, I echo other posters in suggesting she call her other acceptances right now and see if they would still honor their acceptances and aid amounts. Some might.</p>
<p>OP,
Didn’t she visited multiple times, stayed overnights, talked to current students, take few tours, reserached the specific program? I do not understand how she just discovered the pros and cons of certain location and why she even applied if the location is not what she preffers?<br>
I do not know who can help you. There is a possibility of her adjusting later and then there is a possiblity of never adjusting.<br>
On the other hand the party atmosphere is absolutey everywhere and it is up to a student to decide to be part of it or not or to some degree and with seletive group or whatever. There is nobody, not a single one who can physically force them to choose. If there is any physically forceful pressure, then it has to be reported, there are hotlines usually everywhere on the campus. </p>
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<p>You might be right
UMASS - Amherst 63% admitted, SAT CR 540-640, SAT M 570-670
UMASS - Lowell 64% admitted, SAT CR 500-600, SAT M 530-630
UMASS - Boston 70% admitted, SAT CR 460-570, SAT M 490-590</p>
<p>Some of the others I suggested
Minnesota Twin Cities - 44% admitted, SAT CR 550-690, SAT M 570-670
SUNY Albany - 54% admitted, SAT CR 500-570, SAT M 510-610
SUNY Buffalo - 57% admitted, SAT CR 500-600, SAT M 550-660</p>
<p>She applied to UMass because I insisted on it; she did put up a fight and we exchanged a lot of words over it. We didn’t tour anywhere but Northeastern, which she loved. She really wanted to go there but after seeing the financial aid package from UMass, I really pushed it and wouldn’t tour with her. </p>
<p>She’s restarting the search and touring more schools in more urban areas and trying to find something comparable in the hopes of being able to transfer for sophomore year. </p>
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<p>Maybe I was wrong in my presumption that you at least WANT your D to be happy. Favoring your S seems rather unfair to me. Can you explain your logic?</p>
<p>I would think to avoid what seems to already be some difficult family dynamics, that you organized a well planned sit down meeting - you and your husband if possible - with each of your children who are college age or almost college age. You all need to be on the same page re: finances for education and create a plan for dealing with current college issues and then MORE planning for future college planning - whether that be visiting for transfer possibilities or visiting for freshman possibilities (your son). </p>
<p>Your D’s college experience is so young - you need to be her advocate to not throw in the towel yet on her current school and grades and to assist (especially if your money is involved) in “next steps.” Not to diminish her current feelings, but this website is FULL of freshman “hate my school” stories - it’s awful while you are in it, but things can turn around. </p>
<p>We are probably going to let her transfer, but she can’t leave until the year is up anyway and we don’t want him to go through the same thing</p>
<p>Yes RockerDad and I am guessing the UML stats will be even higher when this year’s accepted applicants are revealed - it’s all good when state schools offer so much bang for your buck!</p>
<p>Ellen94, could you clarify the finances here? There are a couple of intertwined issues. You say that your daughter never visited UMass and it wasn’t a top choice, but you pushed her to go there because you liked the aid offer. But then you say that you/she never even waited to find out the aid offers from schools she preferred.</p>
<p>So, were some of her other acceptances just as affordable as UMass? Or were they not? Most people here will say that it’s a mistake to decide before looking at all the offers, but that’s irrelevant if you couldn’t afford her other choices anyway.</p>
<p>The second issue is your son. I hope he is learning from his sister’s mistakes, and checking out the schools he is applying to. But in some messages you seem to be hinting that you would be willing to pay more for his education than his sister’s. Is that the case? </p>
<p>It’s not public vs. private that you should be worrying about, for both your children. It’s affordable vs. not affordable. Sometimes for lower income families, private schools end up being more affordable.</p>
<p>I can’t understand why you could not even visit the instate college and she could not even see her acceptance letters before deciding. They should either both go to state schools or both go to private. If a state school was good enough for her then it is good enough for him. It will destroy your relationship otherwise.</p>
<p>Why do you think you S will go through the same thing? Just because it’s a larger university? Because it’s public? </p>
<p>I PROMISE you, drinking/drugs/wild social scene can be found at most ANY college or university. Truly. </p>
<p>The college search IMO takes some time. You don’t have to head out on a week long college visit trip. Take a day, an afternoon, a morning, an evening - whatever time you can scoop up. Do a visit day, an individual visit scheduled through the admissions office or your own impromptu visit on your own without just walking through campus and buildings. </p>
<p>I would potentially be willing to pay more for his college; he isn’t sure he’s going, so my husband and I think that showing him some of the nice-looking colleges might convince him to go. Also, she attended a private high school so I feel like this might even it out a little. </p>
<p>A couple of her other options did end up being a similar price to UMass, but by that point we had already sent in her deposit. </p>
<p>I don’t understand. You simply would have lost a $200 or $300 deposit and she could have gone to a school she liked.</p>
<p>So, private college = nice looking colleges? I’m really confused!</p>
<p>I would encourage you to sit down and make a game plan for both kids, separately. They are most likely two different students with two different needs/wants/expectations/journeys ahead! Do not base one on the other. Do not worry about being even - worry about giving the best do-able college choice a shot. There are never any guarantees that a choice will work out. </p>
<p>Whatever mistakes Ellen94 made are water under the bridge. Now we should figure out how to advise her on what to do going forward. But because of her inexperience at the college process, some of her daughter’s acceptances might be willing to take her daughter this spring. It’s worth calling and finding out.</p>
<p>Should I call, or should I have my daughter call?</p>
<p>Have your daughter call. If she needs to get into the weeds with the financial aid folks- then you can step in. But showing her that you want her to be in charge of this next step will be good for both of you.</p>
<p>I personally observed students at Harvard who wanted to leave around this time n freshman year. One was very anxious and depressed and was very close to going. They all stayed and flourished.</p>
<p>Getting more into the community can help. </p>
<p>Your daughter may have had other options financially that weren’t investigated, yes, but UMass is a great school. Freshman year is tough and classes are larger too. I hope she can see that things might get better.</p>
<p>Is she in counseling? Would she consider meds if she is depressed, just to get her over the hump?</p>