I’m good friends with one of my current neighbors, and we both got into the same study abroad program for next year. Lately she’s been doing some things that make me not so inclined to room with her, but I don’t know how to tell her that I don’t think we’d be good roommates. I also have other friends in the program, but she doesn’t. How do I tell her I don’t want to room with her, while keeping out friendship intact?
Did you apply “together,” with the intention of rooming together if you both were admitted? Do you think she assumes you will room together? What is the lodging situation? Dorms? Apartments? All of this will matter for the right approach.
Could you request not rooming with her – or any of your other friends? Ask to be assigned a random roommate? That way you could say that as part of your study abroad program you want to room with someone new… as a way of broadening your horizons overall.
She does assume that we’re rooming together, and it would be dorm style living. I could request to room with someone else, but I think she’d know that I didn’t request her.
Be honest. “I want to room with Jane” or as suggest above, that you want to meet new people and room with someone from another school or country. Perhaps suggest taking one side trip together.
My daughter went with a blind roommate match to her study abroad. It was a home stay arrangement. She got matched with one girl from her school (and they are now great friends) and one from another school. The third girl traveled every weekend while my D and her new friend just did a lot of day trips around London and one weekend to Paris. They had a wonderful time and seemed to have similar budgets.
This is going to require an honest, face to face conversation. Can you say you changed your mind without bringing up the specific behaviors that are troubling you?
Did the two of you decide to room together before you applied? Does the other person know anyone else who is going?
I promise you that handling this in a mature way now, before you depart, will allow you to have a better study abroad experience. It won’t be easy to talk with your friend, but it is the right thing to do.
Be prepared to stand your ground when you talk. Do not give in. Find a sentence to repeat when arguments are made. “I am sorry my decision has put you in this situation, but it is the right decision for me.” Not necessarily those exact words, but something that acknowledges her frustration but does not have you changing your mind.
OTOH–who knows who you’ll end up with? You might be better off sticking with a known quantity. You might be stuck with a roommate from hell.
How do you sign up for/are assigned roommates?
You could sign up someone else/go random/say you don’t want to room with her…tell her that you are doing Study Abroad because you want to expand your horizons and that includes getting to know other people.
So I just found out she’s actually going to transfer schools, so I don’t have to worry about any of this any more!