<p>I would like to thank everyone for all the advice and support on this thread.</p>
<p>@Momom2 & gojack: that’s awesome to hear that! I can’t wait to start college at SDSU. I have orientation this weekend down there. </p>
<p>RE: tuition and costs: my EFC=0 so SDSU is very afforable for me. @Bclinok is spot on. They gave me a very reasonable financial aid package + I’m participating in MN tuition reciprocity. It’s way cheaper than the UofMN plus I’m going to assume that I’m going to have less temptations to spend as much money since I won’t be in the cities :D</p>
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<p>You’re completely right. My mom isn’t out to get me but she’s simply disappointed that I could’ve done much better and I know it. I’m very sensitive person inside but I try not to make it obvious. It’s something I regret every single day of my life now and I hope I can fix it. I’m not trying to make up any excuses or blame anyone but myself; in High school I was dealing with a lot on top of feeling burnt out and unmotivated. They say everything happens for a reason, and I completely agree with that statement. I learned from my past mistakes and this only motivates me 100x to perform better in school. I’m not going to mess up in college for sure. I see this as a second chance to redeem myself–cleanslate for grades, environment , everything. I plan on working very hard, maintaining a 3.7+ gpa, which a challenging/reasonable course load. I dream that I can transfer to my State flagship --the UMN-TC or Emory or Vanderbilt my junior yr of college. Or at the very least, my dream is to attend Columbia University for graduate or law school.</p>
<p>I know from reading your other posts over the course of the past year or so that your mother is a basket-case. It can’t be easy for you to live with her! </p>
<p>I would suggest that you make a count-down calendar for yourself, so that before you go to sleep at night you can cross another day off and see how much closer you are getting to your goal of leaving home. When you are with your mother, do your best to ignore her crazy talk so it won’t make you crazy too.</p>
<p>Your mom is wrong…very wrong about calling you those names.</p>
<p>However, would it likely “shut her up,” if you just humbly said, “yes, in hindsight, I should have tried harder in high school. But, I’m going to make lemonade out of lemons by doing very well at SDSU and either get a good job or go to grad school.”</p>
<p>Would she still ***** at you after that? </p>
<p>If so, then don’t engage her when she’s saying these things…don’t respond…she’ll tire of just arguing with herself.</p>
That’s it right there. Take a look at a calendar and you’ll see there are only weeks left until August. You won’t have to put up with this on a daily basis much longer.</p>
<p>This is something your mother will need to get over. The most you can do is perhaps educate her on some of the programs at SDSU, the qualifications of the professors, how they’re pefectly competent in teaching you (hopefully most will be), etc. and ultimately your own success may open her eyes.</p>
<p>At the end of the day your college experience is about ‘you’, not ‘her’.</p>
<p>A very wise choice to go to SDSU at an affordable cost, and get away from your mother. It’s probably as cheap or cheaper than staying at home and going to a community college, and much saner an environment. If you stayed focused & motivated & work hard, you can nail that 3.7 GPA and transfer to “the U” for your last two years, same as from a community college. But who knows, maybe you’ll love SDSU and decide to spend all 4 years there? </p>
<p>Have you gone through an on-campus orientation session yet?</p>
<p>Agree with bclintonk. There’s alot to like about the Dakotas these days. Who knows you might just decide to spend four years there. One day at a time and try to tune out your mother. This, too, shall pass. You did a great job finding something for you that met your needs and is affordable and will give you an opportunity to see a different part of the country.</p>
<p>Don’t believe the negativity, my girlfriend at SDSU (ME/EE double major) was
heavily recruited, ended up taking a very sweet offer from General Dynamics.
You can go anywhere you want, if you apply yourself.
Talk to the Honors college when you visit, it’s open to get in - like the rest of the University, but you have to work hard to stay there.</p>
<p>I so agree with the above-- you have showed great maturity and thoughtfulness in making this choice, and I expect you will get a wonderful education at SDSU. It’s hard to hear about a mother being so foolish and unkind to her daughter-- no wonder you had some troubles in high school. But you’re on your way to much better things-- keep us informed!</p>
<p>The things that parents say can really hurt their children–I’m sorry your mom isn’t being supportive. You know a lot about yourself and how to succeed and I think you are going to have a wonderful college experience. Hang in there and count down the days!</p>
<p>The things your mother is saying tell us more about her than about you. </p>
<p>I, too, grew up with a difficult mother. It soured our relationship for many years. But I learned and eventually internalized this mantra: </p>
<p>I am not responsible for my mother’s happiness.</p>
<p>Now I realize that <em>she</em> is responsible for how <em>she</em> interacts with the world (including with me), and <em>I</em> am responsible for how <em>I</em> interact with the world (including with her). This allows me to accept the good things about her (of which there are many) and work around the difficult parts. It has brought me much peace. Surprisingly, it has also improved the relationship between us. </p>
<p>Keep your chin up and don’t get lured into your mother’s dysfunction. You are on a good path, and it will lead to good things.</p>
<p>Shining the best possible light unto your mother’s actions–she is trying to motivate you to study hard in college so that you can live up to your potential–not repeat your high school unmotivated performance. The way she is doing it, though, is pretty useless.</p>
<p>Yep, parents aren’t perfect…just do better when you have your own kids.</p>
<p>Just to echo what everyone said-- Breathe, it is only one more month! You made a good choice for your own specific situation. It would not have made sense to go into debt, as you have very wisely stated. I also appreciate that you realize your mother is not out to get you. But, it is not ok for her to call you a loser; you are not a loser, not by a long shot. Use college to your best advantage, to learn as much as you can academically and in terms of learning who you are and what you want in life (and career). Make yourself proud, and let us know how your are doing.</p>
<p>You might quietly ask her, point-blank, what she expects you to do NOW about your past performance. Um, nothing. You can’t change history. But as others have said, ignoring her may be all you can do at this point.</p>
<p>Good for you for moving on with goals to do the best you can. Every college has opportunities, and it’s all about how you take advantage of those opportunities. Right? Of course right! :)</p>
<p>You have shown far more maturity in dealing with the finanical aid side of college than many others. That type of attitude will take you far in life. I believe you can get a good education anywhere, its up to you.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Ice Cream better be good - plenty of cold weather :-)</p></li>
<li><p>The only way to keep her from repeating the loser mantra is for you to put up a seriously good performance 1st semester, and stay out of trouble in general.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>By seriously good performance I’m not talking 3.3 or 3.5. I’m talking all A’s and a B type serious performance, sustained over a couple semesters. </p>
<p>Instead of wondering why she’s telling you this, I’d wonder about why your HS performance was sub-par, and even more, how is such a sub-par performance going to affect your academic run at SDState. In other words, hurtful adjectives or not, if you and Mrs. Algebra were not in good speaking terms in 10th grade at Wherever High, it would be this much harder to deal with College Algebra at SDState. </p>
<p>As others have indicated, you have shown great maturity by laying low and waiting it out - but, one you arrive at Brookings, you got to really try to close any gaps and give it your best. You will need the maturity to kick into overdrive and study like there’s no tomorrow. </p>
<p>Your mother is a victim of her own circumstances. She may be repeating parenting patterns that were imposed on her as a child.
But - you can break this cycle! You can be positive with your own children when the time comes. You are already taking the first step by getting an education and applying yourself seriously to it. Now, pass on your insight to the next generation by learning all you can about positive parenting before you have children. It will take all of your strength, but it will be worth it. Share what you learn with others in your community. Someday, you will come to the place where you will forgive your mother, as she is trying her best under her own circumstances. Deep down, she really wants the best for you, but doesn’t know how to communicate this in a positive manner. She may think that this talk motivates you, probably because she was spoken to this way when she was a kid. Age will probably mellow her someday. For now, give yourself some big pats on the back and believe in yourself! You can do very well if you put your energy and effort into positive endeavors. Good luck!</p>
<p>Another phrase you may want to use when your mother says this stuff is: “You may be right, but I’m committed now and will do the very best I can. I know you will help me as much as you can.”</p>
<p>My mom, who is nearly 80, loves to tell a story about her college experience.</p>
<p>She was the youngest of two girls. My late aunt was brilliant, but she turned down several scholarships in the late 1940s and early 1950s to work as a secretary. She got married, had two kids and did not pursue her dream of teaching elementary school until she was in her 30s. She eventually graduated, got her masters and taught in New York for years.</p>
<p>My mom was an average student. She told by my grandfather, as he dropped her off at nurses training school, that he’d be back in a week or so, because she would never cut it.</p>
<p>My mom refused to be a quitter. She completed nurses training, worked in hospitals for years and went back to complete her bachelors so she could teach. She eventually earned two masters degrees in education and worked in the schools for years. She retired nearly 20 years ago, but several times, she has been asked by her doctors or local colleges if she’d like a job, they’d make one for her. </p>
<p>Do not allow your mom’s attitude to hurt your chances of success. Carve your path. Study hard. Make good friends and choices. College is what you make it. Good luck!</p>