<p>Here, here marite and echo.</p>
<p>A 'one step at a time, one year at a time' story to read:
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=48740&highlight=story%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=48740&highlight=story</a></p>
<p>Legend, I am so sorry for your loss. What a miserable way for you to get launched into adulthood.</p>
<p>I would approach your dilemma in a slightly different manner, and I think the posters who are critical of your mom are not seeing the big picture here. You want to go to Penn. She doesn't want you to go. End of story as far as I'm concerned. The two of you can argue, or discuss amicably, the use of her nest egg, how big is the utility bill, how much would a home equity line of credit cost, etc. until the cows come home. I think she's made it clear that she doesn't want you to go to Penn.</p>
<p>Now-- does this or should this matter to you? I don't know, since I'm a total stranger. But-- I would encourage you not to get too wrapped up in figuring out how much money you could save as an RA, does she have medical insurance, will she sell the house... all of this is just a distraction from the problem at hand. You want to go to Penn, she doesn't want you to go, and to get into round 36 of how lots of successful people don't go to college, your dad didn't, she can't afford it, Penn didn't give you enough aid, none of your relatives went to Ivies, Max-- what's the point?</p>
<p>Deal with the problem. Are you ready to make a major decision knowing that your mom disapproves? Further, are you ready to deal with the consequences of that? I have seen a lot of life and a lot of family situations, and I can virtually guarantee that what you want isn't going to happen... she is not going to change her mind, endorse Penn, come up with the cash. So-- can you handle her disapproval? What will happen to your sibling if you move out, do Penn, leave her still grieving and angry???</p>
<p>If you can-- then there are all sorts of things you can do to figure this out and make it happen... including deferring your admission for a year, both to help you get a cash cushion by working, as well as helping you get to college more focused, by giving you more time to work through your own grief. But if you aren't ready to deal with Mom's anger, lack of approval, however she may act out on that, then don't spin your wheels coming up with the cash and exploring loan options.</p>
<p>Move to plan B. You sound like an exceptionally mature kid who has been through a lot... so I'm sure you have plan B. A cheaper school? Closer to home? not as threatening to your Mom as Penn????</p>
<p>Tell us plan B and maybe we can help.</p>
<p>Hi.</p>
<p>All I have to say ... "Ay-yi-yi.." This must be a terrible time for you.</p>
<p>I have a similar EFC of $12,000. Georgetown currently is tightening their own belt (they are suffering major finance deficits this year.. esp. financial aid) and ... the financial aid situation looks pretty bad.</p>
<p>My parents can't possibly pay the $12,000, and I'm actually the one not wanting them to take out a PLUS or a HELOC to pay for my education. Here's what I figured:</p>
<p>I have about $12,000 to pay off. Now out of that, I have a Governor's Scholarship that will knock it down to $11,000. From that, my counselor is willing to pay about $2,000/$3,000 out of the trust fund that we have at school. (I will be serving as an asst. to the counselor effective May-July)... So that's about $8,000-$9,000 still to go.</p>
<p>I applied for several scholarships, about $3,000-$5,000 worth I have a good chance at winning. That takes it down to about $4,000-$6,000. The rest will probably be picked up as loans. But it's a far cry from $12,000. I may even be able to take on a second job.</p>
<p>Part of my decision to accept Georgetown's FA package was this question: "Could I possibly pay off my debt when I got out of school?" My intended major is International Politics, and I hope to join the Foreign Service, which isn't a high-paying job at all. But I love it, and the State Department does offer $4,700 a year in loan reduction, so I think it's feasible for me to go into my dream career without losing my dream school, or vice versa (okay, that made no sense.)</p>
<p>You have to ask yourself the same question, and be realistic. Will you have to get some job that you don't like in order to pay off your student loan? In the worst case scenario, you have a $14,000 private loan, which will compound to about.. what, $70,000 by the time you're out of college? Is that honestly something you'd like to be doing? That's anywhere from $1,000 per month (on a 6 year plan) to $400-500 per month (on a 15 year plan). </p>
<p>My best advice is to find some outside grants. Any way to knock down the EFC is best. I am pretty sure if UPENN cannot find additional funds for you, then at the very least they can allow any outside grants help knock down your EFC. It isn't too late, there are probably some local organizations that will help you.</p>
<p>After your first year at PENN, maybe there's a way you could appeal to the Financial Aid Counselors directly while you're on campus? Grad school can wait, and I know for certain that the average age of Wharton graduates does not equal the age of a person fresh out of undergrad studies, they usually get some work experience in between.</p>
<p>PM me or AIM me or Yahoo me if you want to talk about it a little more. My family circumstances are similar, but... we can talk. I'm pretty sure a future Wharton student can calculate their way out of this one. ;)</p>
<p>Sorry to hear about your loss (your dad) and your mom. I'm sure there will be a way out of this.</p>
<p>P.S. Since there's a mention of a second plan, my second plan was a full ride from Williams. But to me, paying $12K a year for a GU education > a free ride at Williams.</p>
<p>legendofmax, I feel for you! My father died suddenly and unexpectedly the summer after my sophomore year of college. I remember feeling left out and cheated when my mother got all the insurance money. (I got over that!) I was lucky in that I was attending a state university that was a lot cheaper back then. I also benefited from social security survivors benefits well into my senior year. </p>
<p>I also empathize with your mother! As others have pointed out, "A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS" may sound like a lot of money, but it really isn't a lot to last your mother the rest of her life. I would insist that Penn take another look at her expected contribution in that light.</p>
<p>You are absolutely correct that Penn advertises meeting 100% of need. I have heard Dr. Guttman implore alumni to "get the word out" that if a student gets accepted at Penn then they will be able to attend. Hold her to that! I am sure you can find a way to attend Penn. It will be well worth it for you !!!</p>
<p>I hope I can find a way to attend Penn that won't leave me drowning in debt</p>
<p>Do you have any outside grants that you could possibly apply for? Kiwanis clubs/Rotary clubs that may be willing to sponsor you? A little bit does go a long way.</p>
<p>The way I see it, your best hopes are:</p>
<p>1) PENN gives you add'l funds (let's hope for this).
2) Outside Grants</p>
<p>
[quote]
Legend - I realize you are under alot of stress over this - BUT please consider your mom's situation also - she is also under alot of stress too.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I don't think that someone that is blowing their now deceased loved ones life insurance on gambling in Vegas is under stress--except for the stress that they might not win.......</p>
<p>I'd talk to her about getting SOME money, but it seems like she's stuck on not giving any. Continue to talk about it with her (or try), if not, then I guess you have no choice but to take loans and work.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Comcast,
[/quote]
</p>
<p>What is that? It sounds like something extra(ie: unnecessary)</p>
<p>That's why I said UPENN might request a statement of finances, and if they see the Comcast, they may not be too sympathetic afterwards. Like NSM said, parental refusal to $$ does not make the college responsible to pay for the remainder.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Deal with the problem. Are you ready to make a major decision knowing that your mom disapproves? Further, are you ready to deal with the consequences of that? I have seen a lot of life and a lot of family situations, and I can virtually guarantee that what you want isn't going to happen... she is not going to change her mind, endorse Penn, come up with the cash. So-- can you handle her disapproval? What will happen to your sibling if you move out, do Penn, leave her still grieving and angry???
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I'm not sure why the mother should be angry if he goes to Penn. So, is he supposed to go to another school, be miserable, and possibly flunk because he's miserable in another environment (another school that he did not desire) and/or not challenged enough?</p>
<p>This is why (at least on Georgetown's) on the Intent to Register form, it's the student's signature that's required, NOT the parents'.</p>
<p>ps My parents disapproved of my private school choice. That's why they refused to pay for it. That's why I had to take out loans and do the RA deal and take a year off to save money.</p>
<p>My human, fallible parents also disapproved of a whole host of things that I did against their wishes. Through it all, we tried to maintain civility--although they did stop speaking to me for a year when I moved in with my husband-to-be, (who is now their favorite person in the whole wide world).</p>
<p>But, here we are, twenty five years later and we love each other to bits. </p>
<p>Again, I recommend 'time' to help you get over these obstacles--and tlaktan's 'on-the-ground' suggestions. </p>
<p>Newsflash: Parents are not all-knowing. I cannot 'know' my son's future; ie how he will find his happiness and satisfaction. </p>
<p>In fifty million hundred years my parents would not have been able to anticipate the best course for me. Only I knew that--even though they are both college grads and my grandfathers were both college grads. </p>
<p>I bet echo has a similar story?</p>
<p>legendofmax:</p>
<p>Go to Penn. Penn should be able to direct you to student loan sites. I think Penn is gearing up to follow HYP in giving a full free ride to students whose parents make less than $40,000. I do not think they will force you to take on $50,000 of debt over your 4 years. Also, keep in mind that some summer jobs and post grad jobs pay extremely well. Starting Wall Street jobs go for about $80,000 per year, and the firms love Penn grads.</p>
<p>While I see what Blossom is saying, that you risk a hard time in your relationship with your mother, I think that you are now an adult and the choice is yours if you are willing to take the loans.</p>
<p>It is quite possible, and even likely IMO, that when your mother gets over the intial stages of grief and begins to feel more secure, she could understad that she made a knee jerk mistake in discouraging you from following your heart.</p>
<p>The bottom line is that you shouldn't pressure your mom for money, but you should feel free to get the education you wish if the burden is yours. </p>
<p>You are experiencing grief too, and it would be wonderful if you can find happiness and a fresh start at a place you want to be. The very best of luck to you!</p>
<p>Call the Admissions Office and explain that your family is going through some difficulties as a result of your father's death. Tell them that you plan to accept but are still sorting through your family's financial situation and that your Mom is working with the Financial Aid counselors. Ask whether you can defer your acceptance to mid-May. </p>
<p>If possible, ask your Mom to go with you to a couselor. (Your school might be able to recommend someone.) A neutral, third-party can help you and your Mom have a discussion without it becoming a screaming match. You also may be able to reach some compromises. Good luck....</p>
<p>My suggestion is that I think that things will go better with you and your mom if -- without any expectations -- you let her know that you love her and are proud of what she and your dad accomplished in their lives.</p>
<p>I think that your mom may think that you are ashamed of her and your dad. It may be hard to believe, but parents do value the goodwill of their kids, and if their kids achieve more in life than the parents did, the parents may fear that their kids don't love or value them.</p>
<p>I think that both you and your mom are hurt and angry, and that's why there's so much of an impasse. If you can bring yourself to let your mom know what you have loved and appreciated about her and your late father, that may help you breech the gap.</p>
<p>I know that this may be a lot to ask because you are worried, angry, hurt and grieving, but even if you can write these things down and give them to your mom, that may help. Don't expect her to immediately back your choice of going to Penn. It may, however, lead to your beginning to heal your relationship with your mom.</p>
<p>Please know that i wish you well. I know you're in a painful, stressful spot, and what I suggest would be difficult. You, though, may be better able to reach out in this kind of loving way than your mom can. </p>
<p>After all, you are the one who has in hand college acceptances -- which are a big step up out of the life you've been living. Your mom is the one left behind and without the education or the real opportunities to have the kind of life that you have the chance to have.</p>
<p>legendofmax</p>
<p>I was in a similar situation many years ago. My father died in November of my freshman year in college. My parents had never really understood why I wanted to go to college in the first place--my dad was a farmer with a 6th grade education; my mother had dropped out of high school in 9th grade to go to work and help support her family. College was for others. When my dad died, it was just expected that I would come back home, find a job and help support my mom and sister. There was no life insurance. Just a big whole in our family. </p>
<p>I didn't go back home. I returned to college after the funeral, finished the semester and kept on going. I worked one or two jobs during the school year in addition to classes. I took out loans. I applied for scholarships--whatever it took. Several years after I graduated, my mother admitted to me that my going to college was one of the best things I had ever done and that she was very sorry that my dad hadn't lived long enough to see me graduate.</p>
<p>If it is your dream, go for it. Your mother is dealing with a lot right now as are you. Time helps and heals. The thought of you going off to school may just be seen as another loss to your mother and unconsciously, she may just be trying to hold on to you for fear of losing you too.</p>
<p>One other practical comment. In your original post you mentioned that your mother is receiving $1,500 for you and the same amount for your brother. If this is social security dependents benefits, this money is for your support. If you are a college student, it will continue. If you go into the work force, you may no longer be considered a dependent and it will stop. Perhaps your mother would be willing to recognize the additional value of this payment and allow you to utilize a portion for your support while at school. Otherwise, if you are no longer in school it may end completely. Anyway, just a thought.....</p>
<p>I just want to thank you all for your advice... I'm currently reading through everything again to see what some potential options are here.</p>
<p>Good luck. It took me a while to swallow the idea of paying $12,000. But even that sticker price isn't really true. I mean, I'm signed up for a bunch of scholarships that I have a hope of winning, but that number sort of leers at you.</p>
<p>I'm planning to directly appeal to the FA office next year. Hmph. Let's see if any screwups happen again!</p>