<p>legendofmax, take a look at the social security brochure </p>
<p><a href="http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10084.pdf%5B/url%5D">http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10084.pdf</a></p>
<p>The $1500 (if that is what it is) for you will end at age 18, unless you are in school. As a student it will continue until your 19th birthday. So.... how old are you now? :) When you turn 18 or maybe even sooner you will be able to receive the check directly. That should easily cover your first year.</p>
<p>Max--Is your mother really blowing money on gambling in Vegas? You said she was on vacation, so a question for the other parents--Why would someone who is grieving and needs the life insurance to buy the necessities of life to survive be on a vacation? Would you do that?</p>
<p>bluealien01,
I know it sounds odd, but that's why a lot of us think she's having a hard time with the loss.</p>
<p>Legend,
depending on her income, your mom would be able to deduct up to $4000 of income paid on school fees, and interest on school loans is also deductable under certain circumstances. If she were will to loan you that much each year - to be paid back after the rest of your loans - that would provide her with income in her later years. Viewed that way she is literaly investing in your eduation, not paying for it. </p>
<p>In adverting, the idea is to emphasize the benefit of the product, not the cost. All she is seeing is the cost, and its pretty scary.</p>
<p>I think people who have someone so close to them pass away may do irrational things. I know my mother, when my father died unexpectedly 7 years ago, didn't eat for a very long time and had to be persuaded bite-for-bite. </p>
<p>I don't think it's necessary to view his mother has someone who is "grieving" and blows her husband's insurance money on the slot machines. </p>
<p>What I think is necessary though is that she is home with her family. Max, I've noticed that you've been talking to her on the phone. When will she back home? Is she in Vegas alone? </p>
<p>I know you're set on Penn right now and steadfast, but maybe you could think of a gap year. Unless I'm mistaken, this is a very big trauma-- going to college and not focusing is the worst. It would be a good year to spend some time with your mother, apply to some outside scholarships, work, clear your mind. Without your father, you have to be the one to be the (emotional) support for your mother, instead of arguing with her.</p>
<p>I know you said that you worked very hard and thus, deserve to go to Penn. Maybe our values don't coincide, but sometimes life just isn't as fair as you want it to be. People can work very hard and get very little rewards. I don't think it's very justifiable to be so single-minded about reaping with you sow right now. You've learned so much through your vigirous schedule, you've built a solid foundation of skills that will not go away if you don't go to Penn-- you can succeed anywhere. </p>
<p>I'm sure if you explain to Penn, they would allow you to defer for a year or something. That would be my decision. But if you are still set on Penn, I would say borrow, hedge, to what you can-- but don't expect your mom, who probably is not so rational and compassionate at the moment, to 'owe' you anything. </p>
<p>But prioritize, see what your values are, and best of luck!! :)</p>
<p>To me it's the opposite. I don't think that is normal grieving behavior. I've never heard of anyone doing this except on CSI.</p>
<p>bluealien:</p>
<p>You just have not lived long enough.</p>
<p>"Why would someone who is grieving and needs the life insurance to buy the necessities of life to survive be on a vacation? Would you do that?"</p>
<p>Because when one is grieving, one can do things that are completely irrational. The bottom completely dropped out of this woman's world. Her husband suddenly died, and she was left with the care of 2 children. She is not an educated woman, nor was her husband, so she can't fall back on the kind of job prospects that probably many posters here and their parents can fall back on.</p>
<p>I have no idea what exactly she is thinking of, but I also know that in her situation, she is probably not thinking very clearly.</p>
<p>When I was grieving after my elderly mom suddenly died, I was so in a fog that one time while I was driving, I noticed that my dress was on inside out. I decided to change it to rightside out while still driving! I hit a school bus, and fortunately, hurt no one (the bus never noticed it was hit!) but did total my car.</p>
<p>I do know young people who have thoughtfully taken a year off from college or have gone to a college near home in order to be near family during a time of grief. I am not saying that's what the poster needs to do, but I am saying that is something to consider. He is not the only one who has difficulties in that family. In fact, he might be the family member who's emotionally in the best shape.</p>
<p>Legend -
I also say go to Penn even if it means assuming debt. Don't let that stop you. Parents do not always know what's best. You feel in your heart you should be at Penn so it is where you should go. Maybe the SS money is legally yours after you move on campus. Put in for it - if it belongs to you, you should have it. You are almost 18 and just as you shouldn't comment on her use of the money for Vegas and vacations, your mom on the other hand should give the same respect to you if you want to use the money for yourself for college.
My mom, a daughter of immigrants who wanted her to work and support the family after HS defied her parents and ran away from home to go to college. She worked like crazy while she was in school to pay for her dream. Her life was a sucess because she followed her dreams. This was in 1948.</p>
<p>my mother gave me $1000 for a car when my dad died- she had a lot more than that. After he died- she went on a cruise- bought a ton of new clothes- sold both of our cars and bought a new one- allowed my brother to grow cannabis in the basement because if she didn't he might grow up to be "gay" :eek:
She quit her job- had lots of boyfriends which horrified my mormon sister who was still at home ( I moved out as soon as I had a car)- had a face lift although she was younger than I am now- she did eventually get another job because she was bored- but as soon as my dad died she started acting much differently ( or perhaps that was how she wanted to act all along- I didn't find out for many years- that although I found my father and told her to call 911 she now admits she didn't for several hours because she wanted to punish him- I don't remember at all - the time seems compressed/and I dont' remember why I wouldnt' have called 911- unless I thought that she did and they were just taking a really long time to come)
My point is that parents are people- parents aren't usually prepared for the job of being parents- it is a compicated and stressful affair- and when they are stressed- some can react in unexpected ways-
Operate on the assumption that your parents feel like they are 17 inside- you might be right!</p>
<p>This being an internet board, we really do not know the true case here, but if things are dicey at home and deteriorating for your mother and your relationship with her, it is probably a good investment for you to take out the loans, work and go to Penn. I am not sure how you got such a low
EFC given her assets and payouts, and you are fortunate the FAFSA/Profile were even submitted as I see to many cases where a dysfunctional parent will not or cannot fill out those forms. Given that a state school education in Pennsylvania will cost more than $14K if you do not live at home, and is still way up there even if you do, it is a veritable bargain at that amount to go ivy, and get away from home until things get a little better.</p>
<p>Legend,</p>
<p>First, condolences on your loss. You should know that you may be affected by this loss in terms of your mood and actions for years to come. It's normal, so I suggest you try to avoid stress with your mom, if you can. Try to remain calm, even if she can't (I know that's hard).</p>
<p>I hesitated to respond to this thread, and talked to my W before answering. Assuming I have a clear picture of what is going on (which is hard to get in such a traumatic situation) I strongly urge you to go to Penn. Borrow the money, use the SS if it comes through and belongs to you (whcih seems likely to me). But go, no matter how you finance the effort.</p>
<p>I think a gap year could be disastrous. It could hurt your relationship with your mother if you sit and stew over your grievances and she sits and resents your attitude towards postponed opportunity. Go to Penn, build the life you want to have, and try to share your successes (tests, grades, friends, achievements) with your mom. Even if she is hostile to the entire plan now or during the first year, go and achieve your life's dreams, and then share it with her. Let her in...give her the space to see the success and share it with you. Thank her for gifting you with the brilliance to be #1 in your school and to to have the vision to build a great life.</p>
<p>I think this is the best plan to achieve your goals and heal your relationship with your mom.</p>
<p>sorry about your loss . I can't imagnine what you and your mom are going through. This is a tough time for your mom and she probaly isn't thinking that clearly yet, However you need to look out for yourself, If you got into Penn State you go! You borrow the money, you sign your life away do whatever you need to do. IMO it is 10 times better to have a good education and decent job with heavy student loan debt, than not going to college and breaking your back digging ditches for $10 an hour which is what I did for the first half of my life.</p>
<p>I am just going to cut and paste jamimom's post so you read it twice. We none of us have any idea who your mom is. We can't determine if her actions are from grief or not. We cannot determine if she is able to act in your best interest. But we do know colleges and the impact college has on a life. This is about your young life. So if staying home and caring for your mom is what you need to do for your own mental health, godspeed. We don't know your emotional state, the reality of your relationship with your mom, the right way for you to evolve through your ties to her as we all must to become full adults. Notice I don't say give up the ties, just evolve through them. However, knowing none of those details, again, what jamimom says is right.
[quote]
This being an internet board, we really do not know the true case here, but if things are dicey at home and deteriorating for your mother and your relationship with her, it is probably a good investment for you to take out the loans, work and go to Penn. I am not sure how you got such a low
EFC given her assets and payouts, and you are fortunate the FAFSA/Profile were even submitted as I see to many cases where a dysfunctional parent will not or cannot fill out those forms. Given that a state school education in Pennsylvania will cost more than $14K if you do not live at home, and is still way up there even if you do, it is a veritable bargain at that amount to go ivy, and get away from home until things get a little better.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>BMoyilan, it's even better. He got into the University of Pennsylvania.</p>
<p>It seems to me that starting an exciting new adventure at Penn is just the ticket for getting his life back on a happy path. His mother will have to continue to grieve in her own way and may feel very differently about helping with the passing of time.</p>
<p>My big question is how financial aid office should be dealt with. This is clearly a fairly unusual situation. How the mother ends up investing the life insurance will really effect the financial picture, and she'll probably need some more time before she's in the position to make or seek help for these important decisions.</p>
<p>Someone very savvy should be having the discussions with Penn. What do those who know more about this than I do suggest?</p>
<p>Reason against gap year right now? If the SS payments continue until age 19 IF in school? If he takes a gap year, then not in school, so no SS payments. If they do continue til 19 while in school, then make a case to mom to use the payments for Year #1 at Penn. I totally agree with Jamimom that this is a bargain education offering for a top notch school. </p>
<p>Unexpected, traumatic loss can generate all sorts of unexplainable behavior. My mom chose to do extensive remodeling in the house to alter her daily experience after living 31 years with my dad. She just needed different surroundings because leaving things the same was a constant reminder of what was missing. For all we know, a trip to Vegas might have been a bargain option, often air travel to Vegas is cheaper than other destinations....hotels are much more competitive and there are a ton of great shows....all significant distractions in a climate with a lot going on....not so bizarre in the big scheme of things if one is afraid they will never have fun again after losing a spouse. </p>
<p>I agree that max and mom should slow down on the fighting...and get a grip.... there was a thread in the last couple of months that "valued" a college education in the earnings for those with a degree.... take the time to review that thread and share that with mom....if nothing else, max, you yourself can commit to just 1 yr's worth of loans if needed to ensure you get to start on the path of your dreams....who knows, you may determine you have other priorities after a year, or you may be even more committed to further loans....your mom's life will have continued to evolve.....but, take things a year at a time if necessary.....sometimes we have to take things one day at a time, or even one hour at a time. </p>
<p>The truth is that the insurance settlement is for the spouse...not the child. Max knows his Dad would have helped him....so he thinks he should share in the settlement, but it is not his call. One could start a thread on "unfair things that have happened to me" and the number of posts would probably bring down the server....when major life events occur, the best advice is to take it slow, not make more major life changes.....max was on a path for penn before dad died and should stay on that path.....slowly mom will come to realize that she is not on poverty's doorstep....and together they will figure out how best to accomplish years 2, 3 and 4. </p>
<p>Unfortunately max, while you have worked hard and I think you were hoping you could take your foot off the gas pedal and enjoy penn, you just have to stay on task without easing up at this time. This happens a lot in life...adult life.....you are being indoctrinated earlier than many but you most definitely are not the first. Do not succumb to feeling sorry for yourself because that can lead to other bad choices and decisions. Instead, just understand that you are being given a very tough challenge and you must rise to the occasion and thrive....on your own. If you are lucky, your strength will inspire strength in your mom.</p>
<br>
<blockquote> <p>I just called my friend's mom who is a financial aid officer and she will see if she can't try talking to my mom.>></p> </blockquote>
<br>
<p>I have suggested that the finaid officer could also talk to Penn on behalf of Legendofmax. I hope that LofM has shared his financial situation with the friend so that she can do it effectively But they will all have to wait until Monday. Keeping fingers crossed.</p>
<p>I also agree that, given the situation re: Social Security, it does not make sense to take a gap year. As well, LofM may be able to convince his mom that, unless he is in college until 19, he won't be able to receive it (and neither will she), so he might as well go to college. For the first year, at least, he is covered. $1.5kx12 is more than the $14k of his EFC.</p>
<p>Social security does NOT continue to 19 unless the student is still in secondary school. College no longer qualifies students for that additional year. I wish it were otherwise, but don't make a decision based on bad information!</p>
<p>Sorry, ctymomteacher is right. </p>
<p>From Social Security online: <a href="http://www.ssa.gov/schoolofficials/faqs_students.htm#Q10%5B/url%5D">http://www.ssa.gov/schoolofficials/faqs_students.htm#Q10</a>
Who can receive student benefits?</p>
<p>In general, the children of retired, deceased, or disabled beneficiaries who remain full-time students at age 18 are entitled to benefits until they reach age 19 or complete their secondary (grade 12 or below) education, whichever occurs first.</p>
<p>(alt="")9. </p>
<p>What must I do to receive student benefits?</p>
<p>You must complete page 2 of form SSA-1372, Student's Statement Regarding School Attendance; have a school official certify the information; leave pages 3 and 4, Notice of Cessation of Full-Time School Attendance, with the school official; and return the completed and certified page 2 to your local Social Security office by mail or in person. If you mail the form, a Social Security representative will contact you before processing your student award to explain your reporting responsibilities.</p>
<p>(alt="")8. </p>
<p>Can I get benefits for taking college courses?</p>
<p>No. At one time, SSA did pay benefits to college students, but the law changed in 1981. We now pay benefits only to students taking courses at grade 12 or below.</p>
<hr>
<p>So, it looks as if the SS benefits to you will end this June when you graduate. It's too bad about that, but your mom will not be able to rely on the $1.5k per month that is your portion. Make sure that Penn is aware of this when you discuss your financial situation and that of your mom.</p>
<p>Yeah, just wanted to back up what everyone is saying about the SS. The checks will stop coming in June (I'm assuming you have already submitted your proof of school enrollment for this year). </p>
<p>So you have about $3,000 more coming to you, and when I say you, I literally mean the check will come with your name on it (if you are 18)</p>
<p>sorry, I got that wrong! (the social security benefits) The online brochure only mentions "secondary school." which of course everyone except me knows is high school. :(</p>