<p>first of all, be thankful that your parents love you. Otherwise, they would not care if you get into a college or not, let alone which college. They are not clueless, they work very hard to provide you with food and a roof over your head.</p>
<p>In the view of most asian family, education is #1 way to achieve a gainful life in this country. Your parents are showing you their love for you to encourage you to do the best to get your education. They may not know as much as you do, but they don’t deserve to be “******” from you.</p>
<p>Well, it might be fun to put the shoe on the other foot. Ask your folks "How many Americans know about the diversity and strengths of China? " For instance, I know of “Beijing” and “Shanghai”. If I limited my visit to China to just those two places, is it possible I might miss some things worth seeing? There are four THOUSAND US Colleges. Is it possible there could be a treasure beyond Princeton? If you set the story line up right, you might be able to get some rueful laughs, and, better yet, some more openmindedness. </p>
<p>Good luck! We know a kid at Tufts and he’s having a blast (and his parents are academic sorts that wouldn’t have ok’ed anything but quality choices for him).</p>
<p>PS. What your parents may really be seeking is some reassurance. If you were at Princeton, Harvard, whatever else they’ve heard of, then their worry level would be lowering. They are not so sure about these other choices, so their worry level is rising and they are making reassuring noises to try NOT to splash you with their rising worry levels. Seeing them as “worried” instead of as “disappointed” may keep your own blood pressure from spiking. Looking them in the eye and saying “I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT XXX” might help. . .</p>
<p>Congratulations!!! You’ve received some wonderful advice here but I just want you to know that there are plenty of very educated people who haven’t heard of a lot of good schools. Most people haven’t heard of the liberal arts colleges where my dd applied and I even had a journalist ask me the other day whether Bowdoin was “some little all-girls school somewhere.” So it’s not just immigrants who don’t know about colleges.</p>
<p>your parents, it seems, what to make sure you are happy</p>
<p>they are letting you go to the school you feel is best, they aren’t putting there foot down and saying no, which some parents do</p>
<p>they may not be all woopdeedoo yet but it will happen</p>
<p>when they are saying things that you feel are condesending or the like, just give them a hug and say you are verrrrry happy, and are so glad that they want you to be happy</p>
<p>if they see you are indeed feeling good about your choice, they will start to really feel it to</p>
<p>but if you are sending mixed signals, they might be confused</p>
<p>as for other people and your parents not being totally honest, eh, that will come</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for the encouragement and advice. After reading all of your comments, I realize that I’ve been too caught up in my own feelings, and haven’t thought about my parents. I know they do want the best for me, and they feel worse than I do when things don’t go my way. I guess that’s love. </p>
<p>I just reread my own post and it’s amazing how selfish I sounded. I should do a better job consoling my parents. I realize everything they did was to make me feel better, and here I am complaining about their ignorance. I must not forget that it’s not easy living in a country where you can’t even read the signs on the street, and 911 wouldn’t even help when you need it because the operator doesn’t speak Chinese. Even though they were not very involved in my school life, they supported me any way they could, emotionally and elsewise. </p>
<p>You guys are right, my parents are ignorant about American colleges, but that’s totally not their fault. Since I’ve been incredibally lucky to be in this country on their sweat and to get a great education, I should take it as my responsibility to educate them. </p>
<p>Hopefully future students and parents who go through this will take a step back from the rush of disappointment that follows college decisions…do not get lost and take for granted your love for each other. </p>
<p>My parents felt my pain and disappointed when I got rejected, but I know they will feel my excitement, too, when I will go to a college I’m happy to be in. When we visit tufts this month, I will be sure to let them see what a great school tufts is, and to reassure them that I’m going off to a good place. Since I’m not a parent, I’ve forgotten the fact that parents WORRY about their kids. I guess I’ll fully understand that when I become a parent some day. I’m all excited to leave home and be independent, but at the same time I must not forget that they will find it hard to let me go. It’s always easier to leave than to be left. </p>
<p>Again, thanks everyone for your comments. Hearing things from parents’ perspectives really changed the way I see this situation.</p>
<p>OP,
Ahhh, I feel for you. But, unfortunately, this is something we 1st generation American born Asians must endure. As a native of SoCal, all my immigrant parents could talk about was UCLA! Never was there mention of HYPSM!!! Yes, you can attempt to educate them about college admissions, but do not take it to heart if you are unable to change their perspective. You tried. Don’t beat yourself up over it…rise above it all and enjoy your time at Tufts! Congratulations!</p>
<p>It isn’t just first generation Asians - it is first generation immigrants, period. I chose to go away to a school my parents knew nothing about. All they everh heard of was HYP, which we couldn’t afford, and the State school with a campus in our town. They didn’t want me to go away, either, but when the time came, they supported my decision, because they wanted me to be happy. Your parents will supposrt you, too, once they know. When D was going through the process 3 years ago, our European cousins were told where she was going. No comment. A couple days later comes an e-mail. Wow! She got into a really great school. Congratulations! They checked it out on the internet, not having heard of it before. So, as our cousins were educated, so can your parents be. Just sit them down and tell them what I think I am hearing here - that you applied to some of the schools because you thought you should, but you do really love the idea of going to Tufts, and it is a high-ranking school, too, and the many, many Americans know about it, and know the name. Good luck! I know it’s hard, but they do love you and worry about you.</p>
<p>What a wonderful post (#25) to read this morning! I am so happy that your heart has changed toward your parents. I am sure that soon you will all be on the same page about Tufts and they will share your joy!</p>
<p>Congratulations djvu, both on your wonderful admissions results and on your maturity. As a parent, I know how hard it is to send a child into “the unknown” and Tufts is an unknown to your parents at this point. I would think they would feel this even more so because so much of their surrounding environment is bewildering to them and hard to negotiate. I’m glad you’ll be visiting Tufts with them. Familiarity with the campus should increase their comfort level and since you are visiting as an accepted student, the school will be receiving you and your parents enthusiastically. I wonder, is Chinese taught at Tufts? If they could talk with a Chinese-speaking prof at the school, maybe it would feel less “foreign” to them. Well, they have a Tufts in China program (I just googled it) so they probably have Chinese-speaking profs at the school. Just a thought.</p>
<p>Chinese is taught at Tufts. It has an excellent program in Chinese studies including history, politics, literature (I believe the prof is from the PRC originally) and more.</p>
<p>If you are from NYC, maybe you and your parents can take the Chinatown bus to Boston ($15), hop on the Red Line to Davis Square ($1.75) and take them to visit Tufts. It should make them more comfortable about sending you to this “unknown” university. It really is not that far from home.</p>
<p>Congrats! and I would echo that one of the nice things about being from NYC and going to school in Boston…is the Chinatown bus! My D (not Asian) used to take it when she was going to school in New York and wanted to visit friends or the grandparents in Boston. A great deal, and she said she was always watched over by the Chinese grandmothers waiting for it. :)</p>
<p>There’s also an Asian American house on campus, and last I knew (quite a while ago) most of the students living in it were Chinese. It’s very centrally located on Latin Way, across from the student center. Go visit!</p>
<p>Tufts seems to have a very friendly and helpful admissions office. I wonder if you could phone them (or if there is a specific admissions officer you made contact with at your high school, phone that person), let them know when you are going to be there, and ask if one of their student tour guides speaks Chinese, and if so, if you could possibly get a Chinese language tour, or mini-tour, for your parents. You could explain that they are not very familiar with the American college system and that you hope to put them at ease and allow them to connect with the university. Also, see if you can make a definite appointment with an RA or faculty advisor at the Asian-American house to show your parents around (hopefully also in Chinese.) I’m betting that once your parents understand what a wonderful university Tufts is, that you are extremely happy and not at all disappointed to be going there, and what excellent opportunities you will have with a Tufts degree, their attitude will change radically. You sound like a terrific kid, congrats on Tufts!</p>
You are amazing. Your parents must be very, very proud of you.</p>