<p>You’ll probably have to act very cooperative. At least pretend that you share their values. They’ll probably give you more freedom to do what you want if you appear obedient.</p>
<p>Good luck with getting to go to the college you want to, migraine.</p>
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<p>If Boston is a place that you think your parents would allow you to go, there are many smaller, less well-known colleges in the Boston area that you should look at as well as the one you are considering. If you don’t have the stats for Northeastern, you should look at one of these Boston colleges: Simmons, Emmanuel, Wheelock, and Suffolk University. They aren’t as competitive in terms of admissions as Northeastern. There are also many small colleges in surrounding suburbs of Boston. Good luck.</p>
<p>You should email or call the student at NE and be able to say to your parents “I have talked to Anitha who is in Boston and it’s perfectly safe and they have a lovely hindi (or whatever) community and besides I’d have her to travel back and forth with/use as a resource…call her parents and talk to them…”</p>
<p>Think this through…unless you are independently wealthy, yes, you most definitely need your parents input and agreement. That’s fair. They are paying for it, right?</p>
<p>That said, I’d support whatever you wanted to do, within reason…my oldest is looking at going internationally. I’d be thrilled if she were only a few hours away! </p>
<p>I’d draw the line at the middle east or Japan right now though, due to safety concerns. Other than that, I trust her to make wise choices and will advise her as I can. But she can’t (and wouldn’t ) just select a college and say, “Here, you are paying for this.”</p>
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<p>Even if Northeastern isn’t a good choice for you, something else in the Boston area probably will be. There are an incredible number of colleges in or near Boston.</p>
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<p>Listen to this person. This is a very well thought out approach. But it would also help to have one or two specific Boston-area colleges in mind.</p>
<p>I’m looking at Boston everyone- one of my top choices, Simmons (also a women’s college), is located there. I love the city, I’m trying to find colleges in the area that’d be a good match. </p>
<p>Also, okay, I’ll do that next time I see this parents’ friends’ daughter.</p>
<p>Ummm, who is paying for your applications?</p>
<p>If you are paying, you can find out your social security number (school has to legally have it in your file), so ask your guidance counselor. If you’ve ever had a job, you’ve used it there too.</p>
<p>If they are paying for your applications, time to set up family meetings. Maybe insist on family meetings with your school counselor, who exists in large part to help dysfunctional families make it through the college app process. If parents refuse, they can be accused of child neglect. </p>
<p>Once you are 18, legally you go where and do what you want. If you get merit aid that allows you to do that, your parents will have to adjust.</p>
<p>If you will be dependent on them for money however, (even co-signing loans) you have to negotiate, and yours is not a position of strength. Consider getting a job.</p>
<p>As a negotiating tactic, I’d suggest allowing your parents to open the conversation and hear them out as to any parameters that they have first. Then you’ll know what you are up against.</p>
<p>College of Saint Rose had automatic scholarships for what seemed to me at the time to be amazingly low SAT scores. So yeah middling scores can get you automatic scholarships.</p>
<p>2prep…I seriously doubt that not helping your child look for colleges is considered neglect. There are many kids who navigate the college application process themselves, with only minimal input from their families. Many do so, and attend community colleges,while working part time. </p>
<p>I seriously doubt that child protective services would view this as neglect. Sorry…I believe you are wrong.</p>
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<p>This is the best advice in the thread so far. Be cool. Play dumb. Let them talk. Find out what their primary bone to pick is - cost, location, type of school, perceived party atmosphere, religious affiliation or what. That way you can plot your strategy and pick your battles more effectively.</p>
<p>OP, if you don’t learn to breathe, you will just burn out. One step at a time. So many things your parents do have your temp rising.</p>
<p>So have the chats with them. We are telling you that we liberal parents had these talks, too. And yes, set some limits for our kids.</p>
<p>OP, there is a lot of good advice on this thread. I agree with the poster who said to play dumb. Sit down and listen to your parents and don’t talk. Really listen. You may be suprised as to what their real concerns are. It may not be distance at all. Then you can repackage your reasons for wanting a particular college in terms that say why it addresses your parents concerns.</p>
<p>Also, once you get your social security number write it down and memorize it. That is something you just need to know.</p>
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<p>Read the OP’s other thread… she knows what she is up against, and I think it is too late to “play dumb” – or even pretend she is playing along, to be honest. However, OP, I have been thinking about this some more. You really can’t just put in apps without discussing with your parents – it isn’t just the SSN, it is paying the app fees, cost of sending scores, and all the financial aid paperwork. You probably should have asked to meet with them about this BEFORE asking for your SSN for an app. Water under the bridge now, but actually your parents are not wrong to want to discuss your list before your apps go in. Honestly, there is not a parent on this forum (except one who got whacked by the cost of all of her D’s choices a few months ago!) that I have seen who doesn’t want to have input into this process. It is their money… In spite of the fact that you know there are probably going to be some issues, you need to meet and try to keep your “mature” mode in place during the meeting. Soooo hard when they push your buttons, which is sure to happen. But really, really important.</p>
<p>And lead your suggestions with the women’s colleges (Simmons and Mt. Holyoke) for sure. :)</p>
<p>Umm… it was my advice and I did not say “play dumb.” (That was someone else’s interpretation.) I DID say to listen to her parents express their opinions in their entirety as a negotiating technique.</p>
<p>The OP may feel she knows EXACTLY what her parents will say. Assume she’s right. That still doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be wise to let her parents say what they want to say first. Maybe THEY don’t think that the OP really understands their constraints and/or concerns. And, maybe…just maybe the OP doesn’t know or understand them completely. Either way, giving her parents the chance to talk and really listening to them is, IMO, the best approach.</p>
<p>It is going to do the OP no good whatsoever to refuse to talk to her parents and/or “to come out swinging” or cut them off with her own agenda before they get through theirs.</p>
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<p>I quoted NavalTraditions post. I know he was referencing back to your post, but it is his I was commenting on.</p>
<p>There is a difference between coming out swinging, and going into it assuming both sides will get to put some schools on the list. If she goes in with a completely submissive “just tell me what you want to do” attitude, it puts her at a real disadvantage of trying to force her preferred schools onto the list they are likely to propose. All I am advising is that the OP ASSUME they are on equal footing when it comes to proposing schools, but be prepared to (1) readily accept some of theirs at least to apply to, and (2) maybe be ready to give up a couple on her list that are too far outside her parents’ comfort zone. I would lead with “I have been doing some research and have some schools I would like to apply to. But I know you have some thoughts on this too, so why don’t we start with your thoughts. Then I can tell you about the schools on my list, and we can combine our ideas and come up with a list of several schools I will apply to.” I just would not cede the high ground and get her parents started on dictating a list without stating that she also has a list she has been considering.</p>
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<p>IMO, in that way lies madness…and a total defeat for the OP. I just really do not think there’s any universe in which that opening would not infuriate her parents. They are NOT going to agree that she gets an equal say in choosing the list of colleges to which she will apply. IMO, if she starts out with that opening her parents will refuse to listen to her list at all. </p>
<p>YMMV…and obviously does.</p>
<p>I’m NOT saying she can’t tell her parents her list AFTER she has listened to everything they have to say.</p>
<p>I agree with most of the advice on this thread. To the OP, if you are a legal adult, then you have every right to your social security card.</p>
<p>I agree with jonri’s advice.</p>
<p>In some ways my daughter’s situation was similar to yours, except that she wanted to go to boarding school against our wishes. What worked for her was to calmly listen to us and our concerns, and then over the course of a few weeks lay out her case for boarding. At first we resisted, but her logic, and in some ways more importantly her maturity in dealing with the situation, convinced us that she was making a good choice for herself. In the end we put some parameters on the schools to which she could apply (no more than an hour from home so we could get to her games and other events) but she basically got what she wanted and everyone was happy with the decision.</p>
<p>So,
Wait for the right time(s) to talk to your parents, for instance when you’re having a nice dinner, not when your mom’s telling you to pick up your room.
Listen to your parents without interrupting.
Try to figure out what’s really at the base of their resistance and see if you can find a way to satisfy their most central concerns.
Resist the urge to argue back in the moment.
Don’t whine or nag.
Acknowledge your parents’ valid points.
Really think about what’s most important to you and concentrate on those issues.
Approach your talks as a common attempt to solve a problem, not as an argument.
Know you won’t get everything you want right away, but that if you’re patient you may get more of what you need.
Be prepared to compromise.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Intparent, I am NOT a college student and haven’t been for a number of years (the username is old). I have also been fully self-supporting in one of the most expensive cities in America for many years. </p>
<p>The older I get the more I believe that not relying on anyone, ESPECIALLY controlling people, financially is the best thing you can do for yourself.</p>