My roommate keeps inviting high school kids to our dorm

College Life
1

<p>My roommate I had Fall semester transferred and while I thought I'd get a double to myself this semester, I was introduced to a new roommate when I got back from winter break.</p>

<p>He's extremely, extremely sheltered. I like to consider myself pretty friendly and if/when I try talking to him or waving when I see him on campus he just sneers and tells me to butt off or something.</p>

<p>His first week or so on campus was extremely lonely and I felt pretty bad for the kid. I invited him to breakfast and such with the others on my floor a few times, but he'd always say no and then we'd see him in there 5 minutes later, sneaking around and trying to avoid being seen by us.</p>

<p>Then he found a church. Instead of getting involved on campus, he threw his everything into the church's youth group and spent almost every evening with those kids, none of whom attend our university. He admitted to not being religous but that it's the only place where people respect him.</p>

<p>He started bringing youth-group people back to our room. I bring people to our room all the time, so I didn't care, until one of the kids told me he was a sophomore in high school. I soon realized that they're ALL sophomores and juniors in high school. </p>

<p>The last few weeks, he's been having them over on the weekends to do stuff, but then their parents all line up in their mini-vans outside our dorm to pick them up, and sometimes they actually come into our dorm and chat with eachother. That's incredibly awkward/embarassing for me having a bunch of soccer moms hanging outside/in our room at 9:00 on a saturday night picking up their kids when my friends and I are trying to get ready to go out. Infact one time, one of the dads was like "hope you're not going out drinkig, you don't look old enough to drink" and sometimes I hear them conversing abour sinners and stuff like that. I was later informed by by roommate that he designated our room (under the name of "his home") as a "social safe place" which is visible on a bulletin board in the youth room at their church. I had no idea how to react and I asked him to get rid of that and he sneered. I asked why they don't hang out at other people's places, which are probably nicer, and he said that they don't generally allow that since they're not designated "social safe spaces" and that's why the youth group kids value their time together so much.</p>

<p>Yesterday, he told me that some of the parents were concerned about their kids hanging out at a big party school dorm and that they'd be coming over to meet ME and make sure that our room is a safe place for theirt kids to hang out. I, like most college kids, have booze stashed in various places and we (as in me) have a lot of stuff in our room that these parent's probably won't like. Our fridge is full of beer and soda, I have about 300 movies, almost all R-Rated, and then some less-than-christian video games.</p>

<p>I feel like this is an invasion of personal space and I shouldn't have to make my room approproate for high school students when this is, infact, a university dorm. However if I don't abide by this, I feel like I'm jeopardizing my roommate's social status. But part of me doesn't want to live in a PG rated/ Christian-proof daycare center.</p>

<p>What should I do?</p>

2

<p>When those soccer moms come over to meet you offer them a beer and tell them how great it is to be openly gay with so many young children coming into your dorm room unsupervised that you can infect with your beliefs. That should get them away pretty quick.</p>

3

<p>^ OP should totally do this!</p>

4

<p>Tell your roommate, and the assorted sexually frustrated soccer moms, that the arrangement is inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable.</p>

<p>Your room is as much yours as it is your roommate’s, and he has no right to make your room a designated safe place without clearing it with you first. </p>

<p>Also it’s pretty naive of any parent to think that any college dorm constitutes a designated safe place.</p>

5

<p>Along the same lines with what jojoyohan said, put up inappropriate posters in your room, and wear alcohol related t-shirts and hats. You don’t actually have to drink in front of the parents, but get a budwiser can koozies you can leave around. </p>

<p>But only do those things if you cannot have a conversation with him, and let him know that having underage kids in your dorm is not cool with you, and you request that he find another gathering spot. Request that he ask the RA if he can use another room in the dorm on a regular basis. Actually, why is he not having these “meetings” at the church? </p>

<p>Good luck, I would feel uncomfortable with my soph/junior in HS spending a significant amount of time with a college age student at the college. Just seems weird.</p>

<p>

my thoughts exactly, and I am a parent. Has child molester written all over it- even IF it IS NOT the case in this instance. I would not take the chance.</p>

6

<p>That’s ridiculous. You reached out to him and was all friendly, shuns you and then joins a youth church group? The parents of those HS kids are okay w their kids hanging out at a college kids dorm. I’m so confused and find it so odd that he doesn’t find a group of Christian kids his own age on campus? They have several different religious groups at Uni’s why does he choose one w minors?
The parents of those kids have no right to size you up and see if you’re a good kid or whatever.
I’d have a little fun w the parents and scare them off lol. </p>

<p>Sent from my iPod touch using CC</p>

7

<p>Have a talk with your roommate and confront him about the issues. You clearly don’t see your room as a “social safe space.”</p>

<p>If that fails, the soccer moms coming in to meet you is an opportunity for you to assert yourself. You are under no obligation to make any impression. So, when they come and meet you, you just tell them that your roommate designated the space without your consent and that you feel that it’s not appropriate for the HS kids.</p>

<p>As for any possible backlash from your roommate: seek an RA. My gut feeling is that he needs some counseling.</p>

8

<p>Wear nothing but a banana hammock when the mothers come around. Talk about your gay orgies and love of psychedelics. Reminisce about sodomy in a church. This should solve your problem.</p>

9

<p>It does seem very odd that your roommate would deny requests to hang out with you and your friends, and then befriend a bunch of kids a few years younger than himself who are not at his school. Maybe by “respected” he means that he feels more secure, mature, in charge, or cool because of his college status and dorm availability…something of that nature. But that really is not healthy for a college-aged boy. I would love to know what kind of parent would be okay with their high school kids hanging out in a college dorm (as a “safe place,” being presumably religious people). Most high school students I know who have ever hung out at college dorms were either previously friends with people a year or two older than them, or they sneak away to party. I know that sounds stereotypical, but it really does sound naive of these parents who are coming into your room and questioning what kind of person you are! If it were your roommate’s parents, that would be understandable. But you did not agree to room with a bunch of high school students.</p>

<p>I would talk to him about it again, firmly, and let him know that you never agreed to this “safe place” arrangement - and maybe even be honest with the parents if they stop in. It’s not like they can complain about that to the college, but if you’re underage, hide the beer. If he continues to sneer after talking to him, or the parents give you a hard time, get an RA involved. You do not have to take that from parents of kids who do not even attend the college.</p>

<p>If he knows you have beer and other inappropriate things (for high schoolers) in your dorm, why would he even agree to designate it as a safe space? It doesn’t seem like his offerings are in the best interest of the high school students. I’m not saying that you are dangerous, but if you’re not on board with this idea then it probably wasn’t a good idea for him to provide that “place” to his church. Either he is desperate or has some selfish/twisted motives.</p>

10

<p>Have your friends over, swearing like crazy and being total jerks. When the parents see that, along with your requisite college dorm room Bob Marley getting high poster, they’ll rip that safe place page down in no time. </p>

<p>And as for your roommates social status? Why should you care about his reputation around a bunch of high schoolers? Dude’s in college and needs to grow up.</p>

<p>It’s beyond inappropriate for him to be behaving like that- there’s something definitely wrong with someone who only wants to hang out with people considerably younger than them in their bedroom.</p>

11

<p>^^ exactly what she said</p>

<p>Sent from my HTC HD2 using CC App</p>

12

<p>This is a crazy story. Keep us updated, all of these are good responses.</p>

13

<p>No, most of them are really immature responses.</p>

14

<p>if you’re serious, this is an excellent once in a lifetime opportunity. don’t blow it.</p>

15

<p>@aldfig0</p>

<p>Lighten up. </p>

<p>Sent from my iPod touch using CC</p>

16

<p>This sounds like an insane situation! I would wonder if your school even allows a constant stream of underage high school students to be romping around a freshmen dorm. You should definitely consult an authority figure, this kid sounds like he will listen only if he absolutely has to (aka sounds like an inconsiderate roommate). You should talk to your RA or other residence hall resource, they can shut something like this down fast! Especially if you never gave your consent for your room to be a “safe space”!</p>

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<p>OK - I’m a mom (not a soccer mom though). I say go to your RA. What your roommate is doing is inappropriate and could get you both into trouble down the road if the parents think anything ever happened they didn’t like. It’s your room too, and you should not have underage kids hanging out there on a regular basis. Tell you RA it has to stop or you want a different roommate. You could certainly talk to your roommate first, but if that doesn’t work -take it up with the RA and with the housing office if necessary. I’m pretty sure the school authorities would be uncomfortable about this situation if they knew.</p>

18

<p>Yeah i agree with Kathieh1 legally you could get in trouble if they think you offered their children alcohol or drugs. I would go to your RA and next time the parents come over tell them that you feel it is inappropriate for them to be at your dorm and that you will be contacting the schools authorities or who ever is in charge at your school. Maybe you could suggest an alternate place for meeting like the library or like a student union… my school has a bowling ally billiards and stuff at each dorm so maybe they can meet at a place like that at your dorms. If that doesn’t work just invite some rowdy friends over every time they are there or have your significant other in the room :)</p>

19

<p>This is an opportunity for a MASSIVE amount of fun. Once in a lifetime chance man, things like this only happen in the movies. </p>

<p>Don’t blow it. And tape what happens for even more fun</p>

20

<p>Do what kathieh1 said</p>