I know this doesn’t have much to do with college life, but here’s the situation. I’m going to be a junior in a college that accepts almost everyone, so I guess it’s too late to transfer. My I never studied once in my life until sophomore year of college. I’m a marketing major and I guess you can say my stuff is pretty easy. My sister is ending her junior year of high school, and she has way better stats than me. She’s in so many APs and has a 4.0. She bullies me all the time that I’m not a STEM major and I never took chemistry and physics. How can I deal with my sister putting me down all the time? Honestly, if I knew my sister was gonna be this smart, I would’ve studied a lot harder in high school and took harder courses than always getting 70s in regular classes. My sister makes me feel bad every day about myself. I wish I was her. I wish I can transfer to another college but I didn’t study at all freshman year and it really messed me up. I’ll do anything to go back to high school and re-do everything. It sickens me that she’ll have a much higher salary than me.
a few comments:
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One of my favorite quotes is this one by Eleanor Roosevelt “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” You might agree that you were a late starter but that in and of itself does not make your inferior.
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Tell your sister that her comments are hurtful and don’t help anyone and ask her to stop.
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Let her know that while you can’t re-do the past you plan to make the most of your future. Remember - it’s not where you start, it where you finish.
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Don’t worry about trying to compare your future salaries/careers… that is too far off to matter. Bottom line is that at some point you both need to be self-sufficient adults.
You know what? I think your sister is being really cruel to you.
I think she’s being competitive, immature and purposely hurtful, but it could be her “environment” of friends.
Some of those STEM kids can be especially competitive and not nice to each other. All three of my kids were STEM kids in high school, and had some so-called friends like that. My kids just started hanging around their other real friends.
I worked at a high school for 10 years. Not “fun” being around those STEM kids. After decisions came out, there were lines of those STEM kids, in tears, with their parents threatening to sue the counselors because the kids didn’t get into their STEM schools. It is harsh.
When your sister applies to her schools, and she gets rejected, (and she will be rejected) you need to be the better person and just hold your head up high and not say a word.
You’re already going to be a junior; you’re two years ahead of her and two years away from graduation. She is nowhere near where you are. You have a whole lot going for you, much more than what you think. You’ve survived two years at a college which is not an easy thing to do, even if your sister may think it is, it’s not. She’s trying to bring you down to bring herself up.
I agree with the Eleanor Roosevelt quote and I’ve seen it so much, so get a little back bone in yourself. You will meet some really good people, in your major, and you’ll be able to do things with them that your sister can’t possibly compete with because she is still in high school.
Your sister doesn’t know what your future will hold, so how can you berate yourself when no one knows what will happen in the future?
Take care of yourself and do things for yourself. Stop wanting to go back to high school, you’re doing fine.
Tell your sister that if she does really well in college that you might consider hiring her.
First of all, theres no reason why you need to tell your sister your grades. You are an adult. As long as you are passing and not wasting money on tuition for failing classes, consider that a success.
Secondly, I would just tell her that not everyone can be a STEM major because then the world would cease to exist. We need people skilled in all sorts of disciplines throughout our lives. A world with only STEM majors would be a very boring (and very scary) place.
As others have said, your sister even with her good grades is likely quite insecure and shes just projecting it on you to make herself feel better.
You do you, let her do her. Life will be grand.
Can you have a heart to heart with your sister?
Tell her how proud you are of her accomplishments. Tell her that if you had to do it again, you would be more studious. Tell her it hurts your feelings when she belittles you and your choices.
And then… maybe you two can figure out why you feel so competitive with each other. Did your parents set up this dynamic? Is she jealous of something else you have that she doesn’t (friends, looks, etc.) Only the 2 of you can stop this unhealthy dynamic and constant comparison.
Try to make a point of complimenting each other without comparing. You sound like 2 people who should support each other, not undermine each other’s gifts and achievements.
I have known a number of people like your sister, and let me tell you that this attitude does NOT translate well to the working world. I have seen people say things to colleagues like “I was number one in my class - I bet no one else here was number one in their class.” Those types of people tend to get stuck in mid-level roles (or end up leaving) because other people find their personality so offensive that they aren’t given the opportunity to lead. And I have seen other people who are exceptionally humble and supportive of others, and it is only indirectly that I’ve found out that they were a Rhodes Scholar. They tend to find unbelievable levels of success because of their combination of EQ and IQ. And finally, I’ve met (many) people who were incredibly professionally and personally successful, and later learned that they went to a lower-ranked school with undistinguished grades (or didn’t graduate at all) - but their savvy and personality were enough to carry the day.
The upshot of all of this? A small number of roles are incredibly grades-focused and institution/prestige-focused. Think Supreme Court clerks, McKinsey consultants, Goldman Sachs investment bankers. Most other jobs require a baseline of intelligence, but advancement is much more linked to hustle, hard work and having a humble, kind attitude and a personality people enjoy being around. If your sister doesn’t get a big dose of humility, and quickly, she will find her life severely limited, no matter what her high school grades are.
And it is never too late to kick into gear in terms of your own work ethic - there are a lot of people who didn’t hit their stride in high school or early college. Committing yourself to a new level of focus can reap real rewards - your past does not control you, and your sister’s behavior and opinions do not control you. The lessons you’ve learned from your regrets about the past will add depth and character to the rest of your life, and there may be a purpose that has been served by going through this experience that may only be apparent with time. Hang in there, and know that the world is full of possibility for you.
OP, it truly is where you end up and not where you started. I think back to my own high school class. The valedictorian was a perfect-gpa/SAT student who went full-ride to a high-level LAC. He did ok, but ended up with a career that you wouldn’t say was “extraordinary”. In my same class was Kelly. Nice girl, very average grades, no awards/distinctions, went to the local public college that “accepts everyone”. Imagine my surprise when I discovered she not only earned her PhD and became a professor, but she had advanced to a high-level administrative position as well. Back in high school I would have never guessed these results.
As an aside I see you posted a couple of months ago about being embarrassed about your major and now you are posting about your sister making you feel bad. In addition to the advice given above, you may want to take advantage of your college’s counseling office so you can work with a professional to find ways to boost your self-esteem and confidence.
- You don't have to talk to your sister.
- Next time she brings it up: "Sis, you have made it clear that you think you are academically superior to me. I have heard you. Do not bring it up again."
- If she brings it up again, say "Calls over. "
- Start talking to the Career office about possible jobs/careers/internships.