<p>The LAC my S will attend this fall usually offers private rooms to juniors and seniors only. Due to a mental health problem, however, the college offered my freshman S a private room. S is torn about this. He hates sticking out, but the privacy offered by a private room will allow him to more easily do his daily mental health homework exercises that keep him sane and happy. </p>
<p>His sister (who attends a different LAC) warns that not having a roommate during his Freshman year could make it more difficult for S (a somewhat quiet kid) to make friends and that he will need to have a story (either true or contrived) as to why he got a private room.</p>
<p>S isnt secretive about his mental health problem (OCD), but he doesnt broadcast it either. Further complicating the matter is the fact that most people (if they know S has OCD) assume he has a very mild case and that accommodations aren't needed. In truth, he works hard virtually every day to keep the OCD in check.</p>
<p>(Student perspective) Wow, he is lucky. I wish I had certified sleepwalking. Look on the bright side, all the privacy and alone-time to focus on studying.</p>
<p>And, he will be less likely to forget his family? Closer to you!</p>
<p>Of course, his health comes first, so he does need the private room. As for a cover story, if people ask and he doesn’t want to discuss the particulars, he only needs to say he needs a single for medical reasons.</p>
<p>1) Live in the single room and tell everyone as much or as little as he wants.</p>
<p>2) Decide he doesn’t want a single and live in a regular room</p>
<p>3) Not to that particular college.</p>
<p>Option 1 sounds like the best option to me.</p>
<p>(Don’t worry about what others think. I knew a guy that preferred to study in the community bathroom one year in college. Weird? Yes. Did people like the guy? A lot.)</p>
<p>There are lots of positives of having a single room. DD has it during the freshman year and is going to move to a bigger single for the sophomore year.</p>
<p>It was a real positive experience for both DD as well as us.</p>
<p>I’ll recommend big time to take single if you can afford.</p>
<p>My daughter has had a single in college and has had no trouble making friends. Her best friend started with a roommate at Wellesley, but the roommate ended up moving out, and she’s had a single ever since. Same thing; no problem making friends.</p>
<p>After reading the OP’s post, I imagined a conversation like this between two students:</p>
<p>“How’d you rate a single? The rest of us are in doubles.”
“Oh, I’m a little OCD. Having a single helps.” <smile></smile></p>
<p>I think most college students would be fine with that. And there’s a lot to be gained by letting others know a bit about one’s situation.</p>
<p>Take the single and just say it’s for a health issue. Most people won’t pry further but if they do, he can just say it’s a private thing, or tell his story if he feels like it. The transition to college is stressful. I think the peace of mind for him knowing he has private space and time outweighs what other students might think.</p>
<p>I asked my daughter what she and her contemporaries would think in this situation, if he told them he had the single because of OCD. She said she would absolutely not judge. She said that OCD carries no stigma, that everyone says they have it. I asked if, in that case, would they complain that they didn’t get a single, since they think they have OCD. She said no, they do understand that there is a difference between actual OCD and their tendencies, which may be simply quirks. She is a hs sophomore. I will ask my senior D, but I really think her answer will be the same. We live in NYC, so not sure if this makes them more open about this sort of thing or not.</p>
<p>He should take the room. Other students will ask how he got so fortunate as to have a single, something that most students would love to have. Your S is under no obligation to tell others why he has a single. His health problems aren’t others’ business, and the people who will ask probably won’t realize that people get singles for very personal reasons. They’ll be asking out of curiosity and to find out if there was some way that they could have gotten a single. </p>
<p>I suggest answering with a shrug, and, “Just lucky.” With that answer, it’s unlikely that anyone will push and keep questioning. They won’t be as interested in his rooming arrangements as your S fears. They’ll be more concerned and focused on the minutia of their own lives.</p>
<p>I don’t want to get preachy, but I’d encourage him not only to take the room but to be <fairly> upfront about why. Doesn’t have to broadcast it but also doesn’t have to hide it. During my own brushes with mental issues I was gently encouraged not to hide it any more than I would hide diabetes or another medical problem. Only adds to the stigma rather than bringing it out into the open. And if he hasn’t had problems making friends so far he likely won’t in college either.</fairly></p>
<p>Keep the single but encourage him to meet the kids in neighboring rooms. Leaving his door open when he is in the room and doesn’t need it closed will help encourage folks to stop and say hi or grab him on their way to the dining center. Perhaps during drop off in the fall you can somehow “arrange” for him to meet his neighbors?</p>
<p>"During my own brushes with mental issues I was gently encouraged not to hide it any more than I would hide diabetes or another medical problem:</p>
<p>Unless there’s reason for others to know one’s medical condition (such as if one is diabetic and wants others to know what to do if one becomes ill due to lack of insulin), I don’t see any reason to share medical problems with others. One’s medical issues aren’t other people’s business.</p>
<p>I would suggest to ask your S’s doctor for advice. If the doctor advises that it would be better for your S to have the privacy of a single room, I would say to go for it. Adapting to college is hard enough without adding additional difficulty.</p>
<p>I think it is true that in a single room it won’t be as easy for your S to make friends. So, I would encourage him to look into ECs right away to meet a social circle, in whatever he is interested in, whether it is an intramural sport, or theater, or the newspaper, or band, or an a capella group, or whatever. If he is proactive about this, I think it could go a long way to avoid isolation. Most LACs have lots of great EC opportunities. If it is possible to have a single room in a freshman building instead of an upperclass dorm, that would definitely be an advantage, so ask the LAC about that.</p>
<p>If people ask why he has a single room, I think he will have to adapt his answer to the situation. If he is in a freshman dorm, it is actually not too likely to come up often. “Just lucky I guess” might work in some situations. Citing an unnamed health reason would probably be enough, and people probably wouldn’t pry. Blaming overprotective parents would also be an option, “My Mom really wanted me to have single room, and she was willing to pay the extra cost for it, so why not?” I also don’t see a problem with sharing the true reason of OCD if your S is comfortable with it. Nor do I see a problem with a white lie, e.g. allergies, in an uncomfortable situation.</p>
<p>I think, in this case, giving the true reason might be better than an unspecified health reason. Most students are going to be sympathetic, and this isn’t a health issue that is contagious or dangerous to others. One of my son’s suitemates has a health issue this year, and everyone has been absolutely great about it.</p>
<p>"I think it is true that in a single room it won’t be as easy for your S to make friends. "</p>
<p>That may or may not be true. For instance, for reasons S chose to be in a triple as a freshman. One of his roommates was never there because the roommate was really living with a girlfriend. The other roommate had nothing in common with S, and was super irritating to boot: brought girls in to have sex in the middle of the night while S was trying to sleep; left sweaty, athletic clothes piled in the center of the floor for weeks on end, and was a partier, something S doesn’t do.</p>
<p>S stayed out of his room except to sleep. He didn’t even hang around his own dorm much because his dorm was the partying dorm. S – a laid back guy who’s a bit shy – became active in many activities that interested him --mainly community service and arts-related ones-- and made many friends as a freshman. </p>
<p>Unlike the way I was while in college, S went to clubs, lectures, and other activities that interested him even if he had to go by himself. That ended up being a great way of meeting people and making friends.</p>