I like that, Youdon’tsay. To “eat it drink it or wear it” I would add: “…or view it.”
I haven’t read every single post on this thread, but I’m blown away that mother and son spent almost every Saturday during high school working on his homework. What was wrong with Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday? The mother should have spent every Friday and Saturday encouraging her son to cultivate friendships and go out with other kids his age.
The mother needs to figure out what is going on and make sure the child’s grades are okay. At some schools parents who claim their children as a deduction and pay for their child’s schooling have the right to access their child’s scholastic record. Mother should find out if she can get this access just to make sure the son is going to class and completing his work.
Lots of kids get generous allowances and there is nothing wrong with it. But it sounds like a child who was never allowed to form ordinary friendships in high school (why?) is now gaining friendship through financial generosity. This is actually okay to a point perhaps, but things tend to just work better if everyone pays their own way.
I was to some extent the opposite, in that for my first couple of years of college I went home several times a week. As time went on I never went home, until my dad’s secretary sent me a note that my dad had instructed her to place my monthly check on the office signing ledge for me to pick up. No more direct deposit! Perhaps mom should tell her son that he will need to come pick up his check every two weeks. It’s hard to imagine a college kid living within two hours of home not going home a couple of times a month, anyway.
“It’s hard to imagine a college kid living within two hours of home not going home a couple of times a month, anyway.”
Definitely not hard for me to imagine, and I’d definitely recommend NOT going home a couple times a month. MAYBE, once a month. Maybe.
I lived about 45 minutes away and NEVER went home. One Thanksgiving I went home and ate, and was back at school on Friday morning for something. My daughter is 2.5 hours away and recently came back because a cousin was in town. She’ll be back sometime in October to pick up her hockey stuff, but it’s not every month
The OP’s son has some kind of activity on most weekends. I’m not surprised he hasn’t been home, but it’s only been a few weeks.
The lack of frequent communication is commonplace among many college first-years trying to establish themselves in the new college environment and assert some form of independence.
I can relate as someone who remembered starting his first year of college as a 17 year old. In my case, however, my parents came from a culture where it was expected college aged men or those deciding to complete their 2 years of military service right after HS wouldn’t be writing home to parents frequently.
While I had no doubt mom would have rather received more frequent communication beyond the 6-8 page emails sent every 6-8 weeks, that was actually better than what would have been expected of college-aged men back in my parents’ nation of origin. If anything, my father felt my letters’ length was a concerning sign I was “too dependent” on parental contact even though I was quite independent…especially in the financial aspect as a sizable scholarship(3/4 tuition and expenses) and my working part-time during the year and summers meant they never paid a cent for my undergrad education.
However, I would never block my parents’ calls or tell them to never write me or to never visit. Moreover, parents weekends weren’t for frosh only as many upperclassmen had parents come visit them…including yours truly. It was a way to show the parents the college environment and my life there.
I was one of those kids. Then again, I had no issues earning enough to not only defray what the scholarship didn’t cover, but also some extra to save up.
Then again, I tended to be very miserly when spending on myself to the point several older relatives and even my frugal mother felt was excessive.
I also enjoyed finding ways to get free food or other freebies around campus and in life in general.
One can be surprised at how much one doesn’t have to spend if they’re willing to find free stuff or crash a few parties…whether on/off campus. Also, the campus meal plan can be a good way to stock up on fruits, snacks, and even drinks if one plans for it and is not willing to be put off by snobby folks from the peanut gallery. 
LOL a D1 freshman athlete trying to earn a spot and playing time on a team had better not be going home twice a month unless he lives within spitting distance.
Mine live/d in the same town, and are not ALLOWED to come home more than once a month, unless it’s a dire emergency. And when my siblings and I went to college – all within 2 hours of home – we were not allowed to come home except Thanksgiving, and spring break.
@greenbutton Not ALLOWED? By whom? The parents or the school (military academy)? When I went away to college, about 2 hours away, I knew I could come home anytime. I came home about once a month for the weekend, which was perfect. My kids will know they can always come home, but I have no idea how it will work out as I have no idea where they’ll end up and what their schedules will be like, and I’m okay with that.
Not allowed?!
My kids are 1 hour away…I tell them they are ALWAYS welcome to come home—I’d love to see them. But I put no “demands” that they do – I realize they have things to do at school (including socializing with their peers). Of course, if I really want to see them I can go to them and take them out for lunch or dinner for a short visit. I don’t have to wait for them to visit me.
My parents didn’t let me come home until Thanksgiving (30 minutes away). They thought it was essential to building a social life on campus. I did see them several times in the autumn, though, as they were alums of my school and had season football tickets. They had tailgate picnics for home games, and encouraged me to bring friends. 
My son is applying to all instate schools with the furthest being 31/2 hrs away and the closest being 45 minutes away. I don’t expect my son to come home frequently , but I would never tell him that he couldn’t so that he build relationships on campus. I believe that it’s important to maintain existing relationships that he established with friends and family prior to college as well. If people have difficulty " forming relationships" forcing them to stay on campus isolated isn’t going to assist in that. There’s no one size fits all solution.
My older two were 80 miles and 40 miles away, They were “allowed” to come home, but I discouraged it and didn’t make it easy, to encourage building a life on campus. To make it easier about once a quarter or twice a semester I would go for the day, take them to lunch, shopping, market, etc…
My parents, like those of intparent, thought it best for us to go off with the idea that we were in it for the long haul, and needed to make it work and throw ourselves into school – socially and academically. DH and I thought it best that our children do the same. Of course there are exceptions for emergencies, but just as I did not jump in the car and run to the elementary school with forgotten homework (generally speaking, again, exceptions were made) we didn’t want our proximity to create a lack of problem solving, shall we say. Everybody’s different, so ymmv
if I thought my kids would want to come home frequently I might have a rule/guideline about them not coming home.
My son is just under an hour away. He moved into his dorm in early/mid August and first came home in late September I think. he came 2-3 more times in fall not always for the whole weekend. Spring semester he came home 2-3 times outside of breaks. He stayed on campus thus summer. We saw a lot of him between spring semester and the start of summer classes. Campus was pretty deserted and he was bored. 
He did come home one weekend because I paid him to dog-sit. That was pretty convenient all the way around. We never actually saw him that time.
My kids both did a summer program in middie school that had them away most of the summer. That program had a rule that kids coukd not go home the first weekend. Other weekends they could but they wanted the kids to get involved and be social. And as in college a lot of that happened on weekends. Anyway, my kids never came home then so I wasn’t worried about them doing so in college.
My D may well be in town for college and I don’t expect to see her very often. If she hadn’t stayed away from home before I might make some kind of rule about staying at school most of the time. But I expect she’ll stay at school without us telling her to.
I was only 2 hours away from home, but could NOT come home (even if I’d wanted to) until Thanksgiving because my parents were dirt-poor and could not afford the extra gas money for me to be coming home on some random weekend… I also did not have a car of my own, of course; and could not afford to give a fellow student gas money for a ride home…
Coming home on weekends is actually a luxury for some students.
Everybody is looking for friends that first semester. It really is a critical time for developing relationships on campus. Those HS friends and family members will generally be there at Tgiving and winter break. It sounds like the OP’s kid has made friends, though! Of course, kids in sports tend to bond with their team due to the time spent together.
I think it’s a matter of perspective. It seems some here assume (worry? think? anticipate?) that their kids will want to come home all the time and that home will be a crutch — therefore the rule that they are “not allowed” to come home. My assumption is that my kids will NOT want to come home often (I know I didn’t), and that coming home is not a crutch but is simply an extension of wanting to see people they love and care about (like anyone who visits family or friends on occasion).
If they were coming home every weekend (they aren’t) and I thought that coming home was some sort of crutch or escape from things then I would probably discourage their visits and help them adjust to college life. But as it is, this doesn’t seem to be the case.
“LOL a D1 freshman athlete trying to earn a spot and playing time on a team had better not be going home twice a month unless he lives within spitting distance.”
OP never said her son was an athlete, and I don’t think he is just because she never said anything about it when describing his high school schedule -what athlete is home doing home doing homework on Sat. nights? Also, if he were and athlete, she could easily go to games and watch him compete.
I was just focusing on the OP’s kid, not kids in general.
OP’s kid will not be ALLOWED to come home whenever he feels like it…unless he wants to be forced off the team. In fact, depending on the sport, he may not be ALLOWED to leave campus for more than a day at a time until Thanksgiving.
Edit: not to mention, he needs to fit school work/attending class/homework/test studying in between the mandatory (and, ahem, “voluntary”) practices and conditioning. Again, depending on school and sport/season, OP’s kid could be devoting 40+ hours a week to this sport, and practices/conditioning are mandatory/“voluntary” on weekends too.
D1 athletics are not for everyone. If you want to go home a lot, pick another division (D2, D3, NAIA, club, intramural). This OP’s kid probably won’t get a spring break either.
This is why a D1 freshman is not doing himself any favors if he is spending his precious little spare time drinking and partying. Of course, we don’t know if OP’s son is doing that much of this himself, or if he is just buying the alcohol for the upperclassmen.
Athlete or not, I can’t imagine many kids who would go home a couple of times a month if they were within range of home. Our youngest is 3 hours from home and he comes home only during breaks and usually for less time than the length of the break. We see him frequently during his sports season as we try to go to a lot of his games, but in the off-season don’t see him much. We love him to come home and would welcome him anytime, but certainly don’t expect it- we both remember our undergrad days and know that we did the same thing.