<p>My D had almost exactly the same SAT scores as your son. (She took it three times too.) She is now in her first year of med school.</p>
<p>You are getting some great advice - thought I would throw in our experience as well.</p>
<p>Oldest just got his SAT scores yesterday - 2400. Has 3 800s on subject tests. Has won naitonal math contests, qualified for USA Math Olympiad, finished 4th in the world in the International Bible contest - you get the idea. #2 is a freshman in high school and, until this year, lived in her brother’s shadow. She is finally working up to her potential - tends to focus on things her brother doesn’t do - music, soccer, writing. While she always says she can never approach her brother’s accomplishments, she now understands that hers are equally impressive in her own areas of interest.</p>
<p>Then comes #3 - 7th grade and he was recently diagnosed with a mild learning disability. Generally a B-C student, still trying to come to grips with his learning issues, and walks around referring to himself as the “dumb one.” All this with a 129 IQ. Funny thing is, we are all convinced he will be the most successful professionally - has the entrepeneur personality (made over $100 shoveling snow yesterday; has organized and run charity drives for his classmates, etc.) Keeping his self-confidence up is our challenge. He is in a different elementary school than his older sibs attended, but will be going to the same high school #1 is in now. That makes me very nervous, but the faculty and administration are very sensitive and individually focused. It helps that it is a small private school (260) and that I am the lay-President of the school, but starting with the application process next year, I will be focusing the school on the fact that he is a very different kid.</p>
<p>Scary part is that #5 (6 yrs old) would appear to be the smartest…</p>
<p>We work very hard to celebrate each kid’s success in their areas of interest and competency. Its hard to hide oldest son’s accomplishments (he has his own Wikipedia entry for crying out loud!), but we do our best to downplay them.</p>
<p>My advice in a word, focus each child on the fact that academic success does not always correlate with professional success or happiness. Look at Fortune 500 CEOs and you will find plenty with academic credentials that make your son’s look great. </p>
<p>Isn’t it just wonderful how each child is so different and presents his/her own challenges??</p>
<p>Good luck!!</p>
<p>E</p>
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<p>Parents who wonder “why no Ivies” may be forgiven if they’re brand new to this country and think that the Ivies are the be-all and end-all, but parents who are native to this country and are wondering “why no Ivies”? If they aren’t smart enough to recognize that there are tons of fabulous schools out there, I question why you even care what they think.</p>
<p>bclintonk had a FABULOUS post when his D got accepted to Haverford, which generated a “huh? what’s that?” shrug in his part of the country (upper Midwest). The point of it was that rather than try to “educate” them about the wonderfulness of a place like Haverford (“see? look, their SAT scores are x! their acceptance rate is y! their alumni include z! they are ranked #x!”) , she simply rose above it and said, “It’s a small liberal arts school near Phila. You probably haven’t heard of it.” Over and done. I applaud her attitude. Trying to “convince” people that the schools you’ve chosen which aren’t known to them are good implies that it’s really important that those other people think you’re going to a good school. bclintonk’s D knows she’s going to a fabulous school, and whether or not the upper midwest knows that is simply … irrelevant to anything. </p>
<p>I think the OP needs to cultivate this mindset with her S. Let’s focus on what’s right for you, darling … and what everyone else thinks is simply irrelevant. Let it go in one ear and out the other. We all know better.</p>
<p>I can think of several helpful things:</p>
<p>TALK to some of the kids in his grade. They probably think they are being supportive by saying things like “Dude, you are so going to Harvard.” Talk to a few key kids (even if you don’t know them, pick up the phone sometime when son is out of the room) and say “my guy is feeling pressured. Could you help by spreading the word that such talk is stressful?” Most kids love to be asked to help by an adult not their own mom. </p>
<p>Tell son that there are different seasons for different blossoms. Daffodils bloom bright and early – those are the sorts that Harvard and Duke are seeking. Roses take more sun and fertilizer and time. Those are the sorts that might like Evergreen State or Colorado College or Humboldt. How DARE anyone say that only daffodils are beautiful! (or worthwhile!). </p>
<p>We are in a similar situation. Son #2 (brilliant but a “young” senior) is looking at Colorado School of Mines (nerd central) and Vassar (could be fun to be part of that 60/40 female/male ratio) and he’s drooling over Kenyon (beautiful and supportive) and Grinnell, Whitman and Lewis and Clark are strongly in contention. We don’t know yet where he will be accepted but ALL of them sound like they have great things to offer.</p>
<p>He might enjoy knowing about some other younger brothers: John Paul Jones, Lord Horatio Nelson, George Washington (a 3rd son), Thomas Jefferson (also a third), and Charles Darwin</p>
<p>Darwin is of particular interest. He was bored at school and was neglecting his studies. His dad sent him to a small college where he took up the popular craze of beetle collecting . . . setting the stage for a lifetime very different than the parson that he and his father thought he would be. </p>
<p>Don’t “shoot low” . . . “Shoot at a different target” – one that opens the door to paths of great adventure and passion that suit him.</p>
<p>SAT review course is good, but don’t leave it all to them. No tutor? </p>
<p>Either way, your S might need your support and conversation reading/reflecting on all the strategies offered in home prep books and from the internet sites mentioned above! I’m glad he’s ready to dig in and do some preparation work before the next sitting.</p>
<p>A sidenote you mentioned: being a short boy is also familiar in our household. Another unfairness out there in the world. I always say the talents are given out and nobody gets every card to play. If he’s short but also endearing/kind/perhaps funny (portrait of my H & 3 kids), he will find love and leadership chances anyway, through bright personality and good values. That’s our experience here in the short x 5 = family; males and females both. “There’s many ways to be big – big heart, big in generosity, big in ideas…” I said that many times through Middle and H.S. until they seemed to have internalized it. Would we all rather have a few more inches of height? You betcha, but we don’t. So there it is. Could we do without the rude comments? Oh yes, but they continue unabated. That’s just the world running its number. Let their lips flap in the breeze, it is just chatter. </p>
<p>Remember you don’t have to answer the questions others ask. For example, when asked how tall is one of my sons, my answer was “from his head to his feet.” (see, no scores). An oldtime friend taught me this technique for not answering – ask back a different question on an unrelated topic. It sounds like this, {Their Q}" Is your son applying to an Ivy or Duke, like his big sibs?" {your answer}: Do you know a good recipe for brownies?" A lot of times people are just looking to converse, so when you change topics to something easy and banal, they immediately answer YOUR question, sometimes with relief both ways. (“How 'bout those Mets?”)</p>
<p>I’m so glad to hear all the sibling support flowing in all directions. That makes it great for your son right now. Isn’t it a heartwarmer to see that? (BTW, you did that by creating a loving atmosphere in the home; now they’re just continuing.) </p>
<p>For hitting the right balance, again I’d go back to the JHS post and let your son guide you for the kind of support he needs, after an open talk. My kids amaze me by how they often know what they need emotionally in precise terms, even when they were muddled on academics/careers/apartment choices and the like.</p>
<p>You’re doing better than you think and someday you’ll hear about it positively from them. My 3r4 child just hit age 20 and is starting to tell me what I did that helped him through. Things that seemed small to me at the time were big to him (and vice-versa). He knew he had an ally all the way and that counted more than being exactly right; he recognized I was trying to do my best, as was he, all along.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl said
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<p>goodness! I never said thats how I felt. Don’t know if you got me confused with someone else but all I said was that people made those comments. I always responded with something along the lines of “It is her decision to make and I am pleased that she has so many options.” and I never felt bad or awkward answering that way.</p>
<p>Important to remember that validation from others of one’s accomplishments, however nice, is not what really makes one happy. It is important to be happy with one’s accomplishments - that you did your best etc. Besides all that, most careers today require grad school, and a whole new experience starts in whatever college. Just because one doesn’t go to Duke or Harvard doesn’t mean that he failed. To be stuck on any of these colleges is a formula for disappointment for most people. There is a good college out there for your son.</p>