<p>And the beat goes on...............</p>
<p>chrissyp - some kids are not comfortable with the kind of environment your daughter was in -she did what makes sense for her. Some kids are not ready to live with distractions of other students at age 18 - others are. If she wasn't - that's ok because she wants to be freed up to focus on studies. Note that since I personally was on my own without any support at 17 I spent years thinking everyone just ought to handle whatever is thrown at them. I was wrong, and I forgot how miserable (and poor and alone) I was. Academic achievement is about hard work, focus, and a steady gain in confidence and skills. It does not mean that one has to undergo personal pain.</p>
<p>
[quote]
And there are plenty of nurses working in doctor's offices, schools and other areas that are not as stressful as the ER or ICU.
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</p>
<p>Just had to jump in here. Stress for nurses is not specialty-based, it's temperment-based. The years I worked in ICU were the least stressful of my career. Working in a medical office would give me ulcers.</p>
<p>As to whether or not crissy's daughter is cut out for nursing, only time will tell. I'm sure her daughter will do fine academically with the required curriculum. There is very little, if any, clinical experience during the first 2 years of a baccalaureate program. I don't think this decision to leave school (I would have told my daughter to tough it out) means anything about her future career path one way or the other at this early stage.</p>
<p>herbrokemom:</p>
<p>I agree. Stress is a state of mind. I've seen people stress in the most basic, simple jobs (ex: moving boxes in a warehouse) and have seen people in critical, complex jobs be perfectly in their element and experience no stress whatsoever.</p>
<p>What's a stressful situation for one person may not be for another and vice-versa.</p>
<p>what I honestly do not believe here, and I truly mean "honestly" is how anyone could tell there child to "stick it out" in a environment that is not suited to them if they have the opportunity to come back home. If it was just a feeling of homesickness that might be able to have been dealt with.
But the continuous party attitude amongst a majority of the students should not have to be tolerated. If I went to work and everyone was continually partying it up, vomiting all over the bathrooms, and not have the consideration for people around them, I would leave....What purpose would I have for sticking it out. Remind yourselves this was only 1 week in, and already two girls were already taken to the hospital last night. If you have the chance to change a bad decision why would you not take it? </p>
<p>Again, I am proud of her decision and am proud of the courage she had to leave. She left proud, walked out with her head held high, wished everyone luck. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in earlier posts, but she was dorming with a good friend from home. There were no hard feelings between them because of her early departure, in fact there having dinner tomorrow night when her friend comes home for the weekend. </p>
<p>Once again, I thank you for "all" for all the opinions you have sent me,
and SUNNYFLORIDA, I'll tell her about the job offer....thanks! lol</p>
<p>chrissyp, I agree: I don't think there is a value in "sticking out" a bad situation when the person realizes they have made a mistake and are on the wrong course. In any case it is your daughter's life and she needs to make her own decisions. It seems to me that she has made a very responsible choice, even if it doesn't fit some people's expectations. </p>
<p>On another note, my daughter went through a lot of angst and turmoil this week over class scheduling issues and conflict with a prof. in a required course -- and after 2 days of turmoil, when I called her on the 3rd to ask if things had been resolved, she cheerfully said there was no problem and never had been one; "I don't know what you were thinking, Mom; I was never upset -- everything is fine". So sometimes we just have to have faith that one way or another, the kid will figure out what is best for themselves. Part of "letting go" is to accept and support their decisions without pushing one way or another.</p>
<p>Every child is different and how we interpret their negative reactions to situations is based on our experience as their parents. Chrissy you obviously knew that your daughter would not benefit by "sticking it out". We've had long discussions about college environments throughout DD's high school years. We discussed situations and experiences we had back in the dark ages and how to she might deal with things that were not as she would want. We told her that she was going to face situations and have to learn how to deal with them. Specifically (barring anything unsafe) she would need to give wherever she went a semester. The first few weeks are not necessarily good indicators of the atmosphere. Some kids just go wild there first few weeks away and then settle down. Knowing our DD's past reactions, a bit of a drama queen, she does not benefit by being "rescued". So while she's being exposed to some students for whom "party" is a required course, she's also learning how to deal with those situations. Obviously, we can't know how horrible this was for your daughter and of course, you (and she) did what was best for her, but there are merits to "sticking it out". We all learn lessons in different ways.</p>
<p>What I am about to say is not directed at Crissy or her daughter, especially since I've already stated I'm glad things worked out and I'm impressed with the moral values and integrity Crissy's daughter has shown. As Crissy noted, this wasn't about homesickness. I also agree with Calmom's insightful point that we need to trust our children's judgment.</p>
<p>In general, however, I think there is value to sticking things out, even bad things. Perhaps fathers are more likely to feel this way than mothers, but there are many times in life that things don't turn out the way we planned. Even the best plans, executed flawlessly, can backfire and we can't always walk away. </p>
<p>Our youngest child is profoundly autistic and has a chronic and severe medical condition. Instead of the challenging and satisfying professional lives we had prepared for with years of education, we found ourselves juggling work and childcare with no help because his needs are so great that, in our community, no amount of money can buy the care he needs. Instead of the financially comfortable life of exciting travel, gourmet dining, and 5-star hotels we had enjoyed, we rarely go anywhere other than our home, our office, and the doctor's office. Our once-a-year travel is always to see a specialist in a distant city that might be able to help our child's medical issues, even though it's difficult to find physicians that can provide meaningful treatment to children who are both chronically ill and autistic. </p>
<p>I know other parents who have children as sick or more sick than our child. It changes your life in ways you cannot imagine. For some families, it is more than they can handle and they put their child in an institution. At some point, that day will come for our family but the longer we last, the better it is for our son. In the meantime, we are as content as we've ever been in our lives. It is a privilege to be entrusted with our son's life, and every day we love him more and learn to care for him a little better. It is an honor to be asked to help other people in similar situations. And, as the icing on the cake, our son has participated in research that has helped scientists learn more about his autism and his medical condition and that has already enabled doctors to help other people. We are more blessed than we ever imagined.</p>
<p>One reason I enjoy reading CC is to focus on how normal and good it is to send children off to college and help them learn to handle all that life throws at them, knowing that virtually all of them will ultimately prevail and thrive. We all deal with something unplanned in our lives. There is no right or wrong answer in how we respond to these unplanned challenges, but I think it helps to face adversity and to learn that we can deal with it ... that we can overcome adversity when we have to.</p>
<p>
calmom, I think if you check the statutory definitions on justifiable homicide you will find that we can kill them for doing that. ;)</p>
<p>DRJ4, my older sister has lived your life. Remember to take care of yourselves along the way, too. She forgot to do that and she is paying a fierce price now. Good luck and good wishes.</p>
<p>DRJ4: What curmudgeon said. :)</p>
<p>People make choices in their life, balancing in their own minds the risks vs. benefits of each choice. The fact that someone may change their mind and back off in one context does not mean that the same person is unable to face adeversity or stick things out when needed. Making a choice as to a school or a job is not really analogous to choices about the care of a family member with medical needs, simply becuse the issues are very different. Certainly our kids in college will probably many times choose to forego one class because they find it to be too much work or they don't like the teacher, yet stick things out with another because it fulfills their personal goals, and they feel that the end result is worth the trouble. </p>
<p>So I really don't think this is about the value of facing adversity or anything like that. I think this is about a choice made in a single instance. Yes, there are some individuals who consistently choose the easiest path and back off from any sort of challenge in their life -- but there is no indication that this was the case with Crissyp's daughter, and the more typical pattern that we all follow is that sometimes we do rise to the challenge, and sometimes we don't. </p>
<p>The problem with casting a single decision into some sort of life/value lesson is that it introduces extraneous emotional factors into the equation that aren't really relevant to the decision that needs to be made. The issue in this case was simply the choice of a college; it is the equivalent of getting onto a train and realizing at the first stop that the train is going the wrong direction -- do you ride to the end of the line, or do you get off at the next station and switch to a train that is going to the intended destination? The fact that the person elects to get off the train does not mean that they will never be able to complete a journey that they start... it just means that the person is capable of recognizing and acknowledging mistakes and correcting them. </p>
<p>DRJ4 -- as to your comment about fathers being more likely to feel this way than mothers, I will point out that it was always my dad who managed to drive the our car hundreds of miles down the wrong road on family vacations, and my mom who stopped to ask for directions early on. So maybe there is a value in being self-reflective and not getting one's ego so caught up in the choices we make that we are afraid to change.</p>
<p>I am sorry that your family has had to go through such hardship with your youngest child -- I have nothing but admiration and respect for the sacrifices you have made. But I don't think it follows that because a kid elects to change schools, or change jobs, or give up a sport, it means that the kid will grow up to be an adult who can't handle marriage or parenthood if the going gets rough.</p>
<p>
<p>I will point out that it was always my dad who managed to drive the our car hundreds of miles down the wrong road on family vacations, and my mom who stopped to ask for directions early on.
I'm absolutely certain that there is a law that men are not allowed to ask for directions, no matter what. I bet it's even in the Constitution and, if not, it ought to be.</p>
<p>EDIT: Thank you, everyone, for your comments. We are a happy family. Who could ask for more?</p>
<p>Thanks for sharing your story, DRJ4. Best of luck to you and your family.</p>
<p>As a former FA counselor at two Long Island colleges,just wanted to add a little insight to the OP D's situation with Adelphi U. Adelphi is located on Long Island,a metropolitan NY suburb that commonly sends the majority of its college bound students off -island to other locales. Every year, there are great numbers who chose to return,either after a few days, the first semester or the first year.The local private colleges (adelphi,Hofstra,LIU-CWPost.etc) commonly keep spots open knowing they will fill with these returnees.Hofstra especially gets an extraordinary # of transfers and returnees,drop in,where you can get instant admissions decisions..you see their drop in day advertising in our local newspaper.In the OP's D's case, she was a desireable,above average candidate and I could see them either "keeping" her scholarships available,or finding her the $$.She was remarkably lucky to get the proper schedule,with nursing classes being scarce.Again,this was probably due to her being so desireable to them.Best of luck to her back here on the "Island"!</p>
<p>Reading this thread has given me a huge amount of food for thought. DD is going to college across the country. She leaves on Wednesday (with me in tow for orientation). She, too, has a school on this coast who wrote her (after she declined admission) to let her know that her acceptance would be kept active for a full year if she chose to enroll there. She had been a freshman recipient of one of their OOS finaid scholarships so maybe that is why. I do not think her finaid would be available to her, however. Anyway...at this point, I sure hope she loves her choice. The logistics of getting her back to this coast if she doesn't would be a nightmare...not just the logistics, but the cost. Plus with her school's late start date, coming home would be...coming home, not enrolling in college until January. However, I will say...we will be supportive in her decisions hoping that it all works out for the best. Glad the OP's daughter landed in a place that will work better for her. That's what this is all about, isn't it??</p>
<p>Just a few thoughts on nursing temperament. I'm a nurse who became one when I was entering middle age. Perhaps the biggest weakness I noticed in fresh, new grads was their indecisiveness. (A HUGE problem for nurses & their patients if they don't quickly overcome that!) Having come from a successful business career that required quick decisions, that was never a problem for me. Sounds to me as if crissy's daughter doesn't have that problem either. She seems quite mature & focused at a young age. She didn't miss a beat rectifying the situation. Calmom's train analogy is perfect.</p>
<p>"Every year, there are great numbers who chose to return,either after a few days, the first semester or the first year.The local private colleges (adelphi,Hofstra,LIU-CWPost.etc) commonly keep spots open knowing they will fill with these returnees.Hofstra especially gets an extraordinary # of transfers and returnees,drop in,where you can get instant admissions decisions..you see their drop in day advertising in our local newspaper."</p>
<p>cathymee, thank you for adding valuable information on the inner workings of some universtities to this thread. So many of the people who are involved in cc operate from a completely different perspective than the vast majority of the college going public. For many private colleges below the top levels, knowing your customer is extremely important to not only their mission but their survival. The fact that they keep spots open for returnees does not indicate poor quality but rather the reality of kids (yes, 18 is still a kid brain) raised in a specific environment not adjusting to or being accepted in a completely different environment. The fact that Hofstra even advertises gives people reading this thread a reality check regarding how frequently this happens in the real world. More importantly, it gives kids and parents out there who are struggling with this same type of issue hope that there are alternatives, they can change things without destroying their future and there are universities out there that understand and are accepting of the reality of these young people. This is an important message.</p>
<p>again, THANK YOU! ..especially to the last few posters that have taken the time to clarify this situation to some others.</p>
<p>If you feel she is despondent or depressed, get her counseling right away. Otherwise . . .</p>
<p>Dorm life isn't for her--who is it for? I mean, didn't we all go through the separation strains, the horrible roommates, the noise? I remember getting sick within the first week of school and wanting to go home--700 miles away. My mom made me stay. My dad made me stay. I wasn't happy, but they said I could call collect any time I wanted to--it helped. I adjusted within 3 weeks. The fact was I made friends and I got involved in activities. To survive the transition you have to take the focus off yourself and start interacting with other people.</p>
<p>Two books which might help her are "How to Survive Your Freshman Year" and "The College Dorm Survival Guide." They're fun reading and make you realize that the rest of your hallmates are going through the same thing.</p>
<p>Now, will she be a semester behind if she does come home? She may be a YEAR behind, if she starts her nursing program classes during the first year. Most nursing program classes are offered only in the Fall or only in the Spring. </p>
<p>Also, many nursing program are impacted. If she drops out now, they may not accept her back at this college next year because she wasn't committed enough her first year. They'll also be looking at how she handles stress, as this is one of the major issues in the nursing industry today.</p>
<p>If it is mere homesickness, talk to her a lot, open up those lines of communication, and ask get her to talk about what bothers her. Ask about her social life--without the judgemental eye--how her classes are going--without disapproval if she's not doing well--and how you can help her without bringing her home.</p>
<p>The first few weeks of college are when you make some of the longest-lasting friends of your life. However, sometimes you don't bond closely with friends until the next year. That doesn't mean your freshman year is horrible--you can have lots of acquaintances to eat dinner with, study with, and party with--or just watch a movie with.</p>