<p>haha I love deluxehardballer's posts! He makes a good point though.</p>
<p>I would say your best bet is to befriend your roommate. It seems like he's a friendly guy since he's the most popular, so try talking to him & getting to know him. Even if you seem too different to be good friends, don't prematurely judge that to be true. Plus, you live together so he's probably pretty accessible. Then gradually you'll grow more comfortable w/everyone on your floor. Good luck!</p>
<p>
[quote]
I would say your best bet is to befriend your roommate. It seems like he's a friendly guy since he's the most popular, so try talking to him & getting to know him. Even if you seem too different to be good friends, don't prematurely judge that to be true. Plus, you live together so he's probably pretty accessible. Then gradually you'll grow more comfortable w/everyone on your floor. Good luck!
[/quote]
</p>
<p>This is absolutely true! You are very lucky to have an outgoing roommate (unlike mine, who stays in our room playing counter strike all day). You guys live together, and you guys are going to have some bond. I kinda think of a quote by Albert Camus from his story "The Guest" (which is one of the best short stories ever, BTW). Let me see if I can find it.................................................................ok:</p>
<p>
[quote]
Men who share the same rooms, soldiers or prisoners, develop a strange alliance as if, having cast off their armor with their clothing, they fraternized every evening, over and above their differences, in the ancient community of dream and fatigue.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Although not 100% like your situation, I think it's still a pretty gnarly quote.</p>
<p>Also, if it's cool with your roommate (which I think it would be), leave your dorm room open, and play video games (guitar hero works surprisingly well) or do something else thats fun and welcoming. You'll definitely attract people</p>
<p>Its harder than that. if it were the first week of college, then alot of this would be great advise, but its not, so it doesnt work as well.</p>
<p>The probelems at this point are that pretty much everyone on my floor is eachothers main group of friends. It is a really small floor, which allows this to happen. They constantly hang around one another, so if you arent constantly hanging out with them, you just arent one of them. I dont have the time for that, so it isnt going to happen. I tired hanging out with them, but felt like (and was treated like) and outsider.</p>
<p>Also, it is a pretty much impssible to find a group of freinds at this point, becuase everyone has already seemed to find thier group, and therefore really arent activly looking for anymore close friends at this point, espdecially ones that will be in thier main "group"</p>
<p>maybe try moving to a different dorm; luck can come out of a change of scenery </p>
<p>but remember that you will still be you</p>
<p>since we don't know if it is you that is the problem or your surroundings</p>
<p>but judging your words you already sound like you lost all hope</p>
<p>i'm pretty much in the same situation Husky. i just try to busy myself with other things and try not to think about it.</p>
<p>Hey,
I'm not friends with people in my hall either (there seems to be one main friend group in our hall, including my roommate, so I'm constantly reminded of not being in their friend group). But there's still at least 1/3 of our hall that isn't part of their group either. The few people in my hall I would say hi to and maybe stop to talk to if I saw them I never actually see because we're all so busy. So my point is, don't worry about the I'm not part of my hall thing; I've found it to be more common than I thought.</p>
<p>I think one of the best ways to have some quality time with people you'd want to be friends with is to ask if they want to eat with you after classes (as in, ask the people in your classes). Just make it casual, like if the class ends around lunch time, just be like hey do you want to get something to eat? Of course, since it's the end of the semester, this might not be the right time, but have that in mind next semester. My other piece of advice, which I'm sure everyone already says, is join some clubs or do some activities and you don't know who you'll meet. Maybe you'll meet someone in your hall, or someone who lives around you, and you'll already have that common.</p>
<p>The thing I've learned is that most people you meet, you meet by chance. It's not by forcing it. Maybe you're in a club meeting and you meet someone you've already met before, and you can reconnect. Or you're in a class and you have to do a project with someone, and you get to talking. Or if sometimes you hang around someone you already know, they'll know someone else who you can meet and decide you like. </p>
<p>So yeah, don't stress out. A lot of people are in the same situation, to different extents. Focus on what you have to focus on, be a little more proactive, and one day you'll realize you're better off than you were previously. And finally - don't think too much about it! It's a sure way to get you feeling depressed and hating school.</p>
<p>I hope this helps.</p>
<p>Hello Husky71, I have two thoughts (or more) :</p>
<p>a "group" isn't necessary - it usually is pretty impersonal anyway</p>
<p>all you need is one or two friends who think similarly to you</p>
<p>take you eyes off of that group you wish you felt more included in, focus more on your own interests for while, and let it go - you will, without trying, end up meeting somebody who is like-minded in some way when you are focussed on your own interests - that's when you ask them to go to a meal or coffee or something... that's how it will happen. forget the "group" you've been focussing on and turn your energy elsewhere - and trust this: being yourself will get you the best of friend!</p>
<p>Yeah, tia3's advice is really good. I find myself wanting a close group too like I had in high school. But then I realize why I had a close group in high school in the first place - it was because I knew those people as acquaintences for a long time (even years) and became accustomed to them, and it wasn't until I had a class with each of them or did some club with them everyday for months that finally I realized that I was comfortable with them as real friends. Otherwise, yeah, it's nice to have fun with them in a group setting but I wasn't comfortable with them as friends. And I'm the type of person who would rather have a few more meaningful relationships than a bunch of acquaintences, even if it means it takes some time and maybe periods of feeling kind of lonely.</p>
<p>So it takes time. It's just first semester. Things will happen naturally.</p>
<p>God, I hate threads like this. The same thing happens, every time. Step 1 is a post from the heart -- things aren't working and can someone out there just tell me how to start fixing them? The OP writes
[quote]
I have a problem. Need help.
Any tips on how to fix my situation?
[/quote]
Step 2 are a bunch of replies with some commiseration, suggestions for the OP on things to do and how to change the outlook. </p>
<p>And it almost invariably leads to step 3, the OP saying "can't do this, won't do that". They start off asking for advice, then flatly reject everything that's offered. So here we have the OP writing
[quote]
if it were the first week of college, then alot of this would be great advise, but its not, so it doesnt work as well.
Also, it is a pretty much impssible to find a group of freinds at this point
[/quote]
I'm beginning to understand why it never works out for these people.</p>
<p>
[quote]
take you eyes off of that group you wish you felt more included in, focus more on your own interests for while, and let it go - you will, without trying, end up meeting somebody who is like-minded in some way when you are focussed on your own interests - that's when you ask them to go to a meal or coffee or something... that's how it will happen. forget the "group" you've been focussing on and turn your energy elsewhere - and trust this: being yourself will get you the best of friend!
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Actually this is pretty good advise. I shouldn't concentrate on making friends just for the sake of it, but rather, try to expand my options past the geographicly convienient yet personally uncompatable people on my floor so I can open up the potential for making friends that are right for me.</p>
<p>Well, you've gotten some good advice (and some heartless comments)... I'd recommend (no kidding) Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends and Influence People" for a no-nonsense discussion of pitfalls, good approaches, etc. Good luck!</p>
<p>It was brave of you to post but I will echo everyone else's advice; if YOU don't have any self-confidence, everyone else will get this subtle vibe that you're not really good to hang around with. Or the image that I'm getting is this shy, weak, sort of "Oh, maybewanttogosomewhereSaturday?" which makes people think you're desperate.</p>
<p>I know the 'nerd' stereotype and the way I got past it was a little unorthodox (just stopped caring about what people thought, but that's difficult for most people) but you can do it.</p>
<p>What don't you like about yourself?</p>
<p>Do you think you're too much of a nerd? Screw them, you're not a nerd.
Do you think you're ugly or something of the sort? Change it!
Are you not funny? Yes you are, and you can confidently walk through campus thinking you're the funniest guy around.</p>
<p>Maybe our personalities are different but I can assure you that if you stop caring what sort of 'image' people get of you, you'll be fine.</p>
<p>P.S.: Don't read self-help books! They're a load of ____. The best thing you can do for yourself is to change your attitude towards yourself and a book can't do that for you.</p>