<p>*The EFC becomes 0 if both parents are unemployed, right?</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>I don’t think so. Do you think if well-off people get laid off that their EFCs just get changed to 0?? No way.</p>
<p>I doubt they’re going to get any more money from ASU. </p>
<p>*She’ s has never had a chore or responsiblity so that she may be able to reach these high grades. *</p>
<p>I cannot imagine ever making such a demand to parents when both have recently lost their jobs. Sorry to be a bit harsh, but she needs to learn about reality and you’ve really haven’t done that. Part of parenting is teaching kids about real life.</p>
<p>If she wants this dorm life, she can get a summer job and take out a student loan. (I’m wondering how my kids managed to be Val and Sal at their school while working a part-time job and having chores…hmmm)</p>
<p>No. Not spoiled, just not really understanding it. Even adults go through the five stages of grieving. She is “bargaining,” or maybe even in denial. She may not really have any understanding of what this means, being too young to really “get” it yet. </p>
<p>But, that doesn’t mean she isn’t going to have to grow up now and face the facts.</p>
<p>A lot of the benefit of living on campus (making friends, finding clubs and otherwise finding one’s niche) is from living on campus freshman year. Is it possible that between her summer job and selling her car, she could come up with enough to live on campus freshman year? And maybe a small student loan?</p>
<p>I’m going with Schokolade on this one. This is not your problem to solve. Put the onus on your d to find a way to pay this bill. She’ll either come up with something that works or she lives at home.</p>
<p>Can I say, though, that whatever she comes up with shouldn’t involve money from you, unless it’s a contribution equal to what you’re no longer paying in car insurance and spending money. Time to understand that nobody gets it all without a some sacrifice.</p>
<p>Geesh! You’re UNEMPLOYED! You’ve got bigger fish to fry! </p>
<p>I agree that freshman year on campus would be an easy way to socialize at college. If she could put together a package that could swing it–great. </p>
<p>$3500 Stafford loan in her own name, sell the car (besides the sales price, it also saves money on gas, insurance and registration every year), use her savings (all that birthday money), get a job in the summer, get an on campus job, heck–start babysitting now, sell her stuff at garage sales…</p>
<p>Or she could take a gap year and work and save her money.</p>
<p>If she wanted it bad enough, she could swing it. </p>
<p>But I’m going to guess that she doesn’t want it that bad…</p>
<p>you’ve spoiled your kid beyond what’s healthy. parents think that giving their kids ‘everything’ is showing love–but that’s not true. what u end up doing is making them incapable of handling the most basic of tasks on their own. in other words, you contribute to making them lazy and self-identified. hopefully, it isn’t too late to turn many years of self-indulgence into something positive. it’ll take a lot of discipline on your behalf, though, and a complete shift in your parenting philosophy. can u handle it?</p>
<p>Oh sure, part of the college experience is living on campus…for some…if their family can afford it. For many that is not true, which is why many colleges are referred to as commuters colleges. You can not afford it at this time, you are lucky to have such a independent living arrangement in your home for her, she is in Barrett Honor’s college; I say you daughter has been truly blessed beyond what most college students can expect. </p>
<p>D either takes out loans, works and sells her car for her “dorm” experience, and than try to become an RA, or she attends ASU Honor college with it’s small classes and maximizes those ample opportunities to leverage a vary active campus life for herself. It’s up to her. Time for her to realize everything is not going to always be handed to her, there are choices and trade offs. Always.</p>
<p>Put the guilt down, it is she who should feel guilty for not being sensitive to your crisis situation- Unemployed is not hard for any young adult to understand.</p>
<p>Sounds like this is a longstanding issue–wanting the freshman year in the dorms when your parents are unemployed is just the latest manifestation?</p>
<p>Sounds like a much needed lesson in wants vs. needs will be coming up…and that’s not a bad thing.</p>
<p>Never let a child bully you into debt, whether its yours or hers. I guilted my parents into cosigning my student loans so I could live on campus and now we’re all screwed. Want versus need doesn’t only apply when it’s ideal, and while the dorm experience is nice, it is not as important as food on the table and stable finances. Your child will understand that by the time she graduates-- either because she has debt to contend with and it sucks or because she doesn’t and is thankful, your choice what way to go.</p>
<p>I understand you feeling guilty and I’m sorry for your financial losses. In order for your daughter to be successful as a young woman, she really needs to learn some basic lessons that she has been deprived of. She will never stand on her own feet if she doesnt learn how to deal with adversity , and that is the bigger monster in this. She has been handed everything and now it is coming back to bite you. This will affect every area of her life. We all can be guilty of this, but now is the time for everyone to put their big pants on and get tough. You have the right and the duty to set it straight and be clear on what you can afford. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you telling her NO. She must take out stafford loans and work if she wants to stay on campus. Make this HER responsibility. If you are wishy washy, which I suspect might be the case, she will know and take advantage of that. Dont mean to sound harsh, but you have to get real with yourself and help your daughter grow up. You will be doing her a serious disservice if you dont.</p>
<p>We all want to give our kids everything world has to offer. It is normal to feel guilty when we feel we may have fallen short.</p>
<p>College education is a privilege, not an entitlement. Your daughter is lucky she is going to get such an opportunity. By not able to live on campus, it may not be as complete of a college experience, but the important thing is she is still going to get a college education. This could be a teaching moment for your daughter - count her blessing, instead of looking at a glass half empty, understand finance of funding a college education…Both of you are unemployed, you are under a lot of pressure, and I feel your daughter should be able to understand the position you are in right now.</p>
<p>Our D1 is starting out this summer at her first real job. She will be making good money, but in order for her to live in the kind of apartment she wants to live in (doorman, good location), we would need to subsidize her a bit. It would be easy for us to say yes, but we are choosing to say no. She is dragging her dad around to see apartments, and I am telling H to stay strong.</p>
<p>You have no reason to feel guilty that you can’t provide the complete “college experience” for your daughter. Living in a dorm is actually not all that fantastic for everyone- just take a look at some of the other threads on this forum. Hundreds of thousands of students go to community colleges their first two years while living at home, saving a lot of money while working toward their educational goals (and working at the same time, many of them). And many of those students still live at home after they transfer to a college or university near where they live. It’s the smart thing to do financially. As others have mentioned, you are not doing your daughter any favors by shielding her from reality.</p>
<p>If she wants to live in the dorm, let her do what adults do; find a way to pay for it. She can borrow $5500 (2k unsub) in stafford loans. She can make up the other 3500 through gift money, babysitting, a job (remind her that McDonalds is having a national hiring blitz on April 19). Let her put her money where her mouth is. She will also take less for granted when she knows that she has to roll up her sleeve and be a stakeholder in the process.</p>
<p>OP, given your financial situation and your daughter’s already very high quality of life, it is unreasonable for her to ask you to pay for her to dorm at the school. If both you and your spouse were laid off, then it would be wildly irresponsible to take on that kind of debt, and it is clear from your posts that you know that.</p>
<p>It sounds like your daughter is used to you giving her everything, and it needs to stop with this. She has a great opportunity with her scholarship, and as for distance from the school, there are plenty of colleges with dorms more than five minutes away from the main center of the campus. She has to know that your family can’t handle the $36,000 (plus long-term interest) in debt, and it’s unreasonable for her to ask it of you.</p>
<p>But it doesn’t have to be even close to $9k a year. If the apartment is rented for $500/mo for 12 months, that’s $6k. Parents are paying something for food now - let’s underestimate and say $200/month. Car insurance - $1k? What is needed for the student to sit down with her parents to see what SHE can do to make it possible. (Because from where I sit, it clearly is - if all parties want to make it happen.)</p>
<p>While I think it is ideal for kids to live on campus the first year, I would not pay for a dorm if my daughter was attending school that was 5 min from the house. My daughter is an only child, and I tend to spoil her, but I have my limits. </p>
<p>If you rent out your home, it will likely be to a college student and it will likely for less than dorm fees. </p>
<p>I know your daughter is disappointed and wants to stay on campus, but she will get over it. Do not feel guilty for your decision. Think how you would feel as an adult if you guilted your parents into doing such a thing. Do not do that to your daughter. </p>
<p>As parents we want our kids to be happy, but we also need to prepare them for the real world where they do not get everything they want with little or no effort. </p>
<p>Please do not feel guilty and please do not give in if you are doing it out of guilt or you can not afford it.</p>
<p>Oldfort, wasn’t this the husband who would have caved to the car salesman if you hadn’t been there to insist that when you said this was the highest price you would pay, it really was the highest price you’d pay? If so, I’m guessing I know why your D has dad looking with her for apartments. LOL!</p>
<p>ellemenope - you have a good memory. Yup, H is a push over. She is not dragging me all over town looking for apartments. It is funny how our kids know which button to push. H thinks it’s his bonding moment.</p>
<p>OP, your D needs to figure out how SHE can pay for room & board on campus this fall if she wants it so much, so that YOU and DH can figure out how to stay in YOUR home.</p>