@thumper1 I agree 100% which is why I take them with a grain of salt and only use them to gauge things like the party meter. Some of the things that are a negative are actually a positive for my son. Not a party school or no greek system are definitely good things for him. St. Olaf and Xavier as far as mid-west schools go tend to get pretty good reviews and seem a decent fit . Though neither of them are perfect as they have a program specifically geared towards kids on the spectrum:(
Thanks @Yalemom07. I have looked into a few of those and St. Olaf is still on my list but just checked out Lawrence as others had recommended as well and it looks great so I will definitely check it out:)
@gatspygirl I would not use those sites to gauge the party meter. Negative reactions will always get more posts and rarely do happy kids bother, have time for, or care about posting reviews of their schools. Of our 3 kids either in or out of college I am 100% sure that none have ever posted on a review site for their school.
Freshman retention % is one of the best measures of student satisfaction and is a hard, measurable, objective data point. Graduation rates is also important though it can be misleading at larger schools where there might be commuters or transfers in and out. There is partying at all schools and there are kids at every single one of them, who do not party. In some cases it can be worse at a small school as it is more noticeable if you don’t.
One thing to consider about small schools (not advocating for large, just something to think about) is that smaller will mean more visible social circles. So, if your child ends up excluded, he may feel it more, than at a larger school where there are other pools of kids to shop around for friends and activities.
There are lots of lovely midwest LAC’s, it will be harder to get the disability details out of them but I’d probe as much as you can.
It is your SON’s list, not yours. He needs to be actively choosing potential colleges. Please do not try to do everything for him. The fact that he talked to a teacher and got results means you should involve him in making decisions and not just hand him your list of acceptable colleges. Yes he has his disability, but he is also constantly learning and maturing. For him to succeed in the college admissions process he will need to do the work on applications and want to attend colleges he applies to.
Time to get HIM to check out potential colleges. I’m hearing all about your list and nothing about his interest in the process.
Oh @wis75 if only it were that easy., Do you not think that I do not hound him EVERY day about this very subject? He Do you know how much email from universities he gets every day??? He has yet to open even one email that comes directly to his inbox, let alone do research on his own. This is where the laziness comes in, whether its due to having Aspergers or just plain laziness. At this point the best I can do is come up with a list based on recommendations, research, etc. show him stuff online and take him on visits. After each visit I ask many, many questions on his thoughts about each school. Thus the reason I stopped pursuing UW. He says it’s not necessarily too big but way to bustling for him. He liked Purdue better. I asked him how it differed from Madison. “Although large, the campus is self contained”, a direct quote from him. He did not know what Greek life was until he heard it mentioned on visits. I explained what it is and he said 'Yeah, that’s probably not my thing". I ask him if he would consider a small but more liberal school. He says most likely not. All of this is feedback I get from him directly and I am listening. He has definitely liked the small campuses we have visited better. But he would never research them on his own to find out what kind of student attends, what the dorm situation is like, etc. Unfortunately, this all falls to me. I tell him that ultimately it will be his decision but it may not necessarily be the best decision which scares me. As i mentioned, Marquette is tops on his list right now. He liked Xavier as well but I think he liked the distance to Marquette better which was one of his reasons for liking the school. If we went only on the schools right now, based on what I know, I believe Xavier would be a much better fit all around. My goal is to have list his top three after all of our visits and re-visit closer to decision time. At the end of the day, he may wish to stay home or may not be ready, but until then it is my job to come up with the best possible options so that they are narrowed down for him.
Just curious, do you have an Aspie child? Just wondering what your experience has been??
Perhaps backing off for awhile would give you both a rest from this. This in only May- clearing both of your heads could make a difference.
i do think that some of this nonchalantness might be related to him just being a 17 yo boy. I have heard of non aspie boys that dont do the research and pick the school, and that the parents tend to make the lists, and then as they do each visit, mention what they think. My first was a girl, so my experience there was different. This is not to say that all boys are this way, but I think boys tend to not care as much, in terms of reading emails, etc.
We made BIG strides with mine, as when he was a freshman he went on tours with his sister, and wanted nothing to do with the process and just wished he could sit in the student center and play games on his phone. Last summer we started touring schools for him, and he actually started to pay some attention. not to say that sometimes he “disconnects” himself from the group or the information sessions. I do get feedback and ranking of schools from him after visits. and Yes, some are not always relevant. Likes one place because there is a great sushi restaurant down the street, dislikes another because he read about one bad professor that he likely would not have in the news somewhere. BUT he will judge on the academics, environment, etc as well.
@wis75 we have taken a break this semester from all of it as I want him to focus more on school. I want to pick it up again this summer as it is easier to do visits late summer/early fall when school is back in session but his schoolwork and activities are little more relaxed. That said, we will still have a little more of a break but summer gets crazy to I am taping into this website now for ideas so we can plan accordingly.
@sdl0625 this is 100% true. I have no girls…three boys so I know no other way. But my friends that have daughters that have already been through this process are puling their hair out with their sons. I just giggle. And very funny about the random reasons. My son liked Illinois because there are a plethora of fast food restaurants on Green street. A chipotle and all of his favs.
@gatspygirl I believe he is your first yes? He is not being lazy with this. He is being like 90% of teenage boys, albeit not ones you read about on CC. Girls too for that matter. Maybe 95%!
We have 4 kids. One with anxiety, one neurotypical, one ADHD and one Aspie. And guess what. Not ONE of them were really interested in talking about college at this point in HS. At ALL. It stressed them out to think about. College means change and decisions and having to think about what you want to be when you grown up. Not fun or easy for most. Most would rather talk about anything else. It’s scary. Not to mention Junior year is nuts for all, regardless of any LD’s. They are just trying to survive the gauntlet that is HS.
Articles abound about how kids hate parents/adults obsessing over college and it being all they talk about. I’m as guilty as the next but hounding daily isn’t healthy for either of your or likely to be productive.
You have time. Lots of time actually even though I know as the volume of mail piles up it doesn’t feel like it (tip for #2, do not have them check the box to recieve stuff on their PSAT and that volume will go WAY down). So what if he doesn’t open any of them. They are marketing and he knows it. A glossy flyer shouldn’t be what gets his interest anyway. Stick them where he can see them, if he doesn’t snag them, drop in a box he can look at later. And let it go. Don’t bring it up.
By all means do research on your own especially on support services. But keep it to yourself for now. You’ll have it at the ready, when he is ready. I understand that it helps you. Or at least it helps me. It gives me a sense of control in a situation I cannot control, and that I am doing the best I can to be his advocate. I did a crazy amount of research for my ADHD kid. His needs were different and part of it was a merit hunt but at the end of the day it’s my checkbook and I needed to try to get the best bang for my buck, while meeting his needs and dreams. It is no different with my current junior. But I keep most of it to myself until he asks about things and I offer to show/share.
Maybe let it all go until summer and reintroduce the subject by nudging him to start up his common app account. The lists "I’ had for our kids at this point and what they had in their heads (if there was anything in their heads) were really really different. 3 of the 4 kids did do (or are planned to do) a summer related activity that helped their overall process and it was really different for each kid. But all the activities were ones that while suggested as ideas by me, are ones they fully chose to do (or will do). I don’t see the EF coaching as a summer activity that he is choosing, that’s a requirement but he’s not fighting it either. Understandably he’d prefer to not need it but does recognize it can’t hurt.
Late summer, early fall, progress was made with some, not so much with others. I did nudge my ADHD kid, but I had his permission (and request) to do so. However we set it up as a weekly meeting to discuss, and didn’t discuss a thing about college during the rest of the week. We didn’t start that until September. Which I know, probably gives you angst to think about but even with early dates, that’s still 2-3 months to get applications put together. You can apply without visiting. I am not sure with an Aspie that is best but it is what we did with our ADHD kid as I wasn’t flying across the country when he didn’t have a finalized list. We waited to narrow it down, see acceptances and $$ come in, and then flew. With my HFA kid I am leaning towards visiting 2 over the summer that require a flight. Only because he may do ED and I am not ok with that without a visit as the time frame to decide or not is too short and our school no longer has in service days to make travel during the school year easy.
You have drug him on enough tours for him to get the general feel of different types of schools. That is good. But I would let it go (at least as far as he sees it) for the rest of the school year if you can. As you know, our kids can be hyper focused on things, and really good at avoiding what they cannot. Just like managing homework, the whole college thing is super overwhelming to kids but I think especially to ones like ours and sometimes we do need to take a clue from them. You really do have plenty of time.
It’s funny thing. Our HS had the GC’s in the junior classrooms yesterday going through Naviance and “required” them to put at least 3 schools on their list. My S currently has 9 and was like “I’m done!” GC pointed out that all were parent adds and he hated that. He told me last night he’d changed one to show as a student add and was going to go in and change the rest. But he did rank them, on his own and while none were exactly a surprise it was nice to see it on the screen “owned” by him. Sometimes an outside nudge is as effective or (far) more. My ADHD kid had a “college counselor”, someone who was looking at this service as a paid job and wanted to use him as a practice case. Worked great for me, someone else pushed and nagged. I see the EF coach providing some of that as well, as will his AP Lit class, where they will work on essays.
And in the meantime, HUGS.
Have you considered a gap year?
He does need to do the searching, but it doesn’t hurt to help him narrow things down. If you went to a professional college counselor, that’s what they’d do (I had one, though it was 25+ years ago).
I think we waited until mid summer Junior year to start the process. My son looked at the clubs first, then the academics, but he definitely pared them down all on his own and his choice was his own, though I’m thrilled it is mine too.
@sdl0625 we judge the “stupid” reasons our kids pick for going to a school because of their disorder, but in truth, a lot of neurotypical kids have really silly reasons for picking their schools too. My mother followed her boyfriend to 3 different schools in 3 years before she realized he was a bum and they broke up. I am convinced (though she has not confirmed) that a friend followed another friend to our women’s college because she had a crush on her. (crushee not gay, crusher came out after college). My son was somewhat swayed by the dairy bar at UCONN and the clubs there.
My feeling if academics are equal or better, programs are equal or better and the finances work…no reason is a silly reason to like or take a school off of a list. You can only attend one. And if the “best” program has something about it that would make a student not thrive or unhappy…doesn’t really matter how great the program is.
One word of advice, our all or nothing thinkers may be paralyzed by “what if I make the wrong decision”. I keep telling him if he struggles, and there are plenty of NT kids who struggle too, we will be there for him but if he tells us sooner rather than later, it will be much better for him. And that there is such a thing as a “transfer student”
I’ve already told him that I expect him to attend the program (and it’s 3 days a week at first, which even I think may be a little much, but that he can gauge it and say that we’ll pay for the 3 days and only do two) and that I’d like him to avail himself of the counseling center just to have someone to talk freely in a way that he can’t with us and the writing center and the math center, any help he needs is there for him to use, and we are just a Skype away.
What’s wrong with him deciding that his first criteria is staying close (Marquette)? What’s wrong with him saying that he’s okay with finding one or two schools and that he’s done looking?
Both my kids did that. They looked a little, and picked one school, each applied to one school, and we were done by October. Were there other schools out there that might have been ‘better’? I’m sure there were, but both were happy with their choice. If the kid doesn’t want to go more than 300 miles away, look within the 300 mile radius.
I think it is just as much about making the school work for you as it is finding the perfect school with the perfect clubs and dorm and dining hall.
@“Cardinal Fang” I did consider it and may still but I’m afraid he may never end up going
@twoinanddone there is absolutely nothing wrong with him staying close or going with what I have. My original post was to see if I could find anyone that had any experiences with Aspie kids at these schools. So far I have yet to come across anyone on this site or elsewhere.
There is nothing wrong with Marquette but not sure that he is choosing it as number 1 based on the entire picture.
I had been told many things before I visited.
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Its not in the safest part of town
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t’s basically kids from affluent Chicago suburbs
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The campus set up is not ideal
I figured it was close enough and still a good option for my son, regardless of the paparazzi.
When we visited I didn’t really feel it was unsafe but the campus set up is a bit odd and after visiting Xavier which is almost a completely enclosed campus, I can understand why people would say such a thing. There is definitely a different vibe.
As with most visits you are originally placed in a room for a presentation and then sent off into groups for a tour. There were about 60 prospective students. I kid you not, at least 50 of them were form Chicago (most suburbanites).
Ironically, our tour group consisted of 2 lesbian females (I’m not sure where they were from), one girl from WI and our tour guide hailed from WI. The lesbians asked a lot of questions specific to the LGBT community that our 20 year old male tour guide could not answer. My son found this amusing of course.
When I asked him why he liked Marquette the best his reply was “the people seemed more down to earth”. Totally fair answer based on what he observed.
I do not think this is reality, however. I have a friend on the scholarship board at our high school so she gets a lot of info on the graduating class. She told me 48 kids from the 2018 class are going to Marquette. I’m afraid it will be a lot more of his high school experience.
Shortly after our visit, A friend of mine came over to drop off her younger son. Of course, because he is a junior she asked him about college visits and asked which was his favorite. He asked me what the name of the school was that we had just visited. It was Marquette. The fact that he had to ask me doesn’t have me 100% convinced it truly is his favorite. In fact, when he took his SATs the only school he listed for score submissions was Xavier.
When I mention Marquette people are generally not that excited. I do, however, know people that do have kids that attend and love it.
When I mention Xavier I always get positive reactions. The reason I even looked the school is because inadvertently people gave me some good insight. I was at a fundraiser and someone was taking about Xavier. A mom I know said “My babysitter goes there. He sister babysits for me now and she’s actually better because she’s not as odd and forgetful. She loves it”. Hmmm…odd and forgetful, sounds familiar. People always refer to it as nurturing. The admissions counselor in our area is amazing. When we visiting he was the only kid from the Chicago area. The group was very diverse. We had kids from Florida, Kentucky, Colorado and our tour guide was from Connecticut. I think this would be a better fit as it would lessen the cliques right off the bat and this would be better for him socially. All good things. It may be as far as he is willing to go and he may not even wish to go that far. Even if UCONN proves to be amazing for @overbearingmom(and I truly hope that it does), he may not like the distance. If it does provide services that he thinks would be valuable to him, that may outweigh the distance and he may be ok with it. We will cross that bridge later:)
People have brought up good points, however, about possibly looking for a school with a program that could help with his executive functioning skills. Although Xavier has a lot of positives (I forgot to mention the dining hall which was truly amazing and food is a big deal for my son) it may necessarily work if he truly needs more help living on his own. I would love to throw one of those into the mix as well as an LAC in my area. I had never heard of Lawrence. It was a god recommendation from this thread and looks like a possible fit not too far away. It’s an easy visit for the summer or fall. My husband actually drives to Appleton often to pay a visit to one of his plants in the area so that is a plus.
People have also recommended SLU. That’s a pretty easy one as well. After that, I think he will have enough to choose from. The hard one is going to be the school that offer real accommodations for and ASPIE (preferably in a close proximity). Not sure that we will find that.
At the end of the day I really only want him to apply to 5 or 6 schools max. Anything beyond that may prove to be a painful process
Read post 68 again where the poster clearly states that one of his four kids is an Aspie kiddo. Not at the colleges you are mentioning…but experience nonetheless.
So you know where I’m coming from…I’m a speech pathologist who has worked with her fair share of kids with Aspergers Syndrome.
One thing I will say…these ASD kids vary wildly…so even IF you found someone with good experiences or bad at any of the colleges you have mentioned…it doesn’t mean your kiddo would have the same outcome. These kids are so very different from one another.
Is there an Autism Society in your state…well…I know there is. You might want to contact them. My guess is they have resources to help families with this transition from HS to life after high school.
Unfortunately your list is based on schools not known for specific Aspie or ASD support, or disability support services in general which is why aren’t getting the results you want. And to thumpers point, each kid is really different so unless you go meet live with each disability office or chat on the phone, in the absence of an officials support program it is really going to be anyone’s guess.
Midwest specific ones that seem to come up are Grand Valley and Western Michigan. You have probably already seen this but if not it may be useful.
https://www.collegeautismspectrum.com/collegeprograms.html
good luck
You should try to speak directly with people who have specific knowledge of the programs. @eandesmom is right ASD spectrum kids are like snowflakes - I was in a playgroup with 4 aspie kids (and it wasn’t an aspie playgroup, just in our neighborhood). 1 is at Notre Dame with no supports, but she was very mild, her little brother is in a day program and will go to CC next year, another is very social and will be going to a college without a specific program, and you would never know he was spectrum, maybe nerdy and then my kid. You need to know why a program works for someone’s kid to guesstimate whether it will work or not.
Put it out there with your friends and maybe the school that you are looking for personal experience. I belong to a yahoo group autism support and reached out when I was looking. I spoke to a woman whose kid went to RIT and though it was working somewhat, her kid was not willing to go, didn’t like to identify as Aspie. That isn’t my kid, my kid is wiling to use supports because he’s not sure he can do it alone. And if he needs nagging he will not be resistant to it. My friend who lives near UCONN is a teacher and her para actually had a kid who went to UCONN in the program and she had great things to say about it, and through her son’s participation knew the Director well enough to introduce us and I met with her while I was there. As I’ve said before, I just got a good feeling about the level of care available, but that their goal is to phase it out as the kid becomes more confident/capable. Will it work for my kid? Not sure, but I also feel good about the overall community. People I’ve never met from across the country are willing to look out for my kid if I need it. People willing to give general advice. You may find that in the places near you.
Lastly, there is a lot of time between now and when your son will be going. If you had asked me a year ago if my son was going, 85% sure I would have said he’s going to CC (not that there is anything wrong with that). Even 6 months ago, I came home from Husky for a Day saying there’s no way, but now he knows where his cell phone is (and uses it) and where his wallet is, and showers mostly every day. Make no decisions, but keep your options open. And you don’t have to be the one who helps him - do you have friends near other schools that might be able to help?
Just a suggestion, but I would make sure it is easy to change majors at any college he picks. Journalism is intensely competitive these days and the major (And job applicant pool ) is full of bright bubbly extroverts with polished social skills who are comfortable interviewing strangers.