<p>So we had thought everything was smooth as silk. DD even called her father last week on his birthday and she was bubbly as always. Last night we got a message that she needs to come home for a day, made bus reservations for this afternoon, and will go back to school on Monday. When we called right back and talked to her, she sounded a bit down, but not weepy, and said that she is just overwhelmed and needs a day home. Of course, we started to worry, and try to get as many scenarios as possible to plan a way to react to whatever is going on. At this moment we have no idea. Just hope to be able to listen--- or not (she has NEVER talked to us about tough stuff)--- and be non-judgmental. I'm nervous... Being a grown-up is hard sometimes...</p>
<p>Relax....it's probably not a big deal. (It's in our parent-genes to react exactly the way you did, though!) Haven't you just needed to get away from everything for a bit? I remember in college that it really wore on me to NEVER be in a place that was quiet. Here's hoping that she just needs a hug from mom and some home cookin' to make it all better!!.</p>
<p>It is not easy to get a phone call like that. It may be just as she said - a bit of TLC is needed. My daughter would call me and be very upset about her best friend, schoolwork or just being tired. As an adult sometimes I don't quite understand why it's such a big deal, but I just listen. It's a good sign that your daughter trusts you and feel safe to come home to you when she is overwhelmed. If she has never talked to you before, this may be a good beginning. I have a feeling a few good home cook meals and some hugs would be sufficient. If not, then take a few deep breath, don't let her feel your panic because she may need a few strong shoulders to lean on.</p>
<p>It sounds like with the sudden worry about your D there is also worry, nervousness about whether you yourselves will be worthy when your D calls upon you. Being the grownups truly can be hard. </p>
<p>You speak of listening, of being nonjudgmental. You speak, also, of not listening, by which I understand you to mean not insisting that she talk, not giving out disappointment if she doesn't talk...all of which is making me think that you'll have a helpful frame of mind, a loving approach for finding whatever resources you may need.</p>
<p>I and no doubt many others here will be keeping you in mind today.</p>
<p>You guys rock my world! Thanks for the support!</p>
<p>I think any loving parent would be concerned. Are you making her favorite foods? I'll be thinking of you too and hoping she just needs a night in her own bed (though I got my son such nice bedding for college that he says it's like sleeping on a cloud--time to upgrade at home!). I've read quite a few threads here about kids needing quick trips home or even a weekend at a B&B if they can't get home, to get some privacy, peace and quiet and maybe a soak in a hot tub. Hope it's something minor. Even a minor illness can tip the scales sometime. I'm in my 50's, but when something upsetting happened a few years back, following a long stressful period, I literally felt that I "wanted my mommy".</p>
<p>We got a similar call but no way to get her home. I came up with a mini vacation. Since she had no car I told her to cab it to a local moderately priced hotel she and I had stayed in several times. It was somewhat nearby with a hot tub, exercize room, pizza delivery, free breakfast, movies on demand . Dorm life, away from home, away from longtime friends, cafeteria food, group "facilities", never being alone....sometimes they just need to sit alone under a tree and stare at their navel for a while. Get recentered. Thankfully it worked like a champ. RPM's came down and she was able to lightly touchdown.</p>
<p>Just be ready to hug her and be silent. Mine couldn't/wouldn't even tell me what was "wrong"- just seemed overloaded, overscheduled, overdone, over excited...just over. </p>
<p>Good luck. IMO she'll make progress just getting away from it.</p>
<p>What a smart girl you have there. I'm very impressed that she was insightful enough to know that she had to recharge and where to go to do it. Whatever might possibly be wrong can certainly be dealt with best at home together. I think you should actually take comfort in the fact that she is choosing to come home.</p>
<p>You know what is the most positive thing about the phone call? That she made it.</p>
<p>You should be so happy that she trusts you enough to let you know when she is feeling vulnerable, tired, frustrated, etc. It doesn't matter what is going on - she sees your home as a safe haven and that is the ultimate compliment to a parent. </p>
<p>Hang in there & remember with someone like your daughter, less is probably more. Try to make the trip home seem as normal as possible. </p>
<p>will be thinking of you</p>
<p>I remember my DD came home one weekend freshman year, during the fall semester. There was no major issues; she just wanted some alone time and a chance to sleep, sleep, sleep in her own bed. Went back to school all refreshed, happy to have had the refuge.</p>
<p>Curm--I feel like I could use a little weekend like that myself every now and again!</p>
<p>
[quote]
Curm--I feel like I could use a little weekend like that myself every now and again!
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Maybe that is why it popped so easily to mind.;)</p>
<p>That's how you know you are getting older...when a fantasy weekend at the hotel includes sitting around alone in your sweats, eating pizza, watching movies and not answering the phone.</p>
<p>Oh, I just love this thread. I hope my D calls me next year with the same issue. I so want to be there to provide the "fix" she needs. My biggest fear is that total self-sufficiency will occur a bit too soon and I won't be needed any more . . .</p>
<p>But in fact a really smart--dare I say brilliant--student needed this break. I took note and told my son he could have a break when he needed one. Because of weather we can't get to him reliably. It takes at least a day for him to get to us. He can't run home with less than a week (wish he could).</p>
<p>Franglish - just wanted to know that everything is alright?!? Your issue brings up whether or not it is better for your kid to go to a college not too far away or not. My s is considering several colleges that are between 1/2 hour to 8 hours away. What is your opinion (or anyone's) on this? One college is right around the corner from his grandmother (who he is very close with).</p>
<p>jollymon, I hate to change the topic. This topic has been discussed before. My oldest is 6 hours away. We would have preferred 3-4, but if the right school is not within that distance there is little option. We have had to make trips that we were not planning to make. For example, our son was forced out of his dorm room and had to move into another because of there was a problem regarding his room (not a roommate problem, but an issue with the room). The school did comensate us with a few dollars, but taking a day off from work means dollars lost. Also 12 hours of driving, gas and a hotel stay was required. What bothers me the most is that on an off weekend, he cannot get home. The nearest airport is 2 hours away. For scheduled vacations transportation is not a problem. We also had one grandparent pass away, and getting our son home was an issue at that time too. If my son were within 15 minutes of an airport in a major city with multiple flights to our area, I would feel better. I'd settle for Amtrak or Greyhound, but those are not options either.</p>
<p>Franglish, I hope that all is well!</p>
<p>I am glad S's school is four hours away. He almost went to Vassar, which is two hours away, and I'd be the one who needed the R and R -- seeing him! I am glad he is far enough away that I can't just pop in as I'd dearly like to do. D is one and half to two hours away, but she liked our popping in.</p>
<p>Her stress reliever was getting us to come in and take her to a fancy restaurant and talking. </p>
<p>She comes home occasionally for same reason. Nothing wrong.</p>
<p>Franglish -- hope all is well, but I don't think this is necessarily a warning signal. The evidence on this thread is that a lot of kids need these getaways. Keep us posted.</p>
<p>This year has been great for DD, but I did get one late night phone call (totally out of character) because she was tired, stressed, etc., and wanted to vent with the one person who wouldn't judge her. When I got off the phone with her, I thought about how I wouldn't want to live with three other girls in such tight quarters. I like my privacy and quiet time. We really do ask a lot of kids. </p>
<p>Anyway, Curm, I have tucked away your suggestion. I think I will investigate a spot that would be midway for DD and me in case she ever needs a night with her own room, shower, tv, etc. where we could meet. She probably wouldn't take me up on it, but just having the option of bailing out would feel good!</p>
<p>Franglish - we are waiting for an update!</p>
<p>Hope all is well. I'm hoping it was good news she wanted to share, or perhaps simple frustration with how 2nd semester is starting off. I think our kids go to the same school and 2nd semester has just gotten underway... My son called me last week (something he NEVER does) and told me he didn't go to his classes that day. Simply was "inspired" by any of them. Decided to drop 3 of the 5 he registered for. No idea what to take, but was planning to shop around and talk to his advisor. I spoke with him this weekend and he sounded better, getting ready to go to a concert. Told me to have his sister check his facebook to tell me what classes he found. He much prefers his new schedule. He was too busy to talk... what a difference a few days can make.</p>
<p>Housing for next year is being talked about. There's always drama going on with those decisions, especially when a lottery is involved.</p>