The dreaded call-

<p>Daughter just called to say hi and dropped the question "Can she come home?" After a few questions she clarified that she meant for a weekend and if she talked about why she would cry. She had to go as she was going to dinner with a classmate at his parents home. She asked if we could please just think about it.
How the pit in my stomach is starting to stir. I am hoping that it will pass and she will be fine and forget she even asked.
Experienced parents out there.</p>

<p>mom60~</p>

<p>No experience with this college stuff here yet, but I just wanted to send along some hugs and positive thoughts for everything resolving itself with as little trauma as possible. Please keep us posted. {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} ~berurah</p>

<p>can u clarify your story?</p>

<p>No experience with this either, just more hugs. If daughter is going to dinner at classmate's home she isn't alone. Do have experience with other stomach pit reactions-it is usually lots better than we think.</p>

<p>mom60 - oh, I am feeling for you. My experience is only second hand. But a friend told me how she got such a call from her D. Friend (ie, the mom) lost sleep for three nights worrying about what "it" was, worrying about how to respond, worrying about how to have ultimate wisdom. By the time she called her D back, D had totally forgotten what the original problem was; and was merrily on her way. So, I'm hoping you will have this outcome. Maybe it means it's a good idea to wait to respond. Of course, I don't know what you'll do to keep your sanity in the meantime. Sinner's Alley may not quite do the trick.</p>

<p>I remember where your D is, but not where you are. How far a trip are we speaking of? Is there a Parent Weekend? Are you going? Might that be a way to scope things out?</p>

<p>Maybe she misses you...</p>

<p>Hi, Mom60 ~</p>

<p>We meet again! Although I don't have a child in college yet, here's my take....</p>

<p>Could it be she's homesick? or lonely? Perhaps she would cry if she discussed that. Maybe she just wants to come home to feel loved and secure in that comfy family way.</p>

<p>I'm not sure that there's anything ominous in her call, especially since she was having dinner with a friend's parents. I don't really see anything bad. Was the tone of her voice okay? It seems strange though that she would ask if you would think about it.</p>

<p>I think I would casually encourage her to come home if she felt the need, but that if the reason for her visit was pure homesickness...I would reassure her that she could make it til break. I don't think you need to stress out about it. I remember many years ago when I was a freshman and wanted to come home and called home a lot. I guess I wouldn't read anything into it.</p>

<p>Smiles.... OB</p>

<p>My guess would be a bad boyfriend... but I will also point out that I've gotten some version of that call at least 6 times in the last two years. At least you know your D will turn to you in a crisis.</p>

<p>Good luck with it, and don't forget the chocolate.</p>

<p>sometimes you just need to get away from the nonsense/stress that occurs on a college campus. dont worry too much about it, but do welcome her home for a weekend.</p>

<p>You're only as happy as your unhappiest kid. Trouble is, when they go away to college, it's very hard to know if their unhappiness is fleeting or more serious. Mine are the type who never call unless they have something very good or very bad to share. One of the ways I kept my finger on the pulse during my kids' freshman years was through IM. Rather than relying on infrequent phone calls made during times of elation or distress, daily instant messages, often talking about nothing, gave me a better picture of how things were going. The more "okay" things were going, the less interested they were in having an actual conversation via IM. Short replies and long pauses between responses told me that they were busy with something else and not in immediate of my services (a good thing). It helped get a more balanced picture. At first I would initiate contact with them, but after they settled in, I'd just sign on and let them decide whether to say hello or not. I always interpreted their ignoring my cyber presence as a good sign. ;)</p>

<p>My guess is that she's either homesick or has some boyfriend/roommate problem. Wanting to come home for a break during college is very typical. It is stressful going to college, particularly freshman year.</p>

<p>Your subject header scared me. To me, the "dreaded call" would mean that the police called and one of my kids was in a car accident and had been killed or maimed. Other than something along those lines, I feel calls can be handled. </p>

<p>I know two women who lost sons when their sons were driving to college. One's son fell asleep at the wheel while driving cross country. The other was hit by a drunk driver. Ironically, his mom was a substance abuse prevention activist.</p>

<p>I also figured the call was not from your child but someone else.
I know a woman whose 19 yr old daughter was found dead in her car by the side of the road- she had pulled over- apparently not feeling well and died- no sign of foul play.</p>

<p>I would wait to hear the details before you start wondering what to do.
She may just need some space and a place to talk.</p>

<p>Mom60-</p>

<p>Hum... just made a similar call home a while ago... best thing I can suggest is to call up your D and ask. Start by saying (and meaning!) that you are there for her, that you want to help, that if things aren't okay that you are there to help her, etc. My guess is that it's a stress thing - very easy to be on overload during college. </p>

<p>Hugs from this end.</p>

<p>Mom60, for most kids, this is just about the time that the "fun" starts to wear off and reality sets in --- but your daughter had a double whammy with the last minute change of plans and all of the unknowns. I think most of us would eventually feel that stress catching up with us. If you can let her come home for a long weekend, do it. She may just need a chance to catch her breath.</p>

<p>I think that the feeling in the pit of your stomach is telling you something as a mom. Whether it's something serious or just her having the need to be with you for the weekend, you should follow your 'gut' and encourage her to come home. Her turning to you, regardless of the circumstances, is not something you want to discourage. Good luck and hugs to both of you.</p>

<p>Mom 60,</p>

<p>I think it is wonderful you are a mom she can turn to and I agree with all the advice above. </p>

<p>It also may be someone from home who is in trouble and has called & needs her to be there... that would square with her being upset enough to cry but yet still going out to dinner tonight.</p>

<p>Try not to read anything in till you know all the facts.</p>

<p>My daughter has been home twice...both times she called saying she needed to come home. The first time she actually called crying that she needed to come home. Fortunately, she is a cheap four hour bus ride away. When she came home the first time I told her that she could start working on transfer applications and she responded with a perplexed "why would I want to do that". This most recent trip home was mostly R&R (rest and relaxation). She goes to school in NYC which appears to be very intense both on a school work basis and on a social as in party scene basis. Coming home is just away to get a break from that intensity. You should take the stance of "Oh isn't that nice you want to come home for a visit, we'd love to see you and hear how everything is going". From others I have spoken to this will likely not be the last time she needs to come home to regroup and that is not really a bad thing at all.</p>

<p>Mom 60
If your D was sick, she wouldn't be going out to dinner. I would guess its any one of the problems mentioned above:roommate, b/f, homesickness, dislike of school, trouble with classwork. I do not recall how far she is from home, but is it viable? If not, make a time to talk and send your warmth and calmness thru the phone lines.
If your D was use to sharing with you she probably misses that closeness.
Keep in mind, any of the above problems can be fixed. The dreaded call speaks to me of some irreparable harm.</p>

<p>Remember when they were toddlers? And they'd stand there clutching our legs? And then they'd wander off, exploring the great big world and exerting their independence. And then they'd look around and realize, uh-oh, I've wandered further off home base than I think I should have. And they'd look around frantically and find us and then come scooting back to grab our legs or get a hug and then they'd be off again on their merry way.</p>

<p>Sometimes, I think that college kids get that exact same feeling. And that's what we're here for: home base complete with a hug and a "you're free to get right back out there" gentle shove. </p>

<p>Best parenting advice I ever got was from my pediatrician who said you have to give your kids what they need, but not necessarily what they want. Sometimes, they need the hug so I think if she needs to come home to touch base, then let her.</p>

<p>So what happened?</p>