Redacted - I realized that it strays too much from the topic of the thread.
Thatâs were you learn how to read situations. Look objectively at the circumstances and juggle them the best that you can. They know youâre looking at other options. You just have to remember to do whatâs best for you. This is also where connections (his current friends) can be a big help - they can cut thru to the chase for him. Itâs like interviewing for a job and have multiple call backs and offers.
APO and other service fraternities are a good option. They have âbrothersâ secret handshakes, leadership crew and te whole 9 yards.
S is in a business fraternity. It was a competitive bid situation. Several interviews, etc. Really good organization. Quite useful for resumes, networking, interviews and fellowship (coed which is nice). They actually do have parties, formals, etc so itâs like âfrat liteâ but without all the crap (hazing, etc.) He got in first try (they took 25 out of 100 so very competitive). None of his friends got in. But itâs not like a typical social frat where thatâs where youâll spend your time going forward, so he didnât have to choose between friend groups. They meet every week. His friends rushed again and he helped them get in last semester.
@IAMaconcerned Of course. One thing is if you use the â@â symbol followed by the username you can tag people so they are notified of the response in notifications.
But to answer your question:
So one thing is does your sonâs school have rush events that require travel or a PNM must stay the entire event? At my school all but 1 of the 22 chapters have a house on fraternity row so our recruitment is sorority style where for the week they go along the row talking to different brothers of each chapter. They are free to go to houses they want to and can leave at any time and come back at any time. If your sonâs rush involves chapters hosting events that travel then you run into the problem you described: only being able to go into one. If he can go to multiple events by going to one and then another later in the day I think that is a smart move to keep your options open especially early to midway through rush. Otherwise here is what I would do if he can only chose one:
If there are multiple houses I would first sit down and from your sonâs perspective rank the houses in terms of what were his personal favorites and if he could give himself a bid anywhere how would he rank them. Then I would make a list based on the fraternityâs perspective in how much they like him. A well run and competitive to get into fraternity will have to make a lot of cuts and they are going to be ranking the PNMs as well. Have him think about how well conversations went, how many people he was introduced to, how the invite tones were. Anything to help make that list. Then compare those two lists. If they are the same then great you have your answer. Otherwise he has to weigh between his favorite or the ones he is most likely to get a bid from. For houses he doesnât go to their events and got an invite I would send a quick text to whoever is texting him saying âthanks for the invite but I wonât be a able to make it tonight but I am down to go to the next rush eventâ this way they know he is still interested in them.
Again if all his friends joined the same chapter he should hopefully be able to get into that house when rush comes. And just another tip, if he hasnât heard it yet is Iâd avoid talking about race, religion, politics, sex, alcohol and partying. Saying something controversial can really set someone off if you donât know them. And for the partying thing, no one cares if someone threw this party in high school or got wasted this one night cause it just comes off as being desperate. Iâve seen a lot of freshman rushing brag about that stuff but they havenât seen college yet; plus thereâs a lot more to being in a fraternity than just social stuff.
Hope this answers your question.
@IAMaconcerned Iâm not familiar at all with fraternity rush, so maybe @10s4life can clarify some things. But, for sororities (I have a D20 who is already getting tips on that from her college friends), I know that grades matter to the point where the competitive houses have GPA cutoffs that are higher than what Panhellenic publishes. D20 has been told to make sure she keeps her HS GPA above an unweighted 3.5. Do fraternities have the same emphasis on rec letters that sororities have? For sororities here, you absolutely need letters. It seems as though he has friends in the house, so thatâs taken care of.
Do you know alums of the frats heâs interested in? If so, I would have your son talk to them. They should have some good advice.
There are definitely schools where everyone that rushes a sorority gets a house - everyone. Some information posted is very outdated which continues to build hate based on misunderstanding and misinformation. There seems to be a continued jealousy of the stereotype âcool kidsâ which is way too Breakfast Club and very outdated as well, I would hope, for adults to continue to begrudge. Regardless, donât understand the âeveryone should get into everythingâ attitude. Join or not, they should know how it works going in at their school. Itâs a long term commitment, they should do research and prepare beforehand.
That is only true is the PNM is willing to accept invitations to any house. Not everyone can be a Kappa or a Theta. There has to be acceptance on both sides of the process.
In my experience, fraternities tend to be different than sororities. While some are clearly academic houses, many donât have any gpa requirements (other than that set by the school). Legacies/recommendations can help but generally are not required. Knowing someone in the house is probably the biggest factor as they can make the necessary introductions. These are guys after all. Fraternity rush will tend to be less structured and more focused on whoâs a âdudeâ than anything else.
@tutumom2001 At least in my school, grades are not really a factor in rush. Sororities may consider it slightly but on the fraternity side except for some that lean more academically, they could care less about what gpa someone rushing has. Like @yourmomma said knowing active brothers in a house and being liked by them is the best way to get in. Being a legacy for fraternities can have different affects on different chapters so there is no clear cut answer on that but it always helps. How much it helps is the question. A recommendation from a well connected donor alum would help but knowing current brothers matters much more. Honestly being chill is one of the main criterias for many places.
I too would suggest he consider professional associations or clubs instead. He may find them productive and far more useful to his adult life.
He can do both.
Come on, you donât really think this, do you? âYouâre just jealous of us!â? You know, that scene in the Breakfast Club where Claire is saying that everyone is just jealous of her clique because they look up to them is supposed to be demonstrating how much she doesnât get it.
Iâm basically indifferent about Greek life. If people want to join and can find a community that makes college feel more friendly, I donât have an issue with that. For many reasons, it is absolutely not my cup of tea. But some people love it so bully for them.
If I were OP, though, Iâd probably advise him to move on and find different ways to become involved at his school, not to spend more time hoping to get in. But good luck to him. I hope it all works out either way.
@IMconcerned my son went through this during his first year. Made it to the final round the night before Bid night. At the house that he and his roommate really liked all the guys there were told âyou all are getting bids tomorrowâ. The next morning he started getting text messages from a few guys in the house telling him that something happened and that he was not getting a bid. Somebody in the house must have âdingedâ him along with a few other guys. His roommate did get a bid. He got a bid from another house that he decided not to accept. He was very disappointed but moved on. This happened to 3 other guys and they all started to hang out that semester. He went on to live with them for the rest of the time at College. The following year he was encouraged to Rush that same house again with a âguaranteeâ that he would get a bid but he opted not to.
He has now graduated and 2 of his current roommates are two of the guys who also got cut after being told they were getting a bid and his original roommate. Good luck to your sonâŠhe will be fine although I completely understand that the rejection stings.
I donât understand the draw to trying again. You tried once and it didnât work out. Sure you may get a bid the second time around, but then again you may not. Itâs time to move on.
I would encourage your son to get involved in other clubs and activities. You can make friends anywhere in college, you just have to get involved and put yourself out there. If he has his heart set on being in a frat he can rush again next year.
Greek life can be fun, but it is not the be all and the end all. Plenty of people have a wonderful 4 years of college without being a part of Greek life. I know many people who were gung ho about joining a Fraternity or Sorority and then after Sophomore year they got tired of Greek Life and found it got kind of old after a while. Then again, I know people who had a great time in being a part of Greek LifeâŠall depends on the person.
In response to the person who said that people canât find someone to go out for coffee with in their dormâŠkids need to get involved outside of their dorm. Youâre dorm should not be the only place at college that you try to make friends. Reach out to people in your classes, join clubs, etc. Also, there is nothing wrong with spending time by yourself, you do not have to be socializing 100% of the timeâŠ
Also, you may not be BFFs with everyone in your sorority and fraternityâŠ
If you proceed with a healthy attitude, then Iâm a firm believer in trying again and again, if necessary. Rejection sucks, but success is exhilarating. Learning resilience is necessary in life.
He has to make sure he gets an important piece of feedback - whether or not he is wasting his time hanging around the fraternity his friends have joined and he wanted to but was rejected. Have him get one of his friends to ask the Rush Chair (or someone else he trusts) directly whether or not he still has a chance. All the advice wonât matter at all if he is already blackballed.
Back when I was recruiting, we looked first for guys who would be a good social fit for our group and targeted them. There were three main reasons why someone got passed over: he seemed like he would be a bit of a tool (not the anatomic term we used), he bragged about himself (more common than youâd think), or he seemed like he would scare the women at parties.
It is better if he does a little homework on a place and formulates a couple of questions before he goes. That way, any conversation can develop a quick connection. âWas last yearâs Boat Dance your favorite event of the year?â works as a connected question. âWhat do you guys do for fun?â does not. Also, flattery works, especially when it is specific. âThat is the nicest fireplace of any house I have seenâ will start a conversation the a brother likes to have.
There is one other thing that I think any rushee should watch for. At S1âs college, the Dean had a lot of pressure on low-academic houses to pull up their average GPA. Those houses would recruit good students like S1 even though they had no interest in having him as part of the social fabric of the fraternity. They would initiate 10 or so sacrificial nerds and openly discourage them from participation in get-togethers and living arrangements. If they seem interested but he is wary of the fit, he needs to keep looking.
So you want to be an accountant. You interview with an accounting firm and donât get the job. Do you change your career to Human Resources?
This is true. Itâs also a numbers game. There are only X spots available each semester. You may not make the cut the first time, but still be on the list for the next time. A big characteristic these days is whether a kid will be a risk management nightmare â nobody wants to loose their chapter because of one idiot.
@Magnetron brought up a good point, Iâd ask one of the friends to see what the recruitment chairâs opinion is. This way he doesnât waste his time.