No but I probably wouldn’t keep trying to get in with the company that rejected me either. I’d move on to a different accounting job/firm.
Ugh.
@natty1988 is spot on here. Thousands of colleges around the world don’t have Greek life and may have large commuter populations, and people still manage to socialize and make friends!
Can he organize his own “fraternity”? Get a gang together to do a service project in town; plan a fun weekend away, talk to the college’s film club about sponsoring an Oscar night party?
I think kids underestimate how much work it can be in a frat. So if he and a few unaffiliated friends want to recreate the social opportunities of a frat- he can do it! Not the house/residential piece or the endless liquor, but certainly the rest of it.
Get funds from the office of student life to hire a salsa instructor, put up some signs, and invite the campus to a night of dancing and music?
^ that! S and his group of independents did a lot of that freshmen yr. They decided not to rush and formed a really tight knit group of around 10 or 12 kids. They actually call themselves something, have parties (in the dorms) and have become pretty popular with lots of other kids. Have had parties that have grown to about 50 kids (on their way to a frat, on their way home, etc.). He was talking to a girl about plans for the weekend and she said something like “tonight I’m going to this really cool party held by X” and he chuckled because it was his group.
The point is, they can all find their tribe.
The whole process seems straight out of middle school to me, but I didn’t attend a college where there were fraternities or sororities For most people, life after college doesn’t seem to focus on their affiliation in such a group. I’m certain he can have a great college experience either way.
I have a friend whose daughter did not get a bid from anyone after going through rush. She is pretty and nice. She is an equestrian and is smart. I did not go through rush and was not in a sorority but I think it is crazy when this happens. (especially when there are lots of fraternities and sororities at bigger colleges) I am sorry. Please encourage him to get involved in other organizations and to attend games etc. It is no fun sitting around.
@woodlandsmom many schools only guarantee a bid to a sorority if the PNM goes to through the entire process and goes back to all houses they are invited back to. This includes the person’s least desired house. Its similar in concept to the UC ELC program where the top 9% of california residents are “guaranteed” a seat at a UC (meaning UC Merced) and not necessarily the campus of their choice. Many girls drop rather than join their least favorite house.
“many schools only guarantee a bid to a sorority if the PNM goes to through the entire process and goes back to all houses they are invited back to. This includes the person’s least desired house.”
This system is universal at campuses with more than one Panhellenic sorority. Tufts is the only university where Panhellenic sororities actually guarantee bids (meaning that the system as a whole cannot deny a candidate).
Let me just repost this, so that we’re all clear here. At every university except Tufts, every year some women who rush, and who do everything they can to get selected to a house, nevertheless get rejected by every single sorority. For every other university, the system is built on excluding certain undesirables.
Cardinal, I’m no great fan of sororities or frats but I think your post (while accurate) is unduly harsh.
I could try out for 15 musicals and try to get a seat in 5 different college chamber music ensembles and show up to run track and field on 8 different events- and I’d come up dry. Why? I am not good enough to sing except in the shower; my instrument is a “for pleasure only” skill level, and I’m not fast, graceful, or strong enough to compete on the athletic field.
This is no great tragedy for society or for me. I’m good at many things (so hardly an “undesirable”) but not THOSE things. A woman who rushes and gets rejected by every single sorority is likely good at many things (and probably great at some things) but not the things that a sorority is looking for. Why is that problematic?
My college did not have sororities (it did have frats) but if it had, I could have looked at the sisters and quickly determined that I did not have the level of grooming/clothing/social capital that the sorority woman I know from other colleges have had. This is objective reality.
The OP’s son can likely find a bunch of nicer guys to hang with than the ones that rejected him, and can likely look back on this situation with humor and relief by next year when he’s firmly ensconced with a friend group that actively wants him and thinks he’s charming/fun/interesting to hang out with.
There are plenty of schools where every one can get into a house if they are flexible with their choice. But most kids don’t want just any house because it doesn’t fit them and they don’t fit the house.
Just so we are all clear here, not every club wants everybody - that’s life. Sometimes kids have to grow up and deal with things or get over them (as do parents). It happens. It’s a social group and it is not one size fits all. If the potential risk to try and not get in is just so devastating for little junior, they should do something else. Some people like them, some people don’t, but some people have actual experience with them, others just have an outsiders opinion. Like so many things - clubs, sports, theater, music groups, a job - it’s funny how the people that got into them aren’t the ones that have issues with the process. One has to have desirability, a commonality, or certain skills to be part of a particular group, nothing new with that.
Not only that but many times it’s a numbers problem. There’s only room for so many new members. I know at kids school with fraternities some kids that are “rejected” in the fall are first on the list in the spring. Sometimes persistence pays off.
I think some of us philosophically object to the faux social exclusion element inherent in such a process, occurring within the confines of an otherwise educational institution
@roycroftmom I think one thing many people forget is that college is much more than just the classes and grades. It’s a time to grow as a person, make lifelong friends, and have some fantastic memories. Greek life is just one avenue that can make for an amazing college experience. If a fraternity didn’t bid someone it’s cause they didn’t see them fitting in. Imagine if the fraternity was forced to give someone a bid but wasn’t a good fit? They would have an awful experience.
the same is true of middle school and high school. we don’t allow greek life there, at least that I am aware of.
But at 18 years old, you’re an adult.
There are plenty of activities at a middle and high school to be “cut” from, like sports for example. Being “cut” stinks, but you got to learn to “get back on the horse” sometimes.
This. My mom’s sorority pledged about 100 girls this past year, approximately one-third of whom were legacies. You might actually have been favored more than some of those 33 kids. OR, the organization you really want may really want you but cuts you because they perceive you aren’t interested.
As a dance mom, we have been on the audition circuit many times. One of the things we’re told is that an audition is one person’s perception of you for a brief moment in time. You can’t get too hung up over the result. The same can be said of rush. If it’s something you really want to do, try again. Meet people. Get to know them. Let them know you’re interested.
I didn’t read the whole thread, but I think the gist is that when things aren’t going well for your kid, it breaks your heart as a parent. Knock on wood all my kids are currently thriving socially, but all of them went through periods growing up where they had that same socially excluded feeling that is happening here. Fortunately they all managed to find their tribe eventually. I’m sure yours will too.
Re: #89, #90
How much of an issue not being in fraternity or sorority is depends on the overall environment. At a school where most students are in fraternities and sororities (e.g. W&L, Depauw) or the social scene is otherwise focused on them, those outside may feel more excluded than at a school where membership is only a small percentage of students and there are plenty of other things to do that are not fraternity or sorority related.