Not having a good time at college?

Applying to College
1

I am a first-year that goes to a prestigious school near Boston and I am not enjoying my time there.

Due to a toxic situation with my former roommate, I had to move out in the middle of the first semester to another dorm room where I knew a friend was. Unfortunately, since it was the middle of the semester, cliques in the dorm were already made. I tried going to floor events and talking to a few students but when I tried, they seemed surprised to see me there and didn’t bother talking to me much. I’ve also tried talking to people during lunch but when I sit down and try to get to know people, it works sometimes but the friendship doesn’t last or cliques are already there and talk to each other.

I also tried joining e-board for organizations on campus that I know I’d be passionate about. But I’ve been rejected for all of them. I want to make an effective difference and I feel like just attending a meeting to discuss world issues doesn’t do much good since I could easily do that on my own.

I was also rejected from a sorority on campus that focused on politics, which I thought would help me find a group on campus I would feel close to.

I have a few friends on campus that I met on Facebook when I found out I was accepted.

I’ve tried talking to more people in my classes this semester and although I’m friendly with a lot of my classmates (saying hi to them), it hasn’t been enough for me to sustain a friendship outside the class.

Overall, because of campus politics (most, as is the case at most colleges, are pretty liberal while I’m openly moderate, which most students don’t support. Ex. I heard some of my classmates say that men are evil and that white people shouldn’t run for office…) and because I feel like I don’t fit in, I am not happy. I would consider transferring but I’m worried about maintaining my grades and looking for jobs for the summer. I also have a job, which I want to keep, and I’m pretty close to most of the guys in a fraternity. But I feel like that’s not enough. I’m not good at sports and I don’t want to join an organization simply to put on my resume.

2

Tough luck, man. What university? Just keep trying and you’ll fit in somewhere.

3

Wellesley… Eh alright.

4

That’s really a tough situation. But try to stay there. If you face tough situations now, then you’ll be able to handle life easily in the future. Hope for the good and soon you’ll find a good time in your college.

5

start your own club, there are going to be plenty of people like you at any mid-large sized university.

6

It can be daunting to keep trying socially, esp while keeping up your grades. Hang in there though! You are at an excellent school, and I bet that that you will find some kindred spirits :slight_smile:

7

My daughter made friends when she served as a volunteer for various campus organizations. She met like mined friends who had similar interests.

Wellesley is kind of tough. Very elite.

8

You’re doing all the right things. You only need a few friends. With that said, you might transfer if you really aren’t hsppy. Sometimes, schools that accepted you last year will reactivate your application.

9

I’m not so sure that you are ‘doing all the right things’: you have chopped through with some very big generalizations, and seem to have written off things for pretty flimsy reasons.

This stands out to me: based on the college campuses I am familiar with- including some that are considered pretty far down the liberal spectrum, such as Vassar- most students are actually just fine with ‘moderate’.

This is a more common mistake than you might realize: it may have seemed that these were fully formed and closed friend groups, but friendships move a lot in the first year- and middle of first semester is when the first changes start. People are just getting comfortable enough to not ‘need’ their first friends so much, and there is room to move around.

I don’t understand how college organizations- which typically try to attract more people- would be rejecting new students out of hand, unless it is (say) something that requires auditions and you didn’t make the cut, or that you applied for a leadership role that you felt qualified for, but they disagreed.

Agreed: you join an organization because you find what it does interesting. And in the process you work alongside other people who find the same thing interesting. And as you work with people you get to know them, and from that friendships form- often where you least expect it.

Do things for the doing of them: start a study group in a class where you could really use it- and maybe some of those people become friends. Join an activity because it is fun- and maybe some of those people become friends. As you go on in your major, you will perforce be spending time with the other majors- and maybe some of them will become friends. Be the person who contributes to the social life in the dorm- and maybe some of them will become friends. Be aware that many people have several friend groups, that may or may not overlap. It is one of the differences between high school and adult life.

It sounds as if you had an unlucky start with your roommate, and being rejected from a sorority certainly stings. But don’t let that color all your perceptions of where you are: as you weigh up the possibility of transferring, go back to the reasons that you chose this school. Try to evaluate whether this has just been a bumpy beginning, or if it was a mis-reading of the best environment for you. Remember that every school will fail, in some way, to live up to the ‘dream’: what have you learned about yourself that would better inform your choice? If you don’t do that thinking, you could end up jumping out of the frying pan into the fryer, only this time you will be the new person not just after a few weeks, but after a year.

10

Start by developing the friendships you already have. If you’re enjoying yourself it will be easier to make other friends. Continue to participate in dorm activities. The more you participate, the better you’ll get to know the other students. Are there new kids in your dorm this semester? Keep an eye out for people on the fringe of activities and draw them into conversation.

Joining clubs is a good idea, but I’d look for active ones. It’s easier to bond when you’re doing something. Are there any that take day trips? Traveling with people is a great way to get to know them better.

Keep an eye out for electives that involve group activities (projects or trips). My son’s university offers art courses that take group trips to museums, theater and music classes that attend plays and concerts, geology courses for nonmajors that include field work, and business courses that require student groups to form a semester long “business” that holds regular planning meetings. There are probably more. See what your college offers.

It takes time to build lasting friendships. You can’t rush it. You’re only a freshman, though, so you have plenty of time.

11

Your freshman year is almost over. My suggestion is to hang in there and before you know it you’ll be a senior. I think the prestigious schools can be really tough socially. At the end of the day, you’ll have a great education and maybe college won’t be all it you hoped. Your amazing social group could come in graduate school or a future work place. If its any consolation, I hear this sort of thing from college students all the time. I don’t know if its your generation…the cover of technology (people are on phones, gaming, stay in rooms)…I don’t know but its really sad to me. College used to be a place where everybody went and melted in and developed friends and bonds that lasted a lifetime. It doesn’t seem to be that way any longer.