<p>Just yesterday, I was talking to another CC'er about deferrals, and he suddenly asked me if I was one of those "happy-go-lucky types" who "don't really have a goal but float around on top." </p>
<p>I was rather stunned. While it's true that my response to my deferral has been, on retrospect, unconcerned, I was surprised to find out that others think I laugh off everything. I guess it has to do with peace of mind and the desire to see the brightest side of things. </p>
<p>I'm afraid this might sound presumptous, but I think the majority of people treat their safeties as a dirty little secret--slap a few schools down at the bottom and hope to God they get into their prettyhappylovelydreamschool. I worked my way up from the bottom, researching schools that I was definitely qualified to get into, visiting them, and learning to fall in love with them. </p>
<p>It's a funny analogy, but my parents' marriage was a little like going to a safety school. My mum was a pretty, lovely young teacher with a nice job when she met my dad. Not love at first sight. My dad, you must understand, is 5'4"--short even for an Asian man, stocky by nature and from a rural part of China. So...handsome, nope; well-built, nope; basically a peasant, check. But he was intelligent and funny and incredibly people-oriented. It took her two months to admit that she was going out with him--she was that ashamed. But in the end, she learned to love him and refused other better-looking men. </p>
<p>A good net is most important thing in a trapeze act. </p>
<p>I still have disagreements with my mother, where she reaches for prestigous Ivies. I tell her that for every reach school she pushes on me, I'll apply to another safety, to "balance out the disappointment that I'll feel when four thin envelopes arrive on the same day." (Said with a very earnest look.)</p>
<p>So I guess, if you want to be well-adjusted for deferrals/denials, you'd best adjust yourself. I feel foolish for pointing this out again, but prettyhappysparklingdreamschool is just a dream. It's what you perceive it to be. If you can bring it down to earth and poke holes in it--you'll be set. Accepted? Learn to love it despite its holes. Denied? Realize that in fact, those are some mighty big holes. </p>
<p>Ie. Princeton is an amazing school with some of the best professors, best classmates, best courses and best opportunites afterwards. It's gorgeous and the weather is spectacular. But seriously, do you, Mr./Ms. Valedictorian, want to be merely mediocre in such a pool of talent? And will you be able to keep up with the poshness of the giant that is Princeton?</p>
<p>My two cents. In addition, reading post-modernist drama is surprisingly helpful in coming to terms. Theatre of the absurd makes you think of the absurdity that is college admissions--that large random factor, the use of a few sheets of paper to represent a complex human being, one of the largest decisions of a person's life being decided in half an hour...</p>
<p>It pays more to be content in who you are and not let decisions based on sheets of paper and people who've never met you hurt you too much. If you know who you are, know what you are, and love who and what you are...the rest is just the "tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." </p>
<p>Peace.</p>