<p>I’m agreeing with blossom. I’m still unclear why you are subsidizing at all. As an organizing principle I guess I’d go with – We want to support you in your education and career opportunities. What that looks like means crossing that bridge when we get to it.</p>
<p>PG, you’re usually so decisive. I find it interesting that this is flummoxing you.</p>
<p>I kind of agree with ZM - pay for both kids’ room & board (or just room and they can take money out of their savings for food if necessary). If your Kid H is not a big spender, he/she would put the money away anyway. </p>
<p>When D1 was interning in NYC, I thought she had enough spending money, but there were a lot of kids with unlimited funds. She had to say no to certain events, but that was a life lesson in itself.</p>
<p>If room and board is included I would not pay room and board. My organizing principle is need. And no, it won’t always be fair. But, it sounds like OP is leaning toward subsidizing.</p>
<p>We have always told our boys that equitable does not always mean exactly equal, and they accept that. We have given them each different kinds of help at different times in their lives. When we give the help, we try to look at the big picture to see what kind of “return” there might be in the future.</p>
<p>For example, while he was in college, S2 had the chance to give back to an organization that meant a lot to him–actually, meant everything to him!-- by working for them over the summer in a job that would give him fantastic experience, but pay him a whopping $1,000. We told him to take the job, and the experience, and we heavily subsidized him the next year. The experience has paid off in all ways–in many ways, it helped him to land his subsequent internships and his current wonderful job. Doing the job meant a lot to him personally, and he also fully appreciates the support we gave him–both financially and personally.</p>
<p>S3 always worked during the summers in high school, and managed to make a good amount of money. He also played on a club soccer team that traveled all over the US, and that was expensive. He always tried to pay as much of his team expenses as he could…he reffed a lot of games, coached younger teams, lined fields.</p>
<p>His commitment to soccer meant that he sometimes missed out on other experiences he might have had–he learned that decisions had consequences.</p>
<p>The summer after his first year of college, he was offered a wonderful, substantive internship with a non-profit in DC (where he went to school) that paid very little. There was really no point in him coming home to Ohio, where we had moved cities, because there really was not a job waiting for him here. We let him take the internship, he got great experience (and also learned some about what he did NOT want to do, which is in some ways even more valuable, because he didn’t waste any more time/effort pursuing that path). We paid his rent (8 boys in a 3 bedroom house), for his metro pass, and $50/week for food.</p>
<p>The experience he gained burnished his resume for his subsequent internships, and he is now very happily employed and using all the experience he gained.</p>
<p>We would not have subsidized the summer internships if there had not been true advantages involved. If the internships had been of the answering phones/making coffee and copies variety–no way. If our boys had wanted to stay at school while waiting tables/working retail–no way.</p>
<p>S1 never had the need for us to subsidize his summers. However, while at Emory, he did three abroad experiences. Most of the expenses were covered with scholarships and he worked during the school year teaching Hebrew and doing Bar Mitzvah tutoring at local congregations (that pays a lot–like $25-$40/hr). I don’t think it ever occurred to him to say anything about our giving his brothers more than we gave him.</p>
<p>But when he and DIL bought their first house last year, we surprise gifted them their points and closing costs, to free up money for some new furniture.</p>
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<p>I don’t know much about IB, but tech internships in Finance I’ve heard of usually pay very well. In the realm of $30+/hr. Often with overtime. Seems odd to me that the finance internship would need to be subsidized. </p>
<p>As a student, I definitely see a difference between subsidizing so the student can save all of their money from the internship vs. subsidizing so the student can manage to take the internship at all. The latter makes sense if the family can swing it, the former, I don’t see too much reason, unless there’s some complicated tax thing going on here. If you wanted to ensure that they were saving the money then you could have them spend their money and lump sum gift them some at the appropriate time. If you don’t care what they do with the money, then that’s no different a question than just simply providing them money regardless what they’re spending, in which case it’s a different question you’re really asking. The only think I could see is if there’s maybe some tax thing going on that I’m not well versed in. </p>
<p>As for how to balance things between two similarly (or same) aged kids, that seems to be a completely different question. I don’t know how I would do that as a parent myself. Seems like a very complicated issue.</p>
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<p>Blossom, did you not believe me when I said that this kid is not - indeed, neither of my kids are – the type to live high on the hog? This isn’t about “I want my kid to go to NYC and live the high life without a care in the world.” This is thinking about - are room and board still my responsibility (as I consider them to be when they are enrolled in school during the school year) and should I take care of that, whether fully or to some extent? I really don’t get why my motives are being impugned here.</p>
<p>It may be that some of the other interns need to bank their salaries to cover their college costs back in the fall - but then for all I know some of the other interns already have family in Manhattan and won’t have to pay anything for housing. Either way, that’s totally irrelevant to my own decision-making here.</p>
<p>Yes, do it.</p>
<p>This past summer S had two internships in NYC one paid and one unpaid. I paid his rent and he covered everything else. Now to be fair - this was a little different situation since he would not have been able to cover his rent with his earnings.</p>
<p>However, he moved off campus this year and here is how I handled that. I provided him with the same amount of money that the university charges for room and board even though his apartment and food are much less. I just give him the money in a lump sum at the beginning of each semester. This allows him to practice budgeting his money and save for after he graduates in May. He has done a fantastic job of budgeting and saving - and I am certain that I made the right decision.</p>
<p>Let me see if I’ve got this straight. PG, you are considering subsidizing your kid’s housing and food so that they can save money for the future, so that they will have money after graduation for furniture, real estate, or whatever. The amount of that savings depends on each child’s choices about working and to some extent career choice, as one kid will have higher summer internship income because that’s what the market is like. You aren’t interested in equalizing those savings accounts. You’ve paid for summer living expenses before when a child didn’t have any income. </p>
<p>As I’ve said, money is fungible. If you take as your organizing principle that you subsidize living expenses all through college, then the end effect is that you are putting money in Kid H’s future savings. If your organizing principle is that you subsidize living expenses through college only when a kid’s summer plans aren’t well paid enough to cover said expenses, you are saving money which could be spent either on you and your husband, or on one of the twins, or on both. Either of these approaches IMO is consistent and “fair” if not equivalent.</p>
<p>If you are aiming at a different goal–encouraging the habit of banking the money for the future, say–then fold that in to your approach.</p>
<p>We did it. D had a paid internship between her junior and senior years, and yet we paid her room and board for those months just as if she were in school. The money she earned went towards her personal expenses during the next school year and those after graduation. </p>
<p>She’s an only child, so we didn’t have the additional complication of a twin, and our solution worked just fine for our family. D received a job offer from the company with which she interned and has been happily employed with them since graduation.</p>
<p>Thanks, Slitheytove. That’s exactly it. I don’t know why I am dithering so!</p>
<p>Pizza, I mean no disrespect. But an extra $1000 a month in Manhattan doesn’t mean bottle service at fancy clubs or buying clothes at Barney’s. A kid can spend $20 a day on cab rides; making a cup of coffee at home vs. grabbing a Starbucks in the lobby of the office building; even the convenience of the fruit guy (it’s always a guy, sorry, don’t mean to be sexist here but I’ve never seen a woman at a fruit stand) vs. the grocery store. One of my kids had to learn to iron when he discovered that his beer money was being sucked up the laundry on the corner- the cost of a starched shirt isn’t much in the grand scheme of life until you’re in a job where you have to get dressed up every day. I’m pretty careful with money but have had weeks where I just don’t know how my money managed to leech away with nothing to show for it.</p>
<p>I get it- your kids are frugal. That’s fantastic.</p>
<p>Go in peace.</p>
<p>I think that kid H should have the experience of actually living on the stipend, since it is apparently adequate. If s/he needs help, then you can help. I do think that while s/he is in NYC, you want the kid to be able to take advantage of it. But that would mean standing in line at TKTS like everyone else, not ordering up orchestra seats to a hit musical. I would be more inclined to give the kid a set amount up front and say it is “mad money” with which to enjoy the city, but covering everything else is on him or her.</p>
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<p>Yes, that was a bit opaque, sorry. I just meant that if it’s a field with many jobs and high salaries, but few very good opportunities outside expensive metro areas, it seems like an obvious yes to me.</p>
<p>Finance is the only such field that leapt to mind, but there may be others.</p>
<p>It’s not about mad money, it’s about parental responsibility. Do you consider room and board until graduation your financial responsibility despite the circumstances? It’s interesting to me how people will differ on this.</p>
<p>For instance, D works very part-time in her building office. A promotion which is very possible would mean free rent. There is zero chance I would deposit rent checks in her savings account regardless of what I am doing for her twin brother.</p>
<p>PG, do the kids keep score? Will H be mad if L is subsidized and he is not, if H is forced to live on his earnings and L is not? It sounds like you want to reward H somehow financially, recognize somehow that he is making more money. </p>
<p>If that is the case, I can see looking for an organizing principle like paying for food and lodging for both kids until age x. If not, I’d let H live on his earnings and just let it be unequal. H gets the benefit of the life lesson, if not the extra cash. Fair but not equal. You can worry about equal later on. </p>
<p>Idk how my kids will be. Will they be keeping score? Idk. I think I would worry about equal later on, after everybody is out of school and married etc. you can make up the money difference in a mortgage payment or car.</p>
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<p>Since the OP indicated that the stipend WOULD cover rent and food in this case, then I consider it to be about extras. Mad money. Otherwise there would be no question.</p>
<p>My Parents subsidized my New York internship. It paid but just enough to cover a diet of bagels and subway fees. I took a job working nights at a youth hostel for free rent so they didn’t have to help much. Still, I couldn’t have made it without a little financial buffer and that internship kept me in steady employment in a rough career for a decade following because of the contacts I made.</p>
<p>I would subsidize an internship for either of my kids if it were either non-paying or just a stipend that didn’t cover all living expenses. If they were lucky enough to get a good paying internship then I would not and frankly, I can’t imagine them accepting financial help if they didn’t actually need it.</p>
<p>We (and our kids) always recognized that there was no clear line between work and education, but lots of nuances. Our kids were always expected to work to contribute towards their expenses (which always went beyond bare-bones subsistence), and we always expected to contribute towards those expenses while they were in college but not afterwards, and never 100%. But we didn’t have a hard-and-fast, self-executing policy. We just had two different kids.</p>
<p>Kid #1 really liked working, and was great at finding jobs that were career- and education-related while paying decently. Kid #2 was more involved in a specific extra-curricular, and also spent a lot of time working without pay on stuff related to his major, so he had less than half #1’s income during college. We subsidized #2 more heavily, but nowhere near enough to make up the difference in spending power vs. #1. Each of them would be prepared to explain how this was unfair to him or her, but it never seemed unfair enough to produce really high resentment levels. Both understood that they were making choices, and were willing to stand behind the choices they made.</p>
<p>Kid #1 applied for several un- or low-paid, but high-prestige, internships in her field, but never succeeded in getting one. Had she been successful, we would have been willing to subsidize her (and she understood that), probably at a level that would have made her miserable. She would likely have gotten some part-time job to earn some cash anyway – she hadn’t been dependent on us for spending money since she turned 15, and wasn’t interested in finding out what it felt like at 21 or 22. The child of friends had one of those internships last summer, and our friends were shocked at how much they had to pay to permit their kid to have the unique and valuable educational/networking experience it was.</p>
<p>Like in the “taking out loans” thread some of this will depend on family income. If you can’t afford to subsidize, the question is absolutely meaningless. Some can not afford this. We were in a position to afford to do this if we gave up some entertainment expenses for ourselves in the short term.</p>
<p>My children are grown. They have “real” 
jobs and save a significant portion of their salary for the future. As I mentioned in another post recently, I overheard them last holiday discussing five year/ten year plans including the long-term goal of “being able to take care of Mom & Dad” It seems like they have turned out okay with regard to budgeting and financial responsibility. We are very very lucky. </p>
<p>My husband paid all his living expenses and put himself through college. He did not consider it a particularly character building experience. He wanted our kids to be able to concentrate on their studies and discouraged any job not in their field/adding to their resume. He also wanted them to have time to have fun. We subsidized internships and he wanted the kids to be able to afford taxis and occasional nights out. We sometimes subsidized rents in urban areas during graduate school. We paid for all travel home until just recently. We didn’t just give them money willy-nilly. There was a set allowance and they budgeted using that figure. They were very responsible. During the subsidizing years, when I realized one child had managed to save a fairly significant amount of his allowance, my husband and I discussed it. It hadn’t been our intention to subsidize them to the point they were building up savings accounts while we were skipping dinners out. However, we didn’t want to discourage saving :eek: so we decided to just let it go and not say anything. </p>
<p>I think it is fine to subsidize. I don’t think it is necessary.</p>
<p>ETA: I think we sort of did what JHS is describing (not exactly the same allowance for every child, but according to need) but from a different perspective. When all were in graduate school, we subsidized up to the fellowship level of the one who received the most generous stipend. This sort of equalized the standard of living between them. I am not suggesting this is the correct approach, just that’s what we did.</p>
<p>ETA: Even though I had paying jobs since I was 15, I still received an allowance (which I spent on extras) till I got married. At that point I told my parents they could stop it. I had saved a significant amount of my salary. I just remembered this writing the post.</p>
<p>So, this is not really about subsidizing an internship at all since it’s well-paid, right? It’s about subsiding savings and that’s a personal choice.</p>