<p>my point is that the OP probably doesn’t have much relationship with the kid or the parents. Would it have ever crossed your mind to mention a “prestigious school”, “personal vendetta” or “wait listed kids”? That is strange and disingenuous.
The very fact that the OP mentioned all this brings into question the motive.</p>
<p>I agree with ClassicRockerDad that it makes a lot more sense to contact this kid’s current school rather than the college that he will be attending. </p>
<p>I did this once when a friend of my son’s was engaging in self-destructive behavior. I did not know her parents, and she begged me not to tell them. I let her know that I was going to contact a guidance counselor at her (and DS’s) high school, and although she was not happy about that, either, she accepted it. The counselor was wonderful. She contacted the parents and the girl ended up in therapy, which I think helped her.</p>
<p>I never question the motives of people who come to CC for help. I just try to help them. I don’t see any upside in questioning people’s motives. What upside do you see, smile12157?</p>
<p>The OP sounds pretty genuine to me, I will continue to give her the benefit of the doubt and offer my honest opinion.</p>
<p>I TOTALLY agree with Smile 12157. This is none of the OP’s business. I also question the OP’s motives.</p>
<p>If colleges listen to outsiders like this, then ANYONE could call a school and accuse an accepted kid of whatever they want to.</p>
<p>Just stay out of it. Talking to the college will only make matters worse. If you insist on intruding into this families business confront the family or the kid himself. Getting him kicked out of the college will only make things worse.</p>
<p>to classicrockerdad-
Though I’m not the one you asked a question of, I think I understand what I see as the point of questioning motives. Here’s my perspective on that.
First, know that the OP made her motives relevant in the OP, quoted in bold in post 59.
Second, I think most anyone would agree going to warn a college that the student isn’t even attending yet is overstepping her bounds- yet- some here have approved of it(conditionally) based on the idea that because the Op is so very caring for this student’s well-being, this step could be acceptable. But the OP didn’t ask for our opinion on if this kid is a safe driver, or what to do in a case of incest. The Op asked- should she go to his future college and warn them, in hopes they’d force the parents to force the kid to straighten up, AND the OP gave us a premise to consider.
I think all of us care to have this kid a safe driver, for himself and for others. But if the rationale for overstepping boundaries is that the Op’s conscience dictates that she MUST do more to save this person, and this is the ONLY option she can see available to her then yes, it makes perfect sense that it must be her conscience guiding her toward the only option. Quite simply if her motives aren’t pure, then she wouldn’t be going to the school to save this person; and the idea of this being an acceptable next action has no credibility.
Note I’m making no judgments, I’m saying “if”.</p>
<p>I am really surprised at some of the responses here. He is putting himself in danger to himself and others, and his family doesn’t care. Someone needs to stop him before he dies or kills someone in a DUI crash.</p>
<p>This kid is a danger to himself and others. I would imagine a sizable percentage of high school seniors are pulling similar shenanigans- getting drunk, smoking pot, even driving drunk. It scares me to think of these kids out on the roads. However, it’s not the college’s problem at this point. This kid probably isn’t even registered yet. What is his future college supposed to do about it? Even once these kids are in college, it isn’t the college’s responsibility to parent them. Hopefully he won’t kill anybody while he’s drinking. The OP could call the police on him if he is known to be driving drunk.</p>
<p>I agree. </p>
<p>As I said, notify the current high school not the college. The problem needs fixing NOW, not in September!</p>
<p>The police can only do something about a crime in progress. The school can make the kid get counseling or at least apply leverage to the parents to get the kid counseling. </p>
<p>The high school probably has the resources to find the kid (and the parents) counseling. This isn’t the first kid with this problem. If the high school also notifies the college, that’s not the OP’s concern. The only concern should be to get this kid the help he needs to get himself and others out of imminent danger.</p>
<p>I don’t see any upside in questioning people’s motives. What upside do you see, smile12157?</p>
<p>believe it or not, i am trying to protect the kid from a person with questionable motives. The OP seems to have a chip on the shoulder.Here is a list of further quotes from the Op besides those I have already listed.</p>
<p>Prestigious local family.
parents are too concerned with status
And he is a decent student, yes, but not to the level of most of the kids here. But also family owns a building on campus. But so be it</p>
<p>looks like a case of envy</p>
<p>You may be right, Acuraman, that someone needs to stop him. BUT the question the Op posed was if her going to kid’s next school was the right way for her to stop him.</p>
<p>The OP agreed several pages ago that notifying the future school would not be a good idea. She was asking for ideas on other ways to address this situation.</p>
<p>If she is in a position to take the car keys from this kid when he shows up for dinner at her house, she is obviously close enough to the family to be concerned.</p>
<p>I think a way to help this family could be to research treatment and resource options in both his current and future locations and present them to the family during a discussion about your concerns. You might also suggest he ask the college to defer his admission to get his life in order before he starts his college career.</p>
<p>I agree that she agreed not to contact the future school. So what should she do. </p>
<p>She took the car keys away when the kid was at her house. Good start.
She talked to the parents - they are in denial
She talked to the kid - he is in denial and under a lot of pressure from parents to keep up appearances. </p>
<p>Now she has to decide whether to risk her relationship with the parents and the kid to make sure that the kid is not in a position to cause harm to himself or others. I think she should take that risk. </p>
<p>The only options I see left are </p>
<p>1a) Threaten to call the high school, the college and the police if the kid isn’t sent to rehab or is allowed to retain his car keys.
1b) Follow through and call the high school and/or police if your threats aren’t acted on
2) Do nothing and hope for the best. </p>
<p>IMHO, option 2 is not a good option and has a significant chance of causing a tragedy. </p>
<p>I can live with option 1. I like my-3-sons strategy of doing the research for them, but this kid is a ticking bomb, and I don’t think the parents will even respond to a threat.</p>
<p>Simple reply. Stay out of it. It’s none of your business. How are you “helping”? Stop all of the handwringing. You sound like a busybody with too much time on your hands. Get back to your own life and your own kids. This will play out, and it will play out, without your interference. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t want the kid at my house. I’d find other things for my kids to do than hang around that one. Keep an eye your own kids–that’s your job. You wouldn’t want them getting into trouble, injury or death by hanging around a known problem I would think that is challenge enough for any parent. </p>
<p>I can think of about 10 kids this year that are similar to this kid. I could make it a full time job threatening the parents, gathering up proof, reporting them to schools --No make that 11. I’m sure there are many more kids like this one in your community, just not accepted to an elite school. That should not even play in the picture. Would you even be tempted to call the high school if the kid were going to community college? That is not part of the big issue at all.</p>
<p>Just stay away from the kid and work with your kids. They are at very high risk of being included in those activities. That is truly a tough job on your part if they are friends and/or in the same social circles. I could not keep one of mine away from his drug addict friends and, yes, we had a lot of trouble from that, never mind what happened with those friends. And the school kicking them out and the colleges giving them consequences didn’t do a thing to help me in getting my kid through this without trouble Oh, the stories I could tell, but can’t.</p>
<p>You have enough to do with your own kids, believe me.</p>
<p>OP, if you really care about the kid, you have to deal with him directly. That is who you are trying to save. Take him to an AA meeting ASAP. Take him to an area near-by with homeless addicts. Take him to work at a soup-kitchen. Ask him if he has trouble NOT drinking. You should also talk confidentially with his parents about all this, not publicly, and suggest THEY do these things. Contacting outsiders will hurt him more than help him. That would be on your conscience, too.
I would WANT to know all this if it were my kid, but I would be angry if I was not contacted directly. Or given a chance to do something after a compelling discussion with a friend. Wake up his parents!
If they refuse to do anything, all you can do is say how worried you are about the kid, and that you really hope nothing bad happens to him if he does not get help very soon.</p>
<p>The elite college stuff is NOT a good motive for all this.
Is he of majority age, btw?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That’s not all you CAN do. That’s all most people would do. That’s all most people would expect you do to. It’s not all that you CAN do to save this kid. </p>
<p>If this were a kid I cared deeply about, or it was a kid whose car my own child might end up dying in over the summer, I hope that I would have the conviction to do more.</p>