<p>I drank a lot in high school. A LOT. Once I got to college I actually began drinking MUCH less. I think a lot of the high school drinking was related to boredom and frustration.</p>
<p>So… I don’t think it’s so easy to say the kid would be better off staying home and not going to college. Maybe, as another poster said earlier, getting away from home is exactly what he needs.</p>
<p>I don’t know. The blood alcohol levels that we’re talking about here are very dangerous. The kid has car keys. This kid sounds like he’s under enormous pressure. The parents don’t see the problem. You do. I’m sorry for the stress this must cause you. You sound like a wonderful caring person. </p>
<p>Is the kid already an alcoholic, or does he just drink too much to drown out the pressure, but could stop? This kid needs to get help, and I think you need to find a way to get it for him if you can. But how? </p>
<p>I also agree that we’re talking life and death here. It’s only April. If you’re having to take the keys away, he may not make it to September, and could kill others. </p>
<p>Does the kid acknowledge at all that he needs help? Does your son?</p>
<p>It may be that telling the school (not the college) is what is really needed to get him the help he needs. I can’t believe that a private school would be so crass as to simply expel a student in need without making sure he gets the treatment he needs. </p>
<p>I’m sorry, I think that there are too many lives at stake here. One of them might be your son’s.</p>
<p>Taking a year off and undergoing some sort of treatment, or going away to a commune, clinic, or heck, a Buddhist monastery seems like the best possible option here, because it sounds like this boy is under a lot of pressure from his family and cannot rely on their emotional support–so taking a gap year to recover and recharge in peace, preferably away from home, may be what he needs. (Or traveling around the world, I don’t know. People recharge in different ways and it may be that he just needs to get away from his toxic environment/friends/family and do something interesting with his life, free of others’ expectations.) But it doesn’t seem likely that his parents would see it that way, if they really are as controlling and emotionally distant as they sound.</p>
<p>Maybe if you talk to him and convince him to take a year off to pull himself together (but as someone else said, don’t judge him! And don’t give him ultimatums or moralize because that would most likely backfire. We teenagers hate being told what to do, especially when we really need someone to tell us what to do), and he contacts the school himself with this suggestion, his parents will have no choice but to consent. I imagine the university will in turn call the family, and if the school representative makes it sound like the idea came from the school and they strongly recommend this route, a la Harvard’s Z list, the parents may well have to agree. But that will require him to be very honest with the people at the school and tell them that he wants to get better, but needs them to support him in front of his parents. I don’t think universities like to get into this sort of situation normally, mediating between parents and children and getting involved in family disputes, but if the student’s life truly is on the line, I think they’d rather work with him than with his parents.</p>
<p>But the most important hurdle here is the boy himself. If he doesn’t see the problem, or doesn’t want to get better, or simply doesn’t care enough, then there’s very little anyone can do for him.</p>
<p>I am most concerned about the car keys!</p>
<p>Solving that cannot wait until September. That’s the big picture as far as I’m concerned. </p>
<p>Also, since he’s a minor, there is very little time to fix this before he’s reached the age of majority and can still have record sealed. </p>
<p>I think you know that something must be done to save a life. I support whatever you decide. I would err on going too far rather than not doing enough.</p>
<p>The legal implications will probably “take care of” the car keys unless he lives in an incredibly loose state. I know in our state it’s one strike, no license for everyone. Two strikes and add jail time. </p>
<p>Sounds to me more like he needs to get away from his current situation. Too bad the parents won’t let him go where he wants to go. That seems like the crux of the issue and one very unhappy kid. The OP might do better to talk to the parents about letting the kid go to college where he wants to, but perhaps because it’s May 1 is a done deal…</p>
<p>Does he feel that he has a problem? Can you talk to him directly about it, and ask him to request (insist) that his parents get him into some kind of rehab/counseling program over the summer?
Sometimes all it takes to turn a kid toward help is knowing that he will have the strong support during the process. If he knows he has your family, it might be enough.
He may not be receptive, but I’d certainly try.</p>
<p>If he was drinking and driving before the OP took his car keys, I doubt he will initiate any treatment option</p>
<p>It depends if the issue has been discussed honestly and openly. He may come to their home half looking for someone to step in and say “enough.”</p>
<p>His own parents haven’t.</p>
<p>What would AA recommend that this OP do in this situation?</p>
<p>Gosh, I feel for you.</p>
<p>stay out of it. </p>
<p>What do you mean “stay out of it”? The OP is “in it” -it is about a kid whom she knows well, who comes to eat dinner at her house. </p>
<p>you stay out of it because the family is in it. If the parents had no clue, then it would be appropriate to tell them. The OP has already said “Know family intimately. They are aware of problem, picked him up from jail each time. More interested in name school than son’s well being. Prestigious local family.”</p>
<p>It is their business. It is totally inappropriate to interfere. I would certainly question the motive of someone making all this very public.</p>
<p>innocent people get killed every day because ‘good’ people say nothing and “stay out of it”. </p>
<p>get an intervention organized with this loose cannon before he kills himself (or worse, an innocent person)!!</p>
<p>interventions are done through family</p>
<p>according to the person who started this thread, she’s very close to the family. u don’t need to share blood to be family.</p>
<p>OP The BAC is incredibly concerning as .40 is the level where death can occur. Have you discussed that level and its severity with the mother? I agree that the college issue should be left alone by you. Of bigger concern is whether this teen will be ok till then. I hope your conversations with family don’t continue to fall on deaf ears.</p>
<p>according to the person who started this thread, she’s very close to the family. u don’t need to share blood to be family.</p>
<p>if so, the appropriate response is a heart to heart with the parents (confidentially).</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>So a father who preys on his children sexually should be left to his own devices because stuff like that is “his business”?</p>
<p>When the parents are part of the problem, society steps in. That’s part of what society is all about.</p>
<p>It takes a village. Luckily, there are people who care about kids in trouble even if they are not their immediate family.</p>
<p>The Op posted that she was considering telling the school the student will be attending in hopes the prospective school will then force the parents to help the child. Even for those who justify society stepping in, the action of telling the potential college isn’t “society stepping in” as I see it. Gee, I think we’d all agree that caring is a good thing. But actions we choose to take/not take must be appropriate, we can’t just use “I care” an an excuse for the wrong thing.
If the Op feels so strongly it is her business, and if she has been to the student, and if she has been to the parents, and if she’s had no satisfaction there, then if she still feels it is her business to change the student, then she needs to go to the proper legal authorities.
The next authority isn’t a college the student intends to attend.</p>
<p>**We know several waitlisters who would love to be accepted there, but that’s not the point. This is not at all a personal vendetta, though I am concerned it could be construed as such. **</p>
<p>not only will it be construed as such, that is exactly what you will be doing unless you sit down with the parents for awhile. While you are sitting down with them, I think it would be a good idea for you to tell them how their child might be taking the place of more deserving wait listed students.</p>
<p>i noticed that you said this is not all a personal vendetta. I guess being just some personal vendetta is OK. You might want to just mind your own business and tell the wait listed students to study harder.</p>
<p>It seems that some on this thread are willing to help you justify your actions.</p>
<p>.386 blood alcohol level
kid has car keys</p>
<p>That’s a deadly combination where I live. </p>
<p>I agree this has nothing to do with waitlisted kids and everything to do with saving the lives of this teenager and those whom he is otherwise destined to kill if there is no intervention. </p>
<p>That’s why I think that if the parents and the kid refuse to listen to reason and even threats, and I’m not sure what you can do by going to law enforcement, that the best approach would be to take it to the current school, not the college, looking to get the kid some counseling. After that, the chips fall where they fall.</p>
<p>Even if this destroys your relationship with these people, know that the actions that you’ve taken has probably saved lives.</p>