<p>Given that you paid for half the car and are paying the insurance, you’ve already set this up as subsidizing something you both know she can’t really afford.</p>
<p>I’ll assume she got the car with the mutual expectation that it would be a reasonable financial burden for her. Without knowing how much money she has, it’s hard to know whether paying $300 is reasonable or not. In addition, what’s the nature of this repair? Is this routine maintenece or something unexpected? Are there safety issues involved? Those factors would sway my decision. </p>
<p>I really don’t think there are any “life lessons” here that are forgone whether you pay or don’t pay, and I don’t think kids learn lessons better if they suffer. So, if I had thrifty hardworking full time student and this repair would seriously cramp her lifestyle, and I could easily afford it, I’d pay.</p>
<p>If she can’t afford routine repairs then she can’t afford to have a car. If she were a self-supporting person who had to have a car to hold down a job, I’d help her out. If she were living at home and commuting to save money, I’d help her out. For a college student who lives in a dorm, as yours does, a car is a luxury. </p>
<p>I think that if you can afford to pay for the repair and want to, that’s fine, but if you don’t want to pay for it or can’t afford to, don’t. Don’t feel guilty either way. Hah, easy to say, hard to do. Our family’s income dropped precipitously two years ago. I think I’m a good mom but I feel incredibly guilty about the fact that we can’t provide as much as we used to, even though I’m the parent who’s still working.</p>
<p>I have a different view on the repair. To me, it depends on what kind of repair is needed. </p>
<p>If it’s a mechanical repair that is needed to make the car safe or to make sure it doesn’t break down with your daughter in it on a unsafe street or out of the way place AND if you think that she might delay in getting this repair done due to not wanting to spend the money, I’d definitely give it to her and say that she can pay you back later. </p>
<p>If, on the other hand, it’s a cosmetic repair, such as a dent or a paint job, then no. She could spend her own money.</p>
<p>I’m feeling guilty too. I gave my S a brand new BMW for his 16th birthday, and he totaled it two weeks later. Of course I said “don’t worry, just go pick out a new one.” But he says the one he wrecked was underpowered, and he really wants one of those hopped up AMG models. I said no … but I’m feeling guilty about it. Should I buy him the AMG model? (It’s about $30K more than the standard model.)</p>
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<p>No, of course it’s not me. But I didn’t make this story up. (A relative.) My point is that everyone lives different lives. Some people spend their money educating their kids … some spend it on cars and trips and graduation parties.</p>
<p>“Say” that she can pay you back later? When?</p>
<p>My parents lent us $30K towards the down payment on our first house. We also set up a repayment schedule, with interest, just like a bank. As my mother said, I don’t care if it is $10 a month, but it has to be regular and has to be agreed upon in advance. Prevents hard feelings all round. (As it happened we paid them back in a lump sum years ahead of schedule, but that’s another story. )</p>
<p>"Given that you paid for half the car and are paying the insurance, you’ve already set this up as subsidizing something you both know she can’t really afford. "</p>
<pre><code>^^^^I need to correct this statement, because I did NOT subsidize something that she can’t afford. She had plenty of savings to cover it, and will still have some savings left. We pay for her insurance because we want to help her.
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<p>It is a repair that has something to do with the engine…I don’t know anything about cars, fortunately my husband does though, and it is something that has to be repaired so it can be driveable.</p>
<p>My question was whether or not others felt guilty about making their students pay for things like it, but if she should have a car.</p>
<p>In reading the comments, I feel like we have done the right think and she will learn a valuable lesson. She hasn’t complained about paying for it and never asked for help, I just feel guilty about not paying. I would give my girls the world, if I knew it wouldn’t backfire and keep them from being the well rounded individuals that they are.</p>
<p>Btw…love the comment about being on second, but thinking that you hit a triple.</p>
<p>"Given that you paid for half the car and are paying the insurance, you’ve already set this up as subsidizing something you both know she can’t really afford. "</p>
<p>^^^^^^^I need to correct the poster that made this statement, because I did NOT subsidize something that she can’t afford. She had plenty of savings to cover it, and will still have some savings left. We pay for her insurance because we want to help her.</p>
<p>It is a repair that has something to do with the engine…I don’t know anything about cars, fortunately my husband does though, and it is something that has to be repaired so it can be driveable.</p>
<p>My question was whether or not others felt guilty about making their students pay for things like it, NOT if she should have a car.</p>
<p>In reading the comments, I feel like we have done the right think and she will learn a valuable lesson. She hasn’t complained about paying for it and never asked for help, I just feel guilty about not paying. I would give my girls the world, if I knew it wouldn’t backfire and keep them from being the well rounded individuals that they are.</p>
<p>Btw…love the comment about being on second, but thinking that you hit a triple.</p>
<p>Having raised my children on low funds but surrounded by kids who had much more disposable income, one of my observations has been that parents of means need to say no sometimes even when they could say yes. The kids who didn’t have parents with thrifty inclinations seemed to grow up less satisfied with everything in their lives. So my advice to the OP is to stop feeling guilty and be glad you raised a responsible kid who has the funds to repair the car. Give her a really nice birthday gift if it makes you feel better - but don’t rob her of a lesson in financial independence/responsibility in the meantime.</p>
<p>Parenthood is one big guilt trip We give too much, yet not enough. We’ll find out much later when we did those things. We just tdo the best we can to strike a balance. It seems to me you are doing a good job at that.</p>
<p>I am in my 50’s and yet know a lot of adults my age who just don’t know how much things cost. Someone who works for me who makes a nice salary leases a car; doesn’t understand why I drive a clunker when I could be driving a fancy car too for X per month. Yet every time she has to drive out of town to take care of an elderly parent she whines about the mileage, something or other having to do with her lease, I don’t know. Every dent or ping is a crisis. And her insurance is something she complains about incessantly.</p>
<p>I drive a clunker. I paid cash. I have a high deductible on my insurance and my rates are low. The car cost me a lot to purchase outright, but over the lifetime and 100K miles and still going strong, costs me very little to operate. My colleague actually has no idea how much her car costs her to drive, since she trades it in as soon as the lease it up and drives off with another fancy vehicle which depreciates the second she leaves the lot.</p>
<p>And so on. Otherwise reasonable adults don’t know now much they are paying to live in their houses, since they used them as ATM’s by tapping into their equity for as long as the banks would let them. They don’t understand that their $500 TV costs them $1500 because they put in on their Visa (“to get the miles”) and then took forever to pay it off. And they have no idea how much their cellphone is costing, since they have a family plan “and everything is basically free”. I love that- it’s either free (i.e. you pay nothing) or it’s not. And if it’s not free- in other words, you get a bill which you have to pay, the fact that your minutes are unlimited probably means you are paying more than you need to for your phone.</p>
<p>So OP- you are doing your kid a huge favor by introducing her to the tough concept that it costs money to own things, to operate things, to live in things. If nobody ever had to repair a leaky roof or fix a muffler or replace a broken front step, we’d all have tons of disposable income which we’d be using in Cannes right this very second. She will have to defer some spending in order to pay to fix her car, and you will take great pride in allowing her to do that.</p>
<p>I agree with the relatively few who said that if your daughter is thrifty and responsible, you don’t need to use this expense to teach her a lesson. Her character won’t suffer if you pay for the repair.
On the other hand, if she can afford it and isn’t asking you for money, what’s the problem? There’s no cause for you to feel guilty. I’m sure your daughter knows you’ll help her in times of real need; sounds like this isn’t one of those times.</p>
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