LOL now the responses come before your updated statements. Makes us look clairvoyant. 
Parent: How did your kids sway you to let them cross the country/Kids: How did you sway your parents
@pickpocket I’ll do that, thank you so much. there really is an association like that on campus? i’ll DEFINITELY bring that up. appreciated!
@thumper1 no haha, what I meant to say is that I want to be a seattle student, but they, at this point, are not even considering letting me live alone, so I’ve even brought up with them the possibility of them coming with me if they’re so afraid of keeping me alone (only because at one point they did say they’d consider moving–though I still want to persuade them to let me live alone and maybe have them live NEARBY in seattle if they’d like–whether it be just one parent or both–because living with them in WA would be no different from living with them in NJ–that kind of defeats my purpose.
i’m giving them options just to open their minds, but not “expecting” them to do anything specific, y’know
@Otterma that makes sense!! i’ll definitely try it, thank you for everything
@ucbalumnus you’re right, I haven’t completely fixated myself…i’ll keep my mind open!!
@jym626 TRUE HAHAHA
@thumper1 hello again!! no, I’ve already submitted my application in November–all i’m worried about is getting my parents to let me attend once i’m accepted.
@marvin100 congrats!! I hope i’m as lucky. was there anything specific that you did or that happened to convince them to be cool with it?
@b1ggreenca appreciate the input! i’ll try that. as far as I know we don’t have much family/contacts out west, but surely there must be some Pakistani community for me to reach out to, as others have suggested. thank you so much! if you didn’t have relatives in the east though, what else would have convinced you to let him go? just curious
@LasMa I understand that…yeah I really don’t want any sort of forced decision, I want there to be a union of comfort with me going to Seattle rather than just me feeling comfortable and leaving them upset (even if I end up taking one or both of them with me).
No, I do not have siblings, which makes it even harder, I know the silence is hard–another reason why I offered one or both of them to come with me if they’d rather have that. I just really don’t want to have to give up something I know and feel is necessary for me.
Thank you for that, that’s why I’m here. I still need every idea I can get to “address their fears”, like you said. Every idea is appreciated!! great to see a UW alum here…lucky, lucky you ,-,
@bookworm i’ll think about that!! thank you!
@project21 yeah, that’s another thing, I’ve told them i’m willing to pay myself if that’s the issue. I’ll work 3 jobs if I have to, but I need to attend somewhere that’ll give me success, and after about a year of research, UW seems to be the biggest shot I have, and it’s one that’s a LOT bigger than my options around here.
and yeah, I’ve tried what you did too…I’ve said to them, like I told others on here, that they’re essentially tearing the relationship little by little by forcing me, but…they just don’t buy it like your parents did, I guess.
@thumper1 I see why you think that, but…certain people have parents that can be less open-minded and thus harder to work with, sometimes you can only make them realize the truth by being kind of firm. it’s something i’m reluctant to do with mine usually, but if necessary, y’know
kudos to project21 for going forth with it. glad everything worked out for ya!
thanks everyone!! if any more of you have anything to add, please!! I need every little bit I can get at this point.
Well, I’m still in the process of figuring out how to pay for college, so it hasn’t exactly finished yet.
My parents weren’t paying for my college anyway, so my comment wasn’t meant to mean I severed the relationship. I just brought it up, and then they realized what the consequences could be of cutting me off. We still have a very good relationship, but now they’re letting me attend wherever I get accepted to.
You wont be able to attend “anywhere you are accepted” unless younhave a way to pay the cost of attendance.
@project21 yeah, I get you. if i didnt have to get my parents to pay, i’d be free of their decision
best of luck with paying bro!
^ or sis if you’re female lol
That’s a tough position to be in! You’ve already gotten good advice. here are a few angles to try:
1- UW CS is very prestigious- they should be so proud of you if you get in and go there. Play that up.
2- Do you have any relatives or close family friends in the Seattle area who could check up on you?
3- Can you point to anyone a few years older than you who your parents admire, who went away for college and brought glory and honor to their parents? Can you point to anyone who stayed home and never left the nest and is someone you should not emulate? (these are low tactics, but with some people you need to play dirty)
4- Could you agree to talk to them on the phone every day, share all your grades with them, show them your study schedule, etc? Anything to make them feel like they have a view into your life?
Now, in my opinion, it is sick to maintain that kind of control over a grown person. If they are really worried that you can’t handle life on your own then it’s too late- they haven’t done a very good job parenting you, and there’s not much more to be done now. They are probably just controlling. Argh, I hate that.
My kids are still young, we’re not looking at college yet (I’m just here for fun). But I think when the time comes I would like them to go out and explore a new place. The only thing that would make me want to hold them back is that I would miss them… but I will try hard to let them go anyway! I grew up in NY and really wanted to go to a wonderful little college in OH, and my parents said no so I didn’t even apply- I still regret that decision to this day! I think I could have changed their minds if I had tried a bit harder. So good for you, for trying! Maybe if they see your passion they will relent… don’t give up.
I now live in Seattle, far away from my east coast family, so keeping me from applying to colleges in the Midwest only held me to them for 4 years. After college I went into the peace corps and was very far away, so now being on the other side of the country does not seem so bad to them.
Another thing to consider- you say you plan to return to the east coast. Be careful with that. Almost no one returns to the east coast after experiencing the magical land of Seattle. In fact, some of them venture to more far flung places, like Oregon or shudder Alaska!
In response to: “if you didn’t have relatives in the east though, what else would have convinced you to let him go? just curious”
we would have let him go regardless of family, that just made it easier. We always said we wanted our kids to go to the best school that would accept them, and our son was lucky enough to be accepted at a couple of Ivies, so there was no way we weren’t going to let him take advantage of the opportunity! I think that is the bottom line, if that is where the best opportunity lies, we could not in good conscience hold him back from it! Like all parents, we wanted our son to have the best shot at the life that he wants for himself!
We had a firm parent criteria…and there would have been NOTHING the student could,have said to make us change our minds,
Colleges either had tombe within a 3 hour drive from our house…or within an hour of a close friend or relative. We just wanted someone to be available in case of an emergency (which we DID have with one kiddo). We have a large family, so this didn’t put too many restrictions on the college search.
DD went to college 3000 miles away but in very close proximity toma close family friend and a bunch of relatives including an aunt and uncle, and a gaggle of cousins.
DS went to college 2 hours away.
My kids were born with wings.
In my case, I went to college 1300 miles away from my home state. I told my mom pretty late in the game (February of my senior year) that I was applying only OOS. She didn’t really like the idea, but there was nothing she could do about it. She informed me multiple times that she wasn’t going to pay anything for my tuition to go to college, which did suck.
So I had to take matters into my own hands. I applied only to schools where I was 100% certain that I would receive merit scholarships and the remaining costs could be covered by federal loans. My college isn’t the most prestigious, however classes are going well, I love the city that it’s in and I have already received some amazing guidance (regarding my future career) from my school.
Our situations are very different, but my advice would be that if you aren’t able to attend UW and have to go to your local college, try to stay as positive as possible. Your college experience will truly be what YOU make of it. You will have to opportunity to graduate debt free, which is such a gift that many people (including me) would love to have. Good luck!
I have a son your same age who is an only child. We live about 10 miles from UW, but he has applied there and to a bunch of east coast schools. Honestly, I don’t want him to leave, but I will let him because it is what is best for him, although it will be very painful for me.
I was also an only child who left my parents to go away to college. There was a perfectly reasonable and affordable state university that I was accepted to in my home town. If I were talking directly to your parents, the thing that I would most like to tell them is that in the American college system, about half of what you really learn you learn by going away to college. I know that is a privilege that not everyone one can afford, but I truly believe that I learned so much from living away. There is a polish that you achieve in your social skills by living with others. I moved into a dorm with people who were so unlike anyone I had met in my hometown. I had a roommate from India and one from Taiwan. I had dinner every night in the dorm cafeteria with people from all over the world. There were so many cultural differences and so many late night talks comparing life growing up in different countries and different regions of the US. I would never have had that experience in my parents’ house.
Living in the dorm, you may also make some real connections with friends who may later wind up helping you in your career. My husband completely bypassed HR when getting his job out here in the software industry; a classmate was able to put his resume on the right desk. When you just attend classes, I think the connections don’t always go as deep as living with people. Also, if you spend your time commuting, it is not as easy to join clubs and do things in the evening on campus. For that reason, if my son decides to go to UW (he also applied for direct admit to CS), we will have him live in the dorm even though he could literally get there on a Metro bus, otherwise he will be living in a dorm 3000 miles from here.
UW is currently ranked #11 in the world university rankings by US News. The new light rail goes straight from the airport to the university. My youngest and most of his classmates applied, though it only 15 miles (one bus ride) from our house. It is his only app within 800 miles of here. Be assured, there are plenty of Pakistani students around including one of his robotics teammates.
UW has had to turn away recruiters for comp sci students, too many jobs for not enough kids. My son’s best friend will be a junior in comp sci next year (yes, he started early). He really, really loves the program.
My wife is from northern NJ, I am from upstate NY. Her brother went to Rutgers, left after his MS and never came back. Like jean99 says, once you get here you may not want to leave. There are lots of locals/semi-locals at UW willing to help you get connected, and if you get in and come out here, let me know. I would be happy to help in a pinch.
Dang, I can relate so much, OP. Two years ago I was in a similar position: my immigrant parents nearly forced me to attend an OOS private U that was expensive to the point of being overpriced, for the sake of only being 2 hours from home. I had never been away from my family for more than a day, so my parents also thought I wasn’t ready to go farther away than 4 or so hours. But they eventually realized it was MY choice, and I have very happily attended a reasonably-priced OOS public U 9 hours from home for the last year and a half now. They also like the school and am happy that I found the best fit for me.
As a fellow New Jerseyan, I really do empathize with those who have strict immigrant parents and I hope that you’re able to at least go OOS if UW isn’t in the cards. But what’s important is that you’re able to convince your parents that you’ll be fine going far away from home for the first time - speaking from experience, that’ll be the most difficult part of all.
Good luck!
I can’t understand parents who push their kids to attend college close to home. My wife and I love our kids intensely, but we encourage them to go to the best college (fit and opportunity) they can get in to regardless of location. My oldest three all chose great colleges that were 2500+ miles from home…that’s great! I push them to make the best of their college experience wherever that may be. These are young adults embarking on 4 of the most life-changing and empowering and enriching years of their lives. It is time to leave the nest.
I’m giving D wings as long as I can afford it. I do worry about distance though (like Thumper said) and if no family/friends are close by, but I’m thinking we’ll just have to start up that “soup moms” network on CC when all our kids go away 
Forgot to mention in my earlier comment that my parents had always known that I was going to leave the state. But had I been forced to go to the expensive private two hours away in CT, I almost certainly would be at school back in NJ right now due to the sheer cost of the place. My college career and my entire life would be at a complete 180 from where it is right now. Overall, I’m just very glad to be in North Carolina and not CT or even LI.
I totally understand families who want their kids to attend college closer to home. For MOST this is an economic issue. They can’t afford to send their kid far away.
As an example…our kid DID go to college 3000 miles from home. Freshman year, a round trip airline ticket on SW airlines was $200. By the time she was a senior…same ticket was almost $400 and could be higher during holiday times.
We also added in the cost of storing her stuff on campus in the summer.
Oh…and she never came home for Thanksgiving…or spring break.
But when she had a medical emergency…and was hospitalized and had surgery, we had a very close friend and relative at her bedside. I was across the country…and could not even get there in time for,the surgery…emergency surgery.
Just saying…it happens!