@jean99 thank you so much for such a thoughtful response, i’ll give your suggestions a shot! I don’t believe I have any relatives out west, which is another factor that stops them, but my best friend since 4 years and his family live in neighboring OR which is about an hour’s flight…others have suggested finding contact with Pakistani communities at the university or in the city, which I’m working on.
I do have such older people that my parents admire and, like I said, I’ve asked them to talk to my parents to help convince too, but you’re right about having to play the game a little bit and point out some people I should NOT emulate–very good idea, I can do that!! and of course I would maintain daily contact with them!
I wish my parents thought like you do…your kids will be very lucky once college time comes. i’m glad I’ve made you proud by trying and trucking on! i’m not giving up.
on a side note did you ever find out why your parents said no to the ohio college? and what would you have done to turn the tides if you didn’t give up so easily?
@b1ggreenca your care and willingness to make sacrifices because you KNOW not to give up what’s best for your son is simply amazing, the kind of support someone like me can only dream of.
that said, thank you for encouraging me so much!! congrats to your son on succeeding, and to you for not holding him back from the best the world offers him.
Parent: How did your kids sway you to let them cross the country/Kids: How did you sway your parents
@thumper1 I understand that completely, our family is big as well but no one’s really in the U.S. besides NJ and NY, so that criteria ends up being more restrictive for us than it does for other families, which is why I’m pushing to try and get us across it…thank you for sharing so much
@Waiting2exhale your kids have a lot to be thankful for!!
@GreenTeaFanatic i’m so glad everything worked out! you didn’t get exactly what you wanted but you’re happy. like I mentioned to others, if it were a money issue i’d be willing to work 3 jobs, save up, take loans, whatever I’d have to, but the problem with mine is parents disagreeing as a whole, not just disagreeing to pay. seems like yours didn’t put up as much of a fight, but despite not being happy, you reached an agreement.
I will definitely keep my chin up and make the best of whatever situation life builds for me. thank you for all the wishes–best of luck to you as well!!
@TrudiRexar so nice to meet another only child, and one who has an only child at that!! it makes me happy knowing your son has parents who understand the situation at hand and are willing to let your child make the best of what life offers him. I completely agree with your thoughts on how grand the living-away experience really offers you, I just wish they understood it too. I want to be like that, making new diverse friends and expanding my mind by experiencing new things during these four years which, to me, are not just about going to classes and coming back, but about building a foundation, long-lasting relationships, and memorable experiences. I fear not being able to be blessed with any of that in my parents’ house.
I was a bit of an introvert throughout middle school (our 8 elementary schools all pool into one middle school starting 6th grade, and later one high school) and so I was a bit late on the whole “making friends” thing once high school started. I have friends now, but I constantly feel like i’m not as close as they are with others–because they’ve developed their long-lasting relationships since 6th grade, some earlier, whereas I jumped on late. this is something I feel like I can’t escape here and that’s another reason I need a fresh start in a new place–somewhere where everyone else will also be in a new chapter of their lives, accept me, and I can kick things off and build a social foundation for myself–whereas staying here, I would still be surrounded by all of those already-full “friend circles”.
thank you for all your wishes and thoughts! best of luck to your son, wherever he chooses!!
@Magnetron 11, really?! I saw #50 in the world on US News, and that was just for CS…but wow, that’s even more impressive! I didn’t know there were that many Pakistani students…i’m glad I’ve picked a good program.
I don’t blame your brother in law for not coming back after Rutgers…i’ve been in the garden state for 10 years and I honestly feel done, lol
thank you that means so much, how nice of you! i’ll definitely keep in touch with you. any and all help to get accustomed to the Seattle Freeze would be appreciated haha
@LBad96 ayyyyy, another NJ immigrant victim! lol
thanks for the story! so did your parents at some point just say like “ok we’ll let you go wherever you want no matter how far it is” or was the 9-hour-away school just an exception you fought for specifically?
you’ve restored a lot of hope in me, particularly because you’ve never been away from your family, like me, and you still convinced your parents, who are immigrants, wow we have a lot in common dang
thanks so much for the good luck!! glad everything worked out for you. best of luck where you are now, and please keep praying for me!
@pickpocket you sound like an angel, honestly…I desperately hope my own parents can think like you and your wife soon. best of luck to your family and thanks for all your input!!
@Fishnlines29 haha, that’s actually not a bad idea! a lot of people are so kind on here and though this is my first real active post, I can tell CC is a network where everyone genuinely cares about and feels for each other, like @Magnetron even offered to help me out when I get to WA.
your D is very lucky, best of luck to her, I know she’ll make your proud!!
@LBad96 yo again! i’m glad things worked out for you and that you didn’t end up having to come back to Chrischristie-land LOL
NC is very nice, I considered that for a while too. thanks again for all your help dude!
@thumper1 i agree, sadly ours is not an economic issue–mine have explicitly said “we can afford to send you far”–they’re just not doing it.
of course I would come back for the long breaks–winter, spring, definitely all summer (i’d be back to seattle by August which, according to my research, is when REAL seattle summer starts lol) and for the shorter breaks, my best friend–we’re practically brothers–is in OR so i’d definitely be able to crash with him during Thanksgiving or similar times of year when travel back to NJ isn’t plausible.
again thanks everyone for inputting! please keep your advice coming, i’m eternally grateful to all of you.
My parents actually let me apply anywhere I wanted to, with the exceptions of California (due to earthquakes) and any international schools. However, I only wanted to remain on the East coast anyways. I applied to schools from MA down to FL, so there was a chance I’d have gone even further than where I’d ended up. But I guess my family was just surprised that I wanted to go so far from home when (in their minds, at least) there had been two privates that were almost as good. I had to prove to my parents that I was ready for the challenge. Though I had verbally committed in February (2015), I only deposited in late April, and was only able to officially announce my decision on the eve of deadline day. They did figure that I was going to be fine, and the two privates in CT and Long Island (my second and fourth choices in the end, respectively) ended up being completely unaffordable anyway, and my third-choice FL private was very generous but ended up being too far for my liking. I decided to take the plunge and further my academic career in a state that I had never stepped foot in and knew nothing about, all by myself without any relatives previously having made a marker in the area. And I’m so happy I did. 
Good points, @thumper1 in #39. Yes, financial reasons or student with chronic illness are absolutely proper reasons for parents to want to keep child attending a nearby college. I should have acknowledged these situations above.
I was mostly reacting to families without those two constraints who try to keep their college kids close to home for selfish or misplaced “protection” reasons. Like the OP’s situation. That is neither fair nor healthy for the student, IMO.
I wish you good luck @shah.purfect
@LBad96 someone from the family’s gotta be the first one, right? 
I just wish my parents would understand I need a fresh start like that and that I can do it. What exactly did you do to prove to them that you were ready for the challenge?
@pickpocket thanks again!! yeah that’s a valid point that thumper brought up but it doesn’t apply to me…
I need a miracle…and fast 
Clarification…my kiddo who,was 3000 miles away did NOT have a chronic illness…at all. Perfectly healthy. Student had a medical emergency that required a trip to the ER, and emergency surgery. I was mighty happy that there was a close friend and a close relative who could,be at the hospital in time for this…because I could NOT arrange travel there in time for the surgery.
I don’t see anything wrong with putting a distance limit on OOS colleges. For most students, there isn’t one dream college and many will fit the bill. I don’t think it is so much the parent trying to limit the student ‘growing’ as to just make things easier, especially if there are several similar schools in the same time zone. My daughter is currently at a school that is just over two hours away, and when I pass the one that is only 1 hour away (very similar schools), I think “I wish she were here.” The two hours is just enough to make it a pain when she wants to come home for the weekend, because of course it is about 5 hours up and back, and then another 5 to return her.
Other daughter is about 2000 miles away. I wish she was closer. She plays a sport and I have to watch online. She has friends and teammates she talks about who I don’t know. She cannot come home for Thanksgiving (time and money) or spring break (playing). I’d like to go to Parent’s weekend or see some of her projects displayed at the school, but that’s not easy. She flew back to Florida and landed at almost the exact same time the shooting incident happened in Fort Lauderdale. Her school is about half way between Ft L and Orlando, and she flew into Orlando. Just one of the little things parents get to worry about.
My nephew goes to school about 40 miles away from his home. His parents often just go take him to lunch (always scheduled) or go to a football game with their own friends but see him. More often he goes home to load up on free food or hang out with high school friends (although a lot of them go to school with him). Parents get to go to events at his fraternity. My roommate’s mother lived about 2 hours away but often came bringing ‘survival kits’ with toilet paper and mac and cheese. And homemade cookies. Heaven.
I don’t agree with OP that there are NO good schools on the east coast for CS, but I do understand the desire to go to UW. Also understand the parents’ desire not to have the student that far away.
@Waiting2exhale - thank you for your comment - I thought it was only me for a second.
We are hoping we can manage to be back in the same country when our daughter goes to college. But even if we weren’t it would be ok. Many of my neighbors have kids stuyding in London, Singapore, the US. It works out.
This is the time the kids need independence. They need to learn they can manage on their own. And they can. Like many of us did.
When I left for college in DC my folks put me on a plane and said “good luck.” They had been very involved HS parents but they knew it was time for me to do it on my own. And I did.
I worry about kids who are handheld through college. When do they get a chance to see what they can manage?
"When I left for college in DC my folks put me on a plane and said ‘good luck.’ "
@CValle…you would smile at my oldest daughter’s embrace of her new path in life. We took her to the airport the other morning, with my husband behind the wheel and me getting out of my door at the curb to help her wheel her bag in, when she opened her arms to me for the good-bye so she could turn and be on about her business before both of my feet hit the ground.
@twoinanddone I get that yeah, what I tried to say was that the west coast is generally better known for computer science-technology education after high school. As I said before, I completely get my parents’ worries too, but I also know that they don’t need to worry about me NEARLY as much as they`re doing…and I just need a way to get them to realize that also. thanks so much for your input!!
@CValle I know, I know…I don’t wanna miss that chance, I really REALLY don’t think I can afford that at this point (or any point) in life. This is my one shot, my time to leave home for a while and prove my independence–and take out those skills that my parents have prevented me from applying for so many years because of their constant “babying” me. thank you so much for understanding…
@Waiting2exhale congratulations to you!! you’ve done the right thing for your daughter, though you may doubt that at times. I should know, considering I’m being deprived of what you gave your child…
God bless her future and yours.
please keep the advice coming everyone!! I need every little bit I can possibly get at all. every contribution is extremely helpful and sincerely appreciated!